How old to drop off at B-day party?

[MaryKatesMom]

I have a five and six year old and this past weekend I had to drop DD5 off at a B-day party. I didn't know the parents well because my DD just meet her within the last few weeks at summer camp. There was no way I could stay because my DD6 had to be somewhere else. There was also no way to beg off without really causing DD5 some grief. She was soooooo excited to go to the party but I felt just awful.

Everything turned out OK, but it made me wonder how old most children are when they get dropped off.

Also, for my parties I have always invited siblings and parent in the past but next year I don't think that will be possible for DD6 in first grade since at 6/7 I should be able to invite the whole class for a ride at the pumpkin patch. Now I'm worrying that parents will want to stay with thier first grader's and I won't be able to handle 26 kids with parents.

When do you drop off and when do you expect to stay?

I'd be interested in what other people expect.

 

[CEDmom]

DD will be 5 next month and we've been to several 5 yo b'day parties over the last few months. So far no one has dropped off even though we've all known eachother for quite awhile now. A few reasons for not dropping off yet is the location of the party. They've been in public places with other parties going on (i.e. Chuck E Cheese) but not extra adult supervision. Also the adults enjoy spending time we eachother. We let the kids go off to play and we sit and gab.

Personally DD will be at least 6 or 7 before I'll drop her off. Even then it will depend on where the party is and both our comfort levels. At almost 5 she is no where ready to even want to be dropped off at a party much less my considering it.

With something like the pumpkin patch that you're doing if parents weren't encouraged to stay and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her I'd just find a spot somewhere that I could keep an eye on her but not be in the way. If I chose to stay I wouldn't expect the hosts to do anything for me.

It's never easy deciding what's the best thing to do. Sometimes going with your gut instincts is all you have. Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If dd knew them well then no problem. In preschool at 4yso only 1 mom stayed out of 8!

If I were you I would get a few of moms from the class to help out! I am going to bet more than a few would be happy to help.

 

[MaryKatesMom]

When one DD was 3 and in preschool, one parent had the babysitter drop off her 3 yr old. Despite writing on the bottom of the invitation "Due to the tractor ride all children under 7 must be accompanied by an adult". The poor child was crying and frankly I was very relieved when the baby sitter decided to just take her home.

 

[JESW]

My kids are 5 & 9 and I still stay - mainly because I like to hang out and talk with the parents. And since I scrapbook I like to take pictures.

I have found that having extra parents around helps the party-givers take care of the other kids. We also have food serving and clean-up down to a science!

I wouldn't have felt compfortable leaving my DD5 at a party with someone I didn't know - but that's just me.

Jill

 

[Gupsmom]

It depends on the child, where the party is being held and who is throwing the party.

I just started leaving my children (all at different ages) at parties this year. My kids are 4, 5 and 7 (although he was 6 for most of the parties). My oldest was too impulsive and curious to leave at an earlier age and my middle child was too nervous to be left before this year. My youngest is very mature for her age. Quite frankly, she doesn't wnat me to stay at her parties.

I usually stick around for a few minutes at each party to make sure I'm comfortable with the level of supervision. Once, when I arrive at a party with my youngest to a party all the kids were running around like maniacs and the parents didn't seem to be capable of stopping them. I knew right away that I was going to stick around.

My oldest went to a roller skating party. I decided to stay for that one. I didn't want to worry about him getting hurt the entire time.

Also, sometimes it's fun to stick around and talk with the other parents.

I don't think that I would leave a child younger than 4....unless I really knew the people having the party and my child was very comfortable with them.

Jess

 

[Kimberle]

I agree, depends on the party, and who is holding it.

Brittany has just been to a TON of 5yo parties. Nearly all the parents stay. A few will drop and pick up. Generally, the parties are about 1.5 hours, so you really don't have time to do much anyway.

When she starts kindergarten in Sept, it will be a whole batch of new kids/parents. (Only 4 from her pre-school are in our school district.) So, when she starts going to these parties, I'll stay. I'm thinking it will probably be at least 1st or 2nd grade before I "drop". And then, it will be only when I know she will be well supervised (in a private area, not able to run down the mall or something), and I know the other parents.

Plus, she still wants me to stay! Not many more years before she won't want to be seen within 30 paces of her old Mom!

 

[aprincessmom]

Depends on the party, how well I know the parents, or what my daughter wants me to do. DD is 8 and I attended all parties with her until she was 6. Most of the other parents did, too. Now that she's older I have a different set of criteria.

If the party is at someone's house and I know the parent, I will drop her off. If I don't know the parents, I call the parent and ask if I can help out at the party and explain that I'm not going to be just dropping her off so whatever she feels like she needs help with (take pictures, help with the games, set up the cake, etc.), let me know and I'll be happy to do it. I've never been turned down on my offer and it helps me get to know the parent better.

If the party is in a public place (skating rink, movie theater, beach, restaurant) I go. It doesn't matter if I know the parents or not. I don't feel comfortable leaving my daughter, especially if there is little or no adult supervision. I go, offer to help and if the offer is refused, I find a place where I'm unobtrusive and wait out the party.

 

[MaryKatesMom]

Originally posted by JESW


I wouldn't have felt compfortable leaving my DD5 at a party with someone I didn't know - but that's just me.

Jill

But what do you do with your other children?

As a party giver, I don't know what I'd do with double or triple the children expected. At one of my Chuck e Cheese parties one mom brought two siblings, I got the super party package and that cost me over $30. What was I supposed to say? Sure they can stay but how about paying for them yourself.

 

[Az Pirates]

I really think it depends on how well you know the parent and where the party is held.

If it is at a Chuck E Cheese or someplace like that, I stay. No way one parent can supervise all the kids at a place like that with them running every which way.

If it's a party at a friends house where I know the parents, I usually offer to help - if they don't need me, I drop off.
If I don't know the parents well - I stick around for a little to make sure I'm comfortable leaving my child there first.

I have actually dropped off as young as 3 - I knew the parents well and my child was very independant and wanted to be a big girl and not have mom hanging around. (This is the child who wanted to have a sleep-over at age 4. Don't think so!)

I would never bring a sibling and stay and expect them to be included if they were not invited though.

For DD's party last year (age 5) none of the parents stayed. I was fine with that - I would have been fine had they wanted to stay as well.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by MaryKatesMom
But what do you do with your other children?

As a party giver, I don't know what I'd do with double or triple the children expected. At one of my Chuck e Cheese parties one mom brought two siblings, I got the super party package and that cost me over $30. What was I supposed to say? Sure they can stay but how about paying for them yourself.

Well, I have 1 child so that's not a issue. However, the last party we were at 1 mom brought her younger son because her DH wasn't home. She apologized to the b'day girls mom and told her she would be getting him tokens and a snack so to make sure he wasn't included in the head count. I just can't imagine bringing uninvited guests and then expecting the host to pay for them as well. Are these extra kids bringing gifts? I honestly don't know what I'd say but I sure as heck wouldn't be handing over any tokens to uninvited kids.

 

[Az Pirates]

Originally posted by CEDmom
Well, I have 1 child so that's not a issue. However, the last party we were at 1 mom brought her younger son because her DH wasn't home. She apologized to the b'day girls mom and told her she would be getting him tokens and a snack so to make sure he wasn't included in the head count. I just can't imagine bringing uninvited guests and then expecting the host to pay for them as well. Are these extra kids bringing gifts? I honestly don't know what I'd say but I sure as heck wouldn't be handing over any tokens to uninvited kids.

I think it happens far more often than you'd expect.

I've seen kids dropped off at parties with siblings in tow. Probably happens at Chuck E Cheese or skating type parties the most. They are probably the worst kind to do that at too, because if you exceed the head count you gave, you are charged extra per child.
I saw one mom stand at the ticket counter at the skating rink and insist that an older sibling was part of a party so she didn't need to pay for him. They had a list of all invited guests at the window. His brother was on it - he was not. I think the mom giving the party ended up paying for him even though he was not invited. The nerve of some people!

I did have one parent call and ask if she could bring a younger brother to my DS's party that was held at our house last year. My son & friends were age 8, the younger brother age 5. I told her he was welcome to stay and could participate in the games, etc. but that I did not have extra party favors and prizes. We planned the party and bought all the stuff first so we knew how many we could invite and everyone invited came. At least she called first.

 

[JESW]

My other post wasn't a flame...about me not dropping off my DD5. The part I wasn't comfortable with was not knowing the parents who were having the party. And as far as siblings...my son is 9 and Aspergers so I need to keep an eye on him. Fortunately, the Mom's who have the parties know my son so they also keep an eye on him. If the party is on the weekend then obviously the other child stays home. But most of the parties my kids have been invited to have been at gymnastics or the soccer place - we have no Chuck e. cheese here. So there has always been extra food (usually pizza) and cake. The parents have also included the other child- I would never take advantage of someone else.

I have dropped my son off at parties - but I have always known the parents. DD was at a new school this year and since I didn't know the parents I stuck around.

Just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was flaming you!

Jill

 

[decker96]

I have DD6, DS3 and DD10 months. I started dropping DD6 off at parties last year. They were all moms I knew when she was 5. I also dropped both DD then 5 and DS then 2 at a party last year, but they were very good friends of ours, both kids were invited and I had cleared it with my friend ahead of time. Her DH and parents were there so I knew she had extra help.
This year DD6 was invited to two birthday parties of kids in her kindergarten class that I didn't know the parents very well. But I still felt comfortable dropping her off and she really wanted to go. They were both parties at the kids' homes so I wasn't too worried I guess. I've never really thought about this topic much, maybe it's different around here (we live in a pretty small town), but in my experience once kids are 5 parents pretty much just drop them off. At my daughter's 4th birthday party almost all mom's stayed, but at her 5th no one did.
I would never take siblings to a party they weren't invited to and then expect the parent having the party to pay for/watch them. That is so rude!!!

 

[nuke]

We made it throught the kindergarten party circuit this past school year. I stayed for the first party but after that I just dropped him off. For my son's party the only parent that stayed was the mom to the bratiest kid in the class. I would like to say that she kept him in line but it's not the case.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I don't think I did that until DS was 9. He's only been to about 3 parties without me. Two were at the kids' homes, one was at the bowling alley.

 

[aprilgail2]

For my daughters 4th birthday party that was out all but 2 parents stayed and two brought siblings (which I had to pay extra for!)..at my friends daughters 6th birthday party only 4 parents stayed and 2 of those had the kids siblings with them! This year when they RSVP to my daughters party I am going to ask the parents if they are staying so I know how much food to order for the parents. Last time I had the right amount since only 2 didn't stay but if most are not goign to stay I don't want to have all the food ordered for them if they don't stay. At my friends party she thought the parents of most would stay and she had trays of hot food catered for them but only 4 stayed plus me, the grandparents and a few relatives.

 

[KimR]

Originally posted by MaryKatesMom
But what do you do with your other children?

As a party giver, I don't know what I'd do with double or triple the children expected. At one of my Chuck e Cheese parties one mom brought two siblings, I got the super party package and that cost me over $30. What was I supposed to say? Sure they can stay but how about paying for them yourself.

I wouldn't think you'd even have to spell it out - did she expect you to pay for the siblings as well? I stay for those types of parties and most of the time bring my youngest along, but I would never dream of having the host(ess) pay her way. I pay for her pizza and games, and also bring along a few little toys for her so she doesn't feel left out when the goody bags come out.