How do you react when 5th grader forgets homework?

[kpgclark]

Having a mommy moment...My son is in 5th grade which in our district is middle school. He now changes classes with 8 periods a day. Twice last week he forgot his math homework and today he forgot to go to Chorus after school and didn't bring home his English workbook and thus could not do his English homework. He says he thought his Science workbook was his English workbook and put the wrong one in his backpack. I just don't know how harshly I should react to this. School started about two weeks ago and I know it is a big change for him but on the other hand I want him to understand that homework is VERY important. Last week I went back with him to school to get his homework but it is a real pain to do that and I told him I won't do that any more. How harshly should I react to this or how do I get it drilled into his head to be sure he has all his stuff? He cried when he got home when I told him he should be a chorus.

 

[NMAmy]

Poor little guy. Does he have an agenda? Dd's school provides them and it helps them keep track of what homework is due when and where they're supposed to be (after school activities). Parents have to sign the agendas every day. She thinks it's a pain, but it's really helped her keep things straight.

He's going through a lot of changes--middle school is really different and I'm sure he's stressed. I know I forget stuff when I'm stressed. I'd try to reassure him and help him get organized.

Best wishes to you both. It's a bad time for parents as well!

I just read a great book about middleschoolers called, "Not Much, Just Chillin' The Secret Lives of Middle Schoolers." It really made me realize that some of it is physiological (the forgetting, etc.) and that dd was not the only one who lost her mind at this age. It made me feel a lot better and made it easier to deal with her.

 

[tiggerlover]

My DS (3rd grade) forgot his homework yesterday. I basically told him that I was sorry he forgot, but it was his responsibility to remember and that he would have to suffer the consequences at school the next day and that perhaps next time he would make a better effort to remember. DS immediately wanted to go outside and play, but our rule is homework first, since he didn't have his homework I asked him to read for the amount of time it would have taken him to complete his homework had he had it. Then DS went to school today and received his consequence from the teacher and double homework for tonight. Today he remembered to bring home everything and is currently working on it as I type.

Edited to say: DS also has a homework log book provided by the school. The teacher writes on the board every day what homework is required and when it is due. At night parents are to check off that the student did their homework and sign the log. Perhaps if your DS doesn't have one, this will help him to remember.

 

[chrissie123]

Does the school supply a homework diary??? If not make one with him at the weekend, even if its just a little book he can write in, with dates his homework is due in....

 

[kpgclark]

He does have an agenda book and he has only forgotten to write in in one day. He had everything written down but said he mistakenly brought the wrong book home. We took a nice walk together before and now he is quietly reading. I do feel bad for him but I know he needs to be more responsible. I asked him if he sits on the bus for a few minutes before the bus leaves and he said yes. I then told him he needs to take an extra minute at his locker to review his agenda and be sure he brings everthing home. BTW, he has also forgotten to bring his lunchbox home all week. He brought it in on Monday but hasn't brought it home yet.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

basically the same way you do.
I'll say this, my 5th Grader has gotten VERY good at copying all his homework assignments down into his planner. He is still not so good at then reading the assignment planner at the end of his day and looking into his backpack to make sure he has every needed book.

but Mooooooooommmm, I thought I brought my Science book home. Once last week I returned for the right folder. This week I said no and made him wake up 1/2 hour early to go into school early and sit at his desk to do it. I've also started a chart with stickers. I've told him that when he can get 5 stickers in a row for bringing all his work home, then I'll get him a prize. It's kind of hokey for an 11yo, but he really gets into small rewards.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
my 5th Grader has gotten VERY good at copying all his homework assignments down into his planner. He is still not so good at then reading the assignment planner at the end of his day and looking into his backpack to make sure he has every needed book.

LOL! Isn't that the truth!! DS teacher started them in 4th grade. First year for assignment books to be signed by parents each night, she reminded them at the end of the day to look and see what they needed, pack it up, etc. Had a separate "take home" folder to keep them organized with things to be signed. Then in 5th grade they were no longer reminded. Flew right out of DS's head. I told him...it's your responsibility to check. The teacher isn't going to remind you. The times I saw his assignment book, the pages were stark white! No writing on them. Now in 6th and in a different school, lockers this year, etc., I ask him about his assignment book. Sometimes he brings it home, sometimes not. He's becoming sooooo forgetful! He used to remember everything! Now? Ha! He remembers things from years ago but not what his teacher told him today. And I hear it's going to get worse before it gets better.

Oh! The other day he had a quiz in class. He remembered to take his book he needed, but he forgot to take a piece of paper. His teacher sent home a demerit slip. That seems a bit extreme to me. They get too many of those in a marking period and they're in major trouble. He was soooooooooooo upset about it. So now I have to teach him the tricks. Keep a few sheets of loose leaf paper folded in half in your book just in case you forget to take any with you. Ack! When does it get better if it's going to get worse first???

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Hmm..maybe I'm harsh, but my 3rd grade DD has done this 3-4 times since school started last month. First time I was sympathetic, 2nd time I was annoyed, 3rd time she was sent to bed since she didn't have her homework to work on. She has forgotten her agenda for me to sign a couple weekendings as well, and she got in trouble by her teacher then too... soo..I think she's learned.
IMO, your son doesn't need you to 'baby' him...he's in this big school now, and he needs to learn the responsibility. Believe me, I know it's hard, and maybe since my daughter isn't doing but 2 class changes a day, I may not understand his situation...but if you keep fixing it, he'll keep doing it.
Good Luck to both of you!

 

[WilmaBud]

Wow, it sounds like he's overwhelmed. My 5th grader would forget his head if it wasn't attached. Thank goodness he's still in elementary school where things are a bit more laid back.

He forgot part of his homework 2 days in a row last week. I got really annoyed on the 2nd day. He cried and apologized, and I realized he was just having trouble adjusting to the change in routine. He's a "safety" (kind of like a crossing guard), and he has to leave a little early to get to his "post." I know that he needs more time to organize his thoughts and things and the end of the day (he was always one of the last kids out in 3rd and 4th grades because he was gathering his things). So, now, when he's done "safety post," he checks to make sure he has all of his stuff before he comes home.

I think your suggestion that he take some extra time to check through his stuff is a good one. Maybe he should "check off" each thing in his assignment book as he makes sure it's in his backpack or folder.

Good luck to you both. I'm sure he's just adjusting to all the changes at this point. It's a lot for a 5th grader.

 

[manchurianbrownbear]

We have very similar issues with our DS13 and he's in 8th grade!

The last couple years his mid term grades would be terrible and DW and I would severely limit or eliminate, TV, computer, time with friends until quarter grades come out. The grades have always improved at the quarter, and his priveleges are restored. But then they nose dive again by mid term!

Math is really the only subject that is difficult for him. It is very frustrating when he underachieves in subjects that he has demonstrated great ability. He frequently completes assignments and forgets to turn them in!

We completely failed in impressing upon him how important it is to get good grades. He really is a good kid; he's always been very well behaved, so I really hate to come down on him too hard, but his problems seem so preventable!

 

[DISshopkeeper]

I tell the kids I DO NOT want to hear the "F" word. As in forgot!!

 

[danacara]

No worries. I used to do this at least once a week back in middle school. Typically I'd forget to bring home a workbook or textbook. The deal was that my mother would take me back to school to get it, but we'd have to run there - it was maybe a mile and a half away. Physically, I think forgetting stuff turned out well for me. Ha.

 

[disney4us2002]

Originally posted by manchurianbrownbear
We have very similar issues with our DS13 and he's in 8th grade!

The last couple years his mid term grades would be terrible and DW and I would severely limit or eliminate, TV, computer, time with friends until quarter grades come out. The grades have always improved at the quarter, and his priveleges are restored. But then they nose dive again by mid term!

Math is really the only subject that is difficult for him. It is very frustrating when he underachieves in subjects that he has demonstrated great ability. He frequently completes assignments and forgets to turn them in!

We completely failed in impressing upon him how important it is to get good grades. He really is a good kid; he's always been very well behaved, so I really hate to come down on him too hard, but his problems seem so preventable!

This sounds exactly like our ds and nearly every other son I've heard friends discussing. There is something about boys and being disorganized. We met with oldest ds' guidance counselor and she said nearly every middle school boys goes thru this. Since I have two younger sons soon to be in middle school, I thanked her soooo much for giving me a glimpse of my future, lol. Why would someone take the time to complete an assignment only to not turn it in?? This one was the one that made me the nuttiest!

As to the original question, we like natural consequences whenever possible. Typically, the middle school teachers here will accept the homework the day due for full credit and the next day for half credit, beyond that is a zero. So, whatever grade is given is the consequence and if the midterms are not above C's, then home privileges begin to diminish, like computer, video, telephone, friends, etc.