How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[disneychrista]

These threads make me feel like a cheapskate. I would never even think to give $500 as a wedding (or any other) gift. If I was to give cash it would like be $100 but I would be more likely to find a nice something to give as a gift vs giving cash.

 

[NotUrsula]

What does cover your mean to me? It means don't be a cheap ***.

Last weekend my son attended a college friend's wedding in VA. My son and his 4 friends from NYC and NJ each gave the couple $150-$200. His friends from VA, SC and GA gave much less.

I'm pretty sure an outdoor, buffet lunch in VA was not $150-$200 per person.( they did NOT have an open bar)

So, this idea that we use the venue/meal price to determine how much we give is silly

I wouldn't expect you to price down what you would give based on how much the couple spent, but I wouldn't expect you to price up, either. When you're dealing with social situations, abiding by local norms is kind of important in order to avoid awkwardness. I assure you, a cash gift of nearly $200 from a single college student (or very recent graduate) would be considered out of the norm and rather embarrassingly large at most weddings in the South, even now. (In most Southern families, a cash gift of that size is something that comes from the groom's doting great-Aunt, not the groom's college buddy.)

Why do you (and others that do not live here) care so much????

Perhaps it has something to do with the implication that giving less than you would is being, in your words, "a cheap ***"

If we need to respect your gift-giving traditions, perhaps you might consider respecting ours? Just as I'm sure that many people you know feel that giving large amounts of cash is a good practical way to give a couple a start, many of us elsewhere have been raised to see it as too practical; as if no thought had gone into the choice. Perversely, along with that POV, it's also kind of intimate to give someone cash; there are many places in the US where receiving a cash gift from someone who isn't close family carries a bit of an implication that you are in need of charity. (If you hear a host laughingly say, "For God's sake, put your money away!" ... you are actually listening to an embarrassed host trying to shut down someone who is speculating about the cost of the event.)

I *have* declined wedding invitations when I could not afford the necessary travel expenses, but never because of the cost of a wedding gift, because I send a gift even if I decline the invitation. That's the traditional rule for weddings, and I follow it.

 

[meggiebeth]

The ‘it’s ridiculous’ crowd is picking up steam.

Here’s an honest question, no snark. When you go to a kids birthday party do you base your gift on what the parents spent for the party?

Here, I think it is generally accepted to give around £10 ($15 or so) worth of presents at a kid’s birthday party, whether or not it’s an expensive party or a cheap one. There have been times when we’ve felt embarrassed giving a gift of this value to a child and then received something more valuable, but I would say that £10 is a generally respected ballpark in my area.

If people are gifting $500 at a wedding and have multiple a year, I don’t know how they afford it! My personal opinion is that people will pay for you to go to their weddings, and you will (in theory) pay for them to come you yours when the time comes. No loss there!

 

[meggiebeth]

These threads make me feel like a cheapskate. I would never even think to give $500 as a wedding (or any other) gift. If I was to give cash it would like be $100 but I would be more likely to find a nice something to give as a gift vs giving cash.

We do the same - there’s nothing really sentimental or special about giving cash. I know that my parents still use and treasure the gifts they received from their wedding 25 years ago. Here, giving money seems like something the groom or bride’s parents would do. The closest we’ve got to giving money is when a couple asked for donations for their honeymoon!

 

[DisneyHardin]

These threads make me feel like a cheapskate. I would never even think to give $500 as a wedding (or any other) gift. If I was to give cash it would like be $100 but I would be more likely to find a nice something to give as a gift vs giving cash.

I know what you mean. I guess I am just from a part of the country where huge cash gifts are just not the norm. If I give money as a wedding gift, I usually give $50. When my sister got married in August I asked her if she wanted money or for me to get things off her registry. She chose things from the registry. I spent $150 on stuff from Target and she "complained" to me that I had spent way too much on their gifts.

 

[Skellingtonj]

For those asking, a $200 dollar child’s birthday and a $20k plus wedding ARE TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS! Why are you even bringing it up? I give a 20-25 dollar gift to a kid vs a friend or family wedding. One has nothing to do with the other. Stop trying to draw comparisons. And ftr, I don’t care what they give in the south. Or the north or the west. Why do you care what we do in the north east?

 

[Kellykins1218]

Holy crap!! I should have invited all of you to my wedding.

Here, there’s no obligation to cover your plate or take into consideration how many people are on one invitation. $500 for a wedding gift is ridiculous.

Go with what you can afford and they should be happy for whatever they get.

Would they turn up their noses if you gave them a nice toaster and some silverware and a blender?

There is no way I'd give $500 for a wedding gift. That's nuts.

 

[msjprincess]

$500-$750

 

[msjprincess]

No one is EXPECTED to give anything. Most people here(NYC) go the "cover your plate" route, because it is what we are accustomed to doing.

Exactly. I do it because I choose to do it, not because it's expected. I want the couple to come out ahead and start off their marriage with a little nest egg.

 

[Kellykins1218]

These threads make me feel like a cheapskate. I would never even think to give $500 as a wedding (or any other) gift. If I was to give cash it would like be $100 but I would be more likely to find a nice something to give as a gift vs giving cash.

Which is exactly what most people around here do, too. I never even heard of the "cover your plate" concept until I heard it on the DIS. Where we live, $100 is a very generous gift.

 

[luvsJack]

I don’t care what anyone gives anywhere. I do me, you do you.

I do find it odd that on one thread about weddings, a honeymoon registry is tacky and “the couple wanting to take a honeymoon they can’t afford” and yet in another the tradition of “covering your plate” is seen as the couple coming out ahead or recouping some of the big expense.

Wouldn’t that mean that the tradition is actually encouraging or assuming the couple is having a wedding they can’t afford?

 

[design_mom]

I think these threads are often started to stir up drama, similar to tipping threads. You get someone who brags that they always tip 40% and if you can't afford to do the same, then you should just stay home... and then everything goes off the rails. (

I do not come from a cover-your-plate area. In my area, I think someone trying to calculate how much the wedding cost would be seen as rude (it's none of anyone else's business how much the bride/groom spent). Letting it be known in any way that you were basing your gift based on your calculation would be... a very big faux pas.

I *might* give $500 to my niece or nephew (they're all still in middle/high school, so not marrying age yet). That would be a lot more than I've ever given anybody else, but I only have 4 nieces and nephews. I would definitely consider how many nieces/nephews when choosing my gift. I would need to give the others the same when they get married. So if I decided I couldn't give them each $500, then I would adjust my gift to something that I would be comfortable duplicating times 4.

 

[firefly_ris]

Just give what you can. At my own wedding, the very last thing on my mind was how much money people were going to give me. The most important thing for me was that they were able to attend, and have a good time. I don't care if they gave $0, that wasn't the point of the wedding.

I cannot afford to throw $500 at a wedding gift, unless it's my husband's siblings, or maybe one day when my close nieces or nephews get married, assuming we finally make more money by then. My husband has 65 cousins -- we've been to probably 25 weddings over the past 10 years.... $500 a pop, I'd be broker than I already am, ha. We give as much as we are comfortably able to and that's that, I've never had anyone treat me differently afterwards. My FIL can and does give $500 wedding checks, but he also makes about $200k more per year than we do, and all of his children are grown and live on their own, so... Everyone is different. But I wouldn't turn down a wedding invitation because I couldn't send them more than half my mortgage payment for a gift...

 

[mjkacmom]

Just give what you can. At my own wedding, the very last thing on my mind was how much money people were going to give me. The most important thing for me was that they were able to attend, and have a good time. I don't care if they gave $0, that wasn't the point of the wedding.

I cannot afford to throw $500 at a wedding gift, unless it's my husband's siblings, or maybe one day when my close nieces or nephews get married, assuming we finally make more money by then. My husband has 65 cousins -- we've been to probably 25 weddings over the past 10 years.... $500 a pop, I'd be broker than I already am, ha. We give as much as we are comfortably able to and that's that, I've never had anyone treat me differently afterwards. My FIL can and does give $500 wedding checks, but he also makes about $200k more per year than we do, and all of his children are grown and live on their own, so... Everyone is different. But I wouldn't turn down a wedding invitation because I couldn't send them more than half my mortgage payment for a gift...

Here’s the thing, if you live here, your mortgage payment is way more than $1000, heck if you are giving someone half your mortgage payment, that is an insane wedding gift!

 

[SharonZ]

$500, minimum.

 

[firefly_ris]

Here’s the thing, if you live here, your mortgage payment is way more than $1000, heck if you are giving someone half your mortgage payment, that is an insane wedding gift!

Yep, $500 is a little more than half my monthly mortgage payment. That's why... just do what you can, wherever you are.

 

[snapppyd]

Five adults going to a fancy wedding? $1,000. I actually gave more when my DH and I went to the weddings of our nephews. That's just me and we are close. I believe in covering your plate and then giving extra for the newlyweds to get a start.

*edited to add we don't have kids of our own, so tend to be generous to nieces and nephews.

 

[snapppyd]

I always thought that the cover your plate mentality started with couples throwing a wedding party they clearly could not afford.

I disagree. You give whatever you want. I give large gifts to close relatives because these days everything is VERY expensive and I want to help them get started. If they throw a big party, and I enjoy it I don't mind paying my way.

 

[luvsJack]

I think these threads are often started to stir up drama, similar to tipping threads. You get someone who brags that they always tip 40% and if you can't afford to do the same, then you should just stay home... and then everything goes off the rails. (

I do not come from a cover-your-plate area. In my area, I think someone trying to calculate how much the wedding cost would be seen as rude (it's none of anyone else's business how much the bride/groom spent). Letting it be known in any way that you were basing your gift based on your calculation would be... a very big faux pas.

I *might* give $500 to my niece or nephew (they're all still in middle/high school, so not marrying age yet). That would be a lot more than I've ever given anybody else, but I only have 4 nieces and nephews. I would definitely consider how many nieces/nephews when choosing my gift. I would need to give the others the same when they get married. So if I decided I couldn't give them each $500, then I would adjust my gift to something that I would be comfortable duplicating times 4.

I agree completely about the "stirring up drama".

I don't get the "cover your plate" thing, but I don't have to because its not done here. Thank goodness! Dh has 20 nieces and nephews and I have 10. All on dh's side are fairly close in age and getting in to the "marrying age" (3 weddings this year!). We would be broke!

But I don't like when some imply that others are cheap for not "covering their plate". Here everyone just gives as their budget allows. But wedding gifts here can be an actual gift, a check or a combination of the two.

 

[bethy]

I come from an area of smaller gifts but completely respect the differences in wedding customs. Here's my theory: I really think that the large cash wedding gift originated as a way to pass down a bit of financial security from older generations to the younger ones. A way to help a couple start out with a next egg. This was especially true when parents/families did pay entirely for their kids' weddings.

Now with people getting married later and parents not always paying for the whole wedding maybe couples use some of their cash to cover the costs of the wedding?