How Old Is Too Old?

[Apparitions]

I can't decide.
And I knowy ou guys will be able to shed some light that I really need on the situation.

I am involved with a guy. wE're not serious yet, although he wants to be. I am the one keeping that from happening. No titles!

Here is my problem: I am 21. He's 26. He'll be 27 befoe I turn 22.

I am advanced for my age, I guess you could say. I'm financially independent, work a good job and put myself through college.
He's working towards a degree as well. Just got out of the military last year, which he joined out of high school.

I really like him but I can see the age difference in little things.

Is too big of a gap? Mothers out there, would it be too old for your little girl?

 

[disneynutt1225]

I don't really think it's that much of an age difference at your age. Yes, he's seen and done things that you haven't at your stage in life, but you're not too far behind him. What do you mean when you say you can see the age difference in little things?

 

[storzo]

I was 22 when I met my DH and he was 30. I'm now 38 and he's 46. We've been together for 16 years and married for 9 with one son. I personally don't see a problem but if you have a doubt then I guess it's too much.

 

[DVC-Don]

That's not much of a difference. I was 27 and my wife was 21 when we met. Been married 27+ years now.

 

[tngramma]

If you are happy in this relationship don't worry what other people think. You and DBF are the important ones here. BTW what does he have to say on the matter?

 

[Malificient Tater]

not much of a difference that I see.

 

[Apparitions]

You guys are comforting me a lot!

I suppose it would have been worth it to mention that I haven't ever, in my entire lfie, had a serious relationship. this is all nnew ground!

Ive just not been that interested before i met him-- which is part of why im freaking out a bit, i think. i know that means there is really something there

he wants to go for it! he wants titles! and officialness!

i see his age in things that he does mostly. he was hurt when i didnt introduce him to my parents. the thought was just so foreign to me, i couldn't get myself to do it.
he goes to bed early and studies a lot.. where i still do enough to get by but like to go out and do things and stay up all sorts of hours of the night!

we were set up, in a way. my friend thinks i am too lonely and invited him to her patry just for ME. i had no idea.
i keep telling him I am mad at him for coming-- because i like him so much!

 

[Becky2005]

Hmmm...I say it's not too much of an age gap but that's because I was 22 when I married DH who happened to be 28 at the time.

We have been married 16 years, 4 kids later and going strong. The only time the age difference comes up is in a joking way -- in that he's older than my older sister (they were born the same year but his birthday is about 5 months earlier) and a running joke of fighting decades between the '80's & the '70's -- plus I'm mean and will tell him he's old. Of course, he's been telling me he's "29" for so long that I literally forgot how old he was...that was fun when I was pregnant with #3 and they asked "how old is your DH?" with my answer of I don't know!!! I had to calculate it out.

 

[tonilea]

DH was 25 and I was 18 when we got married, almost 19 years ago. Five years is a huge difference, if you were fifteen and he was twenty, but as the years go by the age difference lessens. Now it isn't really a big deal and twenty years from now it will be virtually nil.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

My step-father is 11 years older than my mom. They have been married for 38 yrs and had 4 kids together.

I think age is only an issue if you think it is.

 

[tigercat]

I was 18 when I got married and my dh is 6 yrs. older than I am. We will be married 33 yrs. this Oct. and don't show any signs of slowing down. After 4 kids and now almost 4 dgrks the extra years really don't mean anything.
tigercat

 

[pearlieq]

I don't think it's unreasonable. You sound like a mature adult equiped to hold your own in a relationship.

Go at your own pace and see what happens!

 

[mrsheppo]

My DD was 18 when she started dating her DH. He was 30 at the time. As a mother I was apprehensive until I got to know him. DD was very mature for her age and they have been together 7 years now - married for 5 of them.

I say go for it.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I think your age difference is fine...and I wouldn't worry about that.

Since he is former military, he probably had a good sense of what life really is about...especially if he served in one of the war zones. Seeing that puts life into perspective for many men.

Tell him you need to take this at your own pace. You'll know when the time is right to make bigger commitments. And if you don't feel good about introducing him to your family, examine why. If it's just because you don't think your parents will approve, then you might as well get them over it now. Otherwise, it sounds like he's a nice guy and is deserving of your attention.

My husband is 4+ years older than me, but prior to marrying him I dated one guy who was 12 years older than me and one who was 10 years older than me. Their maturity was no match for the man I married. We've been married a dozen years and have been pretty happy ever since.

 

[Apparitions]

Since he is former military, he probably had a good sense of what life really is about...especially if he served in one of the war zones. Seeing that puts life into perspective for many men.

Iraq, Kuwait, Afghanistan. All three. Seperate tours.

He amazes me.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well, it is a factor with you because you are not looking for the same things right now. He wants to be serious and you do not.

I suppose you can be honest and tell him you are not ready for serious right now. Ask him to take things slow, light and fun. Esp. since he is working on his degree right now.
Once he graduates I am sure you will have made up your mind which way it is going to go.

The timing is off more than the age, I think. If he were totally stable, it might make a difference in your direction.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

When I was 18 I dated a 24 year old and we were together until I was 20 and he was 26....my parents LOVED him. They still call him the favorite of my boyfriends...even after he cheated on me.

The only problem we had which ended up being HUGE (besides the cheating) was that I was in school and he had already graduated and was working a full time job so there were many times he did not understand why i had to take time out of our weekend to do homework or when i couldnt talk to him at night because i had homework.

 

[DisneyJules]

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it does matter what you think. When I was 21, I went out with a guy who was 30. The age difference greatly bothered me. He was too "manly,"ahaha But now that I'm 23, my twin sister is engaged to a guy who's 30 and he seems much younger than 30. So it really depends on the guy and how comfortable you are with the difference.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

When I was 20 I dated a guy 15 years older, and the age difference seemed HUGE. He'd served in the Vietnam war (so did my dad!), was divorced and a bit bitter, and had made choices in life that I did not respect. For me at that stage in my life, the differences were just too much.

Eight years later I dated a 21yo. Our 7-year age difference embarrassed me a bit, but I found him very mature for his age, hilariously funny, honorable, respectful, and just an all-around great guy. We dated for nearly 3 years, and have been happily married for nearly 14.

 

[talulabelle]

The only tell tell sign that you are younger is that you still think 7 years age difference is a "gap" . 7 years between a 1 year old and a 8 year old is HUGE. 7 years between a 10 and a 17 is still big. 7 between a 20 and a 27 , not so big, and by the time you are 30 and 37, hardly noticeable, and dear lord, 70 and 77, you forget who is older.

At 21, whatever he has done in the last 7 years seems like a lot of time to you, but it should not be a factor in keeping you apart from him if you love him. Whatever seems like a problem now with the age, will definately NOT be in a few years. (As long as everything else is OK, because people really don't don't change, but age matter less as you get older).