How to break it to the kids that I am going without them??

[grumpeeduck]

Um, WHY would you EVER lie to your kids???? WHEN they find out they will
NEVER trust you again.

That being said, I would also never go without my kids. Your first grader can miss school. She would learn way more at WDW with YOU!

 

[JUJU814]

Wow! I'm amazed at all the advice to just not tell your kids. They will find out someday (maybe sooner than you'd like), and then they'll resent not being told.

I'd suggest telling them you're planning a family trip for December, and that you have to go down to find a good place to stay, make arrangements, and ensure everything will be safe for your visit.

Not lying. Not omitting. And sets expectations that you'll bring them something fun back to help tide them over until they get their trip.

I'm 38. If I found out that my parents took numerous trips to Disney without me throughout my childhood, I

couldn't care less today!

Would anyone here actually RESENT not having been told that by their parents years ago? Come on!

I wouldn't tell them it's Disney. Just tell them you're going away on a grown up trip with grandma. Period. It's not lying..it is indeed a grown up trip..you're not taking other kids.

If they find out someday, I PROMISE you they will not be in therapy because of it.

 

[goofy53073]

I think I would tell them no matter how difficult that may be. I am sure you and your mom will take some photos so how would you hide those? Also if you bought souveniors they would know. What if you don't tell them and then they find out anyway? My feeling is this is life and sometimes we are disappointed in life- better to learn this at an early age. Just explain that it is a special grown up only trip and reassure them that they will go again soon

 

[Danemom]

I am also a "terrible mother". And DH is a terrible father. We are getting ready to go to WDW for the 3rd time without our children.

I definitely would not lie to the kids. And I think omitting facts is lying.
I would tell them exactly what you posted -
1. You really wish you could take them
2. School is a priority over vacations
3. It's a special trip for you and your mom to spend time together
They will be disappointed but they'll be okay. I hope everyone that talks about "trauma" from this is kidding. I think it would be much more traumatic to realize your mother lies to you.

Special souvenirs help a lot. I've even mailed small items home on our first day to surprise them while we're gone. Also, try to have some fun things for them to do while you're gone. Having Grandma stay at our house (with her much more lax rules!) is almost as great as a Disney trip for our kids.
Try not to feel guilty - your kids are lucky to have been to WDW and will go again. Have fun!

 

[denisegold]

I wouldn't tell them you are going to Disney- just a trip for you and gramma. I don't see the big deal of NOT telling them you are going to Disney. I'm going next week without my 12 year old, I told her me and my friend are going to Florida for 3 days. She didn't ask, so I didn't offer. I'll tell her when I get home (but she is older than your kids). But why make her feel bad and sad for the 3 days I am gone?

 

[smylie1]

My two cents!

Speaking as someone whose mother pulled this on her, don't tell them. Just say your going away for some adult only time. (Which is much deserved I'm sure!) Think of it this way, if your favorite vacation destination was a tropical island or a ski chalet, would you feel as guilty going without them? It's only the disney guilt that's bothering you. Just remember you get some mommy only time too!

Maybe you could tell them your going to florida, so if you want to bring things home you can say you made a quick visit to Mickey just to buy some things for them.

Don't feel guilty, you deserve it, and your children will have many more happen disney vacations to come, I'm sure even if they do find out where you went in the future they won't begrudge you. ( I still don't for my mom) But if they specifically knew you were leaving them to go to WDW, they'll know what they're missing and then might feel hurt.

Unless you think they are mature enough to understand the concept of "mommy needs a break for a bit, and loves WDW and really really wants to go, but can't take you this time." I would stick to what they don't know won't hurt them policy.!

Hope you feel better about your decision and HAVE A GREAT TIME!

I completely, 100%, totally agree with this!!!!

 

[TheGoofster]

I would ask them "How would you like a T-Shirt from Disney?"

When they say "Yeah, sure..."

I would say, "OK, I'll be sure to get you one when I'm there next week."


Seriously, though, I agree with the idea of having a second trip planned that they can look forward to. Just tell them "sorry, we can't all go this time, but let's start planning for our great family trip in XX months. It might not make not going this time a whole lot easier for them, but at least they have something to look forward to to help take away the sting.
Plus, ask them if there is anything that they want you to do for them while you are there (special souvenirs, hide an item that they can try and find next time, certain information, a special picture or two...) Help them get at least a little involved with this trip

I wouldn't lie about it though. If for any reason they found out the truth in the next few months (and kids somehow always find out the truth), I think it would be worse for them than having to deal with not going.
Sure in a few years it wouldn't matter at all, but if they find out soon, it could cause a trust issue

 

[mydisneykids]

I am another that is amazed at all the people that do not tell their children. My husband and I have been to Disney a number of times alone starting when our kids were 1, 4 and 8. They have never been upset and know that they get a lot of guilt gifts upon our return. It is all in how it is presented and how they have been raised. We take at least two family trips a year and spend a lot of quality family time together but have always made it clear that mommy and daddy need special time together, too and we love going to go to Disney with them, but love it in a different way when it is just grown ups. We even talk about how it is different with them when we get back....they know we love singing at Jellyrolls and going on a fancy dinner later at night than when they are with us. They are now 9, 12 and 16 and are not scarred from our solo trips to Disney and have an understanding for our love of it too.

 

[larryz]

I'm 38. If I found out that my parents took numerous trips to Disney without me throughout my childhood, I couldn't care less today!

If they find out someday, I PROMISE you they will not be in therapy because of it.

I guess it's a special kind of parent who could omit telling their kids they were taking a trip to Disney without them.

Personally, I'd start wondering what ELSE they weren't telling me...

like maybe I was adopted...

...and they didn't love me enough to take me on another trip to Disney...

...or maybe I had done something so wrong that I was being punished...

My DD16 says don't tell them. She says they will be traumatized for life. And apparently would still not be speaking to me if her grammy and I had ever gone to Disney without her.

And, if my 16-year-old advised me not to tell the kids, I'd wonder just what it is she isn't telling ME!!!

 

[DisneyGrampa]

I can only think of one thing worse then having my kids find out I went to Disney without them, and that's having them find out I lied to them about it. Great example! When you screw things up, the way you get out of it is to lie!
Do you really think your kids are so dumb that they're not going to figure out the truth, or at least that you're lying to them?

 

[kim929]

My friend and I did this in March. We took the kids in Aug of 08 then after the new year we felt we needed a girl only trip. We booked the trip told the kids we were going on a mommy only trip never told them where we were going, (my older kids figured it out, but hey they understood) brought them back "generic" gifts, ex: the boys got legos can't remember what she brought back for her daughter. Now, a few other times, I have gone and told my older children ( they were 8-10-13) where I was going, (their father gave me a hard time about taking them out of school) it was pure hell. It was worse telling them then going without them. The whole time walking around I felt guilty. Go, have a great time with your mother, and tell the kids your going to spend alone time with your mother.

 

[CarolAnnB]

I guess it's a special kind of parent who could omit telling their kids they were taking a trip to Disney without them.

Personally, I'd start wondering what ELSE they weren't telling me...

like maybe I was adopted...

...and they didn't love me enough to take me on another trip to Disney...

...or maybe I had done something so wrong that I was being punished...



And, if my 16-year-old advised me not to tell the kids, I'd wonder just what it is she isn't telling ME!!!

Sorry you can't understand a 16 year old's sense of humor.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Let me start by saying all of our children are grown and we also have grandkids. DH and I went ALONE last December. We simply didn't tell them until AFTER we returned. It was sooo much easier that way.

 

[ShannonMB]

Let me start by saying all of our children are grown and we also have grandkids. DH and I went ALONE last December. We simply didn't tell them until AFTER we returned. It was sooo much easier that way.

Too cute!

I don't get some of these replies. I would absolutely no way in H*E double hockey sticks tell my DD that I was going to Disney without her. And not because I don't want to deal with the guilt or the crying, but because I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I personally don't think a 5 year old is developmentally able to truly understand "mommy needs alone time" (with Daddy, or whoever), and so we are going to the greatest place ever, and no, you can't go. Sorry! Maybe next time!!) MAYBE a 12 year old could be expected to understand that and have no ill feelings (still a stretch IMHO).

I personally would have a hard time going without my DD, but in your situation, OP, I might consider it. But no, I wouldn't tell her where I was going. Omitting details is not lying, it's omitting details. And just don't take any pics!

For those of you who feel differently, I can respect that.

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

I wouldn't ever go to Disney without my children. That is just me. I am a huge advocate of mommy only or adult only trips --- just not to their favorite place in the world. That just seems wrong to me! Again, that is just me!

But you are going with your mom so that is beside the point. So to answer your question, I would tell them but fully expect some upset kiddos. I wouldn't do it at the last minute because that would leave daddy to deal with the potentially upset kiddos.

I also would not lie or omit where you are going. They will find out and you will feel guilty for not telling them.

 

[pickles]

That being said, I would also never go without my kids. Your first grader can miss school. She would learn way more at WDW with YOU!

I second this..cant imagine why a first grader cant miss a few days of school? she has 11 more years to learn school stuff..plenty of time to catch up on what she missed by going on a trip with you and missing a few days of first grade

 

[JUJU814]

I guess it's a special kind of parent who could omit telling their kids they were taking a trip to Disney without them.

Personally, I'd start wondering what ELSE they weren't telling me...

like maybe I was adopted...

...and they didn't love me enough to take me on another trip to Disney...

...or maybe I had done something so wrong that I was being punished...



And, if my 16-year-old advised me not to tell the kids, I'd wonder just what it is she isn't telling ME!!!

Oh good grief! LOL Get serious and cut the drama. I'm going to assume you are joking! That is just too ridiculous not to be!

 

[meriface11]

I don't have kids, but I have been one. I agree that a child that age might not be able to comprehend the practicality of this situation. Of course there are time when it's appropriate for parents withhold details from their children, especially to spare their feelings if they might not understand otherwise. If the OP decides to not disclose the location of this grown-up trip, it's certainly not a lie to cover up something they did wrong.

 

[WDWFan91]

My mother had the opportunity to go to WDW with her parents in December of 2004 and she went. Of course I missed her, I was 13 but in no way did I resent her, I could never do that. She told me that we were going on a family vacation to WDW in April of the following year, but we unfortunately had to cancel due to health problems. I was only saying this because someone said not to tell your kids about the December trip. Sure, I was disappointed, but I knew that we'd be going on another vacation.

I don't think that you should feel guilty.

Just thought i'd share my 2 cents because I was once there, and a child - granted older.

 

[hunter1211]

Well, I just wanted to let you know from our experience that we told our kids we were going without them. Now, I know every kid and every family is different and will have different reactions.

With that being said, we took our kids to Disney and Universal for their first time last year in September. The grandparents from PA stayed with us at Disney and we met their other grandmother who stayed with us at Universal. (She lives in Orlando and works for Universal. ) When my parents asked my dh and I back in April what we wanted for our 40th birthdays this year, I said, "watch our kids for 3 or 4 days." They said sure! We haven't been away for more than 1 night since our dd8 was born. At first we were thinking of lots of other places, but always had Disney as a possible destination. We felt like there was so much we missed when we went with the kids and grandparents. Dh and I use to go lots before the kids and it was a totally different trip. So, once August came along and they started offering the great deals for Disney the week of dh's birthday we knew where we wanted to go.

At first we weren't quite sure how the kids were going to take it, and were trying to figure out how to tell them. Well, they saw us looking on the Disney parks website and asked if we were going to go there. We asked, "maybe, we are thinking about it. What if we did go?" Our dd8 along with dd10 (and the younger ones all follow suit) said, "As long as you bring us back something"!!!! We were floored! They still tease us a bit, but they also know they are going to be spoiled by the grandparents and have a great time while we are gone. Plus, they know we will take them again in a year or two back to Disney.