How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[scoutie]

What you can afford and how close you are. Mainly...what you can afford. I remember reading threads like this as a first year teacher who was working an additional job to afford rent and student loans. A $100 wedding gift would have meant I didn’t eat for two weeks. I gave a thoughtful gift that cost $20 (A picnic basket with a bottle of wine and a letter saying what I loved about the couple). People who would turn their noses up at that would be people I wouldn’t hang out with. Close friends and family were just happy I was there. Now, I can give $100 comfortably. Everything is relative.

 

[nkereina]

$500 is what my initial thought was as well. Being that you're close to her, I might also include a sentimental gift - a personalized photo frame or something they can hang in their home, perhaps. Just adds a personal touch and something beyond the cash.

As someone who got married about two years ago, I would just say that I in no way expected people's gifts to "cover their plate". I know this is a mindset for guests (maybe regionally), and I respect that. But I consider the time, effort, and travel (where applicable) involved to come to my wedding to be part of the gift as well. I had what I thought were close family members no call/no show/no gift for my wedding, and that made me appreciate those who made the effort to attend that much more.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Sorry, I disagree!! Not in so many words, but very clear non the less - and I did say 'some', and I think there are many others that can attest to this!
What does 'cover your plate' mean to you?? That's just one of the ways I'm talking about.

Also, what does the couple spending on their wedding have to do with the price of a gift?? Should not even enter into the equation - that's their choice.

What does cover your mean to me? It means don't be a cheap ***.

Last weekend my son attended a college friend's wedding in VA. My son and his 4 friends from NYC and NJ each gave the couple $150-$200. His friends from VA, SC and GA gave much less.

I'm pretty sure an outdoor, buffet lunch in VA was not $150-$200 per person.( they did NOT have an open bar)

So, this idea that we use the venue/meal price to determine how much we give is silly

Why do you (and others that do not live here) care so much????

 

[Skellingtonj]

The answers from different posters are not from the same geographic areas!! We are all giving our input just as you are!! Your opinion and mine, are just 'that' - opinions - we all have one!! I have lived in different parts of the US and have never seen a 'norm' - weddings and values are all over the place!

What’s with the !!!! Why the anger???!!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

What’s with the !!!! Why the anger???!!!!

I also don’t understand the anger, why does anyone care?

 

[Skellingtonj]

What does cover your mean to me? It means don't be a cheap ***.

Last weekend my son attended a college friend's wedding in VA. My son and his 4 friends from NYC and NJ each gave the couple $150-$200. His friends from VA, SC and GA gave much less.

I'm pretty sure an outdoor, buffet lunch in VA was not $150-$200 per person.( they did NOT have an open bar)

So, this idea that we use the venue/meal price to determine how much we give is silly

Why do you (and others that do not live here) care so much????

These threads never end well. Someone is always put out by what a complete stranger who lives in another area give for a wedding. I’m not changing what i give based on what others who live elsewhere give

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Our best friends son just got married a month ago. There were 4 of us and we gave him $350. It had nothing to do with venue - thats what I decided to give and that was that. Details were - the reception was held in a barn, open bar, pizza and salad and cupcakes for dinner and dessert. I am sure that we covered out plate and that is generally how I go into a wedding - pay for the plate and give a little more. That is how i went into his sisters wedding 4 years ago.

My nephew is getting married next month and I will give him between the 350 and 400 since he is my nephew. That will cover our plates and maybe a little more. I am not trying to cover out plates but that is just how I think.

 

[gillep]

Two years ago my SIL was married and we gave her $1000 for the two of us. This past weekend my other SIL was married and we paid for her flowers to the tune of $1500. My first nice will be born in February and I cannot even guess as to what she will get, but it will likely be at least that much as I am already head over heels in love . We also had to travel from CA to NY for each of these events which wasn't cheap, plus we were both in this last wedding, and my husband in the first, so there were lots of events, but we love them and we knew about it in advance and were able to budget for it. Those were are not as close to don't get as much but usually $200-$500 depending on how close we are to the couple and our financial position at the time.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I typically do $300-500 from my husband and myself as a base and it goes up from there.
So for your situation $500-750 I would think.
My sister is getting married next year and I am thinking 1k for her and paying for the bachelorette weekend in Nashville.

 

[jerseygal]

I typically do $300-500 from my husband and myself as a base and it goes up from there.
So for your situation $500-750 I would think.
My sister is getting married next year and I am thinking 1k for her and paying for the bachelorette weekend in Nashville.

Congrats in advance! Enjoy her exciting day!

 

[HeatherC]

OP here. Thanks for your input everyone! Sorry it took me so long to respond...busy weekend.

My thinking seems to be line with a bunch of you saying in the $500 range. I would love to give more but that is pretty much what I can do at this point in time. I think I’m comfortable with this number because we did give them generous gifts (about $200 each time) for both their engagement party and then her bridal shower. In addition, we will also be staying at a hotel for two nights because we will be attending both the rehearsal dinner and wedding the next day and live too far to drive back and forth. And that costs money too. I also have both my daughters in the wedding and since they are both still in school, we covered the costs for those expenses as well.

They are a very sweet couple and will be thrilled and grateful with whatever they receive.

 

[Poohforyou]

$500

This is what I'd give with the number of people in your family going and the closeness to the bride.

 

[Poohforyou]

Holy crap!! I should have invited all of you to my wedding.

Here, there’s no obligation to cover your plate or take into consideration how many people are on one invitation. $500 for a wedding gift is ridiculous.

Go with what you can afford and they should be happy for whatever they get.

Would they turn up their noses if you gave them a nice toaster and some silverware and a blender?

I'm from NJ and find the cover your plate expectation extremely tacky. In the OP's situation my suggesting $500 had to do with the closeness to the bride and the number of guests giving that gift. The expense of the reception wouldn't be a factor in my decision.

 

[ADLFAN]

Just discovering I'm too broke to attend weddings...

 

[ronandannette]

Just discovering I'm too broke to attend weddings...

I have a question (not for you particularly @ADLFAN): If you are of the opinion or come from an area where the norm/expectation is a large cash gift (thinking of those that mention giving mid-3 to low-4 figures), do you just decline the invitation if you don't feel like you can give that much? I guess I'm wondering if anybody would really say to a bridal couple "sorry, we're just not able to give a big enough gift to make us feel comfortable attending the event". Not that anyone would be likely to be that honest, but that's what it could actually come down to, right?

I've been informed by the DIS of a lot of things I wasn't aware of in my everyday life and "cover your plate" weddings are one of them. I've long ago realized it's ridiculous on my part to comment critically because it really is one of those things that legitimately vary from place to place. We all see things from our own perspective though; I imagine those who scorn DIY backyard potlucks or cash bars at weddings still presume the couple is expecting huge gifts, as would be customary in the scenarios they're familiar with.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I have a question (not for you particularly @ADLFAN): If you are of the opinion or come from an area where the norm/expectation is a large cash gift (thinking of those that mention giving mid-3 to low-4 figures), do you just decline the invitation if you don't feel like you can give that much? I guess I'm wondering if anybody would really say to a bridal couple "sorry, we're just not able to give a big enough gift to make us feel comfortable attending the event". Not that anyone would be likely to be that honest, but that's what it could actually come down to, right?

I've been informed by the DIS of a lot of things I wasn't aware of in my everyday life and "cover your plate" weddings are one of them. I've long ago realized it's ridiculous on my part to comment critically because it really is one of those things that legitimately vary from place to place. We all see things from our own perspective though; I imagine those who scorn DIY backyard potlucks or cash bars at weddings still presume the couple is expecting huge gifts, as would be customary in the scenarios they're familiar with.

I live in the part of the NE where it's not uncommon for newlyweds to receive monetary gifts on the higher end of the spectrum; higher incomes for the same jobs in other parts of the country equal a higher amount in expenses and gifts, I suppose. Amounts given also change depending on whether you are at entry level or mid career or end.

Basically that means that when I was younger I gave less I. Now I'm older and can give more.

Haven't been to a cash bar in donkey years but that might just be attributed to the people I know; most are predominately wine drinkers, at least at social gatherings. As for DIY backyard affairs, this is great and still done IF you have one, and it's bigger than the postage stamp size of many city proper backyards, LOL.
My elder sister gave a "Welcome to the Family" party for her youngest son and his new bride in August. I spent 3 days going back and forth via commuter train to Westchester County, NY, to participate in the cooking and baking for the party. One sister came up from NC and the other sister also commuted for a day or two. There was no potluck though. It was a tightly edited menu that revolved around the bride and groom's likes and cultures.

I think many people in my area accept the advantages and disadvantages of our locales which is the same others do in their own. What works in one part of the country would not necessarily transplant to another and neither are wrong.

The End.

 

[Skellingtonj]

I have a question (not for you particularly @ADLFAN): If you are of the opinion or come from an area where the norm/expectation is a large cash gift (thinking of those that mention giving mid-3 to low-4 figures), do you just decline the invitation if you don't feel like you can give that much? I guess I'm wondering if anybody would really say to a bridal couple "sorry, we're just not able to give a big enough gift to make us feel comfortable attending the event". Not that anyone would be likely to be that honest, but that's what it could actually come down to, right?

I've been informed by the DIS of a lot of things I wasn't aware of in my everyday life and "cover your plate" weddings are one of them. I've long ago realized it's ridiculous on my part to comment critically because it really is one of those things that legitimately vary from place to place. We all see things from our own perspective though; I imagine those who scorn DIY backyard potlucks or cash bars at weddings still presume the couple is expecting huge gifts, as would be customary in the scenarios they're familiar with.

No because we usually know about the wedding at least a year in advance. Usually longer. So we can save for it.

 

[aprilgail]

I have a question (not for you particularly @ADLFAN): If you are of the opinion or come from an area where the norm/expectation is a large cash gift (thinking of those that mention giving mid-3 to low-4 figures), do you just decline the invitation if you don't feel like you can give that much? I guess I'm wondering if anybody would really say to a bridal couple "sorry, we're just not able to give a big enough gift to make us feel comfortable attending the event". Not that anyone would be likely to be that honest, but that's what it could actually come down to, right?

.

I decline weddings all the time because I don't want to have to give hundreds of dollars LOL- unless I am very close with the people I say sorry can't make it- cousins I don't see much I always decline to save myself some money- and if I do go to wedding I never bring a "+1" because then I have to give double the gift!

 

[bethy]

I come from a region where the gifts are lower in cost. Some people give actual gifts and some give cash. However, I was also raised to give a gift whenever I receive a wedding invitation. So I'd send the same gift even if I/we weren't attending.

 

[Skippy918]

I have a question (not for you particularly @ADLFAN): If you are of the opinion or come from an area where the norm/expectation is a large cash gift (thinking of those that mention giving mid-3 to low-4 figures), do you just decline the invitation if you don't feel like you can give that much? I guess I'm wondering if anybody would really say to a bridal couple "sorry, we're just not able to give a big enough gift to make us feel comfortable attending the event". Not that anyone would be likely to be that honest, but that's what it could actually come down to, right?

I've been informed by the DIS of a lot of things I wasn't aware of in my everyday life and "cover your plate" weddings are one of them. I've long ago realized it's ridiculous on my part to comment critically because it really is one of those things that legitimately vary from place to place. We all see things from our own perspective though; I imagine those who scorn DIY backyard potlucks or cash bars at weddings still presume the couple is expecting huge gifts, as would be customary in the scenarios they're familiar with.

I had a friend that I went to college with and also worked with declined my invite because of the cost factor. I even told him, gifts don’t matter, I really want you to come to the wedding. I got married in NYC though, so maybe he thought it would be inconsiderate to show up with no gift.