How to handle RSVPs with children when only adults were invited?

[goofy4tink]

Just tell the 'rude folk' that you are very sorry but since others have been told they aren't to bring their children/grandchildren with them, it just wouldn't be fair to make any exceptions.
There is no way I would hire someone to watch the kids. Not unless you are prepared to then call everyone with kids and tell them they are allowed to bring along the children

These people are beyond rude..they would seem to be used to 'getting' their own way through rudeness. This type person banks on others not wanting to confront them...and thus allowing them to rum rampant over everyone else.

 

[Tuffcookie]

No matter what you want people to do there is still the possiblilty that someone will come with children and just not let you know ahead of time. Here is what I did for a party. I hired my young adult babysitter to entertain them. We set up the basement with movies, games and all the boys toys were down there. I had kid food ready too. She even rounded them up and walked to the local playground. I paid her well and I think another parent gave her money too. None of us had to worry about it.

Have you considered asking one or two of the grand kids to be on call for just such an event? If not, do any of them have a friend or two who could be on call for a nominal fee from you and you could call them to come if needed? Give them $20 to wait for a call and them give them an hourly rate from there.

People are attached to their kids now like never before. Many people just don't consider their little angels to be a bother to anyone so they take them everywhere. If you have this many giving you the heads up already I bet you will get some unannounced kids too.

That is a good idea!

TC

 

[Tuffcookie]

Are you serious, the op should pay a babysitter to be on standby for univited children? No, I would just tell people who show up with kids, that it is an adult only party and they cannot stay with their children. If they argue, tell them they should have read the invitation more closely as it was only addressed to Mr and MRs, not Mr and Mrs and family. If the guest are so self centered and rude to bring the children, I wouldn't think twice about turning them away at the door.

Of course it wouldn't be the ideal situation since the op and her parents don't want children at the party. However, it doesn't hurt to have a "Plan B".

TC

 

[mhsjax]

We live ina rural develoment so there is plenty of on-street parking. I called the township just to be sure there wasn't some ordinance against how many cars could be parked on the street (because nowadays around here you need a permit to go to the bathroom) and there isn't anything I need to do. I will let the neighbros know this week that there will be an even there that will cause a lot of on street parking that day, just as a courtesy.



You know, I hadn't really thought about that. I'm not having one of the grandkids offer to babysit, they are guests & actually they have been given small jobs for that day to help out. I'm not hiring someone else to come just in case either, I've got enough on my plate to deal with already. There really aren't any others that even have kids that were invited, most of the guests are retirement age. So let's hope these few are it. If someone comes with a kid hopefully they will see that no others are there & will feel quite uncomfortable! My mom has a very big mouth & I'm sure she'll say something snarky to them!

Today's the day!

You must come back and let us know how things went?

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Are you serious, the op should pay a babysitter to be on standby for univited children? No, I would just tell people who show up with kids, that it is an adult only party and they cannot stay with their children. If they argue, tell them they should have read the invitation more closely as it was only addressed to Mr and MRs, not Mr and Mrs and family. If the guest are so self centered and rude to bring the children, I wouldn't think twice about turning them away at the door.

But then of course, you wouldn't have to worry about ever getting invited to anything ever again by the people you'd turned away or anyone who heard you say that to the people who turned up with kids. . .

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Actually, when I was a pre-teen, I was invited to a dear relation's anniversary party for the specific purpose of being a clean-up person. I had to dress in my Sunday clothes and then scurry around picking up cake plates and empty cups and passing off trays of finger foods from the kitchen to the serving line.

This was 25 years ago, give or take, and I remember a couple of other kids who just "turned up" even though the party was to have been adults only. My cousin put them to work with me by saying in total happiness "Oh! You must have heard about our plans to put the kids to work and decided you wanted to help out unannounced! What dears! Go ask Snarling what to do."

 

[Madison'smommy]

Are you serious, the op should pay a babysitter to be on standby for univited children? No, I would just tell people who show up with kids, that it is an adult only party and they cannot stay with their children. If they argue, tell them they should have read the invitation more closely as it was only addressed to Mr and MRs, not Mr and Mrs and family. If the guest are so self centered and rude to bring the children, I wouldn't think twice about turning them away at the door.

At a party in your home, you would seriously tell yours/your parents family/friends to leave because they brought their child? I agree they shouldnt bring their kids, and would never show up with mine.... but there is NO way that if they showed up at my house with them, that I would ask them to then leave. I would just hope they felt uncomfortable and realize they were wrong to bring them.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm going against the grain. I don't think you say ANYTHING about this being an "adult only" party. If you invited "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" and they said their college age son and his girlfriend were going to attend, that's equally rude, correct?

Call them up and say you got their RSVP, but because of extenuating circumstances, only those invited are allowed to attend. (extenuating circumstances can include: no "child proofing" at the house, a bunch of elderly people, catering concerns, space, etc). If they press the issue, "I understand, but I'm sorry, no exceptions can be made."
If they say they can't attend, "I'm sorry, we'll miss you."
Do NOT go into detail on what the circumstances are because they will try to argue around it (ie: the kids won't eat, they don't take up much space, they won't be a bother, etc)

Yes, someone could still show up with kids. But there is no 100% way to avoid that aside from turning them away at the door.

 

[jrmasm]

Actually, when I was a pre-teen, I was invited to a dear relation's anniversary party for the specific purpose of being a clean-up person. I had to dress in my Sunday clothes and then scurry around picking up cake plates and empty cups and passing off trays of finger foods from the kitchen to the serving line.

This was 25 years ago, give or take, and I remember a couple of other kids who just "turned up" even though the party was to have been adults only. My cousin put them to work with me by saying in total happiness "Oh! You must have heard about our plans to put the kids to work and decided you wanted to help out unannounced! What dears! Go ask Snarling what to do."

 

[Tozzie]

At a party in your home, you would seriously tell yours/your parents family/friends to leave because they brought their child? I agree they shouldnt bring their kids, and would never show up with mine.... but there is NO way that if they showed up at my house with them, that I would ask them to then leave. I would just hope they felt uncomfortable and realize they were wrong to bring them.

Yes I would.

 

[TaraPA]

Actually, when I was a pre-teen, I was invited to a dear relation's anniversary party for the specific purpose of being a clean-up person. I had to dress in my Sunday clothes and then scurry around picking up cake plates and empty cups and passing off trays of finger foods from the kitchen to the serving line.

This was 25 years ago, give or take, and I remember a couple of other kids who just "turned up" even though the party was to have been adults only. My cousin put them to work with me by saying in total happiness "Oh! You must have heard about our plans to put the kids to work and decided you wanted to help out unannounced! What dears! Go ask Snarling what to do."

I love this! Since all the un-invited kids coming are little, I will have to think of something good. Hmmm I do have an area that needs to be re-seeded but has too many rocks in it right now to get the equipment in. Snarling- can I quote you?? "Oh you must have heard my plan to put the kids to work & decided you wanted to help out unannounced! What dears! Get a bucket & start picking rocks out of the dirt!" I have a lot of weeding to be done too...

I'm kidding, of course. Or am I? I'm nervous to do this because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I just want everyone to be happy & for things to go smoothly. But the more I think about how rude these people are to bring un-invited people, and now to cause ME stress about them being rude, it's starting to make me mad! And then Miss Snarky comes out...and I'm starting to come up with some very creative resposnses for these people...let it go, let it go, let it go.....

And no, I wouldn't turn guests away that brought kids but trust me, my mom will let everyone know that they weren't invited, and I'm sure she'd actually say something to the guest such as "I thought this was a no kids party? Did your sitter cancel last minte!?!" She has no filter most times. I'm a little more passive agressive but would throw a few comments in here & there to let them subtly know they did not follow the rules!!

 

[TaraPA]

Yes I would.

LOL can you come stand guard for me that day & do the deed?!?!?

 

[luvmy3]

No matter what you want people to do there is still the possiblilty that someone will come with children and just not let you know ahead of time. Here is what I did for a party. I hired my young adult babysitter to entertain them. We set up the basement with movies, games and all the boys toys were down there. I had kid food ready too. She even rounded them up and walked to the local playground. I paid her well and I think another parent gave her money too. None of us had to worry about it.

Have you considered asking one or two of the grand kids to be on call for just such an event? If not, do any of them have a friend or two who could be on call for a nominal fee from you and you could call them to come if needed? Give them $20 to wait for a call and them give them an hourly rate from there.

People are attached to their kids now like never before. Many people just don't consider their little angels to be a bother to anyone so they take them everywhere. If you have this many giving you the heads up already I bet you will get some unannounced kids too.

This is a great idea IF children were invited and something was arranged beforehand with a babysitter, however the OP shouldn't have to make accomodations for parents who choose to "invite" their kids.

OP, I think you have to call people and tell them that you are sorry for the misunderstanding but it is an adult only party. You really don't owe them any explanation as to why kids aren't invited, or that only the grandkids will be there.
If people show up with their children, I'd let them know that since your house isn't child proofed and there is the landscaping in progress that they can't be left unattended. That way they have to stay by their parents all night and they aren't running around.

Good luck

 

[taitai]

I am finding it very interesting how different the comments are in both content and tone than the comments on the No Kids at the Wedding Thread that has been going on for the last week or so.

Good luck OP. I can sympathize with how frustrated you are in being placed in this position. Hope it all works out for you.

 

[TaraPA]

Ok one call down! It was the grandmother bringing the 3 grandkids she was babysitting. I said thank you for the RSVP, but just so you are aware, there will be no children at the party. That was all that was said. She was very nice & said she understood, and that maybe she would leave the GKs with DH for a little bit so she could come over & wish my parents a Happy Anniversary.

Whew. Got the machine for the other one, I will try again tonight.

I just realized that for 2 of them, I have no phone number, and I went to whitepages.com & they both are unlisted. They RSVP'd via email, so I guess I will have to email them back. I can't get the number from my parents, they're out of the country & aren't replying to my texts so either they have their phone off or have no service.

Ok how do I add that "auto reply" thing so that I get notified when they open the email? That way they can't say "I never got your email!"

 

[TaraPA]

I am finding it very interesting how different the comments are in both content and tone than the comments on the No Kids at the Wedding Thread that has been going on for the last week or so.

Good luck OP. I can sympathize with how frustrated you are in being placed in this position. Hope it all works out for you.

I missed that one - is it getting snarky? I've been around these boards for a long time, most everything turns snarky at some point. I'm still waiting for the post on here "How DARE you not include children to a party, you're being a rude host! I go NOWHERE if my entire family isn't invited - I'm offended - and from now on I will shun you! It's at your house for crying out loud - what's a few more??" I'm off to work shortly so no time to read it all, but it looks like I will have to check it out tonight.

 

[taitai]

I missed that one - is it getting snarky? I've been around these boards for a long time, most everything turns snarky at some point. I'm still waiting for the post on here "How DARE you not include children to a party, you're being a rude host! I go NOWHERE if my entire family isn't invited - I'm offended - and from now on I will shun you! It's at your house for crying out loud - what's a few more??" I'm off to work shortly so no time to read it all, but it looks like I will have to check it out tonight.

You nailed it. Close to 350 responses at this point.

 

[disneychic2]

Just wanted to add my "good luck" for your calls, email yet to come. I don't know how to make it so you're notified when the email is opened. Sorry. Congrats to your parents and good luck with the rest of the party. Relax and have a great time!

ETA: Who even WANTS to take their kids to a 50th ann. party? It screams adult only IMHO!

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I have an idea for a contingency if someone shows up with a child.

If you have a neighbor who will not be coming to the party but who might be able to babysit in their house, set up with them that if anyone comes with children you can say to them "Go three doors down the street to so & so's house. They do in-house babysitting and they only charge "x" dollars per hour."

 

[kamik86]

Just wanted to add my "good luck" for your calls, email yet to come. I don't know how to make it so you're notified when the email is opened. Sorry. Congrats to your parents and good luck with the rest of the party. Relax and have a great time!

ETA: Who even WANTS to take their kids to a 50th ann. party? It screams adult only IMHO!

**Note this post is in direct response to the quote above and is NOT me saying "How dare you not invite kids"**

Although I wouldn't ever bring kids to something that they weren't invited to and understand those that don't want kids at events like this.

I have gone to a 50th anniversary party with kids... and I was only the children of the couples friends (my mom worked with the wife and my dad with the husband in the anniversary couple. they met me many times but didn't really know me well or anything. But one of their grandchildren was a good friend of mine from school. I wasn't even going to attend until my friend asked me to since she didn't get along with many of her cousins.)

There were also many children at my grandmothers funeral and the big get together after that. A few people made comments about the kids running around a bit that day but honestly my grandmother loved all the kids and insisted they always be invited to her big birthday parties (one of my aunts was trying to get it made adults only one year, caused a bit of an argument with my dad before Gramma stepped in and SHE decided we would all be there) So although there are many that don't want children at events some really do want them around too!