How would you react if this was your ds?

[devotedchristian]

I'm just sick of the "protect my son at all cost" mothers who just barge in with no reguard to the little girls in there with the attitude of it you dont like it too bad.

Okay, well, I could say the same of you... I mean really it goes BOTH ways don't you think? You want to protect the privacy of your girls, we want to protect the welfare of our boys. I just don't see the difference. What makes one scenario more "at risk" than the other?

And just so you know, I WILL bring my son into the ladies restroom until *I* am comfortable with letting him go alone. But I am also willing to compromise by assessing the situation before I do with the women/girls who are in there.

 

[kakiegirl]

True as a mother of dd 6 I would not want to be in a dressing room that was open, and a 9 or 10 year old boy just barge in even if his mother was with him, now if there are stalls I do not see the big deal. However, I am sure most of the mothers here would not do that they would use descretion and check out the dressing room first if their child was older. I guess we are fortunate we have yet to encounter a dressing room without stalls, even our local pool has stalls. However, I see nothing wrong with your taking your child to the restroom or dressing room for safety reasons there are alot of sick people out there today. I still go with dd 6 to the restroom not just for safety reasons but cleanliness reasons so I can clean off the seat if I need to, unfortunatley not just men are pigs in restrooms.

A few years ago when my niece was probably around 6 we were eating at a local burger king and were outside at the play area. My niece had to go to the restroom and my sister let her go by herself. However, I did not feel good about it so I decided to go with her. As we were opening the bathroom door it opened from the inside and a grown hispanic man came out. I point out that he is hispanic because maybe he did not know he was going in the ladies room, many hispanics in our area do not speak English. (his mother was not with him so I know that it was not that she does not let him go by his self ) Anyway, I was so glad I went, chances are it might have been pefectly innocent, but you never know. If she had not waited for me and went in while he was anythere you don't know what might have happened.

Back to the op's topic. It was an innocent boy prank. I remember in kindergarden going in the boys restroom one time just to see what it was like because my girlfriend dared me to (we did know no one was in there). He needed to be reprimanded sure but by his mother, the other woman had no right to put a hand on him in anger, or humiliate him in front of the other kids.

As many others have stated I will do what I feel like is necessary for the safety of my child it is sad we live in such a sick world where we have to worry about things like that.

 

[DisneyDotty]

I have friends with boys and girls in their families and they are very creative when changing their boys. You can clear out a boys locker room and use the staff at the pool to ensure it is empty before allowing your son (with friends) to go change. We have been at a resort pool before when we asked for a place to change with the boys and they were very accomodating.

Just being considerate of the people in the dressing room, ("excuse me, I need to bring my son in here to dress in one of the stalls. Can someone let me know when everyone is decent?") Wouldn't that work?

Or you know you could just waltz into the mens restroom with the same attitude that you walk into the womens "I'm protecting my son, and I don't care who gets embarassed!" Of course the men probably wouldn't mind!

Well said.

 

[tazdeb]

How can you not see the difference? The womens room is for FEMALES. I dont begrudge you that you have to protect your sons. I just think most mothers think of the ladies room as the place for women, girls, and little boys. As I stated above I'm alright with that, but the womens room is not the place for women, girls, and adolecent 6year old and older boys . Boys that age are in first grade. They should be able to go alone. If you need to take a 6 year old boy into someplace he doesn't belong at least have the courtesy to see if anyone minds. I never see anyone check to see if anyone has a problem with it. My daughters and I will be changing our clothes and in will waltz some mother with thier 6year old or older son. Same thing with the restroom. Sometimes the child doesn't even have to go. He just stands there in the room while we are in the stall. You haven't taught your first grade son not about stranger/ danger? He cant wait right out side the room? When my husband takes our daughters out he takes walkie /talkies with so they can keep in touch while he goes to the bathroom. He wouldn't take them into the mens room. That is the difference.

 

[devotedchristian]

I'll say this again:

But I am also willing to compromise by assessing the situation before I do with the women/girls who are in there.

 

[tazdeb]

Thank you for the courtesy.

 

[meandtheguys2]

TAZDEB~HOW IS THAT FOR A REALITY CHECK FOR YOU?

So you are going to make a 9 year old go in the ladies room? My sons would die of embarassment. Yes, it was a horrific thing to happen, but get a grip. How many times has it actually happened?

This is about a 6 year old who was being ornery and got called on it by a rude woman. It is a courtesy to make sure a school aged male isn't going to offend the women in a dressing room. To give a warning or ask politely is not a big deal.

If I had little girls, and some older boy came in while they were dressing, I would be offended too. Some boys start perpetrating at pretty young ages, and I would be concerned. That is also why my sons were not sent into the boys dressing rooms when they were young, even if they could change clothes alone.

It is different than sending a girl in to change alone, as tazdeb was saying about her husband's dealing with the situation. There is a much higher chance of encountering a sexual predator who is male, than one who is female. So our daughter is inherently safer in that situation than my sons would have been.

 

[chrisn]

But I believe emotional maturity plays a big part of this. My DS is 7. He is "young" for his age and totally innocent. At this point of his maturity, I do not feel comfortable to let him go to a bathroom/changing room alone. I am not super modest. We've been to nude beaches. He doesn't even look twice or act like anything is wrong. I don't think it's healthy to teach modesty to the point that your child is ashamed of their body. There has to be a healthy balance. My DS goes with me or his 17 year old DD. I am quick, respectful and I do not let him loiter. I have taken him many times into a ladies dressing room to change but always in stalls. I've never been in the situation where we had to change in a big open community room. I've also never seen any signs posted. If DH is with us. He goes with DH. If DH is not then he goes with me. Of course I try to be sensitive to the situation but I still believe that my son's safety is much more important then someone else's embarassment. I also feel like puting an age on this may not be the appropriate thing in every case. The bottom line is you know what's best for your child. He's your child. If someone else doesn't agree with how your raising your child....oh well. You'll only have yourself to blame if you frick them up!

 

[tazdeb]

Your son is 7. He is young for his age and totally innocent. YOU took him to a nude beach? He now knows it is acceptable for him to look at nude females. Now you want to take him into a room where there are females changing. And you think I'm teaching too much modesty to my daughters when I tell them nobody of the opposite sex should see them nude. Yet you think I should be ok with your "nude beach expierienced" son whos 7 years old in the ladies changing room because he he would'nt think any thing of it? I give up...............

 

[MrsPete]

I think you've strayed from the point: The mother didn't take the child into the women's dressing room. The mother was elsewhere, and the child went in alone. Big difference. If the mother was right there with the child, and she could "scope it out" first, that'd be fine.

The mom said this was a boy/girl party; thus, I assume there were girls in that dressing room with whom he goes to school, or whom he knows socially. He shouldn't be seeing those girls naked.

 

[cutienibbler]

Wow! He is 6 and he made a mistake. She is an adult and should know that you DO NOT put your hands on anyone else's child! She was WRONG. If someone grabbed my child physically by the arm like that... they would have me to deal with. She should have located the parent and told them the problem...allow the parent to discipline their child. I would have let her have it right then and there. She would learn a very valuable lesson on NOT manhandling other peoples children.

I have seen interviews with the dad of the poor young boy who was murdered in the public restroom, its so heartbreaking. Young boys have also been raped when alone in public restrooms. Keep your children SAFE, no matter who gets "offended". As long as we are considerate of others.. there should be no problem. FTR: I am the mother of 2 girls.

 

[chrisn]

He doesn't look/stare at nude women or little girls. I have a feeling that the ones that are have been taught from an early age that a nude body is a shameful sinful thing. I for one want him to grow up with a healthy attitude about modesty and his body. There are different cultures around the world where nudity is perfecty normal and acceptable. No, we don't walk around nude, but if I happen to be where there are nude beaches, my son doesn't gasp or drool or giggle or stare. He minds his own business and goes with the flow. Like I said in my post, I try to be as respectful as I can but to some people I guess that doesn't matter. It is not against the law for him to be in the same dressing room as your girls. There are no signs posted and I don't wish for my child to become a statistic so until I am comfortable with letting him go, I guess there will be times I have to deal with people like yourself, and so I deal....at this point, nobody has ever said anything to me. Let them think what they want and I agree this post has gotten off topic. NO ONE HAS ANY RIGHT TO LAY A HAND ON YOUR CHILD, most especially in anger! BTW, I'm sure I'm not the only sick, twisted American woman to take their children to a nude beach. It's just that now, nobody will dare to admit it.

 

[tazdeb]

I dont think you are sick or twisted. I dont care if you take your son to nude beaches. He is your son. What I do object to is you forcing your values on my daughters who should be secure in the ladies room. My daughters ( and many others I bet) are unconfortable with older boys in the girls room. I dont care if he is a nude beach regular who doesn't oogle or drool. My daughters don't know this. To them he is just a second grader who evidently my daughters have to deal with because even though he's mature enough to go to nude beaches he is not mature enough to change his clothes alone. Also, I bet there are no perverts near a nude beach.....

 

[disneymama73]

It's been said here that a boy age 5-6 should be able to go into the men's room by himself. So my question is would you send your 5 or 6 year old daughter into a public bathroom alone?

My daughter will be 6 next month, and I wouldn't dare send her into ANY bathroom alone! But that's just me...

 

[chrisn]

You may be living next door to one. To people in different cultures, being nude is as normal as walking in the mall. So I'm sure in those cultures, there are as many perverts hanging out at the mall as at the beach. I can appreciate where your coming from, because those are your children and you have the right to raise them as you see fit. I feel like I am as respectful as I can be when faced with the situation that you have a problem with and like I said, I don't let him strip in front of girls nor are there any girls stripping in front of him. There are always stalls. I don't let my DS gawk or go into a ladies lounge alone EVER. What I do have a problem with is someone trying to say that my parenting is wrong. There are so many people who don't give a crap where their kids are or what they are doing. I'm not one of them and I am trying to raise my child to be a well adjusted responsible person. I cringe on a regular basis when I see a 3 or 4 year old wandering their neighborhood or riding a bike on a highway unattended. I am doing what I see fit to protect my child and am glad to have that freedom. With that being said, I will agree to disagree about little boys in the ladies lounge. I will never agree however to it being acceptable for some stranger to manhandle someone's child.

 

[tazdeb]

I never said it is ok to manhandle someone elses children. And yes, we do let our daughters ages 7 and 8 go to public bathrooms alone. We started letting them when they started schoolat age 5. Not all bathrooms mind you, I'm not an idiot and some places are seedy. But at our local pool they go alone if my DH takes them. Also places like Walmart, Mc Donalds etc....we usually let them go. But my daughters are taught to scream if anyone tries to touch them and to fight back. Also as I stated above when my DH takes them they have walkie/ talkies that they bring. He also waits right outside the door so he could run in if he heard anything bad happening. I feel my daughters are more mature because of this. I still watch them like a hawk. But, I know that overprotection can be just as harmful to their growth /maturity as no protection. You have to let them do things on there own. They are after all in school.This doesn't mean changing alone in some remote bathroom in a state park somewhere, but at a friends pool party at a public pool they've been to a hundred times, yes I do. (and when I'm not there I dont want to have to worry about older boys in there with them, escorted or not).

 

[meandtheguys2]

But your daughters are statistically safer in the women's rooms than my son's are in the men's room. Pure and simple. My son's have a higher chance of being assaulted in this situation than your girls have. I would never send just one into the Walmart RR! There are people (men usually) in Walmart that totally creep me out , on occasion.

I am blessed with three boys, so I feel all right sending them all in together, but if I only had one I don't know how I would feel.

 

[disneymama73]

But your daughters are statistically safer in the women's rooms than my son's are in the men's room. Pure and simple. My son's have a higher chance of being assaulted in this situation than your girls have. I would never send just one into the Walmart RR! There are people (men usually) in Walmart that totally creep me out , on occasion.

I am blessed with three boys, so I feel all right sending them all in together, but if I only had one I don't know how I would feel.

I agree with you 100%. I have 3 girls, and I know I don't feel safe sending my almost 6-yr-old in alone. I will just continue to stunt her emotional growth by accompanying her to the bathroom for as long as I feel necessary. (She's the most independent kid I've ever seen, btw.)

I can't imagine how you moms of boys must feel. Do what ya have to do to protect your kids, moms! Do what your heart tells you is right!

 

[Pinnie]

I think you've strayed from the point: The mother didn't take the child into the women's dressing room. The mother was elsewhere, and the child went in alone. Big difference. If the mother was right there with the child, and she could "scope it out" first, that'd be fine.

The mom said this was a boy/girl party; thus, I assume there were girls in that dressing room with whom he goes to school, or whom he knows socially. He shouldn't be seeing those girls naked.

ITA.

The real ISSUE is that this little boy went ALONE into the room on a dare. He wasn't being supervised by his mom while in there. We really don't know "what" he was doing in there. Was he peeking under stalls? Was the girl in there a classmate of his?

I guess the bottom line is that the rights of the little boy end at the nose of the women/girls in the restroom/dressing room.

pinnie

 

[meandtheguys2]

One of the problems is that you can teach a child to keep himself/herself safe until ou are blue in the face, and most of the time it just plane doesn't click when they are in the situation. I spent years working with the CAP program going into schools and talking about bully, stranger and known person assault, but we could never show that this education (3 classroom visits) had any affect on the children staying safe or "telling a trusted adult."

Of course this has very little to do with the OP! Boys are ornery, and this kid should have been supervised. Mean lady had NO business touching him, however!