I am just so dissapointed right now :(

[JoShan1719]

I gotta agree with the PPs. If the trip is already paid for and you can't get your money back then go alone or with a friend. We all know Disney will always be there, but this was a special trip and he didn't even discuss any of this with you. It may have been a little easier to swallow if he'd said before hand, "Honey, I know we have this special trip planned but I think that money would be better spent on A, B, and C because..." Dialogue. Talking. Conversing. Not "I did this because I wanted to." If he'd brought it up you could have decided together what to do. He's saying his family isn't more important than your relationship, but actions speak louder than words. Good luck with everything, keep us posted!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Something is wrong, wrong, wrong with your husband's story. No man willingly throws good money down the drain (the room is paid for), plus cancels his 10th anniversary plans that his wife has been looking forward to for such a flimsy reason. Sorry, but the building can wait for a week. If it can't, his brother can hire someone to help for the week. He's only one man, not a whole construction crew. Plus, he doesn't want you to go at all even with a girlfriend?

Personally, I wouldn't give him the choice, I would go and use the paid for room with my best girlfriend and go ahead with the plans. He should be begging forgiveness for messing up the anniversary plans (especially for such a ridiculous reason) and letting you do whatever makes you happy to make up for it.

 

[Disneyadore]

Family !!
My husband has family like this. Not his mother but BRO.
I mead clear to my husband from day one : no money and no helping.
Sounds harsh I know but after almost thirty years of marriage the rest of my husbands family is still helping and funding him and they achieved nothing.

His last stunt two weeks age was to call my SIL who was leaving for a vacation that same day to come and get him out of the hospital because he was stabbed down and had no car. ( and no money of course)
I would have a long and serious talk with my your husband because I have a strong feeling this will be not the only and last "rock" on your marriage path.

 

[ShesAPirate]

Something is wrong, wrong, wrong with your husband's story. No man willingly throws good money down the drain (the room is paid for), plus cancels his 10th anniversary plans that his wife has been looking forward to for such a flimsy reason. Sorry, but the building can wait for a week. If it can't, his brother can hire someone to help for the week. He's only one man, not a whole construction crew. Plus, he doesn't want you to go at all even with a girlfriend?

Personally, I wouldn't give him the choice, I would go and use the paid for room with my best girlfriend and go ahead with the plans. He should be begging forgiveness for messing up the anniversary plans (especially for such a ridiculous reason) and letting you do whatever makes you happy to make up for it.

I totally agree! OP's husband is being absolutely unreasonable. Why on earth would he rather lose the money than see her go with a friend?! If anyone is being selfish in this situation, it's him.

 

[JoShan1719]

Raise your hand if you'd like to join OP on her 10th anniversary trip?

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Raise your hand if you'd like to join OP on her 10th anniversary trip?

 

[JuneChickie]

Yes his family knew that we had this planned. We have been planning it since last year, and paid a deposit on the DVC reservation in March. We just paid the rest of the payment about three months ago. No, apparently they just can't do without him. The reason that they are so "pushed" to get her house done is because my sister and brother in law are having their second baby in Oct. and they want to move into her old house before the baby gets here. Originally she was hoping to be in at least by Christmas. He has had it squared away with them since March I know. Yes, this money he loaned would have gone toward our trip. He says that the business will be paying us back in installments. The money is going to be used to buy equipment for the business. I didn't even mention that last month we ended up paying for the other half of a cabin that his family rented, and took a trip up to the mountains with his entire family. Yes, it just seems to me that if the business was doing that bad, that we shouldn't have all gone up and stayed in a luxury cabin for a week. It doesn't make sense to me either. Everything was great, and DH was very excited too, up until the night that he told me all of this. He just hit me with it out of no where. It was like it happened in the course of a day. When I have questioned him about why, he just says that everyone is having to make sacrifices...but then that doesn't make sense at ALL since his brother just bought a new boat. I'm just very confused. Every time I try to talk to him about it, or I get upset and tell him that I don't really understand why we're having to do this, he defends his family, and says that I'm being very selfish.




Well, if they were having such bad financial issues, then why do they keep spending money on things that have nothing to do with the business...his mom's house...the luxury cabin...his brother's boat...I'm just having a hard time getting my mind around it all.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Cancelling a trip that is a year into the making inly a month before you are to take it without consulting the other traveler = selfish.

Loaning money from your joint savings to help your own family's business without even discussing it with your spouse = selfish.

Taking the trip yourself or with a friend so as not to lose money already paid and to salvage a little bit of much anticipated fun = practical.

I am not generally fond of the jump to hating the husband mentality that often shows up on the DIS, however, the situation that you have painted here certainly seems pretty terrible. From what you have posted I feel you have every right to be hurt and angry with your husband and also suspicious about what is really going on. Quite honestly, if this is the very first time he has ever done anything like this then I would take the trip myself and when I got back really work on figuring out what went wrong here and fixing it. If it is a pattern though (putting Mommy and brother first, loaning or spending lots of money without discussing it with you, telling you that you are selfish when he does these things, etc) then this is not someone I could be married to. It certainly seems like something is very much off with the whole situation and you need to figure it out.
I am really sorry you are in this situation and I do hope you are able to work things out somehow

 

[Nancyg56]

Like the previous poster, I do not usually leap to conclusions about s spouses behavior but this is strange. My Dh would never just cancel a trip without discussing it with me. If he was not able to go he would insist that I go and have a good time. SOmething is off kilter here, southernbelle. you have a trip that is paid for your DH cancels it, uses money that would be your vacation fund to lend his family but did not tell you and now he says that you are selfish? Um...........something is not adding up.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh let me just say. I did think of doing this. I was so upset that we were going to have to give up the perfectly paid for reservations at AKV and all the dining ADRs that I've stressed out making, that I brought up the idea of me going with down there with a friend, and he was furious that I even brought that idea up! I was thinking, "well better than just throwing it all away" I could make use of it. He said I was so selfish for thinking this. That it was supposed to be our special trip. Yeah. It was. Apparently I am just crazy.

Let's see he lends money to his family without consulting you and YOU are the one who is crazy. My dh would be so dead.....

I would go with a friend and tell him to shove it. He is obviously lying somewhere in there. His excuse does not fly with me.

I would do some digging into the money problems. Something smells here.

 

[Magpie]

I would be absolutely livid if my husband tried to pull this on me. I'd be kicking his butt from here to eternity.

But I know that my husband wouldn't do this to me. Sure, his family is important to him, but he'd tell them right up front, "It'd break her heart if I cancelled, you'll just have to get by without me for a couple days."

We've got a trip planned in December, all paid for. We've discussed the possibility that my husband might not get to go because of work. If that happens (and we both really hope it won't!) then I'm going to ask my mother if she'd like to come instead.

It won't be the trip we planned, but as my husband said, "Just because I can't go, doesn't mean you should miss out!"

Your husband's being an @ss. Personally, I think you need to go and talk to his mother, and his brother, and everyone else you can talk to. Put it up on your Facebook. Nothing embarrasses an @ss more than public exposure. Plus, you might find out something that he's trying to hide from you.

Best wishes to you!

 

[Nancyg56]

Your husband's being an @ss. Personally, I think you need to go and talk to his mother, and his brother, and everyone else you can talk to. Put it up on your Facebook. Nothing embarrasses an @ss more than public exposure. Plus, you might find out something that he's trying to hide from you.

Best wishes to you!

I don't think I would take this out of my house. I agree that the DH needs to undergo a total overhaul..............but I do nto think that talking to the family is the answer. If a man makes a decision like this it is not really about his family. They are just the excuse for his behavior. No, his behavior is really how he feels about his wife and that is a marriage problem.

I think that if I thought aht there was something funky going on i would simply infor DH that I was sorry that he felt I was selfish but that since the trip was planned for over a year, since it ws paid for and since he did not feel the need to discuss canceling with me I would be going without him. I cannot understand why the husband is oposing the trip wieh the OP is not needed to complete the work so perhaps if she insists on following thru with the plans the real reason for his behavior will come out. Or he is just a jerk. I do not think you can really embarrass a jerk.

 

[Christine]

I cannot understand why the husband is oposing the trip wieh the OP is not needed to complete the work so perhaps if she insists on following thru with the plans the real reason for his behavior will come out. Or he is just a jerk. I do not think you can really embarrass a jerk.

Some men do not like their wives traveling without them (and vice versa). he probably doesn't want her to be able to have a good time if he is not included. There are married people that believe you need to be Siamese twins. Maybe he's one of them.

 

[Nancyg56]

Some men do not like their wives traveling without them (and vice versa). he probably doesn't want her to be able to have a good time if he is not included. There are married people that believe you need to be Siamese twins. Maybe he's one of them.

I have met those men. I think what made me wonder if there was something that was not a spouse who felt that they needed to be joined at the hip was that the Op sounded totally blindsided by his reaction. I would think she would have know if he was one of those folks who think one should not breath without the other.

Who knows My DH would have been pushing me out the door so this is strange to me.

 

[Magpie]

I don't think I would take this out of my house. I agree that the DH needs to undergo a total overhaul..............but I do nto think that talking to the family is the answer. If a man makes a decision like this it is not really about his family. They are just the excuse for his behavior. No, his behavior is really how he feels about his wife and that is a marriage problem.

I think that if I thought aht there was something funky going on i would simply infor DH that I was sorry that he felt I was selfish but that since the trip was planned for over a year, since it ws paid for and since he did not feel the need to discuss canceling with me I would be going without him. I cannot understand why the husband is oposing the trip wieh the OP is not needed to complete the work so perhaps if she insists on following thru with the plans the real reason for his behavior will come out. Or he is just a jerk. I do not think you can really embarrass a jerk.

The reason I would talk to the family is because he's giving *family* as his excuse for cancelling.

I'd want to know if they really approve of this, and if they do, then I would be reconsidering whether I want to spend my whole life as a second class citizen in this "family".

But I'm generally very much in favor of airing dirty laundry. It stinks less when you've hung it out in the sun for awhile.

I don't like secrets. And I especially don't like the idea of not getting my point of view out there. I mean, just imagine if her husband is going to his family and saying, "She's SO unreasonable and selfish!" People who keep things private or "within the family" run the risk of letting the other person define them publically.

 

[Lionqueen2]

Considering you and DH have been planning this trip for quite a while and then he just up and changed his mind, I just can't help wonder if someone in DH's family applied pressure to him or made him feel guilty because he was going to go off to celebrate and vacation while they were dealing with their own issues.

You definitely are not selfish and are handling this much better than many of us would.

 

[Jennasis]

Why in the world are you asking his permission to go?? JUST GO.

 

[lovemygoofy]

OP, I have a question about the money. I don't agree with taking money out of the account without discussion. Let me get that out there. My question is: do ya'll or your husband own jointly into this business? I'm guessing if he is putting family into the business without discussion something is up at work.

I in no way agree with how this has gone down but you need to really sit down and find out what is going on. I don't really think this is about being there to supervise or whatever. This really strikes me as a money issue.

Think about a compromise if at all possible. Discuss downgrading reservations or not staying as long. Just sit and talk to him. My first reaction would be very pissed off too but I firmly believe that there is always a reason someone would act like this on such short notice especially if he really was so excited about your upcoming trip and if nothing else should know better than to disappoint his wife on a big anniversary. Sit down and find out what is going on and the entire truth from business to home.

 

[Nancyg56]

Why in the world are you asking his permission to go?? JUST GO.

I know. DH lost his right to have a say in this when he made a decision without discussing it with you. DH and I have canceled a much anticipated trip but it was a decison that we both made. I generally do not advocate either partner just taking off on a trip without a discussion beforehand but then my DH would never just decide that I was not worth an opinion.

Magpie- i understand your reasoning but I would not care what his family thought. My relationship with them would be independant of the relationship I have with my DH and if DH decided that I would take second seat to anyone I would not worry about airing laundry. I would simply hang him out to dry. For me, the trip is not the important issue here or that the DH feels compelled to help his family. It is the way the DH chose to handle it.

If DH was involved with a project with his family and felt strongly that he was needed to complete it in order to accomodate a new baby I would support that. I probably would not like it but I would respect it. I would not understand if he decided that my opinion had no value and so decreed that an anniversary trip was going to be canceled without even talking about the reason. And then he decided that if he was nto gooing I was not going either. For me this entire situation has nothing to do with the estended family, it is how the DH is treating his wife.

 

[mumom95]

to you OP. And Happy 10th Anniversary.

I'm with the other people, I think something is up. But if the other people in the family are spending money without a care in the world, maybe it isn't with the business, maybe it's something else. I don't know what, but it just seems odd that your dh is suddenly making this big sacrafice and the rest of the family isn't. Does the family have a history of being selfish? Could your dh have lent the money to someone else and is just using the business as an excuse?

Not trying to say your dh is being dishonest, it just doesn't seem to fit.