How to handle comments made

[Tissa]

Well, I am in a power wheelchair, use a ventilator and feeding pump, and have a service dog in vest by my side. I have still been literally cursed at for pulling in disabled parking spot as I've exited my van. One man ( who wanted my spot for his wife) once called me a f'....ing bi..ch and told I shouldn't have parked there because it was the last spot and his his wife was more disabled than I was. I told him, "yes...she sure is! She has YOU for a husband!" as I rolled away. ---Kathy

Good one

 

[Haley Whippet]

Well, I am in a power wheelchair, use a ventilator and feeding pump, and have a service dog in vest by my side. I have still been literally cursed at for pulling in disabled parking spot as I've exited my van. One man ( who wanted my spot for his wife) once called me a f'....ing bi..ch and told I shouldn't have parked there because it was the last spot and his his wife was more disabled than I was. I told him, "yes...she sure is! She has YOU for a husband!" as I rolled away. ---Kathy

Kathy,
I love your comeback "She has you as a husband"
I would like to borrow that if needed
Deb

 

[100 acre wood]

You tell her " hey, I'd be happy to trade my MS for a regular parking spot, anyday!! Wanna trade?"

 

[Chuck-PA]

I will certainly keep these comments close by. They are great responses. I knew this board would be handy. lol

 

[LindaDVC]

Yesterday I got some rude looks as I got in my van--
they hadn't been there long enough to know I had already loaded my dear hubbie who is a double amputee and quadraplegic using a power chair!

Our biggest problem these days is the RUDE children who make comments about Dan's lack of legs! Some parents give them the stop now look and you know an appropriate lecture will be following -- but many parents do nothing as their kids continue to discuss it-- we have been trying to find a comment but not very successful yet!

Dan has considered replying "and you don't have any manners........"

Linda

 

[belle&beast]

I hope this does not offend anyone, but if I see someone getting out of a vehicle without a handicapped placard or license plate, I do call them out on it. This has happened a few times and each time they mumbled something and moved their cars. I do not have a disability, but am a speech therapist and work with kids who need those spots, so I stand up for their rights whenever I can.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I hope this does not offend anyone, but if I see someone getting out of a vehicle without a handicapped placard or license plate, I do call them out on it. This has happened a few times and each time they mumbled something and moved their cars. I do not have a disability, but am a speech therapist and work with kids who need those spots, so I stand up for their rights whenever I can.

I don't think anyone would flame you for standing up for disabled parking. Certainly not me. Thanks for helping!

 

[HappyLawyer]

i cannot say what i would tell you to tell her cuz i would probably get kicked off the dis boards, so in a nicer way you could say mind your own business

 

[geetey]

As another MSer, I am not sure if Anne's comment is my favorite or the thought of giving up my Avonex injection. Since it is an IM injection, I am sure the rude person would have a really nice time with it!

 

[lisabarr]

Two comments:
I get lots of stares because I look perfectly healthy (I am) but DS is in a wheelchair. Now he is only 5, so when we go to the supermarket He always rides in the cart becuase I can't push him and a cart. One day the bag girl said "Your too big to be riding in the cart" He is used to having to deal with the bags, I just pile them around him, but it was obvious she felt inconvienced! So I said to her "He can't walk, therefore he rides" Went over her head and she kept giving me nasty looks so I made her take the cart to the car and opened the trunk where DS's wheelchair was. She didn't say anything, just put the grocerys in.

In May, we stayed at POP and there was a brand new Corvette parked in the Handicap spot with no tags or placard. No other spots available. You all know how hard it is to get the wheelchair in and out the regular spots, its so tight.
Anyway, it had been a long day and I was steamed, so I called the sherrifs dept (little problem w/jurisdiction but I got to the right person) and they came out and ticketed him! $250. I felt bad later, what if he just forgot to hang his placard, but then I figured he could just fight it and prove it. I felt better though!

 

[canwegosoon]

First of all I do not know how it feels to have MS or a really great come back...but frequently(especially when I am loosing weight) I am asked when I am due. (first of all you have to realize that I am almost 45yo, and I do have fertility issues). SO I look down, and look up (almost like I am going to tell them in 3 months)...and say Sorry I'm just FAT!! It so takes the wind out of their sails...and then they usually have to end up apoligizing. So perhaps..you could turn around and say "wait a minute"..stop and then say..."you didn't get the memo- I have MS!!!" and hand them a pamphlet from your purse!

I know it must be annoying for you all that have hidded disabilities...but just hang in there...literaly and figuritivaly!!!

 

[Haley Whippet]

I almost forgot to tell you what happened to me at Lights, Motors, Action this past spring...
Mike, My sister and I were in the handicapped seating because I can't go up stairs, We were seated there by the CM.(My ECV was parked)
A woman a few rows above us yelled down "Thats disabled seating only, you have to move" My sister turned around and said "My sister is disabled so mind your own business!"
I guess my sister likes me :=)
Deb

 

[KathyRN137]

The same sort of thing happened to our family when we sat in the handicapped viewing section for the SpectroMagic Parade on our first ever evening at the MK. It was a busy Sat night; the only night of our trip that we could catch Spectro. As we sat eating our hot dogs at Casey's, people were already lining up for the 7pm parade at 5:30! I remember saying to my DH, "Wow, I'm so glad that we can use the reserved seating for this, can you imagine (DS) trying to sit for an hour and a half waiting for a parade?"

Our DS is profoundly autistic, and was 5 yrs old at the time. He was, and is, very hyperactive and because of his excitement, and was uttering a constant stream of loud, random, vocalizations while he flapped his arms wildly. It seems pretty obvious to even the casual observer that "something is not right" with him.

We made our way over to the handicapped seating, showed our Guest Assistance Card to the CM, and were promptly admitted to the roped-off area. We wedged ourselves between a garbage can and a lamppost, behind a couple of rows of wheelchairs and eagerly anticipated the parade.

Understandably, as parade time drew near, the area became filled to capacity and the CMs were obligated to turn away families who were arriving, (about 5 minutes before parade time, mind you). They were directed to another reserved viewing area by the CMs.

Well, you would not believe how many other "guests" and their family members actually told us, "You can't sit here, this is the wheelchair section." Or even better, loudly commented to each other, "I can't believe the nerve of some people!" Now, these were not even the ones who were turned away, but, rather, the ones who were already comfortably seated. Some even complained to the CMs who, to their credit, defended our "eligibility".

After several minutes of this, my DH was about ready to punch someone in the nose! When the next busybody made a coment to me about us sitting in the "wheelchair section", I had had enough. In a loud voice, I told her pointedly, that this was NOT a "wheelchair section", but a "handicapped section", and that our son WAS handicapped even though he was not in a wheelchair, and if she had a problem with that, she could speak to the CMs, or call Security!

I suppose it was so upsetting at the time because it was so unexpected! It really was very rude of these total strangers to think that they had the right to tell us to get lost, and it was a terrible start to our vacation. We truly appreciated and needed the reserved seating and it made us very uneasy about using handicapped seating for the rest of the week.

Now its three years later and I have developed a thicker skin, I guess. When people stare or make unkind comments about my son, I don't even bother acknowledging them. Their ignorance is their own punishment. And I've got more important things to worry about!

I still think that WDW is just about the most inclusive place that we have ever known, and we come every year for the most wonderful time!

to all of you dealing with non-apparant disabilities!

Kathy

 

[SAGE]

KathyRN
The same experience for us in 98. Same parade!....and we were told the special area was for wheel chairs only - by a guest. My autistic DS in now 18 but I still remember how rude the woman was.
He & I are going again at the end of the month (haven't been back since) - so looking forward to it!
Have a doctor's note etc. and will ask for a GAC however I don't think we will need it as much now the FP is available.
He would love to see Fantasmic but he cannot wait 90 mins for the show.
Hopefully we can use the GAC?
SAGE

 

[LindaDVC]

we were recently waiting for the lion king performance. a lady in the 3rd row was HOPING no other handicapped people would come so that her girls would have a perfect view! suddenly a cm walked two ambulatory people across the stage area and seated them in the handicapped section. the woman is FURIOUS and then moves her family to the handicapped seating area too. I assummed the two people that were seated by a cm had a hidden disability.

WELL- another w/c party arrives and this lady and her family are asked to move!

she was furious and her almost perfect seats are gone!

She then squishes back into the original seating and complains throughout the show that disney is for kids and people are mean and she shouldn't have been asked to move. She is going to go find a supervisor right after the show and complain 'cause she only moved to the handicapped seating after another family sat there! of course the first was sat by a cm and secondly two wrongs don't make a right if it was a wrong!

She was so rude that cm's were avoiding our section and I noticed we were the only section that didn't have kids taken into the show--
If she hadn't been acting like this I would have switched seats with one of the kids for a better view but she was so out of control -that I chose to ignore her and hope the cm's didn't get any problems from her ranting after the show!

Linda

 

[twinmum]

As I read this thread I have laughed...and cried a little too. I'll definitely use some of these responses (although I think my husband might die if he heard me come back with some of them!). Our son's physical disability is very obvious. I do get nasty looks when I jump out of the car, but they are usually followed by the "oh the poor little kid" look. My son has heard me sound off (politely, of course) to people parked in handicapped spots who don't have passes etc. He (age 7) tells me he is "proud that you stand up for people like me."

One year at our city's large Santa Claus parade (televised worldwide), we arrived at the wheelchair seating to find it almost filled with many who did not appear to belong there. In their defence, it was not well marked (but duh, if you arrive at a parade and see an enclosed area, do you really think you should just waltz in?!?). Expecting other families from my son's class, we knew we had to take action. We approached the police who were providing security, who agreed to help, but they suggested we try asking first, as they were loath to make a scene. Well, people with great viewing really don't like being told they must move! My "good cop" approach having failed, my friend (whose child was in his w/c) tried the "bad cop." It got action, but it also got an awful lot of foul language. Among other epithets, my friend was told "man, you people really have a good thing going!" !$#!#@!@#! You can miagine her response! Nobody took up her offer to trade lives with her and her son, nobody moved. Until we asked for police help. It was very ugly.

Thankfully, all this happened away from the eyes and ears of our children. As I write this, I am getting angry all over again. But there is a happy end to this story. I am a letter writer/follow it up with the higher ups type. A few weeks after the parade, I had a lovely, long chat with the Director of the parade, who was "disgusted" by our experience. And what did we find this year? A HUGE w/c seating area (at least 3 times the size); clear signage; several wonderful cops who were specifically designated to manage the crowd around the w/c area, but felt it was their job to bring joy and happiness to our kids. One cop actually lifted my son up to Santa's sleigh (the final float) for a private hello with Santa! (Perhaps you have seen my post about able-bodied siblings of children with disabilities...his twin brother was VERY pleased with that, let me tell you! Empathy is coming, but still not 100% there!)

The message is this...we are our children's advocates and must never give up!

 

[Parkers_girl]

My mom recently became handicapped because of a terrible accident last year. She has to walk with a walker(if not in the wheelchair) and she can't walk very long without getting exhausted. It does really peeve me though to see people in the spaces who don't need it. the other day some lady cut me off to get the handicapped space at the grocery store. I had to park in the back with my mom and we kept running into this lady in the store who was there about an hour shopping and walking around just fine. My poor mom's legs were about to break before we even hit the doors. I rarely use the sticker, only if she has the walker. I feel that if she has the wheelchair then I don't need to use the sticker because my legs work just fine and she is already sitting comfortably so she won't mind the walk.


Another thing..if the person who needs the handicap sticker is just waiting in the car and you have to run into a store and get something..don't use it.

 

[Paticake]

Some people are just so ignorant! Reminds me of a trip we brought my mother on. She is in a wheelchair (her own) due to a massive stoke that left her completely paralzed on her right side. We were waiting for a wheelchair boat at Small World. The CM who had put us in place to await a boat had gone on a break. As we waited another women in a wheelchair came up next to us. When the wheelchair boat arrived she got right in front of us to go on. I told the CM we had been waiting longer to which the other lady replied . I only have 1 leg. She can wait. I was flabbergasted!!!!! My mother felt terrible. The Cm just let her go on and put us on the same boat. The ride couldn't end fast enough for us.

 

[MightyMom]

Last year we were at MGM studios for Star Wars Weekend.

My son (7) is a HUGE star wars geek... uh... I mean... fan.

We arrived at the Jedi Training Academy stage and a large crowd had already formed. I knew they would be picking kids randamly, but I didn't think they would pick my son since he is in a wheelchair and I didn't see a ramp leading up to the stage.

I asked a cast member. He said I should try to move to the front of the ropes to see the show and perhaps they would pick my son.

Last year they had some kids fighting Darth Vader on stage and the others fighting Darth Maul on a make shift stage on the ground.

I left my husband and 1 year old son behind, and I tried to wiggle our way to the front so my son could see. Everyone gladly made room for us..... but when we got to the ropes there was a woman standing next to her son and we could not move forward any further. My son could not see the stage.

Some people around me nudged me to ask the woman to stand BEHIND her son so I could move my son's wheelchair forward. Finally, I decided to ask her. I leaned over my son's wheelchair and asked if she would mind standing behind her son so I could move my son forward.

She flat out said no.

A woman beside me (well intentioned, but very loud) yelled, "I thought this was for the kids!"

Well, the woman infront of us against the ropes turned around in a rage. I assume she thought I had yelled out at her. She started yelling HORRIBLE things at me. She said it wasn't her problem that my son's legs didn't work.... and we shouldn't get special treatment just because my son was in a wheelchair!

I was stunned. I had never heard anyone be so vile towards a my child. I was livid.

I told her to shut her mouth or I would shut it for her.

She said ALL of these horrible things infront of my son.... probably assuming he didn't understand. I looked down and he was crying. I started crying. The woman turned around and went back to waiting for the show to start.

A woman next to me put her arm around me as I tried to comfort my son.

Before I realized it, a man standing at the front near the ropes grabbed my son and pushed him forward.

The show started immediately...... and my son was the last child to be picked.

That horrible woman's child was not picked. She yelled out some curse words and dragged her son away. My heart broke for her boy.

You should have seen my son's face. He was thrilled beyond measure! And you should have heard the cheers that rang out in the crowd when my son beat Darth Maul.

It was truly the most heartbreaking and magical moment we've ever had at WDW.

Later that evening we were at Hollywood and Vine having dinner. A woman came up to us and wanted to know if I was okay. She said she had been in a crowd that morning and heard what that woman said to us. She said it had weighed on her heart and she wanted me to know that not everyone felt as that other woman did. She said she knew I would wait for two hour in the burning sun if it meant my son could stand and wait with us.

She cried. I cried. And I'm sure all the people around us thought we were lunatics.

I have to remind myself that fear breeds ignorance. People are afraid of what they do not know. So I try my hardest to educate people when I can.

 

[SueOKW]

What a fantastic thread with so many great comments and stories.

Personally i try to do two things..

Educate people when I can that you have to assume hidden disability at all times and never judge.. ...(especially here at work when someone rides the elevator up one floor, and someone comments after s/he gets off... I think I've been successful at that.) In the case of the parking, I would give a snappy comeback - and the trade one seemed the best to me. Of course, the insulter would never apologize, or thank me for educating them - but it would shut them up - like the girl at the grocery store.

Secondly - I try to remember that when SOME people are hurting me or staring or saying mean things - there are TWICE as many people around me that are caring about my son or understanding our situation. Sometimes I don't see them, but I need to always remember they ARE there. As noted above in MightyMom's story.

Many people are inherently GOOD and TRY hard to be good. Of course, many are just angry at the world as in Linda's story.