I Didn't Have to Drive DD15 to School Today!!

[DVCLiz]

Boy I envy you. My youngest is in 2nd grade. We are also waiting anxiously for the phone call to start "in car." I will be so glad when my DS15 starts driving.

Enjoy your day inside. It was nasty out there. I had to tell my DD13 to stop talking to me on Friendly Rd. so I could concentrate. I couldn't think to drive. She was rambling on and on and on! I believe the rain is starting to let up.

I was reading along and when I got to the name of the street I thought, "Wow, that's freaky - there's a street in my town named Friendly too."

I forgot we live in the same city!!

Now I'm waiting to see if I have to go out and pick her up - I forgot to check and see if the friend was bringing her home, too...

 

[dis-happy]

Glad it works for you. It wouldn't work for me, as far as comfort level goes. I didn't let my dd have any passengers for over year either, due to liability. One thing to cause an accident that hurts themselves, a whole other thing to be driving when a friend is hurt or killed.

In our part of NC we pay a ton for car insurance due to the number of accidents in our area (Charlotte). People are BAD drivers here!!! Red light running is getting way out of hand too. I wish they'd bring back the cameras and ticket threat.

 

[mamacatnv]

I know the feeling of finally not having to take them everywhere.
However, I did not allow DS to ride with friends, ever while in High School and I still discourage it now that he is in college. His "good responsible etc" BFF rolled his car within 6 months of being licensed due to excessive speed.

Judgement and experience are the bigger issues for me. Most kids will "behave" when there is an adult in the car. Teenagers IMO frankly do not have the judgement nor the experience to have other lives in the cars with them. They need to practice and the only way to do that is to get out on the roads and drive, but solo or with parents IMO is the ideal way to learn, not with friends and neighbors. JMO

While I totally respect your decision, I like many others would not have been comfortable with it.

 

[disney1990]

Well, I live in the Washington, DC area. It seems like every month or so there is another news story about multi teens in a car being in an accident -- usually they don't have seat belts on and are traveling at a high rate of speed.

Now everybody thinks that they have taught their teen better, but I personally know somebody that thought that very same thing. Her 17 year old son was in a very, very serious accident last year, he had no seat belt on. She would never, ever have expected such behavior out of her honor roll, well behaved child.

http://www.nhtsa.dot.gov/people/injury/airbags/buasbteens03/index.htm
(46% of high school students not wearing seatbelts)

 

[ilovejack02]

Good for you !! woo hoo, no more driving to school !
My oldest is 20 now. We bought him a car at 16, I had a baby at home and his school was about 40 mins from the house. We only let him drive to school and home .

I am still nervous when he is on the road , I dont think that ever ends. My mom still freaks out when I drive out of town lol.

 

[DawnCt1]

Ct recently changed the laws but when DSs were 16, they could have gotten their licenses. They didn't. I had read the insurance statistics that said, if you can delay a child from getting their license from 16 to 17, you reduce their chance of a fatal car accident by 100%. Most in our home did not get their license until they were almost 18. When they were 16, we didn't allow them to ride with newly licensed drivers either. Delaying the license with the first one is the biggest challenge, after that, the older ones do not want their younger siblings driving at a younger age because they didn't. It just becomes a house rule. Here is John Rosemond's column this week. I agree with it.
There are also school buses, or one could walk to school. I never did get parents having to drive kids to school, unless they are on their way to work and they want to be sure they get there before they leave the house.

Weekly Column
To receive John's column via email on a weekly basis, please go to www.rosemond.com and click on the "Join our newsletter" section at the top of the page.

11/10/09

Living with Children

John Rosemond

Copyright 2009, John K. Rosemond

My oldest grandson, not yet 15, is already taking drivers education. In fact, he’s already been behind the wheel with his instructor, on an interstate highway no less. I’m resigned to his obtaining his license in a little more than a year. I’m not happy about it. I’m resigned. Mind you, he’s more trustworthy and responsible (in my objective opinion) than nine-point-nine out of ten of his peers. He’s a good if not great kid, and as my readers know, my standards are high. Still, I’m shaking my head in incredulous resignation.

Disclaimer: When my kids turned 16, each received a car from their hugely naïve parents. Would that I had some things to do over again.

Two weeks ago, a San Diego journalist called asking for some quotes for a story he’s doing on teenage drivers. The story was prompted by the recent automobile deaths of two San Diego teens in separate accidents. My beloved grandson’s life flashed in front of me.

I told said journalist that giving a drivers license to a teenage child (and if anyone has failed to notice, they are still children) under age 18 was like giving the kid a revolver with ten thousand chambers, only one of which is loaded with a bullet, and telling him to point it at his head and pull the trigger. Would any responsible parent do such a thing? Then, pray tell, why do otherwise responsible parents allow teenage children to obtain drivers licenses and provide them with cars?

When would I allow driving privileges? he asked. When two conditions were satisfied*—the 18th birthday and a high school diploma. Would that reduce the drop-out rate or what?

The 16-year-old driving privilege was established when cars were less powerful, roads were less crowded, and 16-year-olds were considerably more mature than they are today. Furthermore, these laws were passed to allow teens to participate more fully in the operation of family farms. They were not passed with the intention that teens would drive for discretionary, largely recreational purposes.

Do teens need driving privileges, much less cars? Obviously not. In Europe, where teens seem to live satisfactory lives (by all measures, they are much happier on average than US teens), the driving age is 18. Even then, few young adults drive cars. They walk, ride bicycles, use public transportation, or putt around on scooters.

Someone clamors for my attention: “But John! Lots of small towns and rural areas don’t have public transportation!” But the same is true in Europe. And, to repeat, European teens are lots happier than they are on this side of the pond.

I suggest that the primary reason the driving age is not going to be raised any time soon is because the current law is a huge convenience to parents. They are not only relieved of having to transport the young licensee, but they can also assign him to driving younger siblings to after-school activities and the like. So even though these young drivers cannot vote, state legislators are going to protect their driving privileges. Given that interstate commerce is involved, we can only hope that Congress will take up the issue.

Given the facts, which lead to the inescapable conclusion that giving driving privileges to a teen, any teen, puts the youngster at far, far more risk than letting a 5-year-old play outside unsupervised (which most of the same parents would not allow), I must conclude that this is not, to be polite, the most prudent of moves.

I invite anyone out there to justify this to me in rational terms. You can send your comments to me through my website at www.rosemond.com.

Family psychologist John Rosemond’s latest book, The Well-Behaved Child, is now in bookstores.



www.rosemond.com...in touch with common sense.
All content Copyright 2007-2009, John K. Rosemond. Please seek permission before using any material contained on www.rosemond.com.

 

[C.Ann]

Ct recently changed the laws but when DSs were 16, they could have gotten their licenses. They didn't. I had read the insurance statistics that said, if you can delay a child from getting their license from 16 to 17, you reduce their chance of a fatal car accident by 100%. Most in our home did not get their license until they were almost 18. When they were 16, we didn't allow them to ride with newly licensed drivers either. Delaying the license with the first one is the biggest challenge, after that, the older ones do not want their younger siblings driving at a younger age because they didn't. It just becomes a house rule. Here is John Rosemond's column this week. I agree with it.
There are also school buses, or one could walk to school. I never did get parents having to drive kids to school, unless they are on their way to work and they want to be sure they get there before they leave the house.

That was a very interesting article.. Thanks, Dawn..

 

[DawnCt1]

I totally repsect your right to make your own decisions, but I would never be like that. I don't think it's a question of "bravery", but of assessing the real risk versus the imagined "anything could happen." I wouldn't ever choose that kind of restrictive fear environment for my children.

The real risks are played out somewhere in the USA every day. Teens, particularly new drivers have more serious accidents with more frequency than experienced drivers. That is a fact. They don't have the life experience to handle changes in speed, road conditions, change in direction of another car, etc. Those skills come with experience.

 

[savannahcat]

Ct recently changed the laws but when DSs were 16, they could have gotten their licenses. They didn't. I had read the insurance statistics that said, if you can delay a child from getting their license from 16 to 17, you reduce their chance of a fatal car accident by 100%. Most in our home did not get their license until they were almost 18. When they were 16, we didn't allow them to ride with newly licensed drivers either. Delaying the license with the first one is the biggest challenge, after that, the older ones do not want their younger siblings driving at a younger age because they didn't. It just becomes a house rule. Here is John Rosemond's column this week. I agree with it.
There are also school buses, or one could walk to school. I never did get parents having to drive kids to school, unless they are on their way to work and they want to be sure they get there before they leave the house.

My kids attend private school. No bus service is provided. The school is six miles from home, so no walking to school either. I will always be driving my kids to school - I'm sure there are many families in the same situation.

 

[C.Ann]

My kids attend private school. No bus service is provided. The school is six miles from home, so no walking to school either. I will always be driving my kids to school - I'm sure there are many families in the same situation.

Even when children attended private schools, the public school district they resided in had to provide bus transportation for them.. Doesn't your district work that way?

 

[AKLBeauty]

I totally repsect your right to make your own decisions, but I would never be like that. I don't think it's a question of "bravery", but of assessing the real risk versus the imagined "anything could happen." I wouldn't ever choose that kind of restrictive fear environment for my children.

The real risk is that young drivers have a much higher incidence of accidents. A lady in our town lost both her children last year when the one that was driving ran a stop sign. I just couldn't risk my teenager's life for a bit of rest. I would rather be a bit overprotective than have them be a statistic. I know that is only my opinion.

 

[Silent1CB]

In our state, that would be illegal! No junior operators can have other teenagers in their cars. They can only have family members.

This law came about because of all the teenage car accidents with other teens in the car.

New drivers do NOT need the distraction of passengers. ANY passengers.
I'm glad our state has that law!

And you can't get a license here until 16.5 yrs old. 16 for a permit, and no passengers while on a permit, just your adult licensed driver you need to have with you.


Our niece lives in a state that doesn't have such laws & gets their licenses young. She had an accident within weeks. Had her boyfriend in the car. Took a corner too fast....and drove into a HOUSE!!! No injuries luckily, but her parents were not thrilled to say the least.

 

[DawnCt1]

My kids attend private school. No bus service is provided. The school is six miles from home, so no walking to school either. I will always be driving my kids to school - I'm sure there are many families in the same situation.

Of course if your child attends private school, that is another set of circumstances. However, if I drove my child for 10 years of school, I could manage another year or two. Putting her in a car with a newly licensed teenage driver wouldn't be an option for me.

 

[kim929]

I have a dd 16 who has her permit, has her driving test in Jan. I love the new restrictions they have for young drivers. When we got ours, we turned 16 took the permit test and 2 weeks later went for our driving test for our license. There is no way I should of been driving at 16, I was horrible. I never was in an accident as a driver. You drive with them, and teach them as much as you can, but it is something they have to actually do to learn to become better. Thankfully I became better, but damn I hate to drive.

 

[Wonderlandmom]

I would not even allow my younger daughter to ride in the car with her sister.

DD could not ride with DS for 1 1/2 years. Freaked me out too much. And then only one way once a week. Distractions! One time DS saw a frog in the car and knew DD would freak out. He knew to pull over before telling her. She freaked and jumped out. Would have caused a wreck had he told her sooner! I still don't like him to give others rides and he is in college. Glad he has a stick shift 2 seater truck!

 

[DVCLiz]

Ct recently changed the laws but when DSs were 16, they could have gotten their licenses. They didn't. I had read the insurance statistics that said, if you can delay a child from getting their license from 16 to 17, you reduce their chance of a fatal car accident by 100%. Most in our home did not get their license until they were almost 18. When they were 16, we didn't allow them to ride with newly licensed drivers either. Delaying the license with the first one is the biggest challenge, after that, the older ones do not want their younger siblings driving at a younger age because they didn't. It just becomes a house rule. Here is John Rosemond's column this week. I agree with it.
There are also school buses, or one could walk to school. I never did get parents having to drive kids to school, unless they are on their way to work and they want to be sure they get there before they leave the house.

Reducing something by 100% makes it sound like you have eliminated the risk entirely, but surely you know that is junk science. The statistics really say that every year of age and maturity and experience reduces the chance of a fatal accident. Still, even older, mature, experienced drivers can and do die in car accidents.

North Carolina actually has pretty good statistics that show our driver's education program - with its graduated licensing - has one of the best records nationally as far as safe teen driving is concerned.

My daughter goes to a private school and bus service is expensive. It's much too far to walk. It's much easier for me to drive her, which I will do unless I feel she has a safe ride. In this case, I think her friend is a safe driver and she is being allowed to go as a passenger to school.

I despise John Rosemond and I would never take any of his parenting opinions seriously.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Even when children attended private schools, the public school district they resided in had to provide bus transportation for them.. Doesn't your district work that way?

Never heard of that around here.

In fact, in our district, if you opt to go to a different public school in the district besides your home school (we have open enrollment with all our schools), you have to provide your own transportation.

I didn't have to worry about passengers or my kids riding with new drivers. Here, a kid gets their license 365 days after they apply for their permit. You can get your permit at 15 if you have a certificate from a driver's ed course. Otherwise it is 15.5. After you get your license, it is one year from the day the license is issued until you are allowed a passenger other than a sibling or a family member.

We also have tight curfews. If a young driver has a job, they can get a job waiver (have to provide proof of employment) and can only drive home from work after hours.

Our state's teen accident stats have been dramatically reduced since the new rules went into effect.

 

[DVCLiz]

Even when children attended private schools, the public school district they resided in had to provide bus transportation for them.. Doesn't your district work that way?

No, ours doesn't.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I despise John Rosemond and I would never take any of his parenting opinions seriously.

His example of European teens is so bogus. What he fails to mention is that the European mass transit system is so much better than in the States. You can get just about anywhere via bus or train. Not the case here.

Also, things are much more compact in Europe than they are here. The United States is so much more spread out, necessitating auto travel in many incidents. While we think a commute of an hour to two hours is not out of line, in many countries, a two hour commute would be a quarter of the way across the country.

 

[DVCLiz]

Never heard of that around here.

In fact, in our district, if you opt to go to a different public school in the district besides your home school (we have open enrollment with all our schools), you have to provide your own transportation.

I didn't have to worry about passengers or my kids riding with new drivers. Here, a kid gets their license 365 days after they apply for their permit. You can get your permit at 15 if you have a certificate from a driver's ed course. Otherwise it is 15.5. After you get your license, it is one year from the day the license is issued until you are allowed a passenger other than a sibling or a family member.

We also have tight curfews. If a young driver has a job, they can get a job waiver (have to provide proof of employment) and can only drive home from work after hours.

Our state's teen accident stats have been dramatically reduced since the new rules went into effect.

That's similar to NC - the difference being you can have one non family member passenger and that applies to the first six months. After six months I think you can have as many passengers as you have seatbelts for.

And, as I said before, we have a nine o'clcok restriction for the first six months as well.