I Didn't Have to Drive DD15 to School Today!!

[DVCLiz]

His example of European teens is so bogus. What he fails to mention is that the European mass transit system is so much better than in the States. You can get just about anywhere via bus or train. Not the case here.

Also, things are much more compact in Europe than they are here. The United States is so much more spread out, necessitating auto travel in many incidents. While we think a commute of an hour to two hours is not out of line, in many countries, a two hour commute would be a quarter of the way across the country.

I probably disagree with John Rosemeond on almost every opinion he has. That article is full of misinformation and bias. Making sweeping statements like "European teens are happier than American teens" just reinforces my low opinion of him.

I also have the experience of having an older child who has been through the driving with friends phase, and I remember what worked for us and what didn't. Giving a teen some limited freedom and still controlling the circumstances worked best for us. A drive down a residential street for ten blocks, one turn at a stoplight, and following a 35 mph speed limit for two miles until arriving at the school parking lot seems to me to be a low risk scenario, and that is what DD15 and her new-driver friend are doing.

I would feel terrified to send a student out in late high school/college without a couple of years of driving under his/her belt. Waiting until she was 17 or 18 would, in my opinion, cause her to miss the most closely supervised period of practice driving.

 

[IDoDis]

It is our county clerk of courts site. I don't know that all counties do this. I put in the name, find the cases, see the dockets, outcomes, costs, etc.

That info would not show up if a traffic ticket was paid. It only shows up if it goes to court. So you can't just check to see if someone got a ticket. Maybe your insurance company could tell you though because they would be notified.

We also have a graduated licensing program in NM which I'm very thankful for as I would feel very uncomfortable letting DD be in a car alone with a newly licensed driver.

Step 1: With a driver's permit for the first 6 months a qualified instructor or a driver at least age 21, who has had a license for at least three years, must be in the car with you any time you are behind the wheel.

Step 2: After the first 6 months on a permit, the driver can get a provisional driver's license.
You can only drive without supervision between 5 a.m. and midnight unless you meet the necessary exemptions (such as medical emergency, work, or school).

Only one other person under the age of 21 (minus immediate family members) can tag along for a ride.

You will need to have this license for at least one year.

Stage 3: After one year and no traffic violations of any kind for the first 90 days, a full driver's license will be granted.

 

[DVCLiz]

That info would not show up if a traffic ticket was paid. It only shows up if it goes to court. So you can't just check to see if someone got a ticket. Maybe your insurance company could tell you though because they would be notified.

We also have a graduated licensing program in NM which I'm very thankful for as I would feel very uncomfortable letting DD be in a car alone with a newly licensed driver.

Step 1: With a driver's permit for the first 6 months a qualified instructor or a driver at least age 21, who has had a license for at least three years, must be in the car with you any time you are behind the wheel.

Step 2: After the first 6 months on a permit, the driver can get a provisional driver's license.
You can only drive without supervision between 5 a.m. and midnight unless you meet the necessary exemptions (such as medical emergency, work, or school).

Only one other person under the age of 21 (minus immediate family members) can tag along for a ride.

You will need to have this license for at least one year.

Stage 3: After one year and no traffic violations of any kind for the first 90 days, a full driver's license will be granted. Most kids are 17 by the time this happens which is when teens can drive without a parent or person over 21 in the car.

In NC, you can start driver's ed at 14 1/2. It's 30 hours of classroom driving and 6 hours of behind the wheel with an instructor. If you have completed that program, you can get a permit at age 15. You can drive with a parent or a driver over the age of 21 who has had a license at least 5 years. You drive with those restrictions for a year. At 16, IF you have had the permit for a full 365 days, you can get a license which allows you to drive until 9pm with one non family member passenger. After 6 months, if you have no violations, you can have the 9pm restriction taken off your license and you are a full provisional driver. You still have to wait until you are 18 to have a full unrestricted license.

I wonder if some kids aren't having a full year of practice with a parent before getting a license - in that case I wouldn't feel comfortable either. The kids DD is or will be riding with have all had that year - it's very common in carpool line to see the kid get out on the driver's side and mom or dad hop out of the passenger seat and walk around to get behind the wheel!! Everybody's kids are practicing for a whole year with Mom or Dad right beside them - the parent has to be a front seat passenger - so maybe that is why I have a higher comfort level than some of you.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

what if it is after 9 when ur new driver gets off work

They get home whatever way they would have gotten home before they got their license.

 

[disney1990]

They get home whatever way they would have gotten home before they got their license.

The State of Maryland allows you to be on the road later if you are going back and forth to work or to a school event.

 

[Planogirl]

DS (16) only has his Learner's Permit now and he was parent taught before receiving that. I'm considering signing him up with a driving school for the rest but only because time is a problem. I do want him driving, he has a lot of activities and I hope that he'll get a job next summer. I can't drive him back and forth and we don't have public transportation so I see no other option.

I had to laugh at the comment from Rosemond that teens should not be driving because cars are more powerful nowadays. Does anyone remember muscle cars? As for teens in Europe being happier, maybe so but I'd want to see his stats first before I'd buy that.

 

[C.Ann]

Never heard of that around here.

In fact, in our district, if you opt to go to a different public school in the district besides your home school (we have open enrollment with all our schools), you have to provide your own transportation..

A different public school - yes - and you would also be paying a tuition high enough that you could probably opt for private instead..

But if you choose private, the district the student resides in must provide the transportation..

 

[allison443]

Two concerns I would have in the OP's situation: it's pouring rain-does the new driver have any experience in pouring rain? (My dd's first and only fender bender was when she skidded on wet leaves on the first rainy fall day).
Also, they weren't going straight to school, they were stopping at chick fil a. That's potential for delays, did they allow enough time, will they have to rush to get to school on time?
I am a worrier though! I admit it!!

That said, my dd got her license at 17 (the age in our state). If she waited till 18, she would have been away at college already since she turned 18 in late August.
Our state has the restricted license (only one non-family member in car, can't drive after midnight). We enforced that, of course, but I was surprised how many parents did not.

 

[mjkacmom]

I would feel terrified to send a student out in late high school/college without a couple of years of driving under his/her belt. Waiting until she was 17 or 18 would, in my opinion, cause her to miss the most closely supervised period of practice driving.

Why? We don't get licenses until 17, after at least 6 months of having a permit, driving with an adult licensed driver. Then, the license is provisional, with only one person outside family allowed, and no driving between midnight and 5 am. So it's the same, but they start later, when they're hopefully more mature. You have to be at least 18 to have a regular license.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

However, I did not allow DS to ride with friends, ever while in High School and I still discourage it now that he is in college. His "good responsible etc" BFF rolled his car within 6 months of being licensed due to excessive speed.

Wow.

My oldest is 20 now. We bought him a car at 16, I had a baby at home and his school was about 40 mins from the house. We only let him drive to school and home.

I am still nervous when he is on the road , I dont think that ever ends. My mom still freaks out when I drive out of town lol.

Same here.

I have two daughters who are drivers, and a DS going on Monday to get his license. With all 3 of them, we let them drive every chance we got...whenever we were in the car, day night and all weather (as long as it wasn't bad snow/torrential rain). I admit...DS was a little slower learning, but he's doing really well now. My mother gave him her car...meaning it will be in our names (it has to be, legally) and it's for him to use, but he will still need to ask to use it and let us know who he'll be with, and where, same as anytime he's out now.

I never did get parents having to drive kids to school, unless they are on their way to work and they want to be sure they get there before they leave the house.

I agree, if there's bus transportation. At the beginning of this year tho, I told DS I'd take him to school because for me, it was a way to get me up and out of the house.

DD could not ride with DS for 1 1/2 years. Freaked me out too much. And then only one way once a week. Distractions! One time DS saw a frog in the car and knew DD would freak out. He knew to pull over before telling her. She freaked and jumped out. Would have caused a wreck had he told her sooner! I still don't like him to give others rides and he is in college. Glad he has a stick shift 2 seater truck!

I'd freak out (definitely) and cause a wreck (possibly) if there was a frog in the car too, and I'm 51.

I also have the experience of having an older child who has been through the driving with friends phase, and I remember what worked for us and what didn't. Giving a teen some limited freedom and still controlling the circumstances worked best for us. A drive down a residential street for ten blocks, one turn at a stoplight, and following a 35 mph speed limit for two miles until arriving at the school parking lot seems to me to be a low risk scenario, and that is what DD15 and her new-driver friend are doing.

I would feel terrified to send a student out in late high school/college without a couple of years of driving under his/her belt. Waiting until she was 17 or 18 would, in my opinion, cause her to miss the most closely supervised period of practice driving.

In RI, to get a permit at 16:

First: You must pass an accredited thirty-three (33) hour classroom driver education class. (And you have to be at least 15 and 9 months to take the class.)
Second: You must pass a computerized test administered by the Division of Motor Vehicles.

Then, between 16 1/2 and 18, get a limited provisional license.

A PERSON WITH A LIMITED PROVISIONAL LICENSE CANNOT DRIVE BY THEMSELVES BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 1:00AM AND 5:00AM.

With a provisional license in your possession, you can drive a motor vehicle under certain conditions:
With supervision:
1. At any time.
2. A supervising driver must be seated beside you while the vehicle is in motion.
Without supervision in any of the following circumstances:
1. Between 5:00am and 1:00am.
2. When driving to or from work.
3. When driving to or from any activity of a volunteer fire department, volunteer rescue squad, or volunteer emergency medical service if the driver is a member of such organization.

In both cases, everyone in the vehicle must be properly fastened by a safety belt or child restraint system at all times.

During the first twelve (12) months of a limited provisional license no more than one (1) passenger younger than twenty-one (21) years of age is allowed in the vehicle. Immediate family and household members are exempt from this rule.

 

[jodifla]

I would want to send my college age child to school with as much driving experience under his belt as possible.

It's strange to me that so many people want to wait until their kids are 17 or 18.....18 year olds are ADULTS! Hello -- many are already out on their own, driving to school or jobs.

I'd want my son to have his permit ASAP, then drive me everywhere to get the experience... it will be like having my own personal chauffeur.

By the time I was 18, I was doing multiple hour road trips back and forth from college.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

FL has restrictions on 16 year olds too. Though I wish they could not drive until 17 or so! DD will be 15 next year and will be able to get her permit and then take Drivers Ed.

I did not allow DS to ride with friends until they had their license 6 months and had not got a ticket. (easy to look up online). Even then it was a case by case decision. 2 of his friends had wrecks and totaled cars in the first 6 months! Another had a couple fender benders. None of them were hurt though.

I got my license in Lousiana in New Orleans when I was 17. I got 2 tickets in the first 6 months.

One non-moving for expired tags (gotta love a slacker step-dad who just didn't want to pay to get real tags!) and the other was for an illegal turn that is difficult to describe but one that everyone did in New Orleans on a regular basis. And yes, my step-dad taught me that little trick--so no surprised I got busted on a crackdown.

Anyway--get a ticket in New Orleans and they confiscate your license. The ticket is a "temp" license of sorts, but the only way to get your license back is to pay the ticket and that requires mom to go with you. So I could never hide tickets there even if I wanted to.

No idea if they still do that, but at the time--they did it for anyone who got a ticket.

FWIW--the step-dad had been illegally teaching me to drive for years. Not exactly the pillar of law and order.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would want to send my college age child to school with as much driving experience under his belt as possible.

It's strange to me that so many people want to wait until their kids are 17 or 18.....18 year olds are ADULTS! Hello -- many are already out on their own, driving to school or jobs.

I'd want my son to have his permit ASAP, then drive me everywhere to get the experience... it will be like having my own personal chauffeur.

By the time I was 18, I was doing multiple hour road trips back and forth from college.

I don't think my parents waited deliberately--they were military and taking time off to take me to get a driving test was a pain. ETA: We also had a vehicle issue of being able to find one that met road requirements. Our main vehicles were stick shifts--and ultimately what happened is that they let me practice around the neighborhood on that and when they felt I could operate the car smoothly, then they could take me in. The one day I was to get the license, there was a bad car wreck very near our house (sounded like a dump truck crashing into something)--my mother cancelled my plans to get a license that day b/c she felt I was too wigged out.)

Also--I believe it is up to the parent to decide if the child is mature enough to be a licensed teen. Just b/c they reach the magical age of the state, does not mean a parent is obligated to let the teen get that magical license.

 

[jodifla]

I don't think my parents waited deliberately--they were military and taking time off to take me to get a driving test was a pain. ETA: We also had a vehicle issue of being able to find one that met road requirements. Our main vehicles were stick shifts--and ultimately what happened is that they let me practice around the neighborhood on that and when they felt I could operate the car smoothly, then they could take me in. The one day I was to get the license, there was a bad car wreck very near our house (sounded like a dump truck crashing into something)--my mother cancelled my plans to get a license that day b/c she felt I was too wigged out.)

Also--I believe it is up to the parent to decide if the child is mature enough to be a licensed teen. Just b/c they reach the magical age of the state, does not mean a parent is obligated to let the teen get that magical license.

I agree with this. And the best way to get a sense of that is to have your teen get that permit, and have them drive, drive, drive with you. Then you have to factor in what kind of kid you have to figure out the correct time for a license. That's the real wild card.

 

[jodifla]

Aaaah - it's pouring rain and cold but I am still in my nightgown because
DD15's friend who lives around the corner got her driver's license this week!!! She told DD15 it was "boring" to drive alone and she would be glad to give
DD15 rides to school every day.

Can it be? Did I just drive my last school run yesterday?? I've been driving someone to school since DD21 was in preschool!

I gave DD15 twenty bucks and told her to treat her friend to Chick-Fil-A - they were headed there before school. I'll toss in another twenty every couple of weeks for some extra gas money.

And, thirty days from today (we hope!!) I'll have a DD16 who has her own driver's license and will be driving herself to school.

This is one era I'm happy to see end - I knew it would be convenient not to have to do the actual driving but I didnt realize how much I would like the staying in my pajamas longer part of it!!

DVCLiz, I just wanted to say, congrats! It is a good feeling.

I started getting rides from my friends the second they turned 16. I couldn't stand being on the bus as a sophomore.

(What's interesting to me is that my parents were so strict by the standarsof the 1970s, and yet they still let me do this. It shows you the difference between the times. Today, my parents would be "those parents" who just don't care and why did they bother to have kids anyway?? )

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I agree with this. And the best way to get a sense of that is to have your teen get that permit, and have them drive, drive, drive with you. Then you have to factor in what kind of kid you have to figure out the correct time for a license. That's the real wild card.

I agree.

I was 16 and 10 months when I got my license. The registry was right near where my father worked; my driving instructor took me for my road test in his car. The morning of my road test, before my father left for work, he gave me his spare keys so that, if I passed, my driving instructor could drop me off in the parking lot where my father worked and take the car to school; if it was gone when he got out of work, he knew I got my license (or, the car was stolen). When I think about that, I'm shocked, knowing how strict my dad was, and I don't think I'd go that far for my own child, but I thought it was really cool that he did. Then for the remainder of my Jr year, and my senior year in HS, I drove him to work each morning, and he got a ride home. The summer I graduated, I bought myself my first car.

 

[bumbershoot]

I would want to send my college age child to school with as much driving experience under his belt as possible.

It's strange to me that so many people want to wait until their kids are 17 or 18.....18 year olds are ADULTS! Hello -- many are already out on their own, driving to school or jobs.

I'd want my son to have his permit ASAP, then drive me everywhere to get the experience... it will be like having my own personal chauffeur.

By the time I was 18, I was doing multiple hour road trips back and forth from college.

Not everyone drives in college. There was no extra car for me until my dad let me borrow his (wife's) car when I was either a junior or senior. And my brother got financial aid (as did I), and at his impressive university, you weren't allowed the extra expense of a car if you got financial aid (crazy idea that if you had that extra money you should put it towards education instead).

And not getting a license doesn't mean not driving; you can have a permit and drive with parents, getting lessons, etc. Just not fully licensed.



So, to the OP....

I was the second youngest of my group. I was driven around a lot by friends. And the driving friends were rarely the problem. It was the kids in the backseat yelling and giggling and screaming and shouting words that made everyone crack up that were the problem.

One of our friends was a year older, and she had a huge car, so she took us all around to football games and such. She was a very good driver. But one night after a game, with all of us hyped up on Jolt Cola and chocolate frosting (seriously, we would get Betty Crocker frosting and just eat it out of the container), we (though to be honest I was always the one embarrassed by the antics, trying to get the ringleader to stop shouting naughty things...and at our 10 and 20 year reunions we were both still the same way) distracted her so badly that she finally had to scream "you guys need to shut up or I'll get us all killed!!!!!!!!!!"

I don't have many memories from HS, but this is the one that sticks out in my mind, and when we all reconnected on facebook it's the one thing that ALL of us who were there that night remember very first about her.

If she'd been the same age as us, not a year older (which meant 2 years older than me), she might not have had the strength to scream that at us, might have just gone on being distracted, trying to be cool, trying to show what a good driver she is, and it's possible she might have indeed gotten us all killed.

Gosh knows there were enough accidents while I was in HS...always when the driver had others in the car.


With those memories in my mind, there's no chance I could let a 15 year old drive with another 15 year old....

 

[mamacatnv]

For all of you parents of teen drivers, this program is amazing, it is free and we have sent DS 3 years in a row for the behind the wheel experience alone.

The program travels all over the country. I got on their email notification list when DS was driving with a permit and sent him to the first class I could. The program comes to my area once a year.

Best 4 hour investment one can give to a young driver, IMO
Check it out

http://www.driversedge.com/

 

[DVCLiz]

Why? We don't get licenses until 17, after at least 6 months of having a permit, driving with an adult licensed driver. Then, the license is provisional, with only one person outside family allowed, and no driving between midnight and 5 am. So it's the same, but they start later, when they're hopefully more mature. You have to be at least 18 to have a regular license.

Because I would rather have my daughter have as much practice as possible in our home town, where she has resources to help her if she gets stuck, gets pulled, etc. I am just a phone call away and can get to her fairly quickly if she has a problem. She'll have two and a half years of in town driving practice before she leaves for college. If she waited until she was 17 it would only be a year and a half. I like the idea of that extra year. I don't think she is going to mature so dramatically between 16 and 17 that it would compensate for an extra year of driving experience. And I do hope she will be able to take a car to college her freshman year - her older sister did and I love not having to make a 6 hour round trip to pick her up. But I want her to have plenty of driving experience before she starts highway driving to college.

I would want to send my college age child to school with as much driving experience under his belt as possible.

It's strange to me that so many people want to wait until their kids are 17 or 18.....18 year olds are ADULTS! Hello -- many are already out on their own, driving to school or jobs.

I'd want my son to have his permit ASAP, then drive me everywhere to get the experience... it will be like having my own personal chauffeur.

By the time I was 18, I was doing multiple hour road trips back and forth from college.

Ditto!

My older daughter didn't turn 18 until October of her freshman year in college . As it was, she had almost 9 months less time to drive in high school than her sister will have.

Not everyone drives in college. There was no extra car for me until my dad let me borrow his (wife's) car when I was either a junior or senior. And my brother got financial aid (as did I), and at his impressive university, you weren't allowed the extra expense of a car if you got financial aid (crazy idea that if you had that extra money you should put it towards education instead).

And not getting a license doesn't mean not driving; you can have a permit and drive with parents, getting lessons, etc. Just not fully licensed.



So, to the OP....

I was the second youngest of my group. I was driven around a lot by friends. And the driving friends were rarely the problem. It was the kids in the backseat yelling and giggling and screaming and shouting words that made everyone crack up that were the problem.

One of our friends was a year older, and she had a huge car, so she took us all around to football games and such. She was a very good driver. But one night after a game, with all of us hyped up on Jolt Cola and chocolate frosting (seriously, we would get Betty Crocker frosting and just eat it out of the container), we (though to be honest I was always the one embarrassed by the antics, trying to get the ringleader to stop shouting naughty things...and at our 10 and 20 year reunions we were both still the same way) distracted her so badly that she finally had to scream "you guys need to shut up or I'll get us all killed!!!!!!!!!!"

I don't have many memories from HS, but this is the one that sticks out in my mind, and when we all reconnected on facebook it's the one thing that ALL of us who were there that night remember very first about her.

If she'd been the same age as us, not a year older (which meant 2 years older than me), she might not have had the strength to scream that at us, might have just gone on being distracted, trying to be cool, trying to show what a good driver she is, and it's possible she might have indeed gotten us all killed.

Gosh knows there were enough accidents while I was in HS...always when the driver had others in the car.


With those memories in my mind, there's no chance I could let a 15 year old drive with another 15 year old....

Number one, they are 16, not 15. DD's friend is 16 and has her license already, and DD will be 16 in about 5 weeks.

As far as drving in college, DD has a car available to her and if she attends a college that allows it I will certainly let her take it. I hated not having a car my first two years in college and it was a blessing for DD21 to have it with her all four years. I don't want my daughters to be bumming rides with other drivers I don't know back and forth on the highway.

And kids will certainly distract each other - that's why I like the no more than one non family member in the car rule we have for the first 6 months. After that, it's a question of judgement and maturity. I'm not convinced that the extra year really means DD would have a better chance to handle unruly passengers, though. In any case, I'd rather she have the extra year of driving practice.

 

[Planogirl]

I can see not needing a car in some areas but in Texas you normally do. Things are too sprawled out and many kids live off campus or even at home at first when they go to college. Plus many work and again available jobs can be a good distance away. It's just not practical for college students to not have licenses.

I guess I could see it for high school students though. I'd rather see DS working during the summer though plus I agree that plenty of practice is a good idea.