How would you react if this was your ds?

[phamton]

I completely agree that the other mom shouldn't have grabbed your son's arm and dragged him out. I also understand why mothers often take their young sons into the women's bathroom to change. But this is the problem as I see it:

It is one thing to take your son into the bathroom with strangers and quite another for him to be in the bathroom where girls his age that he knows well are changing clothes. I taught first grade for a number of years and the boys knew never to enter the girls' bathroom. Even though they are still innocent children at that age, a first grade girl would be completely embarrassed if one of her male classmates came into the restroom and saw her while she was changing clothes. Luckily your son went in when there was just one mother and a 3 year old child but if he had entered while one of the other girls from the party was changing clothes, it would have been very embarrassing for her. Can you imagine if I, as a teacher, had all the boys and girls in my classroom change clothes in one bathroom together even though they are still innocent? The authorities would have been called in for that.

If your son is 6 years old and in school already, I am sure he knew he shouldn't be in the girls' bathroom without you. He made a mistake but shouldn't have been grabbed by the arm. If I were in there with my daughter and saw him peeking in, I probably would have just told him to leave as we were changing clothes.

 

[DebIreland]

Many people over react to things these days. My own grandmother was trying to lecture me about being over protective of my older son. He is almost 11 but extremely small and devolopmentally delayed so he is more like a 4 or 5 year old in alot of ways. Granted I do have to watch where I take him into now I still make him go into the womens bathrooms with me if my husband is not there or there is not a family one. I will also take all 3 of my children to fitting rooms with me because I don't like to leave them alone youngest ds is 4 and have 7 year old dd. My grandmothers complaint was about the bathrooms. The womens bathrooms at least all have doors. She really laid into me too and just said I was being paranoid. He had a problem pulling up his pants once at school and got surounded by a bunch of older boys making fun of him and not letting him leave and that was a place where I worked so luckily one of the other boys in there went and got some one but that is suppose to be a safe place. I completely understand why you would be upset with what happened. (Sorry for my own rant guess Ive been holding that into long)

What those older boys did is so sad. I'm sorry your son had to endure that. Some children can be so cruel. You've got to wonder what kind of examples they're getting at home. Thank goodness there was at least one boy who knew it was wrong and went to get help. You are right to want to protect him as much as possible. Try not to let your grandmother's comments get to you - you know your own child best. Hugs for you and your son.

 

[DebIreland]

To the OP:

Please don't feel bad. You didn't fail your son. You obviously love him very much and want to protect him. You got a huge shock - it's very difficult to know exactly what to say or to know exactly how to handle a situation when you are confronted with it out of the blue like that. No doubt when you got home you had just the right words for her. I know that's what happens with me. I think she was absolutely 100% out of line. He's just a little boy. Her behaviour makes me sick. And look at the example she's setting for her daughter? I can understand why it's bugging you but do you really want to have any further dealings with the likes of her? It will only cause you more stress and who needs that?! I hope your son is ok after that ordeal. Thank goodness you were on the premises and right there for him when this happened.

 

[DebIreland]

I know I will probably get flamed here but.....As a mother of 2 girls, ages 6 and 7 I must say I dont want 6 year old boys in the girls locker room. If you dont trust your 6 year boys alone in the boys room, and dont have a male person to take them, then either change in the car, at home or dont go. Why should we who are modest have to deal with anyone of the oposite sex in our locker room. My girls are responsible enough to change themselves and go in a locker room alone (with me right outside). I dont need to worry about boys being in there. I'm embarrassed when we have to change in front of people of the same sex and I think first grade boys are old enough to know that they are different from girls. They dont need an anatomy lesson from me or my daughters. As for all you other tigress' I believe some of you may be over protecting your children. If at the age of 6 they cant dress themselves without getting thier socks wet or thier suit off on thier own maybe they need more tome practicing that and less time swimming. JMHO

Here it is completely normal for moms to bring their little boys into the female changing rooms. It is the safest, most sensible thing to do. Saying that they should change in the car or don't go at all is just plain mean imo. You could flip that coin and say that if you are so modest maybe you should consider changing in the car or staying home but I wouldn't ask anybody to do that, it's ludicrous. Unless management of the pool has a clear policy that little boys are *not* allowed in the female changing area then I'm afraid you really have to just deal with it. As for your last sentence, lots of 6 year old children would still have trouble dressing themselves, they are still learning and their motor skills are still developing - often it's not that they *can't* dress themselves, it's that it takes them a long, long time and they just need a hand (my now 8yo took forever to get dressed until he was around 7). I find it hard to get dressed *myself* sometimes in a pool changing rooms, what with the humidity and pools of water everywhere etc!

 

[Schmeck]

My son was invited to a boy/girl bday party this past weekend. It was at a local pool. I decided to stay since it didn't look like there was adequate supervision for all of the kids (he's 6).

Well, gee, since your son went into the locker room without your supervision, I'd say that you didn't provide adequate supervision yourself for your child. Then, he did something on a dare, got caught, and you're mad.

No, your son shouldn't have been 'drug' out by the arm, but you should have been watching him more closely as well.

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

Well, gee, since your son went into the locker room without your supervision, I'd say that you didn't provide adequate supervision yourself for your child. Then, he did something on a dare, got caught, and you're mad.

No, your son shouldn't have been 'drug' out by the arm, but you should have been watching him more closely as well.

I agree! I say to the OP to get over it and get on with life , both mothers overeacted however both mothers did wrong , the locker room mother shouldn't have took him by the arm and the OP shouldn't have took her eyes off her son and her son shouldn't have went into the locker room on a dare, at 6 he knew it was wrong, also he was out of sight for that amount of time he was in the locker room just think he could have been in the pool with no one watching - think about it! That could have had a much more tragic outcome than embarassment!

 

[beautybelle]

DebIreland: I couldnt possibly agree with you more.

And I have to say that, to me, anybody that says the OP was neglecting to provide "adequate supervision" for her son needs to read again why she was there in the first place.

To Devoted Christian: I would just give anything to have that kind of control, I truly do, because had this been my son, it wouldve been a very different outcome.

 

[Mom to Will and Finn]

I know I will probably get flamed here but.....As a mother of 2 girls, ages 6 and 7 I must say I dont want 6 year old boys in the girls locker room. If you dont trust your 6 year boys alone in the boys room, and dont have a male person to take them, then either change in the car, at home or dont go. Why should we who are modest have to deal with anyone of the oposite sex in our locker room.My girls are responsible enough to change themselves and go in a locker room alone (with me right outside). I dont need to worry about boys being in there. I'm embarrassed when we have to change in front of people of the same sex and I think first grade boys are old enough to know that they are different from girls. They dont need an anatomy lesson from me or my daughters. As for all you other tigress' I believe some of you may be over protecting your children. If at the age of 6 they cant dress themselves without getting thier socks wet or thier suit off on thier own maybe they need more tome practicing that and less time swimming. JMHO

And what about the children who have special needs or have motor skills problems? Are they supposed to just sit at home, too.

It seems to me that this problem could be easily fixed by pools offering stalls in their locker rooms or a small one room locker room like family restrooms, where a father can take his daughter or a mother can take her son.

 

[DebIreland]

He was drugged? Or do you mean 'dragged'?

Oh, it's our resident Disboards editor. I remember your username from a another thread where you criticised a poster's wording of her post title. Thank goodness for the Grammar Police. Where would we be without you.

You knew perfectly well what she meant.

Well, gee, since your son went into the locker room without your supervision, I'd say that you didn't provide adequate supervision yourself for your child. Then, he did something on a dare, got caught, and you're mad. No, your son shouldn't have been 'drug' out by the arm, but you should have been watching him more closely as well.

You think perhaps, considering he was a guest at another child's birthday party, that he was maybe, um, *playing* with the children? Could it possibly be something like that? And maybe his mom was chatting or temporarily doing something else, and not staring at her child every *second*. Pffffft! She *was* at the party and helped him to get dressed and undressed and supervised him in the pool which is a lot more than many parents would do. She did not need to stand two feet from him for every second of every minute of the duration of the party.

Glad you somehow managed to decipher her message in time to give your very "helpful" response. Phew!

 

[39CINDERELLA]

I know I will probably get flamed here but.....As a mother of 2 girls, ages 6 and 7 I must say I dont want 6 year old boys in the girls locker room. If you dont trust your 6 year boys alone in the boys room, and dont have a male person to take them, then either change in the car, at home or dont go. Why should we who are modest have to deal with anyone of the oposite sex in our locker room.My girls are responsible enough to change themselves and go in a locker room alone (with me right outside). I dont need to worry about boys being in there. I'm embarrassed when we have to change in front of people of the same sex and I think first grade boys are old enough to know that they are different from girls. They dont need an anatomy lesson from me or my daughters. As for all you other tigress' I believe some of you may be over protecting your children. If at the age of 6 they cant dress themselves without getting thier socks wet or thier suit off on thier own maybe they need more tome practicing that and less time swimming. JMHO

DO you rmember the story of the young boy who was allowed to go into the restroom at a park with his Aunt right outside who also checked the restroom then the boy was murdered and the perp walked right pass the Aunt! NEVER-NEVER-NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!!!!!!! What is more precious to you? your modesty or your children?

 

[rt2dz]

DO you rmember the story of the young boy who was allowed to go into the restroom at a park with his Aunt right outside who also checked the restroom then the boy was murdered and the perp walked right pass the Aunt! NEVER-NEVER-NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!!!!!!! What is more precious to you? your modesty or your children?

I DO!! That little boy was 9 or 10 years old. And that is exactly why my sons don't go into the men's restrooms/locker rooms alone.

I don't think the OP was wrong in the slightest about taking her son in there. However, I do believe he is old enough to know he could not go in there alone. And that by doing so, he did something wrong--not punishable wrong, but needs to be corrected wrong. Afterall, the root word of 'discipline' is 'disciple', which means "to teach". I also believe the mother of the little girl had every right to be upset--absolutely NONE to touch him though.

But at this point in time (the second she left the party) the best thing became to just let it go. That could set the better example in the long run, which is the best way to not do wrong by your child.

 

[bcarson]

This mother should have never put her hands on this boy period. I doubt he had time to see anything. Anyway besides the point. I think you can bring a boy into a women's bathroom and still up hold modesty. If it were my son and the room was open no curtains. I would cover his eyes until we got in the corner and he was turned around and could not see anything and then hold a towel up for him to change. Because as someone else said it would be embarrasing for both sexes possilbly. My dk's 4 and 6 oppsite sex share a room. But I no longer allow them to change in front of one another. My boy would not go in a bathroom by himself but we would do our best to make everyone comfortable. As far as the posters situation I would let it go at this point.

 

[tazdeb]

DebIreland, Yes I am modest but I am in my changing room. Not the boys. I dont need to change in the car or dont go...I'm in the changing room I belong in. I see little boys 3 years and younger in the womens changing rooms all the time and don't have a problem with it( there too young to know the difference). But at what age do we draw the line? I think age 5 and up.The fact that the other boys were egging him on ("giggle" giggle" some other poster speculated) shows me it wasn't innocent. Boys that age know the difference. If your son is taking to long to change or cant do it, practice at home but I dont think they should be in the womens room at that age.JMHO

 

[tazdeb]

The boy who got killed in the public bathroom was 10 years old. It's tragic, but are you now going to bring your 10 year old boys into the changing rooms with you? I think the seperate stalls for mothers/sons, father/daughters, is a great idea and exceptions must be made for special needs but until that happens the question must be asked. WHAT AGE IS TOO OLD FOR A BOY TO BE IN A GIRLS BATHROOM?

 

[DisneyDotty]

DO you rmember the story of the young boy who was allowed to go into the restroom at a park with his Aunt right outside who also checked the restroom then the boy was murdered and the perp walked right pass the Aunt!

I thought this was an urban legend...

 

[LauraAnn630]

We all have our own opinions. As for me, my son (8yrs old) WILL be going in the ladies bath/locker rooms with me if nessesary.

My best friend told me when I had my first child...


Sometimes you are going to have to do things for your child that is going to PISS someone else off......TO BAD! You have to do whats best for you and your children.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, my son is 5 and at this point,I take him into a family dressing room, use the regular restroom or we don't change. Bathrooms are different--all the other women are in a stall, not standing there naked. And yeah, my DD would be mortified too to have a 6 year old boy come in the dressing room where she was changing from her swimsuit into clothes.

To the OP, obviously you and your son have resolved his responsibilty in the issue adn the way that woman reacted and handled the situation would have made me mad too. She was totally inappropriate. I have had times where I felt like I should have done this or that after the fact and have been upset with myself over it. But that is not doing anyone any good, so you just have to move on.

 

[tazdeb]

Sometimes you have to do things that will piss other people off, TOO BAD? I have a feeling you are one of those "my little angels" mothers. You obviously, will break any rule or disreguard maners or common sense for the betterment of your children. And if other people dont like it, TOO BAD. What a great example your setting for your children.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Sometimes you have to do things that will piss other people off, TOO BAD? I have a feeling you are one of those "my little angels" mothers. You obviously, will break any rule or disreguard maners or common sense for the betterment of your children. And if other people dont like it, TOO BAD. What a great example your setting for your children.

You have an awesome point

 

[Becky2005]

I know I will probably get flamed here but.....As a mother of 2 girls, ages 6 and 7 I must say I dont want 6 year old boys in the girls locker room. If you dont trust your 6 year boys alone in the boys room, and dont have a male person to take them, then either change in the car, at home or dont go. Why should we who are modest have to deal with anyone of the oposite sex in our locker room.

At our local pool there are HUGE signs up saying that boys 6 & over need to use the Men's locker rooms. We also do the just go change at home type thing.