How would you react if this was your ds?

[The Edgington's]

My son was invited to a boy/girl bday party this past weekend. It was at a local pool. I decided to stay since it didn't look like there was adequate supervision for all of the kids (he's 6). After swimming I changed him in the women's locker room as I do not let him go into restrooms or locker rooms alone. He was playing with other boys in the hall waiting for cake time. One of the boys said to him "go into the girls locker room" he did and a mother of a 3 year old girl drug him out by the arm and yelled "tell your mom what you did" all the other parents and kids were there. He was humiliated while he told me and wanted to go home. I wanted to let her have it with both barrels but restrained because of the kids. After the fact it makes me sick to my stomach that I didn't at least pull her aside and let her know that was unacceptable. I talked to my bil who is a local sheriff and he said it would be considered assault especially if it had left a mark on his arm. He is easily talked into things and I know he shouldn't have done it but he's 6 and the girls were 6 and under. Plus he was just in there to change and there are no doors blocking the entrance. I've thought about calling the mother who's child had the party to try and find out who she is so I can ask her how she would feel if a stranger did that to her child. Am I over reacting? I think that she could have handled it much better, maybe by asking him who is mom was and asking me to go to a discreet area before yelling in front of others.

Sorry this is so long, but it really upset me and is still bugging me days later. I feel I failed my son by not standing up for him and that to me is unacceptable.

 

[LynnTH]

I would be mad too. I have a 6 year old boy also and I always make him come in with me at locker rooms (unless they have a family locker room) or in bathrooms. He is at an age where he really wants to go by himself, but unless we're at church I just don't let him. I think that lady was really out of line. If I was there with my 3 year old daughter and a 6 year old boy came in I guess I wouldn't think anything of it. My kids still take baths together and think nothing of it. They are all innocent at that age- this lady was making it into something it just wasn't.

 

[larklynn]

Many people over react to things these days. My own grandmother was trying to lecture me about being over protective of my older son. He is almost 11 but extremely small and devolopmentally delayed so he is more like a 4 or 5 year old in alot of ways. Granted I do have to watch where I take him into now I still make him go into the womens bathrooms with me if my husband is not there or there is not a family one. I will also take all 3 of my children to fitting rooms with me because I don't like to leave them alone youngest ds is 4 and have 7 year old dd. My grandmothers complaint was about the bathrooms. The womens bathrooms at least all have doors. She really laid into me too and just said I was being paranoid. He had a problem pulling up his pants once at school and got surounded by a bunch of older boys making fun of him and not letting him leave and that was a place where I worked so luckily one of the other boys in there went and got some one but that is suppose to be a safe place. I completely understand why you would be upset with what happened. (Sorry for my own rant guess Ive been holding that into long)

 

[tazdeb]

While I think the lady could of handled it more tactfully, I believe she was in the right. After all, your son was in the girls bathroom UNESCORTED. Perhaps since she embarassed you and your son you think she owes you an apology. But maybe your son embarrassed her by walking in and she thinks you owe her one. I would just let the whole incedent go....Dont call the birthday mother...Dont call the police...Dont call the lady...Just rack it up to one of those bad moments in life and move on....

 

[rt2dz]

While I think the lady could of handled it more tactfully, I believe she was in the right. After all, your son was in the girls bathroom UNESCORTED. Perhaps since she embarassed you and your son you think she owes you an apology. But maybe your son embarrassed her by walking in and she thinks you owe her one. I would just let the whole incedent go....Dont call the birthday mother...Dont call the police...Dont call the lady...Just rack it up to one of those bad moments in life and move on....

I hate to say it, but I think I agree. And I am the mom of all boys. She probably did overreact, it isn't how I would have handled it, but he was completely alone. I would sit down and talk to your son about it, so he knows it was wrong (and why), but not in trouble. The best thing you could do now is set an example for your son on how to handle an embarassing situation and how not to let the little things in life beat you down. I know, easier said than done when it comes to your kids.

 

[chrisn]

My DS for going into the girls area unattended (he's 7 and still goes with me) and the b***h that manhandled my child. DS would have gotten a tongue lashing and the lady would have been lucky she had not been pulling claws out of her throat. Seriously, NOBODY has any right to touch your son. I am a tigress when it comes to protecting my children. I can say what I want about my brats but anyone else better not even look at them crosseyed. She should have been the adult and put a lid on her embarassment/anger and told him to leave the dressing room and then found you his mother to handle the situation, not take it upon herself to disipline your son. He's just a little boy for crying out loud. Emotional maturity plays a big part of this too. I have one of those and he IS just a LITTLE boy. Call me overprotective or overreactive but I strongly disagree with those who say she was in the right!

 

[The Edgington's]

While I think the lady could of handled it more tactfully, I believe she was in the right. After all, your son was in the girls bathroom UNESCORTED. Perhaps since she embarassed you and your son you think she owes you an apology. But maybe your son embarrassed her by walking in and she thinks you owe her one. I would just let the whole incedent go....Dont call the birthday mother...Dont call the police...Dont call the lady...Just rack it up to one of those bad moments in life and move on....

No, I don't want an apology. I just don't think it's right for anyone to grab my sons or any child that isn't your owns arm, she didn't take him by the hand it was his forearm. What is the world coming to if it's okay to just grab a strangers childs arm? If you do that to your own child in a store you get looks like your a child abuser. For the record my son did apologize to her and her daughter BEFORE she drug him out to me (according to another parent). If that is the example she wants to set for her own kids so be it, but don't do it to mine.

 

[tazdeb]

In your original post you left out the part where he apologized. I was responding to the information you supplied. Maybe I inferred that your son saw her naked while she was changing. I dont know you didn't say. Anyway, what do you want from the lady? According to your post she didn't twist his arm.Or punch his arm. Or pinch his arm. She LED him by the arm. Bottom line is, she was escorting him out of an area you let him go because you were not paying attention. She did not hurt him. Me thinks you protest to much.

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

a male child walks, unescorted into a Women's locker room. *check*
Lady and Daughter are embarassed *check*
Boy is escorted,physically out of said locker room, and forced to admit what he did wrong *check*
Boy was not HURT, boy was embarassed, Parent of boy was embarassed *check*

I think you over-reacted. I would have taken his hand and led him out, and Yes, I would have demanded he tell his mother what he did. His behaviour was unacceptable. He should have known better.

While I understand about you being defensive of your child, Understand that your child did something wrong. He should be reprimanded for his behaviour. I suppose that you would have rather had it swept under the rug? Playing it off on "childhood pranks".

Most likely the mother felt violated and removed the object of the violation, your son. Hence you were embarassed and felt humilated as well. I empathise with you, but I certainly see where she is coming from.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

a male child walks, unescorted into a Women's locker room. *check*
Lady and Daughter are embarassed *check*
Boy is escorted,physically out of said locker room, and forced to admit what he did wrong *check*
Boy was not HURT, boy was embarassed, Parent of boy was embarassed *check*

I think you over-reacted. I would have taken his hand and led him out, and Yes, I would have demanded he tell his mother what he did. His behaviour was unacceptable. He should have known better.

While I understand about you being defensive of your child, Understand that your child did something wrong. He should be reprimanded for his behaviour. I suppose that you would have rather had it swept under the rug? Playing it off on "childhood pranks".

Most likely the mother felt violated and removed the object of the violation, your son. Hence you were embarassed and felt humilated as well. I empathise with you, but I certainly see where she is coming from.

You wrote my post for me

 

[DisneyDotty]

Sorry this is so long, but it really upset me and is still bugging me days later. I feel I failed my son by not standing up for him and that to me is unacceptable.

Let it go. Your son apologized; he realizes he made an error in judgment in going into the girls' locker room (He does understand this, right?)--end of story. I have no problem with other people disciplining my children where it's warranted (and I think it's appropriate in this situation). I do believe it takes a village to raise a child.

 

[beattyfamily]

I'm so sorry that happened. I'm sure it was terrible all around.

That woman did exaggerate a bit, IMHO. He's only 6 for goodness sake and she shouldn't have touched him, period. I'm sure your son got the message loud and clear. Poor thing.

 

[disneymama73]

I am the mom of 3 girls, but I do feel this woman overreacted. It's not like he's 12. He's only 6!

If she felt the need to remove him from the room, that's fine. I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with the fact that she dragged him out by the arm. I don't like other people touching my kids. That would bother me.

I vote for letting it go this time and take it as a lesson learned. If something like that happens again, perhaps you can say, "Thank you for letting me know, but I don't appreciate you grabbing my son's arm like that."

I'm sorry you're feeling guilt about not standing up for your son. Parenting is a hard job, isn't it? And no one tells you how to do it. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes.

Take care!

 

[tazdeb]

If my neighbors 6 year old son saw my 7 year old daughter naked she would freak out. I think boys at that age are too old to go into girls bathrooms unless it is an emergency. I wouldn't want to be in the changing room with my daughter and have a 6 year old boy around. JMHO

 

[Mom to Jordan]

Sounds like you have a normal 6 year old little boy. Mom overreacted and not only scared your child but sent the wrong message to the girls. Much better would have been a calm comment adressing the fact that they are all children and asking your son to please wait outside. It however was better that you did not over react too. I would however explain to your son that another adult does not have the right to grab him and he should always tell you if something like that happens. He should also be reminded that if someone grabs him and does not let go or tries to remove him he has the right to kick, hit whatever he needs to do to get away. I KNOW that was not the case but you do not want him to think the mom was justified in removing him physically. I would not try to contact the mom however. Chalk it up to a bad experence and let it go.

Jordan's mom

 

[Schmeck]

One of the boys said to him "go into the girls locker room" he did and a mother of a 3 year old girl drug him out by the arm and yelled "tell your mom what you did" all the other parents and kids were there.

He was drugged? Or do you mean 'dragged'?

 

[grlpwrd]

My son was invited to a boy/girl bday party this past weekend. It was at a local pool. I decided to stay since it didn't look like there was adequate supervision for all of the kids (he's 6). After swimming I changed him in the women's locker room as I do not let him go into restrooms or locker rooms alone. He was playing with other boys in the hall waiting for cake time. One of the boys said to him "go into the girls locker room" he did and a mother of a 3 year old girl drug him out by the arm and yelled "tell your mom what you did" all the other parents and kids were there. He was humiliated while he told me and wanted to go home. I wanted to let her have it with both barrels but restrained because of the kids. After the fact it makes me sick to my stomach that I didn't at least pull her aside and let her know that was unacceptable. I talked to my bil who is a local sheriff and he said it would be considered assault especially if it had left a mark on his arm. He is easily talked into things and I know he shouldn't have done it but he's 6 and the girls were 6 and under. Plus he was just in there to change and there are no doors blocking the entrance. I've thought about calling the mother who's child had the party to try and find out who she is so I can ask her how she would feel if a stranger did that to her child. Am I over reacting? I think that she could have handled it much better, maybe by asking him who is mom was and asking me to go to a discreet area before yelling in front of others.

Sorry this is so long, but it really upset me and is still bugging me days later. I feel I failed my son by not standing up for him and that to me is unacceptable.

What did she mean when as you stated she yelled "tell your mom what you did." If he went in unescorted and actually did something inappropriate or deviant even if he is a little guy then I can see why she reacted the way she did.

Please update us...

 

[The Edgington's]

Why did the other gal mean when as you stated she yelled "tell your mom what you did." If he went in unescorted and actually did something inappropriate or deviant even if he is a little guy then I can see why she reacted the way she did.

Please update us...

Just that he walked in there and it was the girls locker room. He didn't do anything else and there were no adults changing. She got upset he was there and he apologized and turned to leave according to another parent. I know he did something wrong and so does he and we talked about it. I have decided not to try and contact the other parent, thanks for the other point of view. I just think it could have been handled differently.

 

[LauraAnn630]

If someone did that to my son I would not be as cool as you!
I dont think it was a big deal at all! Why is everyone so uptight about there bodies? If you dont want anyone to see you, go in a stall.

I know Im in the minority here. I just think its so funny when people are so modest.

 

[Selket]

Poor little guy - my son is 7 and I can imagine if this happened to him. What if he had just walked in there by accident? Would she have reacted the same way? How did she know he didn't? He was used to going in there with you so perhaps he didn't see it as such a big deal to walk in there by himself.

I think the other mom was completely in the wrong. I think if if I saw a boy come in the women's room I would just have asked if he needed help or was lost. The last thing I'd do is humiliate him in front of everyone.