How old is too old to be a mom?

[chellewashere]

I had my DD when I was 36 almost 37 and she was an IVF baby. I had a cake-walk pregnancy. Never sick, not tired, no issues..other than "preggo brain" I did have to have an amnio done because a test came back border-line but that turned out OK cause I was able to know I was having a girl with no doubt!!
The only thing I hated was the AMA that was all over my folder at my OB/GYNs office. Advanced Maternal Age...hated that saying.
With that being said all my friends have older kids and my child is basically the only little one around, keep saying I just have to go out and make new friends.
I NEVER worry about being someone thinking Im her grandmom. I have more energy than alot of the moms I see at the parks. All they do is sit there and text on their phones the whole time Im there...meantime Im running around like a crazy woman keeping up with my DD.
It does help that my hubby is 10 years younger than me so he does alot of the things I hate to do...like anything that involves snow or cold weather.
Good luck with your decision. Dont listen to nay-sayers if I did I wouldnt have my perfect little princess right now

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I think it depends where you live... I'm considered a "baby" at my girl's elementary school b/c most of the Mom there are 10-12 years older than me... in the DC area it is quite common for women to establish careers first, then start a family later... I wanted a family first b/c my older sister had fertility issues and thought I might have issues, too. I had my oldest when I was 26... then 28, then age 31 for #3...

 

[taylor3297]

I had dd when I was 36 and ds when I was 40. Both pregnanicies were normal, and my doctor asked me after my second if I was done. I said yes, and she told me that up until 45 I would be ok.

Both of my sisters (who are older than me) Had their kids in their 20's and 30's. My oldest sister is a grandma at the age of 49. My oldest niece's dd is 2 where my ds is 4. At times it feels strange for our child to be so close in age.

When I was in my 20's I was not ready to settle down. I didn't get married until I was 34.

Have kids when you are ready. Don't let anyone tell you what is too old to have a baby. It has to be right for you.

 

[Acklander]

It really is a personal preference, and if your comfortable with it, all is good. As far as the "too old" thing goes - I think a lot of that is attitude. I know on these boards (where everyone is sight unseen) I've been shocked when some people post their age. For some reason I always assumed they were much older or much younger because they have an old or young air about them in their thoughts, attitudes etc... So while 1 person might consider 40 way too old to have a child, another person wouldn't even blink at it.

 

[sjs314]

I was a late in life child and it didn't work out well for me. Mom was 38 and dad was 42 when they had me. Daddy died when I was 13. I spent the rest of my time growing up having to take care of my mom due to her health. I had my kids in my 20's as I did not want to have kids after 30(so I had DD at almost 31). I understand things are different now. I'm just a little biased on the matter due to my upbringing. While I was raising my kids, I was also taking care of my elderly mother. She passed away from cancer when I was 38. My kids only had grandparents for a short time. (DH's parents are out of the picture for other reasons)

EDT: People always thought Mom was my grandma. Even when she was fighting for her life from cancer the nurses would refer to me as her "granddaughter" sometimes I wanted to scream "I'm her daughter!"

Your expierence is very much like mine, My mother and dad did not marry until she was 38, her first pregnancy ended in a premature birth, her second me she had at 40. My dad passed away when I was 2. Growing up was fine although at times I too had freinds or classmates ask if my Mom was my grandmother which I came to hate and I was forever explaining about My Dad having passed away when I was 2. Mom and I wear worlds apart in our thinking as I went into my teen years "the 60's". I had my DS at 17 and 26 they grew missing ever knowing their one grandfather and then my mother passed away due to heart failure at 78 when I was 38.

I feel I was cheated by being born to her late in life especially when I look at DH whose mother had him at 19 and today he is 58 and still has his mother who is now 77.

There is so much I never got to do with my Mother, there just was no time what with working and my own family. I vowed I would never have a baby late in life.

Now I look at my oldest DS and his wife who at 40 are trying to have their first child, she has had one miscarrage already, I wish with all my heart they had not waited so long to have children.

My youngest DS and his wife were focused on careers as so many young couples do these days waiting to be financially secure before having a child , well my DS passed away a month before his 30th birthday and his wife is alone now.

I think putting off having children will cause many to end up having regrets.

My grandmother was 40 when she had my mom, and lived until the age of 95, and met all of her great grandchildren. My FIL was 40 when DH was born - he's now 83, and on no medication (DH's mom passed when he was 12 - an early agressive cancer).

I do think a lot can be said for good genes and family medical history, consider yourself lucky to have long living relatives which is something definately to consider when planning on a late life pregnancy. I see a few who have had positive expierences having be born to parents late in life.

 

[bettymae1121]

I hope not, I'll be 35 in May and haven't had my 1st yet. I misscarried in '08 and haven't had any luck yet, though we haven't been trying too hard either. Hoping it will happen in the next few months since now we are really making an effort at it (tracking days and and all that).

Emotionally and financially we're more than ready, phyiscally everything on the surface seems fine too. I figure if we have kids in the next few years we'll still be under or right at 60 when our kids graduate HS, which is about the age my parents were when I graduated HS (I was the youngest of 3 though).

 

[AristocatFan]

Wow, I was 36 when my daughter was born and no one has ever thought she was my granddaughter. Also, your "elderly" mother passed away when you were 38, so she was 76? My dad is turning 74 today, and I still don't consider him elderly. In fact, he's not retired. He is at work at his own business today. I guess it's all how you look at things.

Yes, that's right, she was 76 when she died. I did consider her elderly since she suffered with both rheumatoid and osteoarthritis and used a cane for many years. Plus she also suffered from dementia the last few years. Everyone's experience is different. OP you have to do what is right for you. I had my kids at 24, 26 and 30 because that was right for me.

 

[HunnyPots]

Although I had both my kids in my 20's, I have concluded that I would have been a MUCH better mom if I had waited a few more years. By the time I was 30, I was so much more sure of myself and less anxiety-ridden than at 24.
If I had it to do over, I would have waited.

 

[belle&beast]

My plan was to have all my kids by the time I was 30. I married at 25, had my first baby at 27 and my second at 30. We were very happy and were feeling like everything was just right. Then when I was 35 we got the surprise of our lives at WDW when we figured out I was pregnant, and we were shocked to say the least. Even the doctor said that I should never have been pregnant according to my dates.

There are definite differences in being a 20-something mom and a 30-something mom. First of all, my energy level is less now than it was with the first two kids. It could be that I spend my days working and then running the big kids all over for their activities and when the big kids were little, we just stayed home and went to bed a decent hour. My kids go to a Catholic school, so there is a wide range of ages with the parents, we are right in the middle, but we will probably be on the older side when the baby goes to school.

Many of my friends have young kids and so I am not alone in my social circle with a baby at 37. We think he will keep us young and it is so much fun to have a baby in the house! Good luck to you and you are not too old IMO!

 

[rodeo65]

I met DH when I was 29, we married when I was 33, first baby at 35 and second at 37. It was not my "plan" but life unfolded as it did. I wish I was 10 years younger, but mostly so we could have had another two. I wouldn't consider it now at 45.

I'm definitely not as agile as I was 10 yrs ago, although DS told me a couple of weeks ago I was pretty good at soccer for my age.

We're more established than we were in our early 30s but I worry a little about those teen years and how I'm going to cope with pacing the floor waiting for the darlings to get home safely when I need to be in bed at 10.

Interestingly, my OB called me an "elderly prima gravida" when I came in PG with my first. ELDERLY? ME? Kinda freaked me out at the time. We were offered maternal serum screening which we took and came up +ve risk for Downs. We didn't realize that after age 35 you automatically carry a risk %. He was perfectly healthy. We refused the screening with the second knowing we'd get at +ve risk. Since we already knew we had an increased risk due to age, and since we were prepared to keep any baby regardless of the results, we opted against it.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I was 38 with my first, 40 with my second, and 43 with my third.

We didn't get married until I was 37, so we just took our chances on whether "mother nature" felt we should have kids or not.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

My mom was 37 my dad was 41 and that was considered "old" back then (1979-1980). I am 30 and just married, not getting pregnant anytime soon. I want to wait at least another 2 years so we can save money and I can finish graduate school.

 

[mnrose]

I was 40 when I got pregnant, 41 when my twins were born. I think, for many reasons, that it was a great time to have kids. The biggest is that we have more wisdom than we did at 20, and we were fully prepared for the enormous commitment that having a child entails. We traveled extensively in our 20's and 30s and got all that out of our systems, and now are ready to be more settled. I don't feel like I am "missing" anything. Been there, done that. LOL!

Obviously, from a fertility standpoint, it is NOT the ideal time to have children. It took far more effort to get pregnant than it would of had I tried in my 20's. OTOH, I know for a fact that I wasn't prepared to parent at that time in my life.

I am in excellent health and have no concerns about seeing my children well into their adult years. I have had no issue thus far in "keeping up" with my kids (they just turned 11), nor do I anticipate that this will be an issue. In fact, my kids keep me young. I do mother/daughter dance with DD...something I never would have done had I not had kids. So, I am trying and experiencing things that most people my age would not.

 

[minkydog]

I have always wanted children but I feel like the years have flown by! I am starting to wonder how old is too old to have a child? I am in my early thirties, but we arent planning to get married until 2012. I never really thought we were too old, but someone said something that has sort of been bugging me the last few days. For the record I do not think I am too old!

How old were you when you had children?
Any older moms? How has it been for you?

I was 30 when I had my first, 38 with the second, and 40 with the third. As far as actually being an older parent, it's been fine. Sure, I don't have the energy that I had in my 20s but I have a lot more life experience. I have patience that I didn't have when I was younger. Being an older parent hasn't kept me from doing anything with my kids. In our 40s we were better established, had a house, paid off cars, completed educations. Because we had our kids later and I was well established in my own career, which allowed me to take time off with my kids and even homeschool them.

Most people here know that my last child is severely mentally handicapped. I just wanted to say, his particular brand of disability is NOT age-related. Indeed, most parents that I know who have a child with his disability are actually in their 20s or 30s. Certainly, as an older mother you would be offered amniocentesis and would be monitored more closely. Being an older mother has helped me to accept Christian as he is, to be patient with his progress. One thing that we have to deal with is the fact that, barring an accident or serious illness, Christian will outlive us. He will need permanent residential care. So we have had to make provisions for that. But that would have been the case even if we had had him at 21.

My kids are now 24, 17 and 15, so not little anymore. I don't know if raising teens would have been easier when I was 30s and 40s, but in in my 50s it's not so bad.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

1. When you are collecting Social Security.
2. When you are an AARP member.




Seriously though- I don't know what is too old. I think it is a personal decision.

 

[abdmom]

I was 32 when I had my first, 34 when I had my second. With both of them, I got pregnant almost immediately. When I was 39, we figured out that we wanted a third and fourth. Two years and about 4 miscarriages later, I had my third. The miscarriages were very hard on my body. Less than 2 weeks after having #3, dh was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He died when ds was 5 months old.

Five per cent of high school graduating seniors have had a parent die. The older the parents are, the greater the risk. If I had to do it again, I would have had my children when I was younger and be finished by the time I was 35.

 

[hulagirl87]

I was 34 when we just had DD. I sometimes think of us having another but I know that the risks are higher for Downs and birth defects as I get older. That makes me a little nervous. I know that shouldn't stop us but again, just makes me nervous. I'm a worrier

As I'm writing this DH just got a call from his brother. His wife (my sister in law) is pregnant again She is in her early 30's

 

[DisneyScraps]

I had my DD at 34 1/2 it wasn't my choice. It took 7 years to have her. We had serious infertility problems.

I was a little sensative about it at first, I am often the oldest mother. We live in a small southern town where the girls start too early.

I honestly think that I am a much better mother than I would have been in my 20's. I have more money, it doesn't buy happiness but diapers are sure expensive. I have a lot more patience and I am just all around a much more mature person which means I am a better mother.

If you are in good health and not overweight you should have no problems. If you are worried a siple blood test can tellyour doctor about your hormone levels. It's a good test of furture fertility.

Good luck!
Lisa

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I was 32 when I had my first, 34 when I had my second. With both of them, I got pregnant almost immediately. When I was 39, we figured out that we wanted a third and fourth. Two years and about 4 miscarriages later, I had my third. The miscarriages were very hard on my body. Less than 2 weeks after having #3, dh was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He died when ds was 5 months old.

Five per cent of high school graduating seniors have had a parent die. The older the parents are, the greater the risk. If I had to do it again, I would have had my children when I was younger and be finished by the time I was 35.

I'm so sorry about your husband. I hope you are doing well now. My heart goes out to anyone terminally ill who has to say goodbye to loved ones, especially children.

I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 41. Not something I was ever expecting to have to deal with at that age. My kids were just 5yo when I was diagnosed. I was devastated because I wondered if I'd be around to raise them. I always just assumed I'd be around to enjoy my grandchildren. (I come from a family of long livers myself.)

Despite this, I never regretted "waiting", persay. (We were among the last of most of our friends and families to have children.) I was 31yo when we started trying and we also went through several years of infertility so I figured God gave them to us in his own time. And I also realized that had we had children earlier, we wouldn't have the two we have, so I figured things were somehow as they were meant to be, as difficult as that was to accept.

All that's a roundabout way of saying I agree with what you are saying. It seems to me that late 30s and early 40s is when many people start having health problems, even those previously healthy, as myself and many others I know. (But I also wouldn't begrudge anyone who waited till even later as none of us can ever be sure what the future holds and for some, when they're older it may be the first time they've had the opportunity to have a child, met the right person, etc.)

BTW I was a child of older parents. They seemed "old" compared to most of my friends' parents because they acted that way. I was not much younger than my own mother when I had my kids, and although I've often been on the older side in groups, I haven't really felt that way. And I know my kids don't think of me that way. I think "old" is a state of mind.

 

[mefordis]

I have always wanted children but I feel like the years have flown by! I am starting to wonder how old is too old to have a child? I am in my early thirties, but we arent planning to get married until 2012. I never really thought we were too old, but someone said something that has sort of been bugging me the last few days. For the record I do not think I am too old!

How old were you when you had children?
Any older moms? How has it been for you?

Had first daughter at 35 and second daughter at 40. Very happy I waited. I love them both and I'm glad to have them but motherhood changes your life 100% and I wasn't ready before that time.