How Was Bullying Handled At Your Child's School?

[brockash]

Lots of folks here, educators included. I'm curious how your school systems handle serious bullying.

We have a situation at a local elementary school that is escalating as the bully ages. He has broken a child's bone, called children with disabilities horrid names, pulled off jewelry, shoved, punched, knocked down. All with witnesses. And each time, administrators, including the board, aren't doing anything.

The principal/teachers are saying boys will be boys and are not removing the child. Our community is discussing it and many educators are coming on and saying their hands are tied.

When my child was young, we had a boy in our class who was a behavioral difficulty. (I don't think that's a word). His family was famous and even though he was a terror in the class. Nothing was ever done.

So I'm wondering what you have seen happen. Was the bully ever truly dealt with successfully? What can be done to protect the other kids? Has anyone ever filed an assault charge?

Again, this isn't heresay, we're talking bruises, broken bone, knocked down and punched. All with witnesses including adults. The bully is still in class and continuing his behavior.

Does anyone know exactly how educators' hands are tied?

I truly feel if this is. something ongoing that yes, you should call the police. Unfortunately, generally speaking the schools hands are tied, especially if it's a public school, as they are required to provide a education to all students. I have worked in schools for many years and it's generally a kid and family issue when it's ongoing. If they have a family who doesn't care or. who also behave badly, there is really not much. at all they can do. Get law enforcement involved, and deal with it as a personal matter.

 

[Robbie Cottam]

Fining ANY public agency is a waste of time. It's not their money, it's the taxpayers. Like I posted above, the Public District I live in pays the tuition of problem students they expelled in private schools.

Yes, that is and that needs to change
qualified immunity need to be rewritten

forget fining them, hold the staff personally, criminally responsible

 

[goofyernmost]

It wasn't handled by the schools. We took care of it ourselves. It's amazing how quickly you can make a bully see the error of his or her ways. To use a word from today... they are all very tender snowflakes.

 

[Robbie Cottam]

It wasn't handled by the schools. We took care of it ourselves. It's amazing how quickly you can make a bully see the error of his or her ways. To use a word from today... they are all very tender snowflakes.

cease and desist, restraining order, or a mob style beat down?

 

[tvguy]

cease and desist, restraining order, or a mob style beat down?

In my case, a kid at school threatened to knock my teeth out. I told my mom. My mom was not very tolerant of that kind of behavior and saw the kid and asked him if he wanted to knock her teeth out too? Never had an issue after that.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I truly feel if this is. something ongoing that yes, you should call the police. Unfortunately, generally speaking the schools hands are tied, especially if it's a public school, as they are required to provide a education to all students. I have worked in schools for many years and it's generally a kid and family issue when it's ongoing. If they have a family who doesn't care or. who also behave badly, there is really not much. at all they can do. Get law enforcement involved, and deal with it as a personal matter.

Hopefully not ongoing as it was posted 4 years ago,

 

[Robbie Cottam]

In my case, a kid at school threatened to knock my teeth out. I told my mom. My mom was not very tolerant of that kind of behavior and saw the kid and asked him if he wanted to knock her teeth out too? Never had an issue after that.

It funny how most bullies are chumps

 

[mefordis]

YES. This boy is telling this kid to kill himself.

I think the bully policy (in my state) for punishment is much more extreme than in the past - to the point where administrators do not want to address it. They don't even like people using the word "bully" because once they do report someone they must follow the steps required, which include a lot of steps including expulsion.

Back when I was a kid it was glossed over.

 

[goofyernmost]

cease and desist, restraining order, or a mob style beat down?

Pretty much a combination of all of those things.

I think the bully policy (in my state) for punishment is much more extreme than in the past - to the point where administrators do not want to address it. They don't even like people using the word "bully" because once they do report someone they must follow the steps required, which include a lot of steps including expulsion.

Back when I was a kid it was glossed over.

It is different now in more ways than one. Our parents did not tolerate bullies and therefore neither did we. We took the situation into our own hands and/or joined forces with someone that was unable to fight back, verbally or physically. We didn't report it because it was a simple part of life the we took care of ourselves. We all survived and most did well with a minimum of scares and the confidence that we could take care of ourselves if need be. Today's crap is much worse because todays adults are weak and can only use intimidation as their weapon.

 

[NotUrsula]

Pretty much a combination of all of those things.

It is different now in more ways than one. Our parents did not tolerate bullies and therefore neither did we. We took the situation into our own hands and/or joined forces with someone that was unable to fight back, verbally or physically. We didn't report it because it was a simple part of life the we took care of ourselves. We all survived and most did well with a minimum of scares and the confidence that we could take care of ourselves if need be. Today's crap is much worse because todays adults are weak and can only use intimidation as their weapon.

Eh, not that new. I'm old enough for Social Security, and the rule in my schools was that ALL participants of a fight were punished equally, up to and including expulsion if the injuries were serious enough. Only the truly desperate physically fought back because the punishment was too great (cold revenge via public humiliation was a popular alternate option.)

What often tended to happen, at least with younger kids, was that victim's father would challenge the bully's father about it, and the bully then ended up getting the crap beat out of him by his own dad (which, of course, sometimes made it worse.) High school kids would fight back at times, but it had to be done off-campus if the victim wanted to keep a clean record at school.

Teachers very seldom got involved in resolving bullying situations, but IME, they did often aid and abet bullying against students that they considered annoying.

 

[goofyernmost]

Eh, not that new. I'm old enough for Social Security, and the rule in my schools was that ALL participants of a fight were punished equally, up to and including expulsion if the injuries were serious enough. Only the truly desperate physically fought back because the punishment was too great (cold revenge via public humiliation was a popular alternate option.)

What often tended to happen, at least with younger kids, was that victim's father would challenge the bully's father about it, and the bully then ended up getting the crap beat out of him by his own dad (which, of course, sometimes made it worse.) High school kids would fight back at times, but it had to be done off-campus if the victim wanted to keep a clean record at school.

Teachers very seldom got involved in resolving bullying situations, but IME, they did often aid and abet bullying against students that they considered annoying.

I never said when and where the corrections were made. Vocal might have been on campus, but if anything else was necessary, which it usually wasn't, happened elsewhere.

 

[NotUrsula]

This is how both of my kids are. They are "high functioning autistic" and partially mainstreamed, and mostly present as odd/weird, but look completely "normal." One has speech issues that make him sound MUCH younger than his age (he is 12 and sounds like a toddler). Kids like mine are ROUTINELY bullied mercilessly. I am a member of several online autism groups and the stories I hear are just heartbreaking. This is the kind of thing that doesn't happen (or hasn't happened) to my kids, ever, at school. I don't think it is the norm everywhere that kids with disabilities are protected. Maybe the kids with obvious issues like Downs or CP, but not most kids with autism. They are routinely bullied right to the point that their parents pull them out and homeschool them to protect them. It happens SO MUCH.

Happened to mine. He's very high-functioning, and was never given any special services or classes of any kind, except that we hired a teacher from a private LD school to tutor him on work management so that he could manage to organize his schoolwork. He has the usual small quirks of the Aspie: doesn't make eye contact, doesn't differentiate tone of voice, very picky about what he eats and about his surroundings and clothing. He did well in school, but was so crushingly lonely, because when he was young he took every kindness too seriously, and had been slammed too many times to count by the time he got to high school. He used to walk home from school in middle school, and once a group of 3 boys decided to jump him for kicks on the way home. They foolishly chose to do it within sight of the parents in the pickup line, and they got caught and punished. Predictably, that made things MUCH worse, and the bullying escalated. The older he got, the more he isolated himself as a protective mechanism. He's nearly 30 now, a college graduate and employed, and to this day has not one single friend.

 

[sk!mom]

I just started my 31st year of teaching in December (was hired a week before winter break here). What I can tell you about many of the students who bully their parents refuse to accept that their child is the bully and not the target. Two cases from this year:

Student 1- Continually making comments to students and staff that were highly inappropriate and was told multiple times to stop. Once he was told to stop, the behavior is now considered harassment (bullying) and he was given detentions, ISS and OSS. Behavior did not change because mom refused to acknowledge and believe her son was the instigator and not the target. I have not sent a student out of my room for behavior in at least 10 years. First week of school I sent him out for pushing a student and making comments. The physical contact and the fact that I sent him out was enough for a 3 day OSS. He comes back and the behaviors escalate in the hallways and classrooms. We went for expulsion in November and his mom fought it. We won anyway.

Student 2- Friends with student #1. Same behaviors but physical interactions with other students was worse. He would only harass or harm another student when there was no adult was around or when in a location there was no security camera. A new camera was installed and he was caught. Mom insisted we edited the video to make it look like it was her son's fault. She threatened teachers, called us names, and accused us of setting up her son. The final straw was when he punched another student and those parents had the SRO issue a ticket. Mom came storming up to the school parked behind our principal's truck, and refused to let him leave to go get his ill daughter. Police were called and she was arrested. In the mean time we were put on lockout because of her threats.

Parents enable their kids' behavior way too much. It's never their child's fault. This is the biggest problem with harassment and physical violence in the schools. Our hands are tied in many ways and while we want to solve the issue of harassment, many times it is way more difficult than just handing out a punishment.

Almost of the time in my experience. Bullies raise bullies and here we are.

 

[shh]

Almost of the time in my experience. Bullies raise bullies and here we are.

Yup. But I don't understand why a bullied child and his parents can't file a civil suit against the bully's parents/legal guardians using the sleaziest ambulance-chasing lawyer one can find. Parents are legally responsible for all injury/suffering/damage done by their minor.

Take these low life dirtbags to court and hit 'em where it hurts - their pocketbook. Especially in middle/upper income areas where many have money to blow on fancy cars and vacations.

In a country where you can sue for a cup of coffee spilling or other liability issues, seems you should be able to sue for physical and psychological damage resulting from a parent not responsibly supervising their sick, disturbed offspring.

 

[sk!mom]

Yup. But I don't understand why a bullied child and his parents can't file a civil suit against the bully's parents/legal guardians using the sleaziest ambulance-chasing lawyer one can find. Parents are legally responsible for all injury/suffering/damage done by their minor.

Take these low life dirtbags to court and hit 'em where it hurts - their pocketbook. Especially in middle/upper income areas where many have money to blow on fancy cars and vacations.

In a country where you can sue for a cup of coffee spilling or other liability issues, seems you should be able to sue for physical and psychological damage resulting from a parent not responsibly supervising their sick, disturbed offspring.

I am in favor of parents filing charges, seeking a restraining order if it’s ongoing, and seeking legal recourse if there is an injury. I would.

 

[tony67]

Well back in the olden days it was pretty much ignored even though they fully knew what was going on.

More than one occasion they pretty much defended the bully and blamed the target.

One of the reasons I did not send my kid to the same public school I went to even though it was a struggle to pay for a private school. At that public school these days some of the teachers are bullied, see a few stories a year on local tv, so even though I did not agree with much of the agenda of the private school it was probably worth it overall. This is in a pretty well off suburb so its not like its in an area that has other issues.

As long as you have the receipts most local police departments have an officer who deal with these things specifically.
One benefit of phones, texts and facebook etc... you can get the receipts.