How to handle RSVPs with children when only adults were invited?

[LilyWDW]

I'm getting snarky....LOL

Got an email reply from my cousin who RSVP'd that she was bringing her boyfriend & his 2 young kids. I replied back that I was glad she could come as I haven't seen her in almost 2 years, however, there would be no children at the party. She replies "Oh really? But XYZ only has his kids that day & I am so excited to have the rest of the famly meet XYZ & his kids. My mom & dad (my aunt & uncle) will be upset that no one is getting to meet them. I wanted them to meet your kids."

REALLY?!?!?!?! This is NOT XYZ & kids "coming out" party!!!

I replied back, deleted it, replied again, deleted it, stepped away from the computer....

I kept it simple & replied "Sorry, we'll have to get together another time with the kids, there will be no kids at the party other than mine, who will be busy all day helping me."

I haven't heard back from the other one I emailed, and will try & call the other one around 8:30 this morning.

Stand firm. You can do it!!!!

 

[mjantz]

Be prepared for your Aunt or Uncle to contact you or your parents complaining that you're being mean by not allowing the boyfriends kids to be there. Just sayin'.

 

[Tozzie]

I'm getting snarky....LOL

Got an email reply from my cousin who RSVP'd that she was bringing her boyfriend & his 2 young kids. I replied back that I was glad she could come as I haven't seen her in almost 2 years, however, there would be no children at the party. She replies "Oh really? But XYZ only has his kids that day & I am so excited to have the rest of the famly meet XYZ & his kids. My mom & dad (my aunt & uncle) will be upset that no one is getting to meet them. I wanted them to meet your kids."

REALLY?!?!?!?! This is NOT XYZ & kids "coming out" party!!!

I replied back, deleted it, replied again, deleted it, stepped away from the computer....

I kept it simple & replied "Sorry, we'll have to get together another time with the kids, there will be no kids at the party other than mine, who will be busy all day helping me."

I haven't heard back from the other one I emailed, and will try & call the other one around 8:30 this morning.

Oooh, I want to know what was in the deleted emails (probrably something I would have sent)

Stand your ground, if she comes back and whines that your kids are going to be there, don't entertain that, stick firm and in reply to so and so is going to be upset , just say it is okay if they are upset as long as the guests of honor are not upset all is good in the world, since this party is afterall about them and not the kids. I would also ask if everyone is so anxious to meet the boyfriends kids why she hasn't planned a party to introduce them to the family yet. With the warmer weather here she should have a BBQ if it is that important.

Yes I am a a bit snarky when people persist with nonsense.

 

[Erin1700]

I'm getting snarky....LOL

Got an email reply from my cousin who RSVP'd that she was bringing her boyfriend & his 2 young kids. I replied back that I was glad she could come as I haven't seen her in almost 2 years, however, there would be no children at the party. She replies "Oh really? But XYZ only has his kids that day & I am so excited to have the rest of the famly meet XYZ & his kids. My mom & dad (my aunt & uncle) will be upset that no one is getting to meet them. I wanted them to meet your kids."

REALLY?!?!?!?! This is NOT XYZ & kids "coming out" party!!!

I replied back, deleted it, replied again, deleted it, stepped away from the computer....

I kept it simple & replied "Sorry, we'll have to get together another time with the kids, there will be no kids at the party other than mine, who will be busy all day helping me."

I haven't heard back from the other one I emailed, and will try & call the other one around 8:30 this morning.

I got your back! When is this shindig anyway?
I am near the mall.

 

[DopeyDame]

I kept it simple & replied "Sorry, we'll have to get together another time with the kids, there will be no kids at the party other than mine, who will be busy all day helping me."

I haven't heard back from the other one I emailed, and will try & call the other one around 8:30 this morning.

Fantastic job! Absolutely perfect reply - simple, short, with no room for argument, but totally polite and friendly.

Good luck!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I'm getting snarky....LOL

Got an email reply from my cousin who RSVP'd that she was bringing her boyfriend & his 2 young kids. I replied back that I was glad she could come as I haven't seen her in almost 2 years, however, there would be no children at the party. She replies "Oh really? But XYZ only has his kids that day & I am so excited to have the rest of the famly meet XYZ & his kids. My mom & dad (my aunt & uncle) will be upset that no one is getting to meet them. I wanted them to meet your kids."

REALLY?!?!?!?! This is NOT XYZ & kids "coming out" party!!!

I replied back, deleted it, replied again, deleted it, stepped away from the computer....

I kept it simple & replied "Sorry, we'll have to get together another time with the kids, there will be no kids at the party other than mine, who will be busy all day helping me."

I haven't heard back from the other one I emailed, and will try & call the other one around 8:30 this morning.

Excellent! I can't tell you how long it takes me to compose emails when the situation is touchy...I do the same thing...write it out, delete, step away, etc. It's ridiculous that you're even in this position to have to basically debate the issue.

I am curious tho...is this cousin invited with a guest? This is one area where I don't believe the guest list should be restricted.

 

[SaraJayne]

Fantastic job! Absolutely perfect reply - simple, short, with no room for argument, but totally polite and friendly.

Good luck!

 

[TaraPA]

Be prepared for your Aunt or Uncle to contact you or your parents complaining that you're being mean by not allowing the boyfriends kids to be there. Just sayin'.

Oh it will. There's a whole back story there, I don't know how to make it short. Every year for the last 10-15 that side of the family has gotten together the Sunday after Christmas. It's a day that is convenient for everyone, and we come from all over the state, there are about 40 of us. It's one of the only times during the year we all get together. Well last year my aunt insisted the day be changed to accomdate this new BF & his kids (he only has custody of them 2 days a month, and one of them wasn't when our holiday gathering was to be). It caused a lot of inconvenience & hard feelings because FOURTEEN immediate family members (uncluding the 4 of us) were not able to make on the date my aunt said it had to be. Everyone was upset - and here's the kicker - they never even showed up. So the date was changed to accomodate someone who's not even in the family yet, when 14 of us couldn't make it because of the date change, and they didn't even go. We'll just leave it at that many of us were LIVID.

So now she wants to use my parents party as the event to show them off to the family. Not happening. And yes there is some bitterness in there from the whole holiday snafu!!! For the person that asked - it's my first cousin (a niece to my parents) and she was invited along with a guest. A guest. SINGULAR. ONE.

I got your back! When is this shindig anyway?
I am near the mall.

I'm in Lower Saucon - it's next Sunday, June 10th - just drive around til you see the cars LOL!!!!

I got an email reply from the other people saying fine no problem, kids will stay at home with another family member. Yahoo that one was easy too!

Thanks for all the well wishes & support gang!

 

[DawnM]

The 50th Anniversary Party I threw for my parents included all the family, including kids. My parents were thrilled. People drove distances to attend so it really was important to me to have everyone there.

Dawn

**Note this post is in direct response to the quote above and is NOT me saying "How dare you not invite kids"**

Although I wouldn't ever bring kids to something that they weren't invited to and understand those that don't want kids at events like this.

I have gone to a 50th anniversary party with kids... and I was only the children of the couples friends (my mom worked with the wife and my dad with the husband in the anniversary couple. they met me many times but didn't really know me well or anything. But one of their grandchildren was a good friend of mine from school. I wasn't even going to attend until my friend asked me to since she didn't get along with many of her cousins.)

There were also many children at my grandmothers funeral and the big get together after that. A few people made comments about the kids running around a bit that day but honestly my grandmother loved all the kids and insisted they always be invited to her big birthday parties (one of my aunts was trying to get it made adults only one year, caused a bit of an argument with my dad before Gramma stepped in and SHE decided we would all be there) So although there are many that don't want children at events some really do want them around too!

 

[cornflake]

Oh it will. There's a whole back story there, I don't know how to make it short. Every year for the last 10-15 that side of the family has gotten together the Sunday after Christmas. It's a day that is convenient for everyone, and we come from all over the state, there are about 40 of us. It's one of the only times during the year we all get together. Well last year my aunt insisted the day be changed to accomdate this new BF & his kids (he only has custody of them 2 days a month, and one of them wasn't when our holiday gathering was to be). It caused a lot of inconvenience & hard feelings because FOURTEEN immediate family members (uncluding the 4 of us) were not able to make on the date my aunt said it had to be. Everyone was upset - and here's the kicker - they never even showed up. So the date was changed to accomodate someone who's not even in the family yet, when 14 of us couldn't make it because of the date change, and they didn't even go. We'll just leave it at that many of us were LIVID.

So now she wants to use my parents party as the event to show them off to the family. Not happening. And yes there is some bitterness in there from the whole holiday snafu!!! For the person that asked - it's my first cousin (a niece to my parents) and she was invited along with a guest. A guest. SINGULAR. ONE.

Thanks for all the well wishes & support gang!

Not to derail and you're doing awesome, keep the bitter so you don't forget they're the ones putting YOU out by their rudeness, heh, but... WHAT IN THE HECK!?

Even if she had married this guy, which she hasn't (and honestly, I'm the least pro marriage person ever, couldn't care less but ...), these would be her stepkids that SHE only sees two days a month so why does her whole extended family so desperately need to meet them?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting like, they'd be his and her family wouldn't care but it's not like her extended family (you're her first cousin and you haven't seen her in two years) would be some big part of their lives given they'd only see HER 24 days a dang YEAR.

I can't even begin to fathom.

 

[Janepod]

Side note: whenever I hear, "oh, I wanted you to meet so-and-so..." my thought is, why don't *you* host a party to introduce everyone?

Keep on doing what you're doing, OP. You got this.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

For the person that asked - it's my first cousin (a niece to my parents) and she was invited along with a guest. A guest. SINGULAR. ONE.

I was the one who asked. I understand that a guest means "singular, one". I wasn't implying anything else.

 

[RitaZ.]

I'm getting snarky....LOL

Got an email reply from my cousin who RSVP'd that she was bringing her boyfriend & his 2 young kids. I replied back that I was glad she could come as I haven't seen her in almost 2 years, however, there would be no children at the party. She replies "Oh really? But XYZ only has his kids that day & I am so excited to have the rest of the famly meet XYZ & his kids. My mom & dad (my aunt & uncle) will be upset that no one is getting to meet them. I wanted them to meet your kids."

I can't stand it when people pull this crap to try to get their way. She is used to getting her way, isn't she? Look how she threatens that mommy and daddy will back her up.

OP, hang tough.

 

[srferson]

No matter how you communicate the 'no kids' thing to the other guests, I do NOT think you should be taking any blame to make them feel better. Be nice, of course...

But you did not make a mistake on the invitation. They made a mistake interpreting the invitation.

Not only is it not your fault, they need to learn for the future that only those listed on an invitation are invited. No one should have to include a list of who is not invited to their gathering. In my opinion, as long as you're clear about who the invitation is addressed to, you've done your part properly.

 

[TaraPA]

I was the one who asked. I understand that a guest means "singular, one". I wasn't implying anything else.

And I wasn't being snarky back at you if that's how it came across, sorry, I was just thinking out loud (is "snarky thinking" possible LOL!!) I know that you understand that "and guest" means one guest!

 

[TaraPA]

Oooh, I want to know what was in the deleted emails (probrably something I would have sent)

Yes I am a a bit snarky when people persist with nonsense.

Excellent! I can't tell you how long it takes me to compose emails when the situation is touchy...I do the same thing...write it out, delete, step away, etc. It's ridiculous that you're even in this position to have to basically debate the issue.

Not to derail and you're doing awesome, keep the bitter so you don't forget they're the ones putting YOU out by their rudeness, heh, but... WHAT IN THE HECK!?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting like, they'd be his and her family wouldn't care but it's not like her extended family (you're her first cousin and you haven't seen her in two years) would be some big part of their lives given they'd only see HER 24 days a dang YEAR.

I can't even begin to fathom.

I love a little DIS-attitude! I'm really trying to be happy happy happy, keep the peace, forget the holiday thing, make everyone happy, etc. but in the back of mind mind I just want to throw up my hands & say "REALLY?!??!? SERIOUSLY?!?!?!? I'm the host, I make the rules, and you will follow them!!"

Too bad it will probably never work out that way. Oh yeah and someone mentioned invitation etiquette - don't even get me started on the ones that didn't reply at all. I had an RSVP date of today. I have 42 people that I haven't heard from. Ok technically they have 7 hours yet. I guess in this day & age if they don't reply, I'm to assume they're not coming?

 

[Alsobrook]

I agree with a lot of the early responses that stated the OP should call and inform guests " I apologize for any confusion, but we are not able to host children at this party, but we are certainly looking forward to seeing you...."

Here's the rest of what I wanted to add...

You don't owe an explanation to anyone....accordingly, people who push the issue to ask "why" don't deserve anything other than the most bland of responses. It's a simple, "It's an adult only party. Thank you for understanding."

People are so freaking rude these days----I guess with the advent of the internet, we all share so gosh darn much about our lives that people adopt an entitlement mentality. They are all of the sudden entitled to know why you do what you do, say what you say, etc. If you get invited to something and you decline, people actually say, "well, WHY can't you come?"

All you owe people is civility. You don't embarrass them for their bad manners. But you do NOT owe them explanations. Nor do you owe them a negotiation.

 

[Kathi OD]

The 50th Anniversary Party I threw for my parents included all the family, including kids. My parents were thrilled. People drove distances to attend so it really was important to me to have everyone there.

Dawn

That's awesome for you and your family and I did the same thing when my parents celebrated their 50th. BUT, and it's an important BUT...we're not hosting THIS 50th anniversary party, TARA is, so she gets to make the rules...and what's even more important than that is that her parents, THE GUESTS OF HONOR, don't want the kids there!!

Stay strong, Tara! You're doing great! Rude people are such a

 

[onelilspark]

Really, you could say due to budget/size constraints you're unable to accommodate more people than are listed on the invitation. If you start giving reasons why children specifically can't come, you open yourself up to "Well my special snowflake won't act like THAT!"

And just remember if it gets uncomfortable...they're the rude ones, not you.

 

[Alsobrook]

Really, you could say due to budget/size constraints you're unable to accommodate more people than are listed on the invitation. If you start giving reasons why children specifically can't come, you open yourself up to "Well my special snowflake won't act like THAT!"

Why give any explanation at all? No need to mention budgets, size constraints, safety, etc.

Just stick to the facts. The party is for adults only. Children are not invited.