I Did It...Christmas Related...UGHHHHH...I KNEW IT!!!

[Kika]

Good for you!

If he persists with wanting a reason, you can always say something like, "I'm just not really up to it this year. I think we are just going to spend a quiet day at home relaxing" or something like that.

 

[Miniefan]

I wish I could have done what you did this Thanksgiving, but however my hubby told me that would seems like an *hole so now we are conforming and doing what his brother wants. Im so not happy about having to change my plans and traditions to accomodate people who don't deserve or appreciate my time and effort. We will do what they want for Thanksgiving and then Christmas is off limits.

I've always cooked, bought, and hosted Thanksgiving for our family for the past 10+ years and now since we have moved, our closest relative is my hubby's brother and his family who are insisting we have Thanksgiving at their house (over an hour away) plus me still make most of the main items for the meal, I am so so so not happy about it. I am trying to just get through it and deal but every time I think about it I get super po'ed. I'm looking forward to Black Friday though lol.

Kim

 

[Heidict]

Good for you. Hope he doesn't give you to much of hard time about it. Just stick to your guns and don't give in this year. You deserve to enjoy the day with those who love and cherish you. Peace and quiet is a good thing.

 

[tlbwriter]

And if he complains about not seeing you at Christmas, you can say "Well, if YOU decide to host anything we'll be happy to stop by."

 

[ugadog99]

I need your magic pixie dust to keep me from giving in, DIS friends! I DREAD that phone call tonight! (read post 1 for update)

 

[disykat]

What part of NO CHRISTMAS are they not getting??? .

If you didn't tell them what you meant by "no Christmas," you can't expect them to just know. I'll say it again, be specific! You need to say "no gift exchange, no meal together, no visit."

I don't get how you expect them to know what you mean by "no Christmas."

 

[Agri]

What has helped me in the past, is when telling someone no is to also have an alternative choice for them. That way you're saying "No, but you can do this" and maintaining control of the situation while also giving an option.

Instead of just saying no to him, say "No, we're not doing Christmas, but if you still want to do something for us for the holidays, you can give a donation in our names to the humane society." Just an example, of course.

 

[ugadog99]

What has helped me in the past, is when telling someone no is to also have an alternative choice for them. That way you're saying "No, but you can do this" and maintaining control of the situation while also giving an option.

Instead of just saying no to him, say "No, we're not doing Christmas, but if you still want to do something for us for the holidays, you can give a donation in our names to the humane society." Just an example, of course.

I was very specific. No gifts, no get together, no nothing. However, I do love the idea of the donation.

 

[kirstenb1]

I remember your post on this. Stand your ground!!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Stand by your decision. I too am sick and tired of being the patsy and doing what makes everyone else happy and not wanting to rock the boat. Not this year!

 

[Agri]

I was very specific. No gifts, no get together, no nothing. However, I do love the idea of the donation.

Oh, definitely stay specific! The idea is that by giving them an alternative, you're being flexible while still keeping everything under your control. Instead of just saying "no", you're saying no to one thing, but yes to another. Just stick to your guns! Write down exactly what you want to say so you have it handy for when the call comes in. Every time you hear something you do not agree with, read the sentence. No matter how many times it takes.

 

[ugadog99]

Thanks so much for the idea about the donation! My daughter has rehearsals again tonight (that is my life!), so I ended up just sending an email while I was in the "right" mood. I said that the girls have asked (I did check with the older one) that no gifts be bought for them. However, if anyone wanted to do something, they could make a donation to CURE. I will, of course, follow up with the CURE contact info.

 

[Agri]

You're welcome! I hope it works out for you and you don't have to deal with too much more drama.

 

[Debbie7452]

Sorry you are dealing with the stress. I posted a thread about a Christmas ultimatum from my DSis who left her DH, took up with a girlfriend and challenged me that she would not attend my yearly Christmas Eve dinner without girlfriend included (small intimate immediate family gathering). Days after the ultimatum(Halloween), my Mom got very ill and was hospitalized, then eventually moved in to my home until she could recover from major surgery. DSis went AWOL and I only heard from her on Thanksgiving. She is too busy being blissfully happy to check up on Mom...Looks like our normal fancy dinner won't happen this year.

It's actually kind of liberating, since I do all of the work!

 

[ugadog99]

I seriously cannot believe the latest email. She doesn't want to do a donation; she wants to do gifts. I am at a loss for words. Does it not matter what I want??? I am so done with this. Once again, I'll email and say, the girls do not want or expect gifts. Please make a donation to CURE or some other worthy cause. At this point, I don't care what she does..just leave me alone about it. (Oh and the "girls" are 16 and 20...hardly children that "need" gifts!)

 

[JoiseyMom]

I seriously cannot believe the latest email. She doesn't want to do a donation; she wants to do gifts. I am at a loss for words. Does it not matter what I want??? I am so done with this. Once again, I'll email and say, the girls do not want or expect gifts. Please make a donation to CURE or some other worthy cause. At this point, I don't care what she does..just leave me alone about it. (Oh and the "girls" are 16 and 20...hardly children that "need" gifts!)

Ok, tell her she is of course free to do what she wants, but the girls plan on donating the gifts they receive to a homeless shelter/women's group.

Win win

 

[okeydokey]

Are your children in agreement? If so, donate the gifts and let the girls write thank you notes indicating which charity they sent them too.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I seriously cannot believe the latest email. She doesn't want to do a donation; she wants to do gifts. I am at a loss for words. Does it not matter what I want??? I am so done with this. Once again, I'll email and say, the girls do not want or expect gifts. Please make a donation to CURE or some other worthy cause. At this point, I don't care what she does..just leave me alone about it. (Oh and the "girls" are 16 and 20...hardly children that "need" gifts!)

I wonder if she wants to do this because she thinks ya'll are in "need." I don't mean that in an ugly or disrespectful manner. I know that several single moms with teens need some extra boost during this season. I don't know your family of course and this could just a fake sugary smile thing going on with them.

Just tell her point blank there will be no gifts at all. Don't suggest donations on their behalf just say nothing at all this season.

 

[snowywhite89]

OP are you just not going to celebrate Christmas at all this year or do you just not want to celebrate with them? I am confused by your extreme stand on this.

 

[minkydog]

Ok, tell her she is of course free to do what she wants, but the girls plan on donating the gifts they receive to a homeless shelter/women's group.

Win win

Are your children in agreement? If so, donate the gifts and let the girls write thank you notes indicating which charity they sent them too.

DingDingDing! We have a winner!