How to Polietly Say....

[ThreeMusketeers]

Please bear with me..sorry this is long, but we NEED advice.

So we are leaving for Disney Dec. 2, and will only be there 6 days, 6 days of which are going to be VERY full. Today I get a call out of the blue from my husbands grandmother..who is very young..(56) Who hasn't bothered to call us since last year sometime..and says she heard (from her wonderful son that does no wrong..there's another thread for ya..lol) we were going to be at WDW in December and wants us to stop by her house in Tampa..OR she will come to us, buy park admission and spend the day with us there. ?!!? WHAT? I didn't know what to say...so i just sort of passed it off on my husband.
Mind you..the woman is nice..but a bit rude..and makes myself and my husband crazy. Hubby SAYS he is going to tell her that we will not have the time and this is just a family vacation..but I am afraid he will chicken out. We don't go on vacation often at all..in fact this is the first time we have been since my dd was born...

How can we tactfully tell her that we don't want to visit while we are on our own vacation?

 

[Daydreamer64]

1-Maybe you could tell her that you have bought "special" tickets and reserved seating for each day/ meal and that you would hate to leave her to herself during meals and "special" shows?!

2- You could tell her that you and DH have been feeling a bit disconnected lately and want to reconnect as a family with your DD and concentrate only on her this trip?
HTH

We've had family invite themselves too and it's difficult to be forward with them without hurting their feelings.

 

[O2BNWDW]

sorry I don't have any advice...I stink at tact sometimes! But, maybe choose option #2 from above post??? Don't want hurt feelings

Best of luck!

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Thanks! I know..why is it okay for them to INVITE THEMSELVES along on our vacations..but we feel badly about saying..sorry can't tag along??

 

[MrsPete]

she will come to us, buy park admission and spend the day with us there.

I may be in the minority, but I think you should spend ONE DAY with her. She's offered to come to you, so it's not going to take any extra time.

She raised your husband. Since you're out of state, she doesn't get to see her grandchild often -- I would hate that personally. Your daughter is watching and learning how to treat older family members; the way you treat your parents now is how she'll one day treat you and your husband.

Family is more important than what you'd accomplish in that one day. Even if she makes you a bit crazy, it's only one day. Unless there's any history of abuse or something horrible and hidden, I think spending one day with her is the right thing to do while you're so close to her home.

 

[deacondarlin]

DH and I are in the same boat! His grandmother (also fairly young and quite active) lives in Melbourne Beach. The difference in our situation is that we went to visit her for a week in April (over our FIRST anniversary, no less!), and she spends summers in Columbia, SC (about two and a half hours from here), so we've seen her at least three or four times since the beginning of the summer (most recent being this past Saturday). We found out she's leaving to go back to FL this Saturday, and now she wants to pick us up on Thursday and take us back to the airport to fly out on Saturday.

We still haven't told her what to do....we're just not telling her which resort we're at

 

[Disney Pal]

If the roles were reversed what would you want her to do? It is only a day.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Is she his actual grandmother, not a step-grandmother? And you haven't heard from her in a year? She's a great-grandmother at 56? Yikes.

Anyway, I also vote for the gentle let down.

 

[SnowWhite]

I would have a tough time too but you are obviously not that close. Maybe you could tell her that you have no available time to come and visit her and that the parks are noisy and there would be no time to talk when you are running from ride to ride. Maybe offer her an alternative and ask her if she wants to come and visit you at your home or maybe at a neutral location in between your homes once your trip is over if she really wants to visit. Maybe she won't take it so hard when you are offering an alternative?

Good Luck.....Carol

 

[pyrxtc]

I would let her come and spend a day. No time to talk may be really nice. Maybe she'll want to take your DD for an hour or two and you and DH can have some adult time. I would let her come for a day, it's one day in your life and she's not even asking you to change anything for her and she'll buy her own ticket. you may see her in a different light after this !

 

[Gillian]

that's a tough one!

We have family in sarasota and when they met us at Universal it wasn't until lunchtime. That worked out well for us because we were up early & did our stuff, then just kind of relaxed with them.

Of course, it's family we like!

 

[Autumngirl]

I may be in the minority, but I think you should spend ONE DAY with her. She's offered to come to you, so it's not going to take any extra time.

She raised your husband. Since you're out of state, she doesn't get to see her grandchild often -- I would hate that personally. Your daughter is watching and learning how to treat older family members; the way you treat your parents now is how she'll one day treat you and your husband.

Family is more important than what you'd accomplish in that one day. Even if she makes you a bit crazy, it's only one day. Unless there's any history of abuse or something horrible and hidden, I think spending one day with her is the right thing to do while you're so close to her home.

I agree and disagree. Sorry, I don't feel that being faaaammmmmilllyyy gives you the god-gived right to be RUDE. And quite frankly, that's what it is....RUDE. You don't invite yourself along on someone else's vacation. I DO agree that your daughter is watching you.... and I think she'll learn much about not letting people who are rude take advantage of your desire not to be. You said the woman "drives you both crazy". Why would you want to spend one minute of your hard earned family vacation time with someone who hasn't bothered to call for a year.

I agree...FAMILY comes first....FAMILY is important. You, your DH and your daughter are FAMILY. Hate to say if but everyone else is EXTENDED-family...and YOUR family time is very important and very precious, because someday your DD will be grown with a family and life of her own.

 

[Friendly Frog]

I may be in the minority, but I think you should spend ONE DAY with her. She's offered to come to you, so it's not going to take any extra time.

She raised your husband. Since you're out of state, she doesn't get to see her grandchild often -- I would hate that personally. Your daughter is watching and learning how to treat older family members; the way you treat your parents now is how she'll one day treat you and your husband.

Family is more important than what you'd accomplish in that one day. Even if she makes you a bit crazy, it's only one day. Unless there's any history of abuse or something horrible and hidden, I think spending one day with her is the right thing to do while you're so close to her home.

I have to agree. I know it is hard to fit her into your schedule, but if she joins you in the parks it would't all that bad would it

Or you could tell her that you will be on a fast pace in the park, but offer for her to join you at the resort one evening.

 

[etink67]

She may be young, but you never know how life goes. You don't want to have regrets. It is for only one day. If that seems too much maybe you can tell her that it would be better to meet for an evening and have dinner at a resort and/or downtown Disney? That would mean only part of a day with her. It might be a good compromise.

 

[etink67]

To friendly frog-- We think alike and must have posted at the same time.

To Autumngirl-- We have a lot in common. We are practically neighbors and are both going to disney the same dates in November/December.

 

[lulugirl]

I agree and disagree. Sorry, I don't feel that being faaaammmmmilllyyy gives you the god-gived right to be RUDE. And quite frankly, that's what it is....RUDE. You don't invite yourself along on someone else's vacation. I DO agree that your daughter is watching you.... and I think she'll learn much about not letting people who are rude take advantage of your desire not to be. You said the woman "drives you both crazy". Why would you want to spend one minute of your hard earned family vacation time with someone who hasn't bothered to call for a year.

I agree...FAMILY comes first....FAMILY is important. You, your DH and your daughter are FAMILY. Hate to say if but everyone else is EXTENDED-family...and YOUR family time is very important and very precious, because someday your DD will be grown with a family and life of her own.

Well said.....and it's not as though they have a close relationship, grandma hasn't called in a year. I would politely tell her no and enjoy my family vacation w/ out any guilt. JMO.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I agree and disagree. Sorry, I don't feel that being faaaammmmmilllyyy gives you the god-gived right to be RUDE. And quite frankly, that's what it is....RUDE. You don't invite yourself along on someone else's vacation. I DO agree that your daughter is watching you.... and I think she'll learn much about not letting people who are rude take advantage of your desire not to be. You said the woman "drives you both crazy". Why would you want to spend one minute of your hard earned family vacation time with someone who hasn't bothered to call for a year.

I agree...FAMILY comes first....FAMILY is important. You, your DH and your daughter are FAMILY. Hate to say if but everyone else is EXTENDED-family...and YOUR family time is very important and very precious, because someday your DD will be grown with a family and life of her own.

So, you hit the nail on the head! First off to everyone..we are already traveling with my parents...to whom I think my daughter has an incrediably good relationship with. But my hubby's Extended family has choosen to not play a role in my daughters life. * Mind you..this woman (great grandma..who had her first child at age 13, for the poster that said yikes...) was in our neck of the woods all summer long and didn't bother calling us then to set up a time to visit.* Thats what bothers me. I mean, why are you going to invite yourself along on someone elses vacation..when you were in town for 4 months and didn't even bother to stop by..or even call for that matter. His family..even had a family reunion this summer..HOSTED BY HIS OWN FATHER..and didn't even TRY to make us feel as though they wanted us there...He even planned it intentionally for a weekend that hubby was working and didn't tell us until 3 days before. * long inlaw story. lol, my husband dosen't even talk to his own mother anymore..as of almost 3 years ago now...i mean, that bothers me. The woman has not even once, not even once sent my dd a birthday card, xmas card..nothing, I tottally agree that children need to know their grandparents..but come on..there's only so much I can do. My dd was 5 months old when she stopped talking to us! How could you do that? I even tried for a while after that to restart a relationship with her..so that our dd would know her..and she told me to NEVER call their home again...Shortly after that, his parents got divorced..and his dad remarried to a woman that has children younger than my daughter. And is reliving the "glory days" as some would call them. Sorry, going on here..just so annoys me. We are all family. And I would love to be in a place where I could say sure..meet us for dinner at The Grand Floridian one night for dinner..we would love to chat. But we just aren't.
So anyway..sorry to vent here..but thanks for listening..and for the advice..I appreciate it.

 

[etink67]

Well in that case I don't blame you for not wanting to meet up with you. I also wouldn't be too worried about being tactful either. You could just be honest and say that you really have a tight schedule with special family plans and that you would love to see her next summer when she is back visiting near your home.

 

[EmmaAndQuinnsMommy]

So, you hit the nail on the head! First off to everyone..we are already traveling with my parents...to whom I think my daughter has an incrediably good relationship with. But my hubby's Extended family has choosen to not play a role in my daughters life. * Mind you..this woman (great grandma..who had her first child at age 13, for the poster that said yikes...) was in our neck of the woods all summer long and didn't bother calling us then to set up a time to visit.* Thats what bothers me. I mean, why are you going to invite yourself along on someone elses vacation..when you were in town for 4 months and didn't even bother to stop by..or even call for that matter. His family..even had a family reunion this summer..HOSTED BY HIS OWN FATHER..and didn't even TRY to make us feel as though they wanted us there...He even planned it intentionally for a weekend that hubby was working and didn't tell us until 3 days before. * long inlaw story. lol, my husband dosen't even talk to his own mother anymore..as of almost 3 years ago now...i mean, that bothers me. The woman has not even once, not even once sent my dd a birthday card, xmas card..nothing, I tottally agree that children need to know their grandparents..but come on..there's only so much I can do. My dd was 5 months old when she stopped talking to us! How could you do that? I even tried for a while after that to restart a relationship with her..so that our dd would know her..and she told me to NEVER call their home again...Shortly after that, his parents got divorced..and his dad remarried to a woman that has children younger than my daughter. And is reliving the "glory days" as some would call them. Sorry, going on here..just so annoys me. We are all family. And I would love to be in a place where I could say sure..meet us for dinner at The Grand Floridian one night for dinner..we would love to chat. But we just aren't.
So anyway..sorry to vent here..but thanks for listening..and for the advice..I appreciate it.

Sounds pretty toxic to me, and I personally wouldn't want that to be part of my vacation, even if just because it would stress you out and aggrivate you and your kids don't deserve that. Believe it or not, I can actually relate to your situation, so I am probably not as forgiving of this stuff as some others who have nice normal families. We have a multitude of family issues and there are family members we no longer speak to because they were not healthy relationships and I did not wish to have my children suffer because of it. I no longer feel guilty about that, but for a long time, I did. I thought it was more important to HAVE family and just put up with all of the negative everything, but I don't feel that way anymore. I have to protect MY OWN FAMILY first and foremost and protecting them sometimes mean keeping them away from family too. I don't think that it is okay for anyone to invite themselves along on your vacation regardless - but I also expect people to call first before they come over (so I can put my bra on! LOL!). Not everyone is like that, but I imagine if you have family that treats you with repect normally, then you reciprocate that. I don't think that is the case in your situation, so why should you have to accomodate her? I know a lot of people said it is only one day, etc, but if you feel strongly about it and she is not going to ADD anything other than negativity, then make your hubby buck up and get you out of it.

 

[HappyLawyer]

i say lie, tell her you cancelled your trip and enjoy your vacation, family is important, but you and your immediate family comes first, what does your husband say about it. Is he close to her at all, if she has not called since last year sometime-good luck in whatever you decide