How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[mjkacmom]

Tomayto, tomahto.

I've always seen a place designated for gifts at the receptions, including at least a basket for cards. Our reception hall provided us with a cute little locked box for envelopes. No problem cashing any checks, except for one from a great aunt that was made out to DH'sFirstname MyMaidenName.

Some cultures it is tradition to hand the new couple an envelope while receiving guests.

By the time the wedding comes around, there is usually very little left on the registry after the showers.

I haven’t been to a wedding in years, but it was common for the bride to carry a white “tacky bag” when the couple went from table to table.

 

[mjkacmom]

I said it depended on your perspective. You had an opinion and I had a differing opinion than you. You said "It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception." as if that was fact. It's your particular thoughts likely your own experience. Having a bunch of envelopes wouldn't have been more practical for my wedding and as I already stated physical gifts were majority sent to our house-that is my experience. So yeah again it depends on perspective.

As far as checks--
I couldn't cash half of them for a while because of how people wrote them out. I had to legally change my name first, I had to change my name on my bank accounts using my marriage license. I hyphenated my name so when someone said Mr AND Mrs Mickelson (which I was not) I had to show my bank my marriage license, combined with my new identification (my new DL) showing my new name plus my bank said "well we can see your maiden name on your account is reflected in your married name so we can see you are the same person).

I could cash the checks that were made out to Mr OR Mrs Mickelson and those my husband alone could endorse. The ones made out to AND both of us had to endorse and since people assumed that I took his last name combined with the waiting period to change my name (as I went on my honeymoon right after and then waited several weeks later til I could take a day off to go to the DMV and the Social Security office to legally change my name plus getting the official marriage certificate copy needed to change my name) meant the checks weren't cashed for a while.

As for showers--
I only had 1 shower and it was just ladies. Wedding registries are extremely common in my area and the vast majority of the gifts will be given for the wedding not the shower (IME). I haven't been to a wedding that hasn't had a wedding registry with the exception of this last weekend--then again it was my father-in-law's wedding and his was his 3rd wedding and his bride's 2nd wedding..very little gifts were even given nor much cash either. Multiple marriages tend to function differently anyways.

Great on the cultures part but I wasn't talking about that. I was simply talking about your statement of "It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception." Cultural differences are very different than matters of opinion on dealing with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception.

My dad deposited every single check while we were on our honeymoon, wring for deposit only on them. This was almost 25 years ago though.

 

[Skellingtonj]

We didn’t go on our honeymoon until December, married in August. We went to the bank a few days after we got married. I don’t buy the excuse you can’t give a cash gift because they can’t go to the bank.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We didn’t go on our honeymoon until December, married in August. We went to the bank a few days after we got married. I don’t buy the excuse you can’t give a cash gift because they can’t go to the bank.

I never said you couldn't give a cash gift because you can't go to the bank

You're simply reading something you want to.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My dad deposited every single check while we were on our honeymoon, wring for deposit only on them. This was almost 25 years ago though.

In that instance I would have had to check if our bank allowed that or the bank of the person who would be depositing it. It could have been an option not entirely certain though since the main issue was because it was endorsed to both of us with an incorrect name. Both of us would have to endorse it to someone else and since the name it was written out to wasn't a legal name I'm not sure if my endorsement and our endorsing it off to someone else would have been allowed. I do know that not every check is scrutinized though so it's possible the attendant may not care (the multiple branches we went to for our bank did care about how it was written out). I know depositing checks in the ATMs (though I don't do that for higher dollar checks) may not get the same scrutiny..actually I'm not sure what they look at after the fact in ATMs lol.

 

[smiths02]

What you can afford and how close you are. Mainly...what you can afford. I remember reading threads like this as a first year teacher who was working an additional job to afford rent and student loans. A $100 wedding gift would have meant I didn’t eat for two weeks. I gave a thoughtful gift that cost $20 (A picnic basket with a bottle of wine and a letter saying what I loved about the couple). People who would turn their noses up at that would be people I wouldn’t hang out with. Close friends and family were just happy I was there. Now, I can give $100 comfortably. Everything is relative.

This...what the person can afford and how close you are.

I am so glad we didn't have a wedding and avoided drama.

If we had a wedding, I would want anyone I invited to feel welcome. I would my wedding to make someone feel like they should go into debt, not eat for two weeks, or just not come.
I am not judging the people who think you should give a lot of cash, it just makes me sad that the expectation is that. Maybe because I grew up very poor, and I would like to think that someone wanted me at their wedding because they wanted to celebrate the day with close friends and family.

 

[smiths02]

In that instance I would have had to check if our bank allowed that or the bank of the person who would be depositing it. It could have been an option not entirely certain though since the main issue was because it was endorsed to both of us with an incorrect name. Both of us would have to endorse it to someone else and since the name it was written out to wasn't a legal name I'm not sure if my endorsement and our endorsing it off to someone else would have been allowed. I do know that not every check is scrutinized though so it's possible the attendant may not care (the multiple branches we went to for our bank did care about how it was written out). I know depositing checks in the ATMs (though I don't do that for higher dollar checks) may not get the same scrutiny..actually I'm not sure what they look at after the fact in ATMs lol.

Total side note...when we had a megabank, we just put "for deposit" and put it through the ATM...it was fine.
At the credit union, even with an account with both my name and DH's name that I just want to deposit...if a check is made out to both of us, we must both sign. I do all the banking (as in physically going to the credit union), so it has been a pain in the behind when I've forgotten to have DH sign.

 

[LSUmiss]

I honestly had no idea that cash/savings bonds weren’t the norm everywhere for Catholics.

And I had no idea it was! Sure wish it was!!

 

[kiddo76]

I said it depended on your perspective. You had an opinion and I had a differing opinion than you. You said "It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception." as if that was fact. It's your particular thoughts likely your own experience. Having a bunch of envelopes wouldn't have been more practical for my wedding and as I already stated physical gifts were majority sent to our house-that is my experience. So yeah again it depends on perspective.

As far as checks--
I couldn't cash half of them for a while because of how people wrote them out. I had to legally change my name first, I had to change my name on my bank accounts using my marriage license. I hyphenated my name so when someone said Mr AND Mrs Mickelson (which I was not) I had to show my bank my marriage license, combined with my new identification (my new DL) showing my new name plus my bank said "well we can see your maiden name on your account is reflected in your married name so we can see you are the same person).

I could cash the checks that were made out to Mr OR Mrs Mickelson and those my husband alone could endorse. I could also cash the ones made out to Aaron OR Mackenzie without a last name attached as either one of us could endorse it.

The ones made out to AND both of us had to endorse and since people assumed that I took his last name combined with the waiting period to change my name (as I went on my honeymoon right after and then waited several weeks later til I could take a day off to go to the DMV and the Social Security office to legally change my name plus getting the official marriage certificate copy needed to change my name) meant the checks weren't cashed for a while.

As for showers--
I only had 1 shower and it was just ladies. Wedding registries are extremely common in my area and the vast majority of the gifts will be given for the wedding not the shower (IME). I haven't been to a wedding that hasn't had a wedding registry with the exception of this last weekend--then again it was my father-in-law's wedding and his was his 3rd wedding and his bride's 2nd wedding..very little gifts were even given nor much cash either. Multiple marriages tend to function differently anyways.

Great on the cultures part but I wasn't talking about that. I was simply talking about your statement of "It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception." Cultural differences are very different than matters of opinion on dealing with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception.

OMG, chill. Sorry I should have said I *think* it is easier for the couple. I *think* it is easier to deal with 100+ envelopes than 100+ boxes after partying all night. In areas where checks are common gifts, people usually know it's easier to address the check to Bride OR Groom, so either one can sign, and using the bride's maiden name, especially since it is more and more common for women to keep their maiden name. All the gifts were brought to my Dad's where we dealt with them after the honeymoon. Although we did open some more personal gifts from people who attended the "after party" that he hosted that night.

 

[NotUrsula]

We did get some checks from elderly family members who were too infirm for shopping to be comfortable, and every one of them was written out incorrectly, because I did not change my name. All of these folks were on fixed incomes. We sent them thank you notes that were worded as if we were depositing the checks, but in every case, there was another relative helping with finances, and we quietly told that person that the check would not be cashed. We didn't want to put a strain on the little income that they had. However, I was more than happy to take the old photographs, hand-embroidered linens and antique furniture that those same people offered on later occasions.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

OMG, chill. Sorry I should have said I *think* it is easier for the couple. I *think* it is easier to deal with 100+ envelopes than 100+ boxes after partying all night. In areas where checks are common gifts, people usually know it's easier to address the check to Bride OR Groom, so either one can sign, and using the bride's maiden name, especially since it is more and more common for women to keep their maiden name. All the gifts were brought to my Dad's where we dealt with them after the honeymoon. Although we did open some more personal gifts from people who attended the "after party" that he hosted that night.

If I have to write a check, I make it payable to the groom.

And yes, I'm sure that some grooms change their name, I don't know even one.

 

[kiddo76]

We did get some checks from elderly family members who were too infirm for shopping to be comfortable, and every one of them was written out incorrectly, because I did not change my name. All of these folks were on fixed incomes. We sent them thank you notes that were worded as if we were depositing the checks, but in every case, there was another relative helping with finances, and we quietly told that person that the check would not be cashed. We didn't want to put a strain on the little income that they had. However, I was more than happy to take the old photographs, hand-embroidered linens and antique furniture that those same people offered on later occasions.

If you want to drive my mom or any of my elderly aunts batty, don't cash a check they gave you. They all still balance their check books to the penny religiously every month and will hunt you down if a check isn't cashed. Lol.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

OMG, chill. Sorry I should have said I *think* it is easier for the couple. I *think* it is easier to deal with 100+ envelopes than 100+ boxes after partying all night. In areas where checks are common gifts, people usually know it's easier to address the check to Bride OR Groom, so either one can sign, and using the bride's maiden name, especially since it is more and more common for women to keep their maiden name. All the gifts were brought to my Dad's where we dealt with them after the honeymoon. Although we did open some more personal gifts from people who attended the "after party" that he hosted that night.

I'm all good really

I was specific in that it depends on perspective and it didn't seem like you agreed with that. In reality it does depend on perspective and I was explaining that. For your particular norms, customs, and experience it would have been easier but not necessarily for norms, customs and experiences in my circle. The people I've talked with in recent enough years at their weddings (around my age too) all prefer gifts to be sent to a specific address so they don't have to play tetris at the end of the night lol.

I wouldn't have any any issues with checks if people had just said OR for all of them so my issue stems from that. Not the check itself--though if folks are ok with a delay (which I think generally people are) in cashing checks (as they've likely balanced their checkbooks out) then there's no issue. Honestly some people likely didn't even consider it when they wrote it. I'm not holding it against them in particular just added a hurdle to it. That's why I said cash was an advantage over a check in that instance. Don't have to do too much to deposit cash into an account lol--though I wouldn't suggest depositing large amounts (cash or check) via an ATM. Husband's step-sister (not blood related and now not even marriage related) had an ATM eat $850 that was from their wedding. They got the money back but it took a while.

As far as you maiden name just about everyone is cool with my hyphenating my name now but not completely back then. However, you should have seen the face of my now new step-mother a few months ago when she found out I legally hyphenated my name. For the last several years she just thought it was a Facebook thing. You'd think I committed the worst sin out there so yeah sometimes people are still clinging to tradition. I'm used it though. Many people still address cards to Mr and Mrs Aaron Mickelson and I know it's just because most don't even realize I didn't completely take his last name. As long as it's not something that needs my legal name it's not a big issue.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We did get some checks from elderly family members who were too infirm for shopping to be comfortable, and every one of them was written out incorrectly, because I did not change my name. All of these folks were on fixed incomes. We sent them thank you notes that were worded as if we were depositing the checks, but in every case, there was another relative helping with finances, and we quietly told that person that the check would not be cashed. We didn't want to put a strain on the little income that they had. However, I was more than happy to take the old photographs, hand-embroidered linens and antique furniture that those same people offered on later occasions.

One of the most facinating and appreciative gifts we got was a traditional Khadag/Khata (a silk scarf) from my husband's friend who is from Mongolia. There's no practicality to that gift, no monetary value to that gift but it became one of our favorites and one we remember exactly who it is from.

 

[disneychrista]

And around DIS circles, I'm cheap. Really cheap.

Me too. I also have a feeling that I’m really really poor in comparison.

 

[design_mom]

One of the most facinating and appreciative gifts we got was a traditional Khadag/Khata (a silk scarf) from my husband's friend who is from Mongolia. There's no practicality to that gift, no monetary value to that gift but it became one of our favorites and one we remember exactly who it is from.

My husband and I got married right out of college. One of our friends was a girl on an exchange program from Germany. She was surprised that we invited her to our wedding. (In Germany, apparently weddings are often much smaller.) She gave us a silver-plated bottle opener shaped like a sparrow, along with a handwritten card that told the story about why the sparrow is the symbol of her home town.) I don't think it was expensive, and it's more decorative than useful. It is now 22.5 years later and I've lost touch with Tine, but I think of her every time I see that sparrow.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My husband and I got married right out of college. One of our friends was a girl on an exchange program from Germany. She was surprised that we invited her to our wedding. (In Germany, apparently weddings are often much smaller.) She gave us a silver-plated bottle opener shaped like a sparrow, along with a handwritten card that told the story about why the sparrow is the symbol of her home town.) I don't think it was expensive, and it's more decorative than useful. It is now 22.5 years later and I've lost touch with Tine, but I think of her every time I see that sparrow.

Aww that's a very sweet story

 

[NotUrsula]

If you want to drive my mom or any of my elderly aunts batty, don't cash a check they gave you. They all still balance their check books to the penny religiously every month and will hunt you down if a check isn't cashed. Lol.

Well, in this case it wasn't an issue because all of them had another relative doing the books for them, but even if it hadn't been, I'd not have felt that bad about it. If you are going to expect someone to cash a check, you really need to write the check so that it can be cashed. There was no way I'd have felt comfortable going back to them to ask for a new check.

 

[Skellingtonj]

I never said you couldn't give a cash gift because you can't go to the bank

You're simply reading something you want to.

Where did i quote you??? You’re simply reading into something you want to.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Where did i quote you??? You’re simply reading into something you want to.

Given what my comments were, when you commented and what you commented about seemed pretty connected. If it was completely unrelated then you have my apologies.