How old is too old???

[janiebubble]

I'm 40, my uncle still gives me and my brother a cheque at Christmas (and our birthdays). Its extremely generous of him and I don't expect it (I thought he'd stop at 21, then when I left uni, then when I got a 'proper job', then when I left home for good - but the cheque still comes!) but we're his only blood relations - and he can afford it. By contrast my mum and dad don't buy for my uncle's step son any more, but they do buy for his children.

I've learnt you can't expect other people to have the same expectations as you ... I got very annoyed last Christmas when we bought my three BILs gifts (about £25 each) their gfs a 3 for 2 Boots gift which cost us over £20, and we got a bar of soap (admittedly a 'posh' hand made bar) from all 6 of them combined! My partner won't have a word said against her little brothers (who range in age from 28-24) so I'll just have to grin and bear it this year!!

 

[orlandothebeagle]

As a rule of thumb I stop giving to the "kids" when they have kids.

 

[joolz1910]

As a rule of thumb I stop giving to the "kids" when they have kids.

That's a good idea.

 

[wishspirit]

Being one of the younger generation (almost 22), and coming from a very small family this has always been something that hasn't been discussed.

A few of the extended family and friends stopped buying for me and my older sister when we hit 18, which was fine. Even some of my closer family (great aunt and uncles are close in such a tiny family) have stopped as they are older and can't really afford it, which I understand (well not always, as it's not always consistent, bless them! ) They just buy us a 'family present' of cake, biscuits or chocolate for us to share.

My uncles don't have families of their own, so they do give us birthday and Christmas presents still, but they can afford to and they don't pay for any of the Christmas meal or festivities which my family always pay for. In return my sister and I make Christmas cakes and biscuits for them all out of tradition, and the fact that we are both in poorly paid jobs and are both returning to student life shortly.

As far as I know, no one begrudges this arrangement (except my parents who cook Christmas dinner every year!) Currently my family are being more than generous, and I hope they know that by my responses and gratitude, but they also all know that I am trying to save up for the student life again (teacher training). By the time I have a better job I would expect it to just be token gifts both ways (no more baking for me on Christmas Eve!), and by the time I have children- just to focus on them.

However it is a tough situation, and I think it has helped that our family is so small so we can communicate more efficiently.

 

[2Tiggies]

I agree that your brother may be finding the costs a challenge. It does add up. I think the problem here is that nobody has actually discussed it. Perhaps you all need to decide together so that you all have the same approach.

 

[chrissie123]

Thankyou everyone for all the posts, i`m going over to Rotherham fully laden with gifts this one last year, i`ll let you know how we get on xx xx