How old is too old???

[chrissie123]

I`m going to moan sorry....

How old is too old to buy someone for Christmas??? I was told from my DH today that his brother phoned him at work & said, "the family wont be getting our kids anything this year because they`re not babies anymore", ok granted the eldest 3 are 19,18,& 17, youngest is 15 does anyone else think he should be penalised for having older siblings?? bare in mind we`ve always bought nieces & nephews until they have had families of their own, whether they are in their late teens twenties or thirties...I have a pile of presents here for great nieces/nephews that are expected to be delivered on the 12th & they will be delivered because i enjoy shopping & sending to the little uns but DH is also insisting on buying all his siblings (7 of them) a bottle of wine as usual, am i being petty by saying i don`t want to do this this year if youngest DS is`nt on the Christmas list?? Please help xx

 

[alisonbestford]

I think it depends on the circumstances

Maybe your BIL is trying to keep the cost of Christmas down this year

As for the kids.......I stopped buying for my friend's eldest two when they became 18 but I still buy for the youngest who is 15

If you like to buy and it makes you feel good then don't let it spoil your Christmas spirit....enjoy giving them presents or I think you'll end up feeling angry with yourself

 

[mushumadness]

I still buy my nephew and hes 19 and living with his girlfriend.

theyre still family no matter what there age, and even if they cant buy anything for my kids they still get a pressie (I prefer people buy for the boys rather than us)

 

[mandymouse]

Hmm, this is a tough one, and everyone has their own ideas on this. Personally I still put some money in a card for my nephews who are 19, 17 & 16, where my mum stopped when they got to 18, I will probably carry on till they're 21. But I will carry on sending to the others till they are 21 too

 

[Laurafoster]

My parents cut each of them off as they turned 21. The youngest still got presents even when the oldest didnt.

I personally will never have this problem as hubby is an only child and my sister passed away when i was little so we wont have any nieces or nephews.

 

[Chilly]

Sounds like your DH's brother might be a bit strapped for cash this year.

 

[disney_princess_85]

I don't think you're being petty. It sounds like a frustrating situation. Based on the replies so far, it's clear that everyone has different views when it comes to stuff like this.

Maybe you could suggest that you do Secret Santa, so everyone receives a gift?

 

[waterford]

It depends on wether your BIL is a bit strapped this year. ALso I think we all have to expect each others wishes when it comes to Christmas.

In our family we just have too many nieces and nephews to buy for so we just buy for God Children.

 

[Lizzybear]

My mum's side of the family stop at 13, there are 6 of them and most have 3-4 kids so it does get expensive.

 

[scottish mum]

My oldest niece is 22, followed by her brother who is 19. They both live at home and have a younger brother and sister who are 14 and 12. I just couldn't give to the 2 younger ones and not to the older ones. It just wouldn't seem right.
I haven't got a clue when to stop buying for them as they will always be young to me. I guess as long as I can afford it I will buy them gifts.

 

[jamjar84]

My oldest niece is 22, followed by her brother who is 19. They both live at home and have a younger brother and sister who are 14 and 12. I just couldn't give to the 2 younger ones and not to the older ones. It just wouldn't seem right.
I haven't got a clue when to stop buying for them as they will always be young to me. I guess as long as I can afford it I will buy them gifts.

I agree with this. I couldn't give to one and not the other, especially at xmas time. Birthday might be easier, but at xmas when everyone is getting presents to not give to one would make me feel really bad.

We are trying to cut down on spending this year, well not exactly cut down, but we've now got two litttle girls and two years ago we didn't have children, so we bought for a lot of people, i.e. friend's children, relatives etc. This year becuse we have two of our own and because I'm not working we've just said we're buying for close family only. So friend's and their children who would have got from us before, won't this year, but I think they'll be OK with that.

If it were me and I couldn't afford to buy for everyone but wanted to give to one, I'd buy something for the family, even if it were a tin of quality street.

 

[chrissie123]

Thanks everyone for all the replies...

BIL told us last year that he was knocking it on the head when the kids reached 18, we were prepared for that, so eldest DS didnt get anything last year & we knew eldest DD was`nt gonna get anything this year, youngest DD is`nt bothered has long has she gets a card but youngest DS (i know this is confusing lol bare with me) is looking forward to spending his hmv vouchers, i suppose its our fault really for bringing them up with expectations...The thing thats more annoying is that BIL as told the rest of the family not to send anything for him, & they`ve decided not to, i appreciate, that if they are all of the same mind thats ok, but to be TOLD not to send really grips me....
I`ve decided i`m not going out shopping for wine & if that sounds petty i`m sorry, (lol BIL as already requested which one he would like, it`s not happening).
We will drive the 50 miles to drop off the gifts for the little ones & have a good Christmas as a family unit, and even more importantly start telling them that Christmas just is`nt about gifts, trees & finery but what it really means.... (Oooo that was deep i`m sorry) xx xx

 

[Ware Bears]

Not easy, is it ~ I do feel for your younger ones as it's not been a very fair situation to them.

DH's family only give to the children in the family up until they are 18 and whilst I see no problem with this regarding nieces and nephews it never ceases to amaze me how his mother wouldn't want to give a little something to her adult grandchildren (and her adult children) on their birthday and Christmas. Still, my DDs have grown up knowing this so they just accept it. And even though she doesn't usually bother with us (some years we get a tin of sweets or a £5 note) I always buy for her as she's his mother and I just couldn't not.

My sister doesn't have children so the situation with nieces and nephews doesn't arise on my side. We exchange Christmas (but not birthday) gifts with her and my BIL but only exchange cards with DH's brothers and their wives.

The old adage - you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family - is so true. It's amazing how different families are all so ... ahem ... different.

 

[katiec]

My DH has 8 neices/nephews who appreciate NOTHING - they get presents until they are 18 and thats it - after that no Christmas or b/day presents. In the 8 years we have been together we haven't had a thank you once (Personally I blame their parents but thats another whole story )

I only have 2 neices who are now 20 and 22 but this year its a cheque so they can get what they want. Not the most imaginative I know but I'd rather they got what they wanted rather than me "waste" the money. I will probably always buy for them as they had a hard time as kids and I like to do my bit.

My mum will buy 2 of my 3 sisters a "stocking" even though they are now 32 and 34, but she feels that I dont need one..... (I dont talk about the 3rd one so I dont know what DM does for her - see above! Although she did feign a stomach upset last year at DH 40th birthday, where I took 16 of us our for a v expensive/lovely meal, so she could go home and celebrate with sis no2!!!) Say no more!

Katie x

 

[higgy66]

I have nephews, nieces and cousins children all ranging from 9 - 20 and they all get the same amount spent on them - I couldn't imagine not getting them anything, however we have always had an "unwritten rule" that when kids come along then the presents go to their off spring and a token gift for the adult i.e. We no longer buy for brothers and sisters as we all have 2 children and we buy for those. My aunties and uncles no longer buy for me but they buy for my children

My parents buy for all their 4 kids (44-52 yrs old )their 8 grandkids (7-20 yrs old) and their 4 great nephews & nieces (10-21 yrs old) and 4 nephew & nieces (46-52 years old) who haven't got families!

If somebody told me they weren't buying for me and my own I'd still carry on buying for them. However, if for any reason I was in financial difficulty one year- which to be honest they would know as we're very close - I would still get each family a token tin of Quality streets


In my opinion you're never too old for a Christmas Present!

 

[T16GEM]

We have a similar situation, but mine really annoys me..... the age gap between me and my two brothers is 9 & 11 years, so they had kids a lot younger than me, I was 12 when I first became an auntie, I have bought every christmas and birthday for my 8 neices and nephews, now I have a DD aged 5 and a DS age 3 and they have decided that they don't want to "do" christmas presents anymore, now I have been buying every year for the last 15 odd years for them and their kids and now they decide they don't want to be bothered so my kids get nowt. I feel like they don't really care about our two, it's not about the money (well maybe a little bit ) but I think because they just give their kids money or a games console etc they can't be bothered to ask me what ours might like and can't be bothered to go to Toys R Us etc. Getting down off my rant box now!!

I don't think that you are ever too old for a pressie and I would quite happily buy something for everyone, it doesn't have to be a huge gift, as I firmly believe it's the thought that counts!

 

[Ware Bears]

they can't be bothered to ask me what ours might like and can't be bothered to go to Toys R Us etc.

What a shame. When I asked DH's SIL what their children (age 9 and 7) would like for Christmas she said she didn't know and just to give them money. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong but I've been a bit naughty and just disregarded this. I remember mine would have hated money at this age ~ it was the unwrapping of a present and the surprise of what it could be that they loved ~ so DH and I took a trip to Toys R Us and had a great time choosing both their Christmas and birthday presents.

 

[T16GEM]

What a shame. When I asked DH's SIL what their children (age 9 and 7) would like for Christmas she said she didn't know and just to give them money. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong but I've been a bit naughty and just disregarded this. I remember mine would have hated money at this age ~ it was the unwrapping of a present and the surprise of what it could be that they loved ~ so DH and I took a trip to Toys R Us and had a great time choosing both their Christmas and birthday presents.

No I think you are right!! At that age they like to have something to open, I know that my DS doesn't really understand the paper in a card thing...... it's just a peice of paper to him, means nothing! I usually have to sift through the wrapping paper to make sure that no money has got chucked away!

 

[joolz1910]

Once younger relatives hit 18, they get a token gift from our children.

If relatives ask us what they can buy for our children, I ask them to take them out - it could be to the park, to McDonalds, the cinema etc - anywhere within their budget. The kids love it.

 

[wayneg]

Every family is different, we had discussions a few years back and stopped most buying, but it was what we all wanted.
Same buying for Karen and myself, we get a little bit of something for each other but don't really bother, we buy what we want when we want it.