In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. We had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living. Quite characteristically, we had gone all out in confusing the ends with the means. Instead of regarding the satisfaction of our material desires as the means by which we could live and function as human beings, we had taken these satisfactions to be the final end and aim of life.
Character building, indeed.
If humility is the benchmark, then how do I measure myself against a man that you describe? A man who for all purposes should be demonstrating to me, by leading
By example, and not on the soapbox, what it is to be a man. My excuse? I am an
Alcoholic. My disease is selfishness.
My example?
When my son was 15 mo. Old I became a single parent. My wife choose drugs and
Alcohol; I had to protect our son. I had to break my vows with her and God to protect
Our son; in sickness and in health. I beat myself up pretty good for a year after separating. Her parenting was sketchy, at best. When he turned 5, she told me she
Could not be a parent; that her life was unmanageable. We have not seen her in over
6 years. It took me a long time to build on the character as a man. Not to attract the right
kind of woman; just to be the right kind of man. As a parent, not just as a man, I felt
overwhelmed at times. I felt that society looked at me as a weekend dad and I had
to let that idea go. I met a wonderful, beautiful woman, and weve been married for
4 years now. But just this weekend she told me you dont have to act like the lone ranger; funny, I told her I was the lone ranger. Id been working on the yard for 3 yours,
by myself. Shed been inside, doing some housework. I think she felt guilty doing it.
Whether you believe what I tell you now is up to you. I am the primary caretaker.
I have a full time career, as my wife does. I go to AA meetings twice a week, and lead
A group of men in spiritual discussion. I am a mentor. I exercise 7 days a week,
And with 6 days out of the week with my son at my side. One day I go for 3 hours on
My bike. Once a week I meet with my spiritual mentor to discuss my shortcomings;
And how to actively work on solutions; how to be a better spouse, parent, friend, and
Human being. That is MY outing with the boys. My responsibilities around the house:
ALL THE YARD WORK. I am responsible for taking our son to school, preparing his
Lunch, and picking him up from after care. I go have lunch with him once a week.
Clean the kitchen, the garage, vacuum, do the laundry, take out the trash, pay the bills,
Do the grocery shopping. My wife cleans the bathrooms and changes the beds.
My wife is preparing for a century ride; and so takes all of Saturday morning and most
Of Saturday afternoon to do her training ride.
I have recently been seeing a psychologist to work some more on my ideas, my attitude;
And how I need to grow more as a man. It is painfully obvious how Ive just barely begun. Ive been measuring myself against other men and have finally realized that
Is NOT the solution. Continuing to look within myself and doing the work; more
Action is required.
Character building, indeed.
If humility is the benchmark, then how do I measure myself against a man that you describe? A man who for all purposes should be demonstrating to me, by leading
By example, and not on the soapbox, what it is to be a man. My excuse? I am an
Alcoholic. My disease is selfishness.
My example?
When my son was 15 mo. Old I became a single parent. My wife choose drugs and
Alcohol; I had to protect our son. I had to break my vows with her and God to protect
Our son; in sickness and in health. I beat myself up pretty good for a year after separating. Her parenting was sketchy, at best. When he turned 5, she told me she
Could not be a parent; that her life was unmanageable. We have not seen her in over
6 years. It took me a long time to build on the character as a man. Not to attract the right
kind of woman; just to be the right kind of man. As a parent, not just as a man, I felt
overwhelmed at times. I felt that society looked at me as a weekend dad and I had
to let that idea go. I met a wonderful, beautiful woman, and weve been married for
4 years now. But just this weekend she told me you dont have to act like the lone ranger; funny, I told her I was the lone ranger. Id been working on the yard for 3 yours,
by myself. Shed been inside, doing some housework. I think she felt guilty doing it.
Whether you believe what I tell you now is up to you. I am the primary caretaker.
I have a full time career, as my wife does. I go to AA meetings twice a week, and lead
A group of men in spiritual discussion. I am a mentor. I exercise 7 days a week,
And with 6 days out of the week with my son at my side. One day I go for 3 hours on
My bike. Once a week I meet with my spiritual mentor to discuss my shortcomings;
And how to actively work on solutions; how to be a better spouse, parent, friend, and
Human being. That is MY outing with the boys. My responsibilities around the house:
ALL THE YARD WORK. I am responsible for taking our son to school, preparing his
Lunch, and picking him up from after care. I go have lunch with him once a week.
Clean the kitchen, the garage, vacuum, do the laundry, take out the trash, pay the bills,
Do the grocery shopping. My wife cleans the bathrooms and changes the beds.
My wife is preparing for a century ride; and so takes all of Saturday morning and most
Of Saturday afternoon to do her training ride.
I have recently been seeing a psychologist to work some more on my ideas, my attitude;
And how I need to grow more as a man. It is painfully obvious how Ive just barely begun. Ive been measuring myself against other men and have finally realized that
Is NOT the solution. Continuing to look within myself and doing the work; more
Action is required.
he just doesn't get it.
to you. I just blew up at my DH earlier today for pretty much the same thing. 
). But then, DW actually works for a living, so it would hardly be fair for her to be "expected" to handle all of those chorse.
Raising a child and all......... 
But to a SAHP, it is practically sacrilege(sp?) to suggest that these every day duties are anything other than the most important work ever done by (wo)mankind.
