How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[tcufrog]

OP, how many nieces and nephews do you have? Don't give more than you can afford to give to the rest of the nieces and nephews if they get married because siblings often compare these things and you don't want to be accused of favoritism.

 

[LSUmiss]

Just curious. Did the parents also go the traditional route of bride's parents pay for the wedding and groom's parents pay for rehersal dinner?

I have 1 brother and 1 sister. My dad gave us each the same (I assume) amount of cash instead of paying directly for our weddings. About $10,000.

DH is an only child. His parents paid for 1/2 the reception and rehersal dinner. They also gave us a monetary gift (maybe around $300?)

My mom told me my gift was the 4 years post college she allowed me to live at home rent free.

I'd say what we received from each of our parents was about equal, just given to us in different ways.

No we paid for our wedding, but we were both out of college & working good jobs. My comment was more that the most we got was from my parents & no one here would think a $500 gift was standard.

 

[disneychrista]

Personally. I do not like that cash has become not only an acceptable gift but the preferred one.

 

[soccerdad72]

Personally. I do not like that cash has become not only an acceptable gift but the preferred one.

I think that has become more commonplace partially because more people are getting married later in life. When I got married, we had a wedding registry of household stuff because my wife and I were moving into our first home. But if you are getting married at an older age, it's more likely that all the 'traditional' wedding gifts are things you already might own.

 

[skyblue17]

Personally. I do not like that cash has become not only an acceptable gift but the preferred one.

I prefer the couples that set up experience registries (like Zola) to help fund their honeymoon, chip in for large purchases like mattresses or new furniture, etc. As a single person with very little space in my own apartment, I can't get excited about buying people their 9th and 10th expensive wine glasses as a wedding gift. I honestly don't see the need for getting someone physical gifts that they don't necessarily need or want simply because they need to provide others with a list of items to purchase for them. Many couples already have a lot of things prior to getting married these days, so for me, being able to give what I can that goes directly to something they truly do want (like a champagne breakfast on their honeymoon) simply feels more special than handing over an awkwardly addressed check (no seriously, who do you write it out to).

Also, I would hope people don't base their gifts on what they themselves received, simply because if we're going that route, all the single people are owed a lot of money, lol.

 

[kiddo76]

Personally. I do not like that cash has become not only an acceptable gift but the preferred one.

I'm 42 and cash has always been the norm and was the norm for my parents and grandparents. Gifts (usually from the registry) are given at the bridal showers and cash for the wedding. Mostly it's because of logistics. It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception. The few physical gifts we did get, tended to be more personal (hand embroidered table cloth from grandmother, handmade quilt from my sister, things like that) and many of those people also gave cash. Cash is just practical.

 

[msjprincess]

I'm 42 and cash has always been the norm and was the norm for my parents and grandparents. Gifts (usually from the registry) are given at the bridal showers and cash for the wedding. Mostly it's because of logistics. It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception. The few physical gifts we did get, tended to be more personal (hand embroidered table cloth from grandmother, handmade quilt from my sister, things like that) and many of those people also gave cash. Cash is just practical.

I'm in my 50s and cash has always been the norm. When we were selling my grandmother's house we found a list of the gifts she received when she was married in 1939> Almost all were cash.

 

[disneychrista]

I'm 42 and cash has always been the norm and was the norm for my parents and grandparents. Gifts (usually from the registry) are given at the bridal showers and cash for the wedding. Mostly it's because of logistics. It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception. The few physical gifts we did get, tended to be more personal (hand embroidered table cloth from grandmother, handmade quilt from my sister, things like that) and many of those people also gave cash. Cash is just practical.

I’m 46. And I stopped exchanging gifts because if I’m giving you $X and you’re giving me $X what’s the point.

 

[kiddo76]

I’m 46. And I stopped exchanging gifts because if I’m giving you $X and you’re giving me $X what’s the point.

With my sister, instead of giving each other gifts for Christmas, we pick a show or concert to attend together. I've loved it since we started doing this, as it makes us set time aside to spend together.

 

[mjkacmom]

Marriage is a sacrament, in my culture you do not give actual gifts in celebration (with the exception of religious gifts, by close family members). Baptism, communion, confirmation, marriage, cash.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I’m 46. And I stopped exchanging gifts because if I’m giving you $X and you’re giving me $X what’s the point.

Agree, but I feel that’s true of gifts in general. If I’m buying you a toaster and you’re buying me a blender, why don’t we don’t we skip the gift giving and use the money to buy our own things?

 

[LSUmiss]

Marriage is a sacrament, in my culture you do not give actual gifts in celebration (with the exception of religious gifts, by close family members). Baptism, communion, confirmation, marriage, cash.

And that can vary by region too. In my area, all of those are sacraments too, of course. DS was just baptized Sunday & we didn’t get any cash gifts. I don’t recall getting cash for any of those when I was a kid either.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Mostly it's because of logistics. It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception.

I mean not really. Depends on your perspective.

1) You need to keep track of the envelopes at the reception so you need a container and someone keeping a close eye on it so you don't forget it
2) Most people sent our actual items from our registry to our house with only a handful bringing it to the wedding itself. Wedding cards were also sent mostly to our house though we did have a container for the ones that were given to us at the wedding.
3) Depositing the cash into the bank. We left the next day for our honeymoon so it would have been $$$ if that's all we had received vs physical wedding gifts sitting in envelopes for 10 days.
4) If it's straight up cash that's an advantage over checks as again there can be issues with cashing checks.

Cash is just practical.

Again depends on your perspective. Physical gifts can be very practical from a registry. It all depends on the individual couple and their needs and life stage. A couple looking to gain some good quality pots and pans, better quality sheets, etc would be a practical choice.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

A couple of weeks after our wedding, we got a 2nd card with $100 from my FIL's best friend. Since we had already received a gift from him, we checked with my FIL before cashing to make sure his friend meant to send it to us. My FIL abruptly told us "Just cash the check, but don't send a thank you note." Apparently his (married) friend got drunk and was making out in the coat room with my FIL's cousin during the reception. . He sent us hush money.

I guess our reception was a little wilder than we realized at the time!

I was at a wedding where the sister of the groom was locked in the bathroom with the best man. She was married but not living with her husband. It was quite the scandal. They ended up getting married.

Personally. I do not like that cash has become not only an acceptable gift but the preferred one.

I still buy gifts.

And around DIS circles, I'm cheap. Really cheap.

 

[kiddo76]

And that can vary by region too. In my area, all of those are sacraments too, of course. DS was just baptized Sunday & we didn’t get any cash gifts. I don’t recall getting cash for any of those when I was a kid either.

I look at it as how many rosary beads, crosses, religious figurines, picture frames does one really need? Those types of gifts come from grandparents, parents, and godparents and are usually coordinated before hand. Everyone else usually gives cash (or savings bonds, not as common anymore), which is then usually set aside in a savings account for the kid receiving the sacrament.

 

[aprilgail]

And that can vary by region too. In my area, all of those are sacraments too, of course. DS was just baptized Sunday & we didn’t get any cash gifts. I don’t recall getting cash for any of those when I was a kid either.

All we got for my daughters christening was cash gifts- started her college fund with that.

 

[kiddo76]

I mean not really. Depends on your perspective

Tomayto, tomahto.

I've always seen a place designated for gifts at the receptions, including at least a basket for cards. Our reception hall provided us with a cute little locked box for envelopes. No problem cashing any checks, except for one from a great aunt that was made out to DH'sFirstname MyMaidenName.

Some cultures it is tradition to hand the new couple an envelope while receiving guests.

By the time the wedding comes around, there is usually very little left on the registry after the showers.

 

[kiddo76]

I was at a wedding where the sister of the groom was locked in the bathroom with the best man. She was married but not living with her husband. It was quite the scandal. They ended up getting married.

Luckily, 16 years later the friend is still married. I don't know if the wife ever found out. The friend and cousin dated in high school and I guess got a little nostalgic. At least it was just "making out" and not more. And we were worried what trouble OUR young friends would get into, lol.

 

[mjkacmom]

And that can vary by region too. In my area, all of those are sacraments too, of course. DS was just baptized Sunday & we didn’t get any cash gifts. I don’t recall getting cash for any of those when I was a kid either.

I honestly had no idea that cash/savings bonds weren’t the norm everywhere for Catholics.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Tomayto, tomahto.

I've always seen a place designated for gifts at the receptions, including at least a basket for cards. Our reception hall provided us with a cute little locked box for envelopes. No problem cashing any checks, except for one from a great aunt that was made out to DH'sFirstname MyMaidenName.

Some cultures it is tradition to hand the new couple an envelope while receiving guests.

By the time the wedding comes around, there is usually very little left on the registry after the showers.

I said it depended on your perspective. You had an opinion and I had a differing opinion than you. You said "It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception." as if that was fact. It's your particular thoughts likely your own experience. Having a bunch of envelopes wouldn't have been more practical for my wedding and as I already stated physical gifts were majority sent to our house-that is my experience. So yeah again it depends on perspective.

As far as checks--
I couldn't cash half of them for a while because of how people wrote them out. I had to legally change my name first, I had to change my name on my bank accounts using my marriage license. I hyphenated my name so when someone said Mr AND Mrs Mickelson (which I was not) I had to show my bank my marriage license, combined with my new identification (my new DL) showing my new name plus my bank said "well we can see your maiden name on your account is reflected in your married name so we can see you are the same person).

I could cash the checks that were made out to Mr OR Mrs Mickelson and those my husband alone could endorse. I could also cash the ones made out to Aaron OR Mackenzie without a last name attached as either one of us could endorse it.

The ones made out to AND both of us had to endorse and since people assumed that I took his last name combined with the waiting period to change my name (as I went on my honeymoon right after and then waited several weeks later til I could take a day off to go to the DMV and the Social Security office to legally change my name plus getting the official marriage certificate copy needed to change my name) meant the checks weren't cashed for a while.

As for showers--
I only had 1 shower and it was just ladies. Wedding registries are extremely common in my area and the vast majority of the gifts will be given for the wedding not the shower (IME). I haven't been to a wedding that hasn't had a wedding registry with the exception of this last weekend--then again it was my father-in-law's wedding and his was his 3rd wedding and his bride's 2nd wedding..very little gifts were even given nor much cash either. Multiple marriages tend to function differently anyways.

Great on the cultures part but I wasn't talking about that. I was simply talking about your statement of "It's easier for the newly married couple to deal with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception." Cultural differences are very different than matters of opinion on dealing with a bunch of envelopes than packages right after the reception.