I Did It...Christmas Related...UGHHHHH...I KNEW IT!!!

[ugadog99]

UPDATE: So, Thanksgiving was almost a disaster. It ended up being okay as my brother came down and got my mom. She spent two days with them, and the girls and I did our own thing. It was GREAT!
Now the UGHHHHHHHHHHH update. I get an email from SIL today saying she's at the mall and wants ideas for the girls' gifts. WHAT???? So, I email and say I had already told brother NO CHRISTMAS this year. We CAN'T...period. I said I would have thought he would have told her. So, I get this response:

We want to get something for the girls regardless - and we'd like to see you, even if it is just for a quick lunch on Sunday before Carrielee goes back to school.

I'll call you tonight to talk about it...

What part of NO CHRISTMAS are they not getting??? I'm standing my ground on this. It puts me in a terrible position, but I will NOT give in! Send me your strength DIS friends, I'm going to need it!




I've been on some of the Christmas threads lately saying that I had to take my stand with my brother about the holidays. I'm the one who always does the hosting and all the cooking and purchases all the food. I'm the one who agrees to gift exchanges for the kids even though I really can't afford to do it. So, after months of procrastination, I sent the email yesterday. My brother is the one who only contacts us when he needs something. We NEVER hear from them during the year unless something is needed. Then, he and my sister in law make this HUGE ordeal about THE HOLIDAYS. Only...it all has to be done on THEIR terms when it works for THEM. I know many of you like getting together with relatives over the holidays when you rarely see them during the year. I get that, especially if there is distance involved. Not in my case, though, as there is only 45 minutes involved. We never hear ANYTHING from them. So,

I just made the email short: The girls and I have discussed this at length and for some time now. We have decided we are not going to "do" the holidays this year. There are many reasons, but we will just leave it at it's not something we are going to do. I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you yesterday (Saturday), but I couldn't hear on the bus (chaperoning a state one act competition) and we kept hitting dead spots.

I have heard nothing from him, but I knew not to go into my reasons. He would just put the pressure on to "just do a little." Now, I'm waiting for the big explosion. So far...nothing....let's see what happens next.

 

[Darcy03231]

Good luck!

 

[budbeerlady]

Good for you! Funny how relatives seem to make the holiday so hard, we were discussing this again last night! Its become a weekly conversation as the holidays are getting closer at our house who is DEMANDING us to show up at a certain time. I really, really want to go away over Christmas. I told Dh I don't care if we are one town away in a Motel 6, I just want to be done with it! NO $100 gift exchanges with ungrateful people, no demands that we bring this or that, no changing my family's plans to make Dh's sister in law happy. (Her kids can nap in the car on the way over like the rest of us did growing up!)

I hope he gets the hint and that this is the end of it!

 

[Disneyland1084]

Good for you!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I've been on some of the Christmas threads lately saying that I had to take my stand with my brother about the holidays. I'm the one who always does the hosting and all the cooking and purchases all the food. I'm the one who agrees to gift exchanges for the kids even though I really can't afford to do it. So, after months of procrastination, I sent the email yesterday. My brother is the one who only contacts us when he needs something. We NEVER hear from them during the year unless something is needed. Then, he and my sister in law make this HUGE ordeal about THE HOLIDAYS. Only...it all has to be done on THEIR terms when it works for THEM. I know many of you like getting together with relatives over the holidays when you rarely see them during the year. I get that, especially if there is distance involved. Not in my case, though, as there is only 45 minutes involved. We never hear ANYTHING from them. So,

I just made the email short: The girls and I have discussed this at length and for some time now. We have decided we are not going to "do" the holidays this year. There are many reasons, but we will just leave it at it's not something we are going to do. I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you yesterday (Saturday), but I couldn't hear on the bus (chaperoning a state one act competition) and we kept hitting dead spots.

I have heard nothing from him, but I knew not to go into my reasons. He would just put the pressure on to "just do a little." Now, I'm waiting for the big explosion. So far...nothing....let's see what happens next.

Congratulations!!!!!!

 

[dislaney]

Good for you for standing up for yourself.

 

[C.Ann]

If it's necessary, stick to your guns..

 

[scrapquitler]

I have heard nothing from him, but I knew not to go into my reasons. He would just put the pressure on to "just do a little." Now, I'm waiting for the big explosion. So far...nothing....let's see what happens next.

Well done. Don't back down when the #(%(* hits the fan.

 

[RooRach0906]

Good for you! DH and I need to stand up to his parents this year with having the baby, we really cant give in like we have in the past.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I haven't been following your posts, but it sounds like you are being strong and are doing what is right for you and your family!

Whatever alternate plans you might make - I hope you have a wonderful Christmas holiday!

 

[disykat]

I'm all for it - however, I'd be a little more specific. I'm guessing he might be wondering what you mean. Be prepared to have to say "we aren't hosting a meal and we aren't participating in a gift exchange." He could easily be thinking you just mean one or the other, or even thinking you're not decorating or whatever. It's sounds like he's a bit obtuse about this if he doesn't realize this is an imposition for you so I'd be pretty clear.

 

[mumom95]

Good for you for standing up for yourself.

But, why aren't you and your daughters going to celebrate the holidays? I'm assuming by what you said, you aren't going to do anything, not even just you and the girls. Is this really what you want? I'm just worried you are trying to stick it to your brother too much and are in the end going to be the one to regret it.

 

[ugadog99]

Good for you for standing up for yourself.

But, why aren't you and your daughters going to celebrate the holidays? I'm assuming by what you said, you aren't going to do anything, not even just you and the girls. Is this really what you want? I'm just worried you are trying to stick it to your brother too much and are in the end going to be the one to regret it.

Oh, the three of us are celebrating...ALONE! I'm not telling him that because then all the pressure begins for "just a little....." It's best that he think we are doing nothing. Honestly, I wouldn't regret doing nothing at all, but the girls want something for the three of us, so that is what we are doing. Thanks, everyone for the support. This should have been done YEARS ago, but I finally had enough and had to stop it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh, the three of us are celebrating...ALONE! I'm not telling him that because then all the pressure begins for "just a little....." It's best that he think we are doing nothing. Honestly, I wouldn't regret doing nothing at all, but the girls want something for the three of us, so that is what we are doing. Thanks, everyone for the support. This should have been done YEARS ago, but I finally had enough and had to stop it.

Good for you! Just because someone is "blood" does not mean they are "family".

I guess your restaurant is closed to them. Ah....I think it is great.....you are free!!!

 

[DAISY DUCK FAN!]

Good for you!

Enjoy "your" holiday with your girls.

 

[tlbwriter]

I have heard nothing from him, but I knew not to go into my reasons. He would just put the pressure on to "just do a little."

This was very smart. If you give a reason, you give something to argue against. If you tell him it's about the money, he'll insist you do something less expensive, or offer to pay part of it (and never come through). If you tell him it's a lack of time, he'll insist that it doesn't really take that much time at all and you're just being lazy/selfish. Just keep telling him that this is what your family decided to do, end of story!

 

[minkydog]

This was very smart. If you give a reason, you give something to argue against. If you tell him it's about the money, he'll insist you do something less expensive, or offer to pay part of it (and never come through). If you tell him it's a lack of time, he'll insist that it doesn't really take that much time at all and you're just being lazy/selfish. Just keep telling him that this is what your family decided to do, end of story!

I agree. You don't owe him any other explanation. I think your plans sound wonderful. Personally, I would much rather spend my holidays with just my DH and kids, than have to entertain far-flung family members that I don't enjoy during the rest of the year.

 

[ugadog99]

I tried to do this last year and made the mistake of giving him my reasons. Of course, he twisted and turned it and pressured me into doing it anyway. For each reason I gave, he presented a counter reason. That's why I didn't bother with explanations. I knew what he would do. It seems to have worked, but I keep waiting on the call/email/pressure to start. I just want a quiet, small holiday with my girls (and my mom-IF he doesn't step up and include her-WHICH he won't).

 

[minkydog]

I tried to do this last year and made the mistake of giving him my reasons. Of course, he twisted and turned it and pressured me into doing it anyway. For each reason I gave, he presented a counter reason. That's why I didn't bother with explanations. I knew what he would do. It seems to have worked, but I keep waiting on the call/email/pressure to start.

That's the beauty of the "broken record" approach. There's no explaining. Just keep saying the same thing every time. Refuse to engage in a conversation about your plans. Eventually he will stop bringing it up when he see's you are truly implacable.

 

[castleview]

Nice job! I host Christmas (10-15 people) and things are just fine since we've phased out the exhausting relatives, but I also love hearing how some people have simplified it. Our neighbor does Christmas Eve and then just she, her hubby and kids stay home all day Christmas in their pajamas until whenever playing with the new gifts. Another friend relaxes in the morning and then goes to the movies with the family. It's all cool to me!