how would you handle this ?

[NHdisneylover]

Wow- I never would have thought of that.

Looks like there has been a misunderstanding about parking.

Can you please look at how I edited my post and do the same to the quote (just take out that stuff--you do not have to add in the explanation)? I really wasn't thining and hate to have that out there and possibly compromise the OPs privacy. Thanks

 

[Mermaid02]

Can you please look at how I edited my post and do the same to the quote (just take out that stuff--you do not have to add in the explanation)? I really wasn't thining and hate to have that out there and possibly compromise the OPs privacy. Thanks

Done!

 

[Angelhalo]

First, she is 16, she doesn't need a bedtime and certainly not 10:30 on a weekend Second, like you said, there are a LOT of changes in her life and the only constant she has right now are her friends-keeping in mind that 16 year old girls are VERY social and will have no friends in her new school (unless she is still going to her old school). I don't see why she couldn't go somewhere for Halloween-it isn't like it happens every weekend. I would let her go but tell her she needs to by home by 11:00. I would also compromise and let her go back every other weekend to start. Eventually the length of the trip and meeting new friends will kill her desire to go back to see everyone all the time. I would also add her to your cell phone plan so she can keep in touch with her old friend AND so she has a cell phone for those long drives. I would also install Skype so she can chat with her friends. Honestly, it sounds more like a prison sentence then a home from your posts.

As far as breakfast goes, maybe she just isn't hungry for breakfast. I can't eat right away when I get up and our DS18 is the same way.

I completely agree with everything you said. The OP's expectations seem wayyyyy too harsh for a 16 year old.

 

[hentob]

someone had a horrible step-mother...... didn't they ?? Or has a step-child they hate ??

Not me. I just happen to love and respect children. I have watched one too many news story about unwanted children.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Done!

Thanks I'll be able to sleep now (it is 11:40--waaaaaay past my bedtime, right OP)

OP--you should probably edit out the explanation from where you quoted me too.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

it does not mean that she has not been deceitful and lied thru her teether many times.

Op, the tone many of your posts take when talking about your stepdaughter is not very loving. I think this is what bothers most of the people on this thread.

 

[DWGal210]

She lied. She wants to punish the step daughter b/c she HATES her mother.

She also lied about the cell phone service. In the past, she has taken the cell away from the DSD so she could not call her mother. So, seems like the reception is fine up there.

Good Lord....that search function is a doozy, huh? And WTH about her lying?! They're kids - they ALL
lie at some point. Any kid who says they don't is pulling your leg.

 

[Uuaww]

Why not just send her to a boarding school for 2 years? then you don't have to worry about it? I mean, she is likely to be miserable at your place. You and your husband obviously don't want to raise her, so a boarding school might not be a bad idea. It could be a great way for her to get on track for college, she will make new friends and you will only have to see her on holidays which I am sure you do already.

 

[Scurvy]

OP, I assume you have only the best intentions and that you believe this is how your step daughter would be living if she had grown up as a part of your household. I have doubts that it really would have worked out that way, since as others have pointed out there are usually some major changes in the way you parent a 16 year old versus a 13 year old. I suspect if she'd grown up with you, you would have made adjustments as she aged and she would have more freedom now than you are intending to give her. But that doesn't really matter, because she did not grow up in your household. Taking a teen who is accustomed to having freedom and expecting her to adapt to the micromanaging that you intend to impliment is a recipe for disaster. You are setting her up for failure.

I hope that you will reconsider forcing her to abide by all these rules, because as others have pointed out all you are going to do is push her to try to get out of your household at her earliest opportunity, and surely that isn't what you want. You need to learn to pick your battles. Fighting her over bedtimes is ridiculous for someone her age unless she's shown herself to be unable to function because of lack of sleep. Cutting her off from all her friends isn't going to serve any purpose but to make her miserable. At her age, she knows if she functions better with or without breakfast. Most of your rules are far too strict for someone who could be living on her own within two years.

I imagine you are determined to insist on all these rules because you want the best for your step daughter. Unfortunately, they are almost guaranteed to have the opposite effect. She will almost certainly feel forced to rebel, and will likely become more of a behavior problem than she otherwise would without all these rules. I do hope you will reconsider.

 

[pyrxtc]

Can you please look at how I edited my post and do the same to the quote (just take out that stuff--you do not have to add in the explanation)? I really wasn't thining and hate to have that out there and possibly compromise the OPs privacy. Thanks

Thank you !

 

[pyrxtc]

Done!

and thank you too.

 

[Mermaid02]

and thank you too.

You're welcome.

 

[pyrxtc]

OP- are any of those cute kids in your signature her? They are all look very sweet!

At this point, I am honestly afraid to answer this.

 

[postage stamp]

At this point, I am honestly afraid to answer this.

Well that's your answer right there!

 

[Mermaid02]

At this point, I am honestly afraid to answer this.

Well, it really doesn't matter, they all look very sweet.

 

[Cinderella94]

OMG! I can't believe we all forgot to new rule this thread!

 

[luvmy3]

First of all I'd like to say to the OP that I respect that you keep coming back to this thread, there have been many who have YAGE'd on theirs when they got too intense. Having said that, it is amazing that in my few years her I have never seen a thread where 99.9% of the posters were in agreement and the OP still didn't at least see things in a different light and take to heart that what we are saying just may make sense.
I do wish you the best, but my heart goes out to your SD because I don't think she is going to have an easy road ahead of her, and she needs support now, not high authority.

 

[Mermaid02]

OP- I really wish (and I mean this kindly and sincerely) that you would consider taking a softer stance with your stepdaughter. As hard as this will be on you, your dh and your children- it will be 100% harder for your step daughter. Read over some responses here and think about it.

 

[mickeywho?]

To answer your original question OP - this....

OP, I assume you have only the best intentions and that you believe this is how your step daughter would be living if she had grown up as a part of your household. I have doubts that it really would have worked out that way, since as others have pointed out there are usually some major changes in the way you parent a 16 year old versus a 13 year old. I suspect if she'd grown up with you, you would have made adjustments as she aged and she would have more freedom now than you are intending to give her. But that doesn't really matter, because she did not grow up in your household. Taking a teen who is accustomed to having freedom and expecting her to adapt to the micromanaging that you intend to impliment is a recipe for disaster. You are setting her up for failure.

I hope that you will reconsider forcing her to abide by all these rules, because as others have pointed out all you are going to do is push her to try to get out of your household at her earliest opportunity, and surely that isn't what you want. You need to learn to pick your battles. Fighting her over bedtimes is ridiculous for someone her age unless she's shown herself to be unable to function because of lack of sleep. Cutting her off from all her friends isn't going to serve any purpose but to make her miserable. At her age, she knows if she functions better with or without breakfast. Most of your rules are far too strict for someone who could be living on her own within two years.

I imagine you are determined to insist on all these rules because you want the best for your step daughter. Unfortunately, they are almost guaranteed to have the opposite effect. She will almost certainly feel forced to rebel, and will likely become more of a behavior problem than she otherwise would without all these rules. I do hope you will reconsider.

My mother was very controlling and strict just like you OP. She often said it came from love. But I was miserable in that house (at times suicidal) and could not wait to get out. I never thanked her for it as she always said I would...and we don't have a relationship to this day. You don't need to be her BFF but you shouldn't be her prison warden either.

 

[punkin]

Why not just send her to a boarding school for 2 years? then you don't have to worry about it? I mean, she is likely to be miserable at your place. You and your husband obviously don't want to raise her, so a boarding school might not be a bad idea. It could be a great way for her to get on track for college, she will make new friends and you will only have to see her on holidays which I am sure you do already.

I actually LOVE this idea. A good boarding school will provide the structure OP feels this child needs while getting her out of this terrible situation where no one seems to want her.