How Would You Help?

[LongLiveRafiki]

Not around here. All of my kids grew up having one and we have one for my grandkids here. (Not the same ones)

My kids stayed on theirs and when the grandkids come over they stay on it now.

These kids come over when the grands are here and enjoy it too which is why we had the thought.

Yeah, the comment about trampolines not being used baffled me a bit too. My kids play everyday on the trampoline in the summer. Neighbor kids have seen them on it and come over to play (after of course getting parental permission). No one has been injured (including in the 20+ years of grands and great-grands on the trampolines at my grandparents). Injuries can happen, but with supervision and clear cut safety rules, they are far less likely to occur.

I still don't think a trampoline would be the best choice in your particular situation, and it seems like you've gone away from that idea anyway, but I just wanted to chime in with support since you seemed to be getting backlash about how terrible trampolines are.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I think the trampoline is out but we are still thinking about what else.

Depending on the ages of the kids, I'd go with some games they can all play together, art supplies (I think you mentioned above), open-ended things like PlayDoh, Legos.

When I've wanted to "bulk up" the look of a Christmas morning tree in the past, I've also added new pillows - not expensive at say, Walmart, but they make the pile look much bigger.

Dave Ramesey is a great suggestion. I will look for one of his books.

Sadly, it sounds like they wouldn't read it. It's hard to comprehend this as a lifestyle. It sounds as if she's slightly more responsible with things she can touch - food and clothes, for instance. Does she really not understand that she's also "buying things" when she pays the bills - important things like power and water? Do you think she grew up this way herself?

 

[Mariearistocat]

I haven't read through this entire thread, but usually homeowner's insurance companies will drop customers with trampolines. I don't know if these people own the home or not, but the homeowner should look at the insurance policy. Anyway, I agree with everyone else who said a trampoline is the last thing this family needs!!!

 

[luvsJack]

Depending on the ages of the kids, I'd go with some games they can all play together, art supplies (I think you mentioned above), open-ended things like PlayDoh, Legos.

When I've wanted to "bulk up" the look of a Christmas morning tree in the past, I've also added new pillows - not expensive at say, Walmart, but they make the pile look much bigger.



Sadly, it sounds like they wouldn't read it. It's hard to comprehend this as a lifestyle. It sounds as if she's slightly more responsible with things she can touch - food and clothes, for instance. Does she really not understand that she's also "buying things" when she pays the bills - important things like power and water? Do you think she grew up this way herself?

Sadly, yes. I think it’s been this way most of her life. We tried to ask if she had family who would help them and she said her dad wouldn’t because he paid for her car and then she got a loan against it to catch up utilities (like a year or so ago) and then couldn’t/didn’t pay the new loan. Her mom lives with her brother because she lost her place to live.

My neighbor says that she has mentioned several places that she has lived and “had to move”. So not sure if that meant evicted or what. And she mentioned not having power at time when she was a kid.

I don’t know about the husband. He is mostly at work.

I get the impression that it’s a matter of not having the money for the bills and expensive clothes, electronics, going out to eat and other things she sees others with/doing and she is choosing to do these things instead of paying whatever she can toward the bills.

It’s like living in a constant state of desperation. And I understand because I have been there. But I made a lot less money at the time and still did whatever I had to to keep the lights on.

My neighbor threw her hands up and had to come over to my house yesterday just to get away. The woman was sitting there planning a vacation for tax time and not accepting their circumstances and that the tax money they get needs to pay bills. My neighbor says this is the biggest reason they have to get out of her house. She doesn’t want to control what they do or even say how they should do it, just would like for them to sit down and figure it out themselves.

 

[morgan98]

Sadly, yes. I think it’s been this way most of her life. We tried to ask if she had family who would help them and she said her dad wouldn’t because he paid for her car and then she got a loan against it to catch up utilities (like a year or so ago) and then couldn’t/didn’t pay the new loan. Her mom lives with her brother because she lost her place to live.

My neighbor says that she has mentioned several places that she has lived and “had to move”. So not sure if that meant evicted or what. And she mentioned not having power at time when she was a kid.

I don’t know about the husband. He is mostly at work.

I get the impression that it’s a matter of not having the money for the bills and expensive clothes, electronics, going out to eat and other things she sees others with/doing and she is choosing to do these things instead of paying whatever she can toward the bills.

It’s like living in a constant state of desperation. And I understand because I have been there. But I made a lot less money at the time and still did whatever I had to to keep the lights on.

My neighbor threw her hands up and had to come over to my house yesterday just to get away. The woman was sitting there planning a vacation for tax time and not accepting their circumstances and that the tax money they get needs to pay bills. My neighbor says this is the biggest reason they have to get out of her house. She doesn’t want to control what they do or even say how they should do it, just would like for them to sit down and figure it out themselves.

Sounds like the mom should get a job! I mean if she has time to plan vacations with the tax refund she hasn't even received.

 

[starry_solo]

At this point, the neighbor needs to kick them out of the house and tell them to go back to their own without water and electricity. It takes months for those utilities to be shut off (not sure what state you are in, but it takes months of no payments and notices for them to shut it off in CA)...well unless they are stealing water in which case it can probably be done fairly quickly.

If you really want to help them, pay the water and/or electricity bill. The landlord will eventually kick them out (there may be different rules on a rent to own scenario but probably not too much because one of the conditions is still making monthly rent payments).

As far as Christmas for the kids, if the parents don't want to utilize the resources to get free Christmas gifts for them, I'll be the Grinch and say "no presents"

 

[dclpluto]

They can’t pay their electric or water but they are planning a vacation. Seems like they need to get their priorities straight.

Do they have a expensive cell phone plan? They shouldn’t have it if they do. They have cheap cell . phones. You just pay for low minutes. something so they will have it for work. No way should the kids have one thou.

I’m guessing they have a cable bill also when They have electric. Another way to cut costs also no need for a house phone or get rid of all cell phones you only need one or the other.

 

[dish rag]

They can’t pay their electric or water but they are planning a vacation. Seems like they need to get their priorities straight.

Do they have a expensive cell phone plan? They shouldn’t have it if they do. They have cheap cell . phones. You just pay for low minutes. something so they will have it for work. No way should the kids have one thou.

I’m guessing they have a cable bill also when They have electric. Another way to cut costs also no need for a house phone or get rid of all cell phones you only need one or the other.

Probably tattooed as well. Smoke and drink alcohol.

 

[wenrob]

Probably tattooed as well. Smoke and drink alcohol.

I’m tattooed and drink and I manage to pay my bills just fine.

 

[dclpluto]

I’m tattooed and drink and I manage to pay my bills just fine.

Most people do pay the bills. But some people can’t or won’t pay their bills but they have money for alcohol or/and cigarettes.

 

[wenrob]

They can’t pay their electric or water but they are planning a vacation. Seems like they need to get their priorities straight.

Do they have a expensive cell phone plan? They shouldn’t have it if they do. They have cheap cell . phones. You just pay for low minutes. something so they will have it for work. No way should the kids have one thou.

I’m guessing they have a cable bill also when They have electric. Another way to cut costs also no need for a house phone or get rid of all cell phones you only need one or the other.

They know this. Do you really think they don’t? I had a neighbor who every year would buy hundreds of dollars worth of illegal fireworks and then complain he couldn’t pay his phone bill. People like this spend first and think later. Trying to dictate what they should do is only going to increase your frustration. It certainly isn’t going to make them change their ways. Refusing to enable is the best thing anyone can do.

 

[luvsJack]

Probably tattooed as well. Smoke and drink alcohol.

Well no I can’t say any of that. If they drink, they only do at their house. Same with smoking.

The husband has a tattoo but one from years ago.

 

[wenrob]

A lot of people do. But some people can’t or won’t pay their bills but they have money for alcohol or/and cigarettes.

It was blatant stereotyping. Plenty of people who are not tattooed, don’t drink or smoke don’t know how to pay their bills. Plenty of people who are tattooed, drink and smoke know how. One does not equate the other.

 

[luvsJack]

They can’t pay their electric or water but they are planning a vacation. Seems like they need to get their priorities straight.

Do they have a expensive cell phone plan? They shouldn’t have it if they do. They have cheap cell . phones. You just pay for low minutes. something so they will have it for work. No way should the kids have one thou.

I’m guessing they have a cable bill also when They have electric. Another way to cut costs also no need for a house phone or get rid of all cell phones you only need one or the other.

Probably on the phone and cable but I don’t honestly know.

 

[SC Minnie]

How old are the kids? If you are intent on getting the kids something for Christmas then get them some gifts they can play with.

TBH I wouldn't pay their bills or give them money. They are going to be in the same situation in a few months when the utilities get cut off again. They will continue this cycle as long as people bail them out. Sounds like the H has a job but they are spending beyond his paycheck because someone else will take care of the necessities.

 

[luvsJack]

Sounds like the mom should get a job! I mean if she has time to plan vacations with the tax refund she hasn't even received.

She works at night. He works long hours, comes back and takes her to work in the afternoon and then goes back to work himself.

 

[luvsJack]

How old are the kids? If you are intent on getting the kids something for Christmas then get them some gifts they can play with.

TBH I wouldn't pay their bills or give them money. They are going to be in the same situation in a few months when the utilities get cut off again. They will continue this cycle as long as people bail them out. Sounds like the H has a job but they are spending beyond his paycheck because someone else will take care of the necessities.

They range from 6-10.

Yeah that is our thought process. Even if we spend the amount of a bill, we don’t feel that paying a bill is going to help them more than 30 days, if that long.

 

[ronandannette]

...As far as Christmas for the kids, if the parents don't want to utilize the resources to get free Christmas gifts for them, I'll be the Grinch and say "no presents"

Based on everything we've read in this thread, I'd be willing to bet the parents have already bought presents - "having Christmas" is probably where the money for the utilities went. It sounds like a chronic case of the parents just refusing to correctly prioritize their spending. Going out to eat and going on vacations are things responsible people do after they have paid their utility bills, not instead of paying them. They know what they're doing and they clearly know the consequences, since it apparently happens often.

@luvsJack , when it comes to giving, there's a point at which you have to decide what your actual goals are. If you feel like this family is a "mission" of some sort and you plan to walk with them for the long-haul, then there's a different level of onus on you to really figure out what would be truly helpful in steering them onto the right path versus just enabling the pattern. OTOH, if this is just a situation you've caught a glimpse of and you feel compassion for the kids, just buy them a nice gift or two (not a trampoline, no offence but that's a dumb idea), invite them in for a festive meal over the season and back slowly away.

ETA: Who watches the kids while they're both at work all the time? Just curious...

 

[Wishing on a star]

I haven't had, or taken, the time to read thru all of the posts here, because, the first post says it all.

There are ways to help others.... But, it should not always be personal 'giving'.
I am sure that there are probably public agencies, charities, churches in your area.

If you can identify those that will provide assistance to families like this... Support that organization... Not 'buy an expensive and visible gift'.

If this family actually does not qualify for this kind of assistance, then, well.... HOUSTON... We have a problem.

And, the old adage comes to mind... Actually two of them.
You can't help those who won't help themselves.
And, as far as an expensive holiday gift... Don't cast pearls before swine. (Not that I am calling anyone 'swine'... but the message is there)

These situations are just SO difficult to see, and you want to 'help'.
Heartbreaking...
It is HARD!!!

But, remember, giving should be about helping others feel better, not feeling better about oneself.

 

[dish rag]

It was blatant stereotyping. Plenty of people who are not tattooed, don’t drink or smoke don’t know how to pay their bills. Plenty of people who are tattooed, drink and smoke know how. One does not equate the other.

From what I have noticed, most people who are poor, or working poor, smoke , drink and have tattoos. Yes, there are NBA players making $20 million a year that look like walking bill boards. And some of those go bankrupt, some don't.