How old is too old to be a mom?

[Tiggernut_jadie]

I was a late in life child and it didn't work out well for me. Mom was 38 and dad was 42 when they had me. Daddy died when I was 13. I spent the rest of my time growing up having to take care of my mom due to her health. I had my kids in my 20's as I did not want to have kids after 30(so I had DD at almost 31). I understand things are different now. I'm just a little biased on the matter due to my upbringing. While I was raising my kids, I was also taking care of my elderly mother. She passed away from cancer when I was 38. My kids only had grandparents for a short time. (DH's parents are out of the picture for other reasons)

EDT: People always thought Mom was my grandma. Even when she was fighting for her life from cancer the nurses would refer to me as her "granddaughter" sometimes I wanted to scream "I'm her daughter!"

But having children younger doesn't 'protect' them from losing a parent when they're young. My Mum was just turned 30 when she had me..my Dad was 28. My mum died when I was 19 and my Dad when I was 20...neither of them made it to the age of 50. My DD never got to meet her grandparents. Now I was probably just unlucky but there are no 'guarantees' in this world!

My DD is 10 and I'm 45 (so I was 35 when she was born)...I have never been mistaken for her grandmother and I am glad I waited until I'm older. By the time I had DD I was well established in my career, had done loads of travelling all over the world and was very settled in my relationship with my DH. Having a child was the next thing for me in my life and I am very happy.

 

[Deb in IA]

I was 31 and 36 when ours were born. We tried again when I turned 40, but no luck.

My sister, on the other hand, had her 3rd just 3 months shy of her 45th birthday. And yes, she had a healthy, happy baby.

 

[Missy1961]

My parents were 44 & 45 when my youngest sister was born. And it worked out great for her. Since my dad was well established in his job, he could leave work early to watch her play sports. And both parents were there when she got married at age 24, and when her first child was born in 1998. My mom passed away in 2001, but my dad is still going strong at age 85. He's always available to babysit my sister's 2 girls, ages 8 & 12.

So like others have said, there is no right age. It's what you feel is best.

 

[minkydog]

I really don't know the answer to that. One of my friends children are 23, 21, and 2. She's in her forties. She loves her baby but I see good and bad in her situation. Another of my friends also in her forties has children aged 24, 18, 15, and 3. I know when I'm around these friends I go home thinking no way could I do that again. My parents had my brother when they were 40 and 41. He never told them but he resented them being older than his friends parents. Sometimes when my mom was out with my brother people referred to her as grandma and that upset her. No answer here sorry.

Interesting. I'm 54 with two teens still at home(15 & 17). I don't color my hair, so my hair is silvery-brown--clearly not a sweet young thang. But I have NEVER had anyone refer to me as someone's grandmother. And I'm sure if someone did, my DD17 or DS24 would put them in their place pretty quick.

Personally, if I had had my kids younger, I probably wouldn't have chosen to have kids in my late 30s-40s. Due to infertility, it was out of my hands. My sister had her first child at age 26, then had her second one at 40. She loves both boys, but it is definitely harder with the second. Of course, it could be just that he's "on the spectrum", too. She definitely wishes she hadn't waited 14 years between kids (this was purely intentional--she was on BCPs the whole time then decided to try for a girl. Ruh-roh!)

 

[KimR]

I agree with those who have said there are no absolutes. Yes, having a baby at an older age (say over 40) could mean that your child will be taking care of you when they are middle-aged and have children of their own. On the other hand, a couple could have a baby while in their twenties, live a long and healthy life, and then when their health starts declining in their 90's they have a 70-year-old child trying to care for them. This happened to my MIL and she said many times that she could have handled caring for her mom much easier had she been 20 years younger. Without a crystal ball, who's to say what is best?

And I don't get people who resent their parents for having them at an older age. Would they prefer that they not have been born at all? Because that's really the only other althernative.

 

[december]

I agree with those who have said there are no absolutes. Yes, having a baby at an older age (say over 40) could mean that your child will be taking care of you when they are middle-aged and have children of their own. On the other hand, a couple could have a baby while in their twenties, live a long and healthy life, and then when their health starts declining in their 90's they have a 70-year-old child trying to care for them. This happened to my MIL and she said many times that she could have handled caring for her mom much easier had she been 20 years younger. Without a crystal ball, who's to say what is best?

And I don't get people who resent their parents for having them at an older age. Would they prefer that they not have been born at all? Because that's really the only other althernative.

That gets me too. If the worse thing that happens in your life is for someone to think your mother is your grandmother, I think you've lived a pretty charmed life!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Same class, different kid told me that I "shouldn't be advertisin' what you been doin'". Teaching is not for the thin skinned!

Wow. I teach high school, too. Makes me nervous when/if I get pregnant!

 

[SDFgirl]

I was 30 and 32 when I had my kids.

I'm 33 now. We are not sure if we'll have a 3rd baby or not, but I think my cut off age would be 38.

 

[fairestoneofall]

i think it's a personal decision. there is not right or wrong answer here. only you can answer for yourself.

my cousin had both of her boys in her early 40s. she didn't get married until her late 30s. both of her boys are healthy and happy.

i'm 35 and pregnant with my third. i had my DD at age 26 and DS at 29. this baby was a surprise, but a welcome, wonderful surprise. my doctor isn't concerned with my age at all. in fact, he was excited by the pregnancy.

i will say that i feel differently this time. i'm much more laid back about things. and i know that i will go about things with a newborn differently too. but i think that's just maturity and experience.