How strongly do you self identify as a "mom"?

[disney1990]

I strongly identify as a Mom and as a Grandma. Even now, my daughter's friends refer to me as _______'s Mom.

 

[Aisling]

Being a mom would be the first thing I would put on my list.

Me, too, although I do have more "titles" than that. It's what I most identify with, and I love it that way. And my kids aren't even babies anymore, they're 23 and 17!

 

[5 'LIL *TWINKERS*]

Being married to my husband doesn't come first because its not something that is a part of me, I'm a part of it.

Honestly I wouldn't let my dh put me before our kids, in fact I wouldn't forgive him if he did.

100% completely agree with this.

My children came from and lived in my body, there is a little different kind of attachment with that compared to me and dh.....both literally and figuratively.

JMHO

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I haven't read the whole thread, but

I do see myself as a mom, it's a huge part of who I am, but not the only part. I'm also very committed to my career, doing work I see as hugely important, that's a large part of my identity. I could go on, naming other pieces of my identity but you get the point.

But here, on this board, I'm definitely Mom first. Disney is something I love in the context of doing it with my kid. It's something we share, and so, although I didn't happen to choose a "mom" name, it would make sense to me if I did. In addition, I feel like all of us here share something in common in the way we parent, and so I'm likely to ask parenting questions here. On the other hand, I don't find that people here share my politics or my value system in ways that relate to work, so I'm unlikely to ask questions related to that, and when I do share my thoughts on someone else's post I generally regret it.

I also post on a board about dog training, my name there is a play on my dog's name. While I definitely think the mom is a bigger part of my identity than dog owner, having my dog's name represented there makes sense.

 

[Cmbar]

100% completely agree with this.

My children came from and lived in my body, there is a little different kind of attachment with that compared to me and dh.....both literally and figuratively.

JMHO

I am a little confused. If your kids came from your body, do you still agree that DH should put kids first. Afterall he was not a part of that process of them growing in your body. Do you believe then that DH can't love your children as you do?

Not judging, just curious how people see things

I actually disagree with the post you agreed with.

We took literally what was said at our wedding "the two shall become one". Not just in the sense that we would create life, but that our seperate lives ceased and we began one life, a new life of "us" rather than "he and she". Of course that doesn't mean I gave up my career or loves, and neither did he, but our future was "us". And that "us" gave us the Children. We both love our children and although I suffered great physical pain and experienced 8 months of hell having my son due to a disease I have, I don't believe for a second that my husband doesn't love him with the same intensity than I do. Or for that matter suffered right along with me watching what I had to endure to have this child. He had to edure the possiblity of losing both of us and I don't think he could have picked one of us if he had to. I think we both are part of him (and of course our little girl too) I know it is not popular to think of marriage as "one" instead of "he and she" these days. But I think my kids are lucky we do. Just my humble opinion and how I see things.

 

[mom2rb]

I stumbled into my screen name. I had always used my name and my birthday. I was Jamie911. After 2001, I was told by people on another message broard that it was not appropriate. I had no clue what to change my name too. I had a friend that was mom2jk. I just changed the name to mom2rb.

 

[Snowysmom]

I haven't read all the replies, just some. I do have mom in my name. Snowy was my wonderful little westie who unfortunately is not with us any more. I chose it because it sounded cute at the time, not because I define myself as a doggie mom. However, being a mom is top on my list. My kids are young adults now but I am happy and proud to be their mom. And, they still need some guidance from mom and dad once in a while. I also define myself as a wife and friend. My family and friends are first and foremost in my life.

 

[KAMKIM]

I just don't get how someone whose life is going nowhere thinks having a baby can change that. And, if they don't think that, why would they even bring a baby into that situation in the first place? That's putting an awful lot of pressure on a tiny little baby to make everything right in the world for the adult.

As for those without marriages - I get that - but I can't recall one post where a woman said her marriage took top billing (although I know some posters alluded to it) and I can't believe every mother posting on this thread is a single parent. And, part of me wonders if ignoring one's marriage and being mommy and mommy alone is the reason why there is no marriage. A marriage needs attention and love and it should be something of a partnership - my husband is a whole heck of a lot more than a sperm donor...why even bother getting married or having a partner (I also realize many children are raised by two loving partners who are not allowed to get married, which is crap but a subject for another thread) if you don't plan to nurture the relationship.

Men need to take care of themselves? Is that what marriage is to you? Taking care of someone?

Anyway - I think people should actually rub two brain neurons together before popping out kids. And, I think their lives should be stable and have meaning before they rely on helpless, innocent children to fill that void. And, I want to know exactly what these women will do with their lives once their children are gone - how exactly have they improved themselves or their self-esteem and self-worth? What state will their marriage be in? And, finally, I most certainly do not think women should treat their partner as either another child or an outcast once the bambinos come along.

wow - all that from a few comments I made? You make an awful lot of assumptions. Dh and I are happily raising our children the way we feel is right. Since they are also happy - we must be doing something right

 

[dislal]

I have to say that if someone asked me the top 5 things about myself mom would be #1 on my list.

 

[KAMKIM]

I have to say that if someone asked me the top 5 things about myself mom would be #1 on my list.

Me too. DH and I were #1 in our parents lives while we were kids - now its our kids turn to be #1.

 

[luvmy3]

I am a little confused. If your kids came from your body, do you still agree that DH should put kids first. Afterall he was not a part of that process of them growing in your body. Do you believe then that DH can't love your children as you do?

Not judging, just curious how people see things

I actually disagree with the post you agreed with.

We took literally what was said at our wedding "the two shall become one". Not just in the sense that we would create life, but that our seperate lives ceased and we began one life, a new life of "us" rather than "he and she". Of course that doesn't mean I gave up my career or loves, and neither did he, but our future was "us". And that "us" gave us the Children. We both love our children and although I suffered great physical pain and experienced 8 months of hell having my son due to a disease I have, I don't believe for a second that my husband doesn't love him with the same intensity than I do. Or for that matter suffered right along with me watching what I had to endure to have this child. He had to edure the possiblity of losing both of us and I don't think he could have picked one of us if he had to. I think we both are part of him (and of course our little girl too) I know it is not popular to think of marriage as "one" instead of "he and she" these days. But I think my kids are lucky we do. Just my humble opinion and how I see things.

I'm only commenting because you stated you did not agree with my post. I'm not sure what the bolded is in response to

What I really wanted to comment on is your statement about a marriage being "one". I wholeheartedly believe our's is. My dh and I bring parts of ourselves into making it work. I don't define myself by my marriage because the person I am makes my marriage what it is, my marriage doesn't make me who I am. Being a mom does make me who I am. It makes me the wife I am. It makes me the daughter I am. It makes me the person I am. When I had my children I was fundamentaly changed, from that moment everything else I was, or will be, is a reflection of being a mother, and I believe that I am, or anything I am a part of, like my marriage, and anything I will do in the future will better because of it. If you ask my dh, he would say the same thing about himself.

 

[C.Ann]

Being older and a widow now, the first thought that comes to mind for me is "grandmother".. Being a "mom" is great, but being a "grandma" is the absolutely best feeling in the world!!