How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[shoney]

So what’s the difference? All that’s changed is the age of the kids..

Pizza and soda vs 5 hour party with drinks and lots of food lol

 

[allison443]

The ‘it’s ridiculous’ crowd is picking up steam.

Here’s an honest question, no snark. When you go to a kids birthday party do you base your gift on what the parents spent for the party?

When my kids were young there was a “usual” or “standard” amount we spent on a kids birthday party gift. It was $15-$20 I believe. Didn’t depend on where the party was etc. Now I have a “standard” amount I give as a wedding gift- $500. I don’t alter that amount depending on venue etc. It’s my standard gift, not based on what was spent. I’ve given the same gift to 3 weddings in the past year. Don’t most people have a usual amount they give?
Just because my standard amount may be different from yours doesn’t mean one is right or wrong.

 

[meggiebeth]

Wow, maybe things are different here in the U.K. but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of people having to give $500-1000 when attending a wedding. I generally think that someone’s invited you to their wedding because they want you to share their special day with them, and there’s no high financial obligation to cover the cost of your plate. When my cousin (my parents’ niece) got married, they asked what the couple wanted and were told they wanted a wheelbarrow, so that’s what they got them. That cost around $100 maximum.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

 

[jerseygal]

View attachment 356767

HYSTERICAL!

 

[_19disnA]

Certainly a factor in how much you give as a gift to a wedding relates to your financial status. While that is a private matter and no one here needs to tell us their net worth, it certainly plays a role in the size of the gift. This is definitely not a one size fits all type of question. If you choose to have an elaborate wedding in a distant location (or somewhere overseas), unless your relatives/friends are very wealthy, they most likely won't attend and will simply send a gift. The couple should probably consider that when deciding on the wedding location.

 

[mnrose]

Oh my. I wish I knew a lot of you people. $500? Really? I attended my niece's wedding. I had to fly. Rent a place to stay for two days. Rent a car. Those things cost me about $1000. I gave the couple a lovely set of wine glasses off their registry (actually two sets because that's what was on the list). I also gave them a check for $100. I thought that was seriously a lot to spend on a wedding! See, if we can "count" what the bride and groom spend, shouldn't we "count" everything *I* had to spend to attend the event?

Now, the event was at a museum, but a buffet dinner (which was good) and a dj. My niece arranged all her own flowers to save money. They were smashing. She has a great eye. But, not an "over the top" event by any means. And, she wore MY mother's wedding dress, which she had restyled to be more contemporary. She told me over and over that she was very happy that I had chosen to share her day. That was the gift. The rest of it, I suspect, barely mattered to her.

 

[Skellingtonj]

No one is EXPECTED to give anything. Most people here(NYC) go the "cover your plate" route, because it is what we are accustomed to doing.

Long Island here but same. If it’s not what you do, move on. You’re not going to change a whole regions customs by saying it’s wrong

 

[jerseygal]

Different strokes for different folks!That's what makes the world go round!
These wedding threads seem to clearly continually strike a lot of controversy over norms and customs in different parts of the country.
Yes, we all are aware that for some guests budgets, even getting to the wedding is a stretch when it comes to purchasing clothing etc. The OP simply posted the facts, very close to niece, wedding is in Newport, 5 adults are attending, "pretty fancy" is what was stated. If $500 and upwards for a family of 5 adults for a wedding in Newport, which is "pretty fancy" is offensive to those who have simple weddings, its not meant to be. Hopefully, the couple getting married will have a long, happy life together, that's what matters. If they chose to get married by a justice of the peace with 2 people witnessing or they chose to have a "fancy" wedding in Newport, that's their choice. It shouldn't be offensive to those who live in different parts of the country where a larger, more expensive wedding was the COUPLES choice! Again, CHOICE!

 

[jerseygal]

Long Island here but same. If it’s not what you do, move on. You’re not going to change a whole regions customs by saying it’s wrong

Some should not be offended by hearing what typical norms are for weddings in different parts of the country.

 

[_19disnA]

I don't see posts where people are offended, they simply commenting on what is typical where they live. Many are saying that $500-1,000 is not the norm where they live.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Some should not be offended by hearing what typical norms are for weddings in different parts of the country.

Right!?! It’s like we are asking them for the money to pay for my wedding

 

[North of Mouse]

Oh for crying out loud.
It is not expected or demanded.

Sorry, I disagree!! Not in so many words, but very clear non the less - and I did say 'some', and I think there are many others that can attest to this!
What does 'cover your plate' mean to you?? That's just one of the ways I'm talking about.

Also, what does the couple spending on their wedding have to do with the price of a gift?? Should not even enter into the equation - that's their choice.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Sorry, I disagree!! Not in so many words, but very clear non the less - and I did say 'some', and I think there are many others that can attest to this!
What does 'cover your plate' mean to you?? That's just one of the ways I'm talking about.

If it’s not the norm where you live, why does it matter?

 

[AppleDumpling]

These wedding threads seem to clearly continually strike a lot of controversy over norms and customs in different parts of the country.

I know, it’s crazy.
The funny thing about this thread is that OP started it saying she has already decided on a gift. She just wanted to hear others’ opinions. So what’s the point?

 

[North of Mouse]

If it’s not the norm where you live, why does it matter?

The answers from different posters are not from the same geographic areas!! We are all giving our input just as you are!! Your opinion and mine, are just 'that' - opinions - we all have one!! I have lived in different parts of the US and have never seen a 'norm' - weddings and values are all over the place!

 

[mjkacmom]

Cover your plate is extra terrible for out of town family/friends. They have to pay to travel AND if they come from a lower cost of living area, with lower average salaries, are expected to gift the equivalent of a week’s pay?

Is the OP from out of town? Do they live in a low cost/low salary area? I didn’t get that from the OP at all, she said everyone was from NE or NJ. That’s a totally different question that would most like,y generate different answers.

 

[mjkacmom]

Cover your plate mentality - another way of begging for others to pay for your wedding - not going to happen here.

We spent on our wedding exactly what we could afford and no more - neither parents were able to add much and we didn't want them to. Now, it's expected/demanded by some couples that others (parents/guests) cover their costs - no matter what the pain of doing that may be.

That’s ridiculous, no one demands anything, and I don’t know anyone who goes into debt for a wedding. Maybe the posers in lower income areas who get wind of expensive weddings elsewhere from social media and don’t get that no one is going to give generous gifts because it’s not the custom where they live, but please don’t judge our decades long traditions just because you don’t live here.

 

[North of Mouse]

That’s ridiculous, no one demands anything, and I don’t know anyone who goes into debt for a wedding. Maybe the posers in lower income areas who get wind of expensive weddings elsewhere from social media and don’t get that no one is going to give generous gifts because it’s not the custom where they live, but please don’t judge our decades long traditions just because you don’t live here.

You have no idea where I'm living or what I know/don't know about weddings!! What I do know is what I've stated, but you can have your opinions, doesn't really matter to me, judging has nothing to do with it, so you can cool it - I'm out.
Have a great day!!

 

[soccerdad72]

Did the OP ever come back to say what she was planning on giving?

This one feels like a Anything involving weddings always seems to turn out this way - seems like the OP is sitting back

For the record, I would fall into the $500 or so camp, especially with 5 family members attending.