How old is too old to adopt?

[DisTeach1]

My husband and I go round and round about this and have for years...We're still on the fence and have fostered infants and toddler for the past two years hoping that would help us. Now...we keep getting older!! I'm almost 41and my husband is almost 48 and we have a son who is 15. Sometimes, I just think we are too old to start over with a toddler; other times I really want another "forever" child but I realize our window of time is shrinking. His brother and SIL just adopted an 18 month old and they are 50 and 51. It doesn't bother them-they are loving every minute of it. But I can't help but think they aren't thinking of 20 years from now when they are elderly. I just don't know. I do know if I have doubts, we will just continue to foster, but sometimes I worry I will always regret never adopting.

 

[disfamily07]

I know this really isn't from an adoption standpoint but I just wanted to say
that I really don't think that if your heart is telling you to adopt that you should let age stand in your way.
While I wasn't adopted, I was suprise baby. I was born 10 years after my
youngest brother and 18 years after my oldest brothers.
My Mom was 42 and my dad was 50 when I was born. I know that
for me my parents age was never an issue. I am now 30 years old and am
very blessed to still have both of my parents with me.
I don't want this to come across harsh in any way so forgive me if it does. None of us can predict the future and not even the youngest
of us are guaranteed another day, but we can live the life that we are
given to the fullest and not take a moment for granted. So if both you and
your husband feel compelled to adopt please don't let age be a factor.
I am sure you would be a tremendous blessing in a little ones life.

 

[bumbershoot]

Well, my sister was born when my stepmom was over 40 and dad was over 50...10 years after their last son was born (and she's 25 years younger than me...we bookend the 3 boys between us). BIG surprise and they were scared, but worked through the fear in those 7 or so months they knew about her before she was born.

With adopting, you've likely got longer than 7 months before you bring your child home, so that's extra time to come to terms with it...of course obviously you're thinking about it even before filling out forms and such, so you can be even more prepared.

I know my dad thought long and hard about it, especially because here his first daughter was of marriage and baby age (of course, having a baby sister actually prevented me from even *thinking* about moving into married+baby type relationships, LOL, and I married at 33) so he was of grandpa age...but he has managed to juggle being the father of an almost 40 year old down to an incoming HS freshman cheerleader, along with being granddad to a 4 year old...people I'm sure sometimes give him weird looks, but who really cares, ya know?

If you both feel that family isn't finished, then it isn't finished, and if you have the biology or the means to complete it, go for it!

 

[Aliceacc]

WE adopted my oldest when I was 40.

Then I got pregnant-- twice. Julia was born when I was 41, Kira when I was 44.

If this is what you want to do, go for it. (FOr what it's worth, Brian came from Korea and it took us 11 months from filing the application to picking him up at JFK. )

 

[NeedaVacation03]

I think that it is wonderful for you to consider it. If it is in your heart, I say go with it!! You will be a wonderful blessing to a child and they in turn will be a wonderful blessing to you. Please dont let age stop you if your hear is in it.

 

[holden]

For international adopitons, certain countries do have age limits. I don't know about domestic adoptions. I don't think there are specific age limits for adopting from foster care (which is what we have done and are trying to do again).

 

[princesskimberella]

about 2 years ago my Aunt and Uncle adopted 3 children from Russia ( brothers and sisters ) anywho my Aunt was 50 I believe and things counlnt be better for them Now I do remember her saying something baut having to go internationally because of thier age, I want to say she said the cut of for US adoption is 40.

 

[Aliceacc]

Here's a good rundown on the requirements for a lot of international adoptions: (Note: the agency is only licensed in a few states; that's why it says, for example, that Korean adoptions can only take place in those states. But the other info should be correct.)

http://www.new-beginnings.org/adoption_programs.php

To the best of my knowledge, there is no age limit for domestic adoptions.

 

[polineedyan]

I had to think about your question for a minute. My parent were both older when they had me. 40, and 44. My first instinct was to answer: adopt if youre young enough to see them thru 18. No 15 year old wants an 80 year old mom or dad. But then, I thought..There are so many kids waiting for parents to adopt them..just do it. Every kid deserves a parent. No matter how old.

 

[MrsJ Henry]

We adopted our wonderful daughter when we were 41 and 42. She was 7 months old when we went to Guatemala to bring her home and she will be 2 in two days.
I would not trade this for the world!!!!!! Neither would my husband.
I will say that we tend to spend time with younger couples since we have a child that is the age of their children and have a lot in common. We also spend time with the couples that we always spent time with before.

I don't feel 44. Not at all. I think of myself in my 30's. Even if I do have some pounds to lose and am very out of shape... Although she keeps me running.

I tell this to everyone..... if your heart keeps pulling you towards something... go for it so you don't spend the rest of your life wondering what if......

We feel that our daughter was meant to be our daughter and God brought us all together.
Do what is in your heart and you will be the best parents that child could have.

 

[pyrxtc]

I say go for it!

Age has nothing to do wiht how much you can love a child.

 

[Mkrop]

I say go for it, but why a toddler? What about a slightly older child like 7 and up. So that you are not "starting over" per se with a toddler but giving the love you have in your heart to an older child!

 

[DisTeach1]

It would definitely be domestic...since we foster, we're already approved. The last toddler we fostered, I wish we would have kept. But, he's in a good home and they are thrilled, so I have to let that go..Thanks for all the encouragement.

 

[KarenW]

My DH and I are about the same age as you & your DH - I just turned 41 & he will be 49 Sunday - and we are in the process of adopting through the state. I, too, have struggled with the age issue, but I know it is what God has placed in our hearts to do. Our children are ... DS20, DD11, & DS7, so we are looking for a younger one, which means basically starting over. It is scary sometimes! I know of a lady who just adopted a 14 mnth old and she is 62! She was her foster mother since birth and she really struggled with this decision. No one would adopt the little girl - maybe because she was a drug baby? - so she decided to do it. She worries about the future, but at least now she can make arrangements and not have the child shifted through the foster system if something does happen. If this is what your heart is telling you to do, go for it! Think of the blessing you can be to some child!

 

[bellebud]

So many people today are having babies in their 40's, it really won't be a big deal age-wise for you. My friend just turned 40 in April... she had her first last year, is due w/ her 2nd in a few months, and I think she wants a third in about 2 years if they can. There are so many 'older' parents at our school, and my fil & stepmil had their 2 kids when she was about 39 and 41 and he was in his mid-forties. They're not that unusual. My other friend has a 9yo, and is getting re-married (to my bil actually!), she's 40, and they're going to try for a baby too. So I say go for it if you feel it in your hearts!! I also like the idea of a pp to maybe look into an older child - I always read how they're harder to place. good luck whatever you decide.

 

[jacobsmom]

Go for it! I don't know that there is an age that is "too old" to adopt! We have friends who adopted their daughters when he was in his 50's and his wife was in her late 30's. (I know age gap--but i you knew them, you really wouldn't notice.) The girls are growing up amazing! Go for it! These children deserve a chance to have a family!!

 

[Rylee]

My husband and I go round and round about this and have for years...We're still on the fence and have fostered infants and toddler for the past two years hoping that would help us. Now...we keep getting older!! I'm almost 41and my husband is almost 48 and we have a son who is 15. Sometimes, I just think we are too old to start over with a toddler; other times I really want another "forever" child but I realize our window of time is shrinking. His brother and SIL just adopted an 18 month old and they are 50 and 51. It doesn't bother them-they are loving every minute of it. But I can't help but think they aren't thinking of 20 years from now when they are elderly. I just don't know. I do know if I have doubts, we will just continue to foster, but sometimes I worry I will always regret never adopting.

I'm adopted.

My parents were late 30's when they adopted me, and right on the cut off... (years ago, they were very strict about age) 40 when they adopted my brother. I'm happy to say, I still have both my parents at 82 & 85.

Also, I had my first child when I was 21, and my last child when I was 41. Five children, oldest (27) and youngest (7) are 20 years apart, almost to the day.

I do believe age is a factor, to an extent, however, I don't think 41 - 48 is too old. My only concern is for the child, if something should happen to both parents, they would suffer the loss of a family for a second time.

I appreciate the thought you are putting into this life altering decision/life long committment, any and all concerns are valid, but... are you sure there isn't anything else holding you back? I would think fostering children for the past 2 years, would help in the decision process.

My DH and I would love to adopt, and we would be open to adopting an older child... not because we couldn't go back to night feedings and diapers... I would love another baby, or two, but because of our ages... 48, taking an older child would increase the odds of seeing the child into adulthood. Sadly, we aren't in a position to adopt... Our youngest child was born with a rare birth defect and has more surgeries plan in the future. He will need all of our attention and support, and along with 4 other children, it wouldn't be fair to add another child at this time.

If you feel you can love and provide for another child, I don't see how opening your hearts and home to a child can be a mistake.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I am so glad and blessed to have been adopted (1st child out of Korea in 1959) by a wonderful mother over 40 and a father who was 50 years old.

My father lived until two days before his 90th birthday and my mother died in 2004 just shy of her 86th birthday.

They both lived long enough to raise my brother & I, and long enough for me to be able to see them through (retired early and lived with them) the last 6 years of their lives.

What an incredible gift and oppotunity they bestowed upon a child living in an orphanage for 4 and a half years who was literally starving to death.

No one knows how long they will live, but, while alive then just live and do whats in your heart.

 

[tonilea]

I think more than anything it depends on the type of people you are. When DH and I got married, his Mom was 59, but she was a very old 59. His Dad was 70, 11 years older than her and she acted at least as old as him!

For us, we are currently TTC. I am 38 and DH is 44. We will quit when he hits 45 in October. Why? He was a late in life baby and he worries that our child would have a similar childhood. His dad was verbally abusive and not a great dad. DH on the otherhand is a FANTASTIC Dad, so I just can't see him repeating his childhood.

So, more than any opinion you will find here, it depends on you.

 

[akdeputydog]

We adopted at age 43 and I know tons of folks adopting in their 40s as well as having children in their 40s. In some ways it is probably easier than when you are younger because you are calmer and more mature (usually) and more financially stable. I'm so glad I waited til this age and so happy to have adopted a wonderful child like my daughter. I never wanted to actually birth a child and my DH and I were pretty happy DINKs. But we decided to enrich our life by adopting ,and while I know parenthood isn't (and shouldn't be) for everyone when I think of my friends who are DINKs I think "you don't know what your missing." Good luck with your decision.