Husband lost his job

[lisaross]

Yes the waiting is killing me...especially because we are pretty much left in the dark - just have to wait and see.....

i have my job thru a friend so yes its not always what u know, but who u know!

 

[SC Minnie]

Hang in there Lisa!

One thing that always shocks me is that people "hide" that they are unemployed, like it is a dirty secret. Its not, especially in this day and age. I would tell everyone and anyone. They don't need to know all the details, just keep it simple but NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK. You never know someone who's cousin's uncle's best friend might be looking for someone with that exact skill set!

When both my husband and I were laid off, we got multiple interviews through networking. That is actually how I ended up with my last job, a friend referred me to an accounting recruiter and he placed me in a position he had open. My husband also found PT work through a friend of a friend until his old job called him back. We had a close friend that I actually placed at a company just a few months ago. I knew they were looking and I had my friend get in contact with an old co-worker I knew there who was able to get his resume in the right hands.

Good luck and stay strong. It sounds like you guy are still doing everything right at this point.....sometimes just the waiting and uncertainty is the hardest part.

ITA! DH let someone he had worked with before know he was unemployed. Two days later she referred him to a company for a contact job. It was only for 2 weeks but he made enough to cover a house payment for another month.

 

[barkley]

Unemployment being granted shows the state either didn't feel the employee knew that the action could get them fired or that it was such an egregious mistake that unemployment should be denied.

People think being granted unemployment means they were in the right and the employer was wrong about the term. That isn't what it means.

I think it may depend on how individual state programs are set up. when I supervised union staff (in a state other than the one I currently live in) if there was a termination one of the top priorities of h/r was contesting the granting of unemployment benefits. as supervisors we had to do extensive documentation and record keeping for h/r such that when a termination happened there was already a reviewed file cross referenced with the employee's union contract (tons of fun when you supervise people under 3 separate unions) w/hr that they had determined was ready for both a potential grievance and a claim for unemployment.

h/r didn't want approved ui claims in large part because the unions would use an approved claim to muddy the waters in a grievance (even when contracts were VERY carefully worded about what constituted a fireable offence).

 

[Arielle22]

I think it may depend on how individual state programs are set up. when I supervised union staff (in a state other than the one I currently live in) if there was a termination one of the top priorities of h/r was contesting the granting of unemployment benefits. as supervisors we had to do extensive documentation and record keeping for h/r such that when a termination happened there was already a reviewed file cross referenced with the employee's union contract (tons of fun when you supervise people under 3 separate unions) w/hr that they had determined was ready for both a potential grievance and a claim for unemployment.

h/r didn't want approved ui claims in large part because the unions would use an approved claim to muddy the waters in a grievance (even when contracts were VERY carefully worded about what constituted a fireable offence).

That is because of the union. I have had employees file EEOC and try to use an unemployment decision to prove we were wrong. The hearing agent said that has no legal bearing outside then employment claim.

I oversee sites in several states. During the recession, the only way for a claim to be denied was due to physical fights. I had an employee swear at their manager in front of residents and get unemployment. Getting unemployment depends on who ticks off the hearing officer the least.

 

[barkley]

That is because of the union. I have had employees file EEOC and try to use an unemployment decision to prove we were wrong. The hearing agent said that has no legal bearing outside then employment claim.

I oversee sites in several states. During the recession, the only way for a claim to be denied was due to physical fights. I had an employee swear at their manager in front of residents and get unemployment. Getting unemployment depends on who ticks off the hearing officer the least.

I dunno. might make a difference that I supervised union civil service employees. so MUCH harder to terminate-swearing at a manager in any setting might have gotten a write-up, but a termination-NEVER. I personally had/observed instances of employee physical violence that were unable to be upheld for termination, as well as instances where the police and district attorney couldn't get my former employer to co-operate when a victim filed charges but then this was in a state where convicted, tens of thousands of dollar embezzlers of government funds won the right to be rehired (just in government jobs where they couldn't directly or through coercion access public funds), and in one landmark case-a former civil servant who was paroled after murdering his supervisor following an employment action won the right to apply for rehire (with his former employment records withheld from review and consideration) with his former agency

 

[dismsn]

Lisa - You'll get through this. My husband's company went out of business at the end of 2012. It was a union job and he had great benefits and a nice paycheck. Luckily, like you, we lived well beneath our means (and still do) and were able to limp along. My husband ended up getting trained in a different profession which took almost a year. His current job has horrible benefits (but I have benefits and cover him) and the pay isn't great but he's able to work way too many hours and finally makes about what he used to make (although the pay per hour is significantly less than he was making). He wants to get at least a year's experience in his current profession and then he'll try to find a better job.

Our kids were 20 and 17 at the time and our oldest was a junior in college and our youngest was a senior in high school. We actually qualified for financial aid for the first time with our oldest daughter (yippee) and we had some small investments that we'd had for many years that we could cash in to pay for last year's college costs for both kids. Our daughters also had to both take out subsidized loans. We're now able to pay as we go for our youngest daughter although she is taking a loan again this coming school year. Just wanted you to know that you can pay for college as you go (we use most of my husband's income for college) and you don't have to have college savings (although the savings would help).

Wishing you and your husband the best of luck as you go through this process.

 

[lisaross]

I just feel so alone.... My husband can be upbeat not me - security makes me happy. The things some guys do at. His job is crazy and they get their jobs back - and here we are my husband has a unbelievable work record and one customer not liking him could get us here. I guess if his company closed i wouldnt be as angry while i know he did not do anything to deserve this i cant but help feel some resentment... Perhaps i should win worse wife award

 

[Gracie09]

Hang in there Lisa! One thing that always shocks me is that people "hide" that they are unemployed, like it is a dirty secret. Its not, especially in this day and age. I would tell everyone and anyone. They don't need to know all the details, just keep it simple but NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK. You never know someone who's cousin's uncle's best friend might be looking for someone with that exact skill set! When both my husband and I were laid off, we got multiple interviews through networking. That is actually how I ended up with my last job, a friend referred me to an accounting recruiter and he placed me in a position he had open. My husband also found PT work through a friend of a friend until his old job called him back. We had a close friend that I actually placed at a company just a few months ago. I knew they were looking and I had my friend get in contact with an old co-worker I knew there who was able to get his resume in the right hands. Good luck and stay strong. It sounds like you guy are still doing everything right at this point.....sometimes just the waiting and uncertainty is the hardest part.

I have to agree with this. Basically call everyone that could help you. When my dh lost his job suddenly and without warning, he called me, his parents and then called every old boss or friend he knew that worked for other companies in the same industry. He ended up with three interviews and two offers within two week (could have had more but he wanted to get right back to work and the other companies were taking their time setting up interviews. He also had a headhunter calling, but it was for a bunch of jobs out of state.) . Now 2 1/2 years later, his salary and bonuses are finally above what he use to make. He is soooo much happier at the new company. They treat him very well. Have great benefits. And in the end it was the best thing that could have happened to both of us:

 

[Judique]

I think it may depend on how individual state programs are set up. when I supervised union staff (in a state other than the one I currently live in) if there was a termination one of the top priorities of h/r was contesting the granting of unemployment benefits. as supervisors we had to do extensive documentation and record keeping for h/r such that when a termination happened there was already a reviewed file cross referenced with the employee's union contract (tons of fun when you supervise people under 3 separate unions) w/hr that they had determined was ready for both a potential grievance and a claim for unemployment.

h/r didn't want approved ui claims in large part because the unions would use an approved claim to muddy the waters in a grievance (even when contracts were VERY carefully worded about what constituted a fireable offence).

Barkley ....this has been exactly my experience working with union grievances and unemployment claims.

 

[KittyKitty]

Lisa, I also am happy when I am financially secure. And when I'm not secure, my mind goes into overload on what to do, and what will happen. This is taking a toll on you and your family. Just some suggestions.

1. Take care of yourself. Look online for ways to release your stress. Just for a few minutes a day, you could relax in some way, meditation, writing down what you are thankful for, exercise, repeat phrases,..etc.

2. Look for guidance for you and your husband, or family, during this hard time. Talk to someone who can give you tools to get through this. Maybe your union, church, or city has someone to talk to. There are experts who have seen this many many times. You are not alone.

Take care and keep posting.

 

[ronandannette]

I just feel so alone.... My husband can be upbeat not me - security makes me happy. The things some guys do at. His job is crazy and they get their jobs back - and here we are my husband has a unbelievable work record and one customer not liking him could get us here. I guess if his company closed i wouldnt be as angry while i know he did not do anything to deserve this i cant but help feel some resentment... Perhaps i should win worse wife award ��

You're not a bad wife but I think you are stuck in "panic" mode. This is a tough situation and your feelings are understandable but may I (kindly ) suggest that you try to deal with your anxiety in some way that DOESN'T include constantly expressing your negative feelings to your DH (and your children, if that's also happening)? He KNOWS how you feel and is likely as burdened by your reaction as he is by the situation itself. I realize this is easier said than done, but these difficult times can be very hard on a marriage and that's an additional stress you don't need. It sounds like your DH has been an excellent provider over the course of your life together and he doesn't deserve to feel like he's completely failed you now. Make a conscious effort to be as calm and supportive of him as possible. Find a trusted friend to hash out your fears with or if necessary maybe even consider counselling.

Also try to step back and look at your situation objectively. Based on what you've said you are NOT in any serious financial peril right now. The money in the bank is ample to keep you going for a period of time; that's what savings are for. Over time if the situation persists, then yes, your future plans may be altered in some ways, but you're FAR from that yet. Try to stay in the moment and stop running all the "worst case scenarios". Continue to be prudent, but try to avoid scrimping and hoarding in extreme ways that feed into your perception of desperation.

I get the sense that this isn't even really a financial issue at heart. You mention "security" a number of times and the reality is that none of us can ever have enough money to really be secure. It's at best a buffer (which you are fortunate enough to have) against the storms of life that WILL occur beyond our control. This particular one for you may blow over quickly or may last a while, it also is unlikely to be the last unexpected crisis you will ever face. Perhaps though, if this is your first serious adversity, the learning curve will be steep. I wish you and your family well.

P.S. I'm not just "armchair quarterbacking" here. The company my DH spent our entire marriage building bankrupted in 2008. We liquidated EVERYTHING we had to pay the bills, leaving us with no house, no savings and no retirement fund. I went back to work full time to support us and DH remained unemployed/under-employed for 5 years before being hired by our local municipal government into what seemed like his dream job. Just when we thought we were on our way back up our city was devastated by a natural disaster last year that derailed everything and resulted in a permanent lay-off. He was unemployed for a year and the employment insurance payments (which work differently here that yours do) ran out after 5 months. All of this occurred for him at the age of 60. Hard times. He just recently accepted a job making less money than he has in decades, but at least it's steady and we CELEBRATED 2 months ago when his first paycheque came in. For the first time in what seems like forever we can see getting our feet back under us and begin to move forward.

 

[manning]

I had a relative who had more money than she knew what to do with it. Literally she could have put it all in a bank at today's interests, not be careful how she would spend it and never run out.

Guess what she worried about? Did she have enough money.

Just hang in there and it will work out.

 

[huggiebear23]

So sorry you are still going thru this.. Praying for you..

 

[lisaross]

Thanks for all the heartfelt replies. Yes I am definitely stuck in panick mode - I don't need to be that way right now as we are getting by ok. My husband is a telephone installer/repair tech so not the easiest profession - he is also extremely handy - I will try and back off of him.. Yes he has been a wonderful provider for my family all these years.

 

[njmom47]

We just went through 5 months of dh being unemployed, but collecting Unemployment. He is finally back to work but at an hourly wage instead of being a salaried employee. We didn't have much in savings but made it through.
I was stressed too but just kept telling him "As long as the bills are paid, I'm ok with you not working." I work full-time and cover the benefits so that part was ok.

I think dh felt bad because he is one of those men who definition of being a man is being the breadwinner.

 

[lauradis]

Hold your husband tight, lots of hugs kisses etc. and boost his ego.

good men feel very useless when their main source of income is gone

You can weather this storm together just fine.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Thanks for all the heartfelt replies. Yes I am definitely stuck in panick mode - I don't need to be that way right now as we are getting by ok. My husband is a telephone installer/repair tech so not the easiest profession - he is also extremely handy - I will try and back off of him.. Yes he has been a wonderful provider for my family all these years.

Ka-ching! This is great! My dh is also very handy so besides saving a ton of money on labor for work that needs to be done on our house, he has a decent side job too. Back in the early years of our marriage he was laid off a couple times, usually in winter, but back then it was just the 2 of us, we owned a small condo and really could do it on my income alone by cutting back. It was stressful but not bad.
Then 2 weeks after we bought our fixer-upper home (and ds17 was born the same week) dh was laid off again. I was on disability and he collected unemployment. We were told we make too much to collect food stamps. We had a good amount of savings set aside to do some work on the house but instead of spending on the house, we had to hold onto it. This was so frustrating because without work, he had so much more time to devote to working on the house but couldn't spend $ to get it done. Luckily by spring they called him back.
Fast forward 2 years and I'm around 5 weeks pregnant with ds14 and he gets laid off again. We cut ds's day care down to 2 days per week but didn't want him to lose his spot (omg we loved that lady!)
Anyway, during this lay off, he had connections with many of our neighbors and day care parents so he was able to do a lot of side work and even finished someone's basement which is a bigger job he never would have taken on while working a regular job FT. Between the handyman work and UE we were doing just fine and even squeezed in a trip to WDW before the baby came. He finally got a new job a few days before my due date.

I know exactly how you feel about losing that peace of mind & secure feeling. You will have it again. In the meantime, have your dh let people know he's looking for handyman work, besides just looking for a regular job. Word of mouth referrals are great but there are times dh can just go for a walk down the street, chat with some neighbors and come back with another side job.

Looking back on all of this reminds me of something the priest said to us when we were planning our wedding: "In hard times, at least you'll have each other. You may be living in an apartment above a liquor store, but you'll have each other." (Of course that's not forever either.)
Through all the hard times we'd laugh saying, at least we don't live above a liquor store!

 

[*Flower*]

Praying for you all during this time of stress. My DH was laid off on May 2nd, and we JUST got his first unemployment $$ last week.
In SC no matter how little you earn part-time, it's deducted from your benefit.

We're lucky that I'm really insecure, because our 30 year mortgage was paid off a year ago (shortened it to a 13 year mortgage). Both of our cars are also paid off- and it's a matter of tightening our belts to stay within our budget.

I agree that (like you) all of my grand plans for retirement has changed drastically, but I know we'll manage somehow. I'm sure you will too.

Keep your chin up and think positive. Things WILL get better!!

 

[CowboyCO]

i guess i'm overly responsible which is why i'm sick to my stomach over this...

I know he will not loose the pension he has - but i think what could have been...

i know i have money in the bank, but HATE to touch it....

I don't want to pay off the mortgage with the cash we have just incase we need more of a cash flow...

We now have to wait till middle of july for the union to get to the 3rd grievance step..

We have a vacation planned for July which we will cancel - already paid for kids camp so glad they will be busy and happy for the summer months.

I got laid off a few years ago and the best thing that I can tell you is that CASH IS KING. Hoard it, protect it until you are on firmer employment ground. Good luck!

 

[lisaross]

Well here we still are - we lost the 3rd step grievance - now my husband needs to find a job. We will fight it out at arbitration, but that could be a year.

I will not wine anymore, as it seems I am handling this so bad compared to others - not by choice bit it's who I am.

My husband has been getting a lot of 1099 work but most of the money we have to wait 60-90 days for payment.