How to handle RSVPs with children when only adults were invited?

[RunningGirl]

...and when they come on here to vent about you, we got your back!

 

[krcit]

Really, it's a mistake to even go down this path.

In these situations, it is best to be very direct and firm - do not leave people any wiggle room at all regarding kids' ages, mistake on the invitation, etc. It will only cause further discussion that you don't want, and besides it is not necessary. The host makes the rules.

It is easy, if you are nervous, to start trying to add in a bunch of explanations and excuses, but don't do it.

Don't get sucked in, Tara_PA!

 

[MariDisney]

You got some good advice. I'm just impressed you invited 185 people to your house! I had 30 yesterday for a party and thought I might be crazy.

 

[TaraPA]

Don't get sucked in, Tara_PA!

I'm trying not to! I'm trying not to!!!

...and when they come on here to vent about you, we got your back!

YAY love DIS Friends!!

You got some good advice. I'm just impressed you invited 185 people to your house! I had 30 yesterday for a party and thought I might be crazy.

Ya know, my mom got me to agree to the guest list the day I had my wisdom teeth out & was under anesthesia. That's my excuse LOL!!! We had 118 here in 2006 for my dad's retirement party & it wasn't bad at all, and so far only 95 have replied yes (ok 102 if you count the UN-invited kids!!) Now just everyone pray for NO RAIN for me. If it rains I might be on the curb rocking back & forth & sucking my thumb by the time it's over...

 

[LilyWDW]

Be up front and honest about it. Don't hide behind excuses (aka the others are teenages or maybe there was a mistake). Be blunt and to the point. THEY are the rude ones, NOT YOU! Remember that and keep repeating that to yourself.

"I was contacting you due to your RSVP. There seems to be a misunderstanding, but the reservation was addressed only to the adults of the family. As such, I can not accept your RSVP with the children added in. We would love to have you there, but you will have to find childcare as this is an adult only event."

If they argue:

"I am sorry, but it is an adult only event as decided by the hosts and the guests of honor."

and repeat as needed.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Frankly, these people are all old enough to understand that the wording of your invitation excluded the children. Call them and tell them children aren't invited.

 

[cornflake]

Thank you thank you thank you these are some great replies. I know I have to make the calls, I think I'm just nervous at the uncomfortable-ness (is that a word?!?!) it could cause.

Remember, or keep reminding yourself, that THEY are the ones causing the uncomfortable situation by being outstandingly rude.

First, they ignore what is clear on the invitations.

Then, they don't even have the basic manners to ASK you about bringing all these seemingly random children (her bf's kids he has a few days a month? Seriously?), which allows you the option of expressing your regrets that, as on the invitation, the adults are invited but sadly children cannot be accomodated.

They just TOLD you they were bringing these kids.

Thus, requiring you to do the extra work of calling their rude, utterly non-mannered butts up to tell them 'no.' Do not feel nervous, do not feel you're causing anything. They're causing this, you are politely explaining to them that which they were apparently unable to read off the invitation.

 

[zurgswife]

Be up front and honest about it. Don't hide behind excuses (aka the others are teenages or maybe there was a mistake). Be blunt and to the point. THEY are the rude ones, NOT YOU! Remember that and keep repeating that to yourself.

"I was contacting you due to your RSVP. There seems to be a misunderstanding, but the reservation was addressed only to the adults of the family. As such, I can not accept your RSVP with the children added in. We would love to have you there, but you will have to find childcare as this is an adult only event."

If they argue:

"I am sorry, but it is an adult only event as decided by the hosts and the guests of honor."

and repeat as needed.

This is a great script to follow if you feel you need wording. You are the one in the right remember that no matter how much they push. I also agree do not bring up the grandkids it is nobody's business.

Good luck

 

[Disney Doll]

Be up front and honest about it. Don't hide behind excuses (aka the others are teenages or maybe there was a mistake). Be blunt and to the point. THEY are the rude ones, NOT YOU! Remember that and keep repeating that to yourself.

"I was contacting you due to your RSVP. There seems to be a misunderstanding, but the reservation was addressed only to the adults of the family. As such, I can not accept your RSVP with the children added in. We would love to have you there, but you will have to find childcare as this is an adult only event."

If they argue:

"I am sorry, but it is an adult only event as decided by the hosts and the guests of honor."

and repeat as needed.

This is good!

 

[TaraPA]

This is a great script to follow if you feel you need wording.
Good luck

I am SO having this thread open when I make the calls. SO MUCH good info here, thank you everyone.

 

[Ceila]

I am SO having this thread open when I make the calls. SO MUCH good info here, thank you everyone.

Just make sure you come back and tell us how everything went when it's all said and done! Good luck, and just in case you need it when you make the calls...

 

[leebee]

Tough position to be in, but I agree. The folks who accepted for themselves and their kids are the rude ones. Call and say you're sorry if they misunderstood, but the party is for adults only. Don't offer explanations or excuses, don't get into the "grandchildren" issue. Stick to the adults only script. If they say they cannot come, just tell them you'll miss them but understand.

Um... maybe you could call the houses during the day, while everyone's working, and leave a message on the answering machine

 

[LilyWDW]

Tough position to be in, but I agree. The folks who accepted for themselves and their kids are the rude ones. Call and say you're sorry if they misunderstood, but the party is for adults only. Don't offer explanations or excuses, don't get into the "grandchildren" issue. Stick to the adults only script. If they say they cannot come, just tell them you'll miss them but understand.

Um... maybe you could call the houses during the day, while everyone's working, and leave a message on the answering machine

Leaves them too much flexibility to just show up with the kids and lie that they never got the message. So, OP, make sure you actually TALK to them so there are no more "misunderstandings".

 

[leebee]

Leaves them too much flexibility to just show up with the kids and lie that they never got the message. So, OP, make sure you actually TALK to them so there are no more "misunderstandings".

Actually, I was joking... I thought the "smilies" would get that across.

 

[DebbieB]

I agree you need to be firm with no exceptions (other than the grandchildren). If others found babysitters see other kids at the party, they will be upset.

Don't just leave a message on voice mail. If you get voice mail, just ask that they call you regarding the party.

Just curious, how are you handling parking for this many people?

 

[Planogirl]

I can see why making excuses and exceptions is a bad idea. I'm wondering though...what about that inevitable person that just shows up with a kid?

People drive me crazy.

 

[jfulcer]

I can see why making excuses and exceptions is a bad idea. I'm wondering though...what about that inevitable person that just shows up with a kid?

People drive me crazy.

Had this happen at our wedding. Kids were NOT invited, but some family members brought them and sat them in the lobby of our reception place with Mcdonalds food. They argued that 'they were not attending' but it was in really poor taste, IMHO. They still came into the reception after eating - the relatives thought it was just for the dinner cost only we didn't invite them.

No. We just didn't want to have kids there. We had to go through the same thing on RSVPs and answered lots of questions about it. Stick to your guns.

 

[RNMOM]

No matter what you want people to do there is still the possiblilty that someone will come with children and just not let you know ahead of time. Here is what I did for a party. I hired my young adult babysitter to entertain them. We set up the basement with movies, games and all the boys toys were down there. I had kid food ready too. She even rounded them up and walked to the local playground. I paid her well and I think another parent gave her money too. None of us had to worry about it.

Have you considered asking one or two of the grand kids to be on call for just such an event? If not, do any of them have a friend or two who could be on call for a nominal fee from you and you could call them to come if needed? Give them $20 to wait for a call and them give them an hourly rate from there.

People are attached to their kids now like never before. Many people just don't consider their little angels to be a bother to anyone so they take them everywhere. If you have this many giving you the heads up already I bet you will get some unannounced kids too.

 

[Tozzie]

No matter what you want people to do there is still the possiblilty that someone will come with children and just not let you know ahead of time. Here is what I did for a party. I hired my young adult babysitter to entertain them. We set up the basement with movies, games and all the boys toys were down there. I had kid food ready too. She even rounded them up and walked to the local playground. I paid her well and I think another parent gave her money too. None of us had to worry about it.

Have you considered asking one or two of the grand kids to be on call for just such an event? If not, do any of them have a friend or two who could be on call for a nominal fee from you and you could call them to come if needed? Give them $20 to wait for a call and them give them an hourly rate from there.

People are attached to their kids now like never before. Many people just don't consider their little angels to be a bother to anyone so they take them everywhere. If you have this many giving you the heads up already I bet you will get some unannounced kids too.

Are you serious, the op should pay a babysitter to be on standby for univited children? No, I would just tell people who show up with kids, that it is an adult only party and they cannot stay with their children. If they argue, tell them they should have read the invitation more closely as it was only addressed to Mr and MRs, not Mr and Mrs and family. If the guest are so self centered and rude to bring the children, I wouldn't think twice about turning them away at the door.

 

[TaraPA]

Just curious, how are you handling parking for this many people?

We live ina rural develoment so there is plenty of on-street parking. I called the township just to be sure there wasn't some ordinance against how many cars could be parked on the street (because nowadays around here you need a permit to go to the bathroom) and there isn't anything I need to do. I will let the neighbors know this week that there will be an event here that will cause a lot of on street parking that day, just as a courtesy.

I can see why making excuses and exceptions is a bad idea. I'm wondering though...what about that inevitable person that just shows up with a kid?

People drive me crazy.

You know, I hadn't really thought about that. I'm not having one of the grandkids offer to babysit, they are guests & actually they have been given small jobs for that day to help out. I'm not hiring someone else to come just in case either, I've got enough on my plate to deal with already. There really aren't any others that even have kids that were invited, most of the guests are retirement age. So let's hope these few are it. If someone comes with a kid hopefully they will see that no others are there & will feel quite uncomfortable! My mom has a very big mouth & I'm sure she'll say something snarky to them!

Today's the day!