Part 1. Aurora dishes the dirt
Danny, wake up! Were going to Blizzard Beach today!
Ha ha! Just kidding! Blizzard beach doesnt exist!
Oh boy! Dan is going to have breakfast with some hot princesses today! If he thought Pocahontas at AK was a winning hand, he is going to think he hit the jackpot at Cinderellas Royal Table.
We arrive at the MK around 7:45 and wait outside the turnstiles with some Princesses in Training. They look just adorable in their sweet little outfits, patiently waiting to see their favorite character. I wonder, however, just how adorable those little dresses will be when the temperature soars this afternoon and the pretty princess material gets all nice and hot and itchy.
They finally let us through the turnstiles at 8:00. Dan is bee-lining straight for the castle, knocking over old ladies and 3-year-old little girls so that he can get there first. Like George Costanza in an apartment fire.
Better get out of Dan's way...he's hungry for some princesses!
Once Im able to catch up with him inside the castle, I breathlessly announce our royal presence to the hostess.
The woman unrolled her parchment scroll. Ah yes, Queen Wendy and her village idiot, Dan
we were expecting you. For our first trip in 2003, Dan made me double-dog swear that I wouldnt subject him to the princess breakfast because it sounded kind of gay to him. Two years later he realized his grave error princesses are hot and they sure beat fat characters with fake heads (except maybe Buzz). By now Dan knows why were here and he is anxious to follow His Royal Highness up the winding staircase. Forget the little girls in Princess dresses, Village Idiot Dan is going to be first to meet these women. Hes got a big grin and his camera ready.
Let the dirty thought marathon begin.
As if making up for the crappy table we had the night before, the hostess seats us at the most amazing table in the castle
right at the center window facing Fantasyland. We oohed and ahhed at the view for about 3 minutes before the princesses started coming out. Then Dan oohed and ahhed in the opposite direction.
Ah...WDW through the eyes of a child...there's so precious at that age, aren't they?
Even Pal Mickey sat silently on our table. He seemed a bit in awe himself.
Mickey is one shy little dude. Notice his lime green ribbon.
Wendy comes out first. She is energetic, and has tons of personality and a fantastic name. I asked, Why does everyone love Tinkerbelle so much
I always thought she was mean to you. Wendy admitted in her fake English accent that Tink pulls her ponytail and tried to get her killed once. Oh thats nice. All you ever did was have a super cool name.
Then I asked her what it was like to fly. Boy, did her eyes light up! She became very animated when she explained all it took were happy thoughts and pixie dust. And what a wonderful feeling flying is!
I explained that since we were fresh out of pixie dust, and Dan could possess nothing but nasty thoughts, we wouldnt be flying anytime soon. The best we had was exit row seats on Northwest Airlines. Wendy gives us a sympathetic look and moves on to the next table.
Belle and Cinderella stop at our table next. A few words, a few pictures (and a few X-rated images in Dans head) and the ladies are gliding off to the next table. Dan is beside himself with all the eye candy.
He really looks proud here, doesn't he? Do you think I should tell him that she's just an actress?
Then Aurora paid us a visit. She smiles and patiently waits for a picture. Before Dan had the camera ready I asked her, Come on, level with us. So many princesses in one castle
any divas among you? Cat fights?
Aurora gives me a big grin. Oh, no divas here. We all get along just fine!
Aurora, I said. Im a woman
I know better than that. Whos the diva?
She drops the smile, looks over her shoulder, and turns back to us, leaning forward. Alright, she whispers as if shes got a secret shes been dying to tell for ages. Cinderella is. She points toward the princess in blue who was several tables away. She quickly straightens back up as if she isnt sure she should have said anything. But I guess its her right, since it
is her castle.
So much gossip to tell, so little time to tell it.
The food at this breakfast is pretty darn good. Between princess visits, we inhale our morning meal. I am cautious to keep the food from sliding between my teeth and defiling my smile for the camera. Dan is just busy eating. He thinks this is the best breakfast yet. I just cant figure out if his excessive drooling is because of the food, the women, or a combination of both.
If I'm not food or a princess, I pretty much don't exist...as this picture demonstrates.
When Mary Poppins stops by, I ask her to say Supercali
(blah blah whatever) backwards. Of course, she says as if she was expecting me to ask. And then gives a flawless Supercali-whatever backwards for us. At least I think it was flawless. I suppose it could have been just a bunch of random phonemes and Dan and I would have still applauded and said, Brilliant! Then I asked her how she keeps her dress so white. Apparently by now I was probing too much because she told me it was a secret, and practically perfect people never give away their secrets. Practically perfect? Lady, you need to work on your modesty.
We finish up our meal and Village Idiot Dan declares that this was a wonderful breakfast and that we have to do it again. He mumbles something about a Dan Sandwich and clutches his camera tightly.
We walk through Tomorrowland and Pal Mickey buzzes. I hear there are aliens in this area. If youre afraid of them, then stay away from Alien Encounter.
Oh that shouldnt be a problem Mickey, considering that IT DOESNT EXIST. Either you are having serious short-term memory issues, or we need a little rewiring work done on you. One of the selling features of this little guy is that you can bring him back into the parks in future visits. So he doesnt say a word about Mission Space, Soarin, Stitchs Great Escape, Mickeys Philharmagic, Turtle Talk, Expedition Everest, or Lights, Motor, Action
but spews all kinds of fun facts about Alien Encounter, Tarzan Rocks, Timekeeper, and the Wonders of Life pavilion. What kind of a satanic toy is this, anyway? Hes only good the day you buy him? Hes stuck in some kind of permanent time warp, and any park updates thereafter are worthless? (Then again that shouldnt be a problem, considering that Disney never changes things in the parks.) I suppose I could just keep buying new Pal Mickeys for every visit
I know thats what they want, those diabolical marketing weenies.
Well, since he was (sort of) talking about it
lets try Stitchs Great Escape. We havent tried it yet, but I read the reviews and so Im expecting crap
which is basically what we got. Somewhere in the transition from Alien to Stitch, it lost something. Parts of it that made sense before didnt seem to work this time. I thought that the infamous chili dog part (MY chili cheese dog!) was over-the-top and completely obnoxious. Believe it or not, I actually liked the movie. And two years ago I had no issues with Stitch at all. But lately it seems as though Disney is stuffing Stitch down our throats
hes taken over an attraction, the monorail spiel, even wake-up calls
its quite a turn-off. Yes, I know. There are a billion Stitch fans out there. And a million and a half Tink fans. Sorry. Im just a classic Mickey fan, through and through.
Dan wants to ride the Speedway cars. Super. I reluctantly agree, but only if I get to drive. Has any adult actually been able to drive these contraptions? First, Dan is 65 and waaaaay too tall to sit comfortably in this thing. So he has to tuck his knees in close to his chest like a sitting fetal position. If we had a head-on collision with another Speedway car going 7 miles per hour, he would so be killed. (I had to remind the Brains of This Operation that it was his brilliant idea.) Then, the steering was all over the place. I really had a difficult time keeping the car from slamming into the guide rail. The track was much longer than I anticipated, so Dan had to hug his knees and endure my hellish, wheel-jerking, rail-slamming driving much longer than he cared to. I felt like a
FL Tours driver in training. Then finally
back to the drop-off. Ack. Cars were 10 deep in, waiting to get back to the starting point and revving all those diesel fumes up our nostrils. We waited and waited before being able to shoehorn ourselves out of those tin cans and step onto the pavement.
Gee Pal, can we go on that again?
I see the crowds are picking up
and the rain has started again. Dan, bring out the ponchos. No way I want my Pal Mickey worse off than he is. Lets hit Toontown Fair and see whats brewing at the Big Mouses house.
Why do husbands always take pictures of our rear ends?
Now this is funny
Mickey has 9 identical outfits. Dont they say that most geniuses do this so that they never waste creative energy on stuff like this? Or is that an urban legend? Not that Im dissing my favorite character or anything, but I wouldnt exactly call Mickey a brainiac. A swell pal, but never a genius. Unlike Minnies home, Mickeys house is completely hands-off. Every room is roped off like a museum. Are they afraid were going to take off with his clothes? Those gloves are way too big for me and his glasses arent close to my prescription. Where is the guy, anyway? His place is a mess.
Caught snooping in the fridge. What can I say? I'm all about the food.
After a short visit, its time to leave the MK and get over to MGM.
The bus all to ourselves...just another occasion for a photo op.
We arrive at MGM just before noon. The crowds are heavy in this park, too. In fact, wow. Crowds really suck over here. And then it hits me
MGM has evening EMH tonight. Duh. Way to plan THAT one.
First stop
lets see if we cant update our Pal here.
Dan and I walk into a Pal Mickey shop and see hundreds of brand-new, updated, fresh-in-the-box Pal Mickeys staring at us with those black beady eyes, taunting us
What is that you have there
Gee Pal, that Mickey is really old. What are all those nasty stains? He doesnt still talk about Alien Encounter or If You Had Wings, does he? Ha ha! He probably only knows three games. Wow, look at my cool new clothes! Wanna hear the latest facts on all the newest attractions?
Pay no attention to them, Dan. Just keep walking.
Dan and I approach the CMs and I place my beat-up Mickey on the counter. Anything you can do about (dropping my voice to a whisper) updating my Pal here? He has a weird fetish with extinct attractions.
The CM gave us a frown. Hmm
he isnt programmed for fetishes. Well, why dont we re-zap him and get him all fixed up? I agreed and thanked her.
What happened next was very strange. I passed the Mickster over to the CM and she placed him on the counter and unzipped his back. As she was prepping him for a re-zapping, I suddenly felt like she was taking my baby away for surgery. I swear that I started to choke up, like I was nervous about her mishandling him. When you dont have children of your own, I suppose Pal Mickey is the best substitute. Sad, I know. I guess my maternal instincts didnt know the difference.
I almost yelled, Be careful with him! Thats my kid you got there! Instead, I gave Dan a panicked look. Dan, reading my expression perfectly, gives me a sympathetic smile, leans over the counter, and does the talking for me. Is this going to hurt? he asks.
The CM laughed. She didnt realize we were serious.
When the re-zapping was complete, the CM gives us a big smile. Okay, Mickey is all set. He shouldnt be talking about old attractions anymore
of course, he wont be talking about new ones, either.
I snatched Mickey from her and cuddled him. You okay, Pal? Mommy and Daddy were so worried!
Next installment: Part 2. Dan and Wendy, Cast Members Extraordinaire
...Although...DISUNC and Beana9802 did an excellent job of noticing the incident that sparked an evil idea...it was something I debated with myself whether or not I should even include it in the report...I have a feeling I may have to don a flame suit for that one. Oh well, that's for later.
Great Report! A LONG ONE TOO THIS TIME...With LOTSA PICS! 
