How Old Is Too Old?

[RNMOM]

My DH is 4.5 years older than me. I don't feel your age difference is an issue.

The real question is do you care for him? Do you want to be with him all the time? Do you want to make a life together? Relax and follow your heart.

 

[taylor1293]

I don't consider that a big age gap at all. Also, age is irrelevant if you are both happy.

DH and I started dating when he was 25 and I was only 17 (almost 18...our maturity levels were about the same, lol). We've been together 20 years

 

[barkley]

if you are considering a relationship that will be lasting, might lead to marriage...you need not so much to look at age, but where you are in your individual lives, what your individual goals are-and what both of you want to be happening individualy and in any couple's relationship down the road.

i'm the flip side of your coin-dh was 20 when i met him, i was 27. i was realy hesitant to date him, i just anticipated that we were at very different stages in our lives. i had my degree, was starting to work in my chosen career-he had dropped out of college, no real goals as yet. i was WAY done with the night life scene-i figured he was just about to hit 'bar age' and would be into...ended up that he had no desire to party (said he did enuf of it as a teen ), he was ready to try college again-so i encouraged him and he went back nites while working days. we dated 2 1/2 years before we married-but we were both on the same page. we both wanted at least 2 or 3 years alone together before kids-but knew given my age that was the max., we both wanted to buy a home-so we worked toward that pre marriage (also both felt the need to pay for our wedding on our own-so we worked towards that). it's not always been easy-my friends are older than him for the most part (heck-one of the guys i graduated high school with was one of dh's high school teachers ), his friends are younger than me (only issue with that is they could'nt fathom why he wanted to get settled down so quick).

we talked about our (mostly my) concerns-discussed what he wanted in a marriage, what i wanted. communicating those issues are important no matter if there is an age difference or not.

btw-we'll be celebrating our 17th anniversary in the spring, and have 2 children.

 

[Freyja]

Not too much at all. Now, if he was 46 it might be a totally different situation. My sister is 27 her boyfriend is 39. Can´t see anything wrong with that either.

 

[Cindy B]

Please that's nothing.

There is 8 years between DH and I. I met him when I was 19, he was 27.

 

[Todd&Copper]

The age gap is not what is important - your "stages in life" is what is more important. Do you both want the same thing (i.e., to settle down and start a family? to travel and jet-set? to live in a big city? to move out to the country?)? One of my friends was 25 when she got married to a 37 year old. 12 years sounds like a lot, but they wanted the same things out of life. Neither was interested in having children (and they still don't, almost 10 years later), they love to travel and they are into the arts. They had similar interests/goals in life, so their age difference didn't matter.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

My husband is 11 years older than I am. We've been married for almost 15 years.

I still think I'm more mature than he is.

 

[DMickey28]

I agree with the PP that said it's not about the numberical age but where you are in life.

I can understand how you are in different places in your life and that can put a strain on a relationship. I have watched my friends go through something similar.

How does he react when you want to go out and have fun with your friends, when he wants to stay home and study? Is he supportive of it? Or does he want you to stay home or hang out quitely with him?

I think that one of the most important things in a relationship is to support the other person and let them continue to be themselves. If you guys are doing ok with doing your own things then I don't see the age as a problem.

When I was 18 I started dating a 27 year old ... We were 9 years 10 months apart. We dated for over 2 years. He was a Middle School teacher and Assit. Manager at the Gym I worked at. He was my brother's coach the year before. Wierd .. but we had the best relationship. My parents loved him. About 6 months after we met I went back to college 3 hours away (the same school he graduated from 4 years before I started!) Since he lived alone my parents would have him over for dinner every Monday night while I was at school. He would answer the phone when I called home that night!!! However it did end because he was ready to settle down with marriage and I was still in college. Just turned out he wasn't "The One". No other reason. Even then the age wasn't a big deal even though number wise it was huge for that age group. I couldn't even drink yet!!

My DH is 3 years older than me. Our friends, DH's cousin and his girl are 6 years apart. They met only 10 months before he was deployed to Iraq. She is finishing Grad. school right now. He is 30 she is 24. He is now home after being discharged medically. He was wounded and is not incapable of working and she is shouldering the future on her shoulders while he will be a SAHD. They couldn't be happier. The age is NOTHING to them. Though I have to say the amount he has changed and grown in the last 5 years since I first met him is astonishing.

If you are happy and he is happy ... I say the age is nothing. As long as the differences you do have aren't causing a problem.

Introduce him to your parents ... why not? Good Luck ... Maybe he's the one!

 

[I Love Pluto]

DD is 16 years younger than her hubby. They're a lot happier and much more secure within themselves than others who are same-age partners.

An age gap is only "as big as you want it to be".

 

[dcgrumpy]

I don't think that's a big difference. DH is 7 years younger than me and I don't even notice a difference until I start talking about 70's pop culture. Then he looks at me like I have 10 heads .

 

[Robinrs]

Wow, I don't see your age difference as wide at ALL! 21yo women are MUCH more mature than 26yo men... and that gap lasts for YEARS!

My SO is 9 years younger than me... but when you reach MY age that's not bad!

 

[SC Minnie]

I was 21 when DH and I started dating. He was 35. We just had our 15th wedding anniv. last month.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I am 27 and my fiancee is 37, so obviously I don't think age difference matters!!

 

[Becky2005]

I don't think that's a big difference. DH is 7 years younger than me and I don't even notice a difference until I start talking about 70's pop culture. Then he looks at me like I have 10 heads .

You could always use the quote my DH uses on me when I do the Huh? blank look stare when he talks about 70's stuff...."Never mind, if happened before 1980 you have no clue". That's not *quite* true sometimes I know what he's talking about if it's LATE 70's.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I don't think that's a large age gap at all.

 

[rkandmjsmommy]

I was 20 when i started dating a guy who was 36, we have been together for 12 years this January and married 10 in April 2008. Dont get me wrong there are times when age is a factor but not enough to not make it work

If its working have fun!

 

[goofygirl]

I have a totally different attitude about relationships at 38 than I did at 19 or 21.
I couldn't see myself now with someone in their 20's. I think we'd be on 2 different levels.

I'm not saying it won't work, but you may change later.

 

[believe]

I was 21 (would be 22 3 months after wedding), DH was turning 26 (2 days after our wedding). We have been married 12 yrs and I have no problem with the age difference.

DH was my first boyfriend, if you don't count the grad school boyfriends. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[nja33]

DBF and I met when I was 20, he 26. We began dating about a month prior to my 21st birthday and he turned 27 two months later. We're still together 6 months later and everything is going great. I've always been more mature for my age and I think that's part of the reason we work. When we first got together I was terrified as I also hadn't been in a serious realtionship. It took me a few months to get over the fear but now I'm learning to accept that he loves me and wants to be with me for me. We do joke constantly about him being older but it's cute and funny.

 

[mickeyfan2]

5 years is fine. IMHO double digits is to old.