how would you handle this ?

[Scurvy]

OMG! I can't believe we all forgot to new rule this thread!

SaraJayne didn't forget - she quoted the OP on post 36 of the thread! Good job, SaraJayne!

 

[Cinderella94]

SaraJayne didn't forget - she quoted the OP on post 36 of the thread! Good job, SaraJayne!

Oh good!

 

[xJenna]

Speaking as a teenager (just turned 19 in Sept.) whose parents are still married, that grew up in a suburban community, always had decent grades, and has never been in trouble, I would rebel against these rules. I haven't been able to read the entire thread because of a lack of time, but these rules are wayyyyyy too much.

In my town not much happened after 10 except drinking and parties as well. But me and my friends found other fun things to do and my parents trusted me enough to be out late. You're not even giving this girl a chance, you're absolutely suffocating her. If I were your SD and I read this post, I would certainly not feel welcome. My parents never had a set bedtime for me from middle school on. I learned on my own to go to bed at a reasonable hour when I started feeling exhausted every day. I never really had a curfew. I would go to a friends house watch a movie, play a game, etc. and get tired and go home around 11/11:30. Living with a cell phone and then suddenly not having one would be hell. That's torture for a teen. Plain and simple. The only thing I get out of this is that you do not trust this girl. Has she lied, yes. Find me a teenager that hasn't. You have to give her a chance to earn your trust, and then when she does something you disapprove of give her consequences. You're just assuming up front that everything she says and does is going to be bad. Poor girl.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

It is nice to hear a teenager's voice added into the mix. This reminds me of a scene from the West Wing. The president's priest was there with him while he had to make a hard decision about the death penalty. The priest said:

You remind me of the man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town, and that the all the residents should evacuate their homes. But the man said, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." The waters rose up. A guy in a rowboat came along and he shouted, "Hey, hey you, you in there. The town is flooding. Let me take you to safety." But the man shouted back, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." A helicopter was hovering overhead and a guy with a megaphone shouted, "Hey you, you down there. The town is flooding. Let me drop this ladder and I'll take you to safety." But the man shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God will take him to safety. Well... the man drowned. And standing at the gates of St. Peter he demanded an audience with God. "Lord," he said, "I'm a religious man, I pray, I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?" God said, "I sent you a radio report, a helicopter and a guy in a rowboat. What the hell are you doing here?"

The OP has now heard from teenagers, step-parents, parents who have been through similar situations and parents who consider themselves strict. Yet, she still can not see the truth that is in front of her. I guess my question is: what the hell are you doing here?

 

[vickyBaby]

Unfortunately pyrxtc the revisionist is deleting all her posts. I believe she said something about an exchange student not having a problem with her rules?

I have a student staying with me fromanother country. It is just for a few weeks but he thinks my rules are outrageous and that we are too strict. he went to spend the night with another student from his home country and that family he said had no rules at all. I'm sure he is exaggerating but still. I think our rules are fair for someone his age. he will be 17 in October.

http://www.www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1213048&highlight=pyrxtc

She has blamed her step daughter for ruining her Christmas and vacations in the past because she cost the family money (unfortunately, pyrxtc the revisionist deleted those posts).

Those spots on the leopard never change.

I told pyrxtc in 2007 how I felt about her and the way she treated that poor child. My original statement still stands! (and she said she was getting me banned for it).

I'm still here!

Prayers go out for that poor child who will have to endure the life of an indentured servant.

 

[Cinderella94]

Unfortunately pyrxtc the revisionist is deleting all her posts.

This is all so very sad.

 

[Maus]

I think op has a little issue with the truth in general. Reading her block (very selfcentered) she mentiones completely different vacation plans than in her signature.
When it comes to teenagers I think it is not an easy time, not for the parents neither for the teenager. But confronting a 16 year old with that kind of rules and not even being her parent makes it look like the op has no compassion for her. Will she be includet in the Disneyworld vacation, since op is planning so many of them and has she joined in the past. Op's husband has allways been her father, no? Or is she only welcome to participate in the family outings op wants her to be in? If she cannot drive her car and has so many set of rules why isn't is important to op that she does not have to work and would be able to fully concentrate on her education. Since she is supposed to work so many hours that she will not have any time left to see her mom.
Reminds me very much of the Cinderella story or Snow White, but again, op claims to be a Disney addict. I wonder if that was what Walt had in mind ....

 

[pyrxtc]

I forgot the number 1 rule of posting anything on the DIS. Only post it if everyone agrees with you, if you do not change your ind to their way of thinking, then you are wrong. if it is any way that can be construed as controversial then be ready with some popcorn. And posters on this board like to start things in threads of which they know nothing about. No matter how much you explain or say things in your post, unless you say it 50 ways til Wednesday, they cannot read it or see it because you are wrong. No matter what I say or explain behind it, it will be turned on me. There are those who will think what they want and their minds will not be changed.I will keep my posts about my children to myself and on the parenting board I am on and with my friends. I just did not talk to them about this since we have not told everyone about this happening and won't until she is here with the court papers to back it up.

So I vent about things going on in my life twice in 3 yrs and I am an awful parent. Thanks for the laughs and advice, whether I take it or not is up to DH and me. Did you really think I'd be posting about how you are all right (not) and I am wrong .... Don't think so !

 

[marlynnp]

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!
Sir Walter Scott, Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17.

 

[DWGal210]

Not me. I just happen to love and respect children. I have watched one too many news story about unwanted children.

PLEASE tell me I read the OP's post incorrectly. Is she really asking is any of us have ever hated step kids? Good lord.....

OP, I have been told by doctors I cannot have kids. I would gladly raise this poor child for the next 2 years. Makes me sick to my stomach......

 

[bluesaturn]

You are better off just letting this kid move in with a friend and wait out the remaining high school years. It would probably even be better to get her apartment somewhere and let her live there alone. Even if she gets in a little trouble she'll be better off than the psychological trauma that is inevitably going to come from being seriously unwanted.

 

[marlynnp]

I forgot the number 1 rule of posting anything on the DIS. Only post it if everyone agrees with you, if you do not change your ind to their way of thinking, then you are wrong. if it is any way that can be construed as controversial then be ready with some popcorn. And posters on this board like to start things in threads of which they know nothing about. No matter how much you explain or say things in your post, unless you say it 50 ways til Wednesday, they cannot read it or see it because you are wrong. No matter what I say or explain behind it, it will be turned on me. There are those who will think what they want and their minds will not be changed.I will keep my posts about my children to myself and on the parenting board I am on and with my friends. I just did not talk to them about this since we have not told everyone about this happening and won't until she is here with the court papers to back it up.

So I vent about things going on in my life twice in 3 yrs and I am an awful parent. Thanks for the laughs and advice, whether I take it or not is up to DH and me. Did you really think I'd be posting about how you are all right (not) and I am wrong .... Don't think so !

for later...

 

[Cinderella94]

I forgot the number 1 rule of posting anything on the DIS. Only post it if everyone agrees with you, if you do not change your ind to their way of thinking, then you are wrong. if it is any way that can be construed as controversial then be ready with some popcorn. And posters on this board like to start things in threads of which they know nothing about. No matter how much you explain or say things in your post, unless you say it 50 ways til Wednesday, they cannot read it or see it because you are wrong. No matter what I say or explain behind it, it will be turned on me. There are those who will think what they want and their minds will not be changed.I will keep my posts about my children to myself and on the parenting board I am on and with my friends. I just did not talk to them about this since we have not told everyone about this happening and won't until she is here with the court papers to back it up.

So I vent about things going on in my life twice in 3 yrs and I am an awful parent. Thanks for the laughs and advice, whether I take it or not is up to DH and me. Did you really think I'd be posting about how you are all right (not) and I am wrong .... Don't think so !

No one got mad at you because you didn't say "you're all right and I was wrong." We're just confused about why you started the thread in the first place since every single reply you gave was closed minded and you even stated that people tell you how great of a parent you are to begin with.

 

[pyrxtc]

PLEASE tell me I read the OP's post incorrectly. Is she really asking is any of us have ever hated step kids? Good lord.....

OP, I have been told by doctors I cannot have kids. I would gladly raise this poor child for the next 2 years. Makes me sick to my stomach......

I was talking about the person I quoted directly.

 

[DWGal210]

And OP, it's not about everyone against you.....you asked for opinions, we offered them but you didn't get the affirmation you were looking for, so you're upset. It's hard to get the real answer from you but that's neither here nor there.

 

[RachaelA]

She would have more freedom at boarding school. Half of my high school was a boarding school. My friends that were dormers had more freedom then the OP's stepdaughter will!

When my friends were 16 in the dorms, they came and went when they pleased during the week as long as they signed in and out. They need to be back by 10pm and had to be in their rooms by 11pm.
Weekends they had to be back by midnight or signed out (with parental consent) for the weekend to a friend's house (of the same sex). They could have cell phones and computers in their rooms without supervision.

Boarding school would definitely be better!

 

[LiberalPrincess]

I forgot the number 1 rule of posting anything on the DIS. Only post it if everyone agrees with you, if you do not change your ind to their way of thinking, then you are wrong. if it is any way that can be construed as controversial then be ready with some popcorn. And posters on this board like to start things in threads of which they know nothing about. No matter how much you explain or say things in your post, unless you say it 50 ways til Wednesday, they cannot read it or see it because you are wrong. No matter what I say or explain behind it, it will be turned on me. There are those who will think what they want and their minds will not be changed.I will keep my posts about my children to myself and on the parenting board I am on and with my friends. I just did not talk to them about this since we have not told everyone about this happening and won't until she is here with the court papers to back it up.

So I vent about things going on in my life twice in 3 yrs and I am an awful parent. Thanks for the laughs and advice, whether I take it or not is up to DH and me. Did you really think I'd be posting about how you are all right (not) and I am wrong .... Don't think so !

I call poppycock. This was not supposed to be a vent, I thought it was a what would you do thread? Or were you lying about that as well? You don't care what others would do, that is clear. If you don't want to hear the answers, don't ask the question. I find your attitude towards your stepdaughter as sad as anything I have seen on this board. Resent the mom all you want, but to blame the child? Shame on you. And complaining about the mom's money input after everything you have shared about your deadbeat ex? Simply crazy. It is the same as blaming your own daughter for her dad's behavior. But, we all know that would never happen. So, why open game on another good kid? Shame on you.

 

[TinkPinkPoem]

She would have more freedom at boarding school. Half of my high school was a boarding school. My friends that were dormers had more freedom then the OP's stepdaughter will!

When my friends were 16 in the dorms, they came and went when they pleased during the week as long as they signed in and out. They need to be back by 10pm and had to be in their rooms by 11pm.
Weekends they had to be back by midnight or signed out (with parental consent) for the weekend to a friend's house (of the same sex). They could have cell phones and computers in their rooms without supervision.

Boarding school would definitely be better!

I would guess boarding school=money?

At least she won't need a car...?

 

[Scurvy]

I forgot the number 1 rule of posting anything on the DIS. Only post it if everyone agrees with you, if you do not change your ind to their way of thinking, then you are wrong. if it is any way that can be construed as controversial then be ready with some popcorn. And posters on this board like to start things in threads of which they know nothing about. No matter how much you explain or say things in your post, unless you say it 50 ways til Wednesday, they cannot read it or see it because you are wrong. No matter what I say or explain behind it, it will be turned on me. There are those who will think what they want and their minds will not be changed.I will keep my posts about my children to myself and on the parenting board I am on and with my friends. I just did not talk to them about this since we have not told everyone about this happening and won't until she is here with the court papers to back it up.

So I vent about things going on in my life twice in 3 yrs and I am an awful parent. Thanks for the laughs and advice, whether I take it or not is up to DH and me. Did you really think I'd be posting about how you are all right (not) and I am wrong .... Don't think so !

So . . . you post to ask how other people would handle your situation, and when not one person agrees with the way you're handling it that doesn't make you think you ought to reevaluate things? Why bother posting then? There are people agreeing with each other on this thread who would disagree over anything - if one said the sky was blue the other would swear it was red - and that doesn't tell you anything? No one here has anything to gain by getting you to relax the rules for your step daughter. I hope you are just embarrassed that everyone on here disagreed with you and you don't really intend to micromanage the poor girl as much as you've said you are going to.

 

[AshleyW]

I forgot the number 1 rule of posting anything on the DIS. Only post it if everyone agrees with you, if you do not change your ind to their way of thinking, then you are wrong. if it is any way that can be construed as controversial then be ready with some popcorn. And posters on this board like to start things in threads of which they know nothing about. No matter how much you explain or say things in your post, unless you say it 50 ways til Wednesday, they cannot read it or see it because you are wrong. No matter what I say or explain behind it, it will be turned on me. There are those who will think what they want and their minds will not be changed.I will keep my posts about my children to myself and on the parenting board I am on and with my friends. I just did not talk to them about this since we have not told everyone about this happening and won't until she is here with the court papers to back it up.

So I vent about things going on in my life twice in 3 yrs and I am an awful parent. Thanks for the laughs and advice, whether I take it or not is up to DH and me. Did you really think I'd be posting about how you are all right (not) and I am wrong .... Don't think so !

Regarding the bolded .. yeah, apparently.

The problem here is... it's not that just SOME people don't agree with you, OP, it's that 30-some PAGES worth of people don't agree with you, and yet you don't even bat an eyelash. It's fascinating, really.