How do you handle a friend who always has to be right?

[bdcp]

What always amazes me is that people who consider themselves "non-judgmental" are usually the first to drop someone who doesn't live up to their standards as a friend. I've learned a lot about how a lot of people really think by reading some of the threads on the Dis. Even those you think are "narcissistic" are probably just how their mind works. Honestly, people, those that feel they are above this behavior are just as bad.

 

[georgina]

I have a friend like this. A lot of people avoid her, but I take her as she is. (She's British, sometimes I attribute her statements to that.) It has taught me to bite my tongue in instances where I know someone else is wrong, but that it would do no good to correct them. My friend has good qualities also, so I let it go. I really have mellowed as I have gotten older!

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Interesting, georgina. My friend happens to be British, too.
Are you saying that I am too judgemental, bdcp? That could very well be. I am aware that my perception of what is happening is affected by what I am going through at present. Usually, a know-it-all doesn't bother me. Usually, I am "in one ear and out the other." The people who replied to my "curt" thread were also very helpful. It's good to get another's perspective on things and I thank you all who weighed in on this thread.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I have a friend like this. A lot of people avoid her, but I take her as she is. (She's British, sometimes I attribute her statements to that.) It has taught me to bite my tongue in instances where I know someone else is wrong, but that it would do no good to correct them. My friend has good qualities also, so I let it go. I really have mellowed as I have gotten older!

I have an aunt who is always correcting people and explaining things to them even when they know what they are talking about. Dealing with her has taught me to be careful about correcting people and how to correct people without coming off as a know it all.
The way most of my family deals with her is to ignore her and change the subject when she starts explaining things to us. Oh, and talk about how annoying she is when she leaves.

 

[bdcp]

I have an aunt who is always correcting people and explaining things to them even when they know what they are talking about. Dealing with her has taught me to be careful about correcting people and how to correct people without coming off as a know it all.
The way most of my family deals with her is to ignore her and change the subject when she starts explaining things to us. Oh, and talk about how annoying she is when she leaves.

My husband has an aunt like that except when she's telling you "how it is" she gets in your face and usually points at you lol. I accept her for what she is as do most of the family. She means well, she just is wired like that. Not everyone can be the life of the party, easy going, laid back, etc. That would be boring.

 

[ronandannette]

My DS is an extremely linear/concrete thinker and takes almost everything literally. If he hears someone say something that he considers to be factually imprecise (the temperature example up-thread is a great one) he will feel duty-bound to correct the person, and imagines that he's doing them a service. Obviously this gets very irksome and often results in him completely missing the point in conversations with people who speak in generalities or metaphors - he's kind of like Sheldon Cooper that way.

 

[bdcp]

Interesting, georgina. My friend happens to be British, too.
Are you saying that I am too judgemental, bdcp? That could very well be. I am aware that my perception of what is happening is affected by what I am going through at present. Usually, a know-it-all doesn't bother me. Usually, I am "in one ear and out the other." The people who replied to my "curt" thread were also very helpful. It's good to get another's perspective on things and I thank you all who weighed in on this thread.

No, you have said you value her friendship. I was referring to those that would drop someone like a hot potato. I think we all need to be aware that everyone is different and everyone has good qualities. I've just seen people say how "non-judgmental" they are and then proceed to criticize someone who isn't like them. Honestly, I know I come across as a know-it-all, but it really is how my brain is. I try to not be that way, but just like everyone, I am who I am. I'm not unethical, immoral, a criminal, etc so a personality trait is what others judge me by. My brain doesn't "get" how people can be that oblivious or un-informed about a lot of topics. I like to say I have a lot of useless trivia in my head. I am who I am. I just have a different perspective. It doesn't make others better than me or me better than them. I am a very logical, analytical person which is unusual for a woman, but I am. Just for those that cut people out of their lives because they don't live up to their expectations, please think about it first. Only having people around you that are just like you is an awful narrow way to live life.

 

[sunshinehighway]

My husband has an aunt like that except when she's telling you "how it is" she gets in your face and usually points at you lol. I accept her for what she is as do most of the family. She means well, she just is wired like that. Not everyone can be the life of the party, easy going, laid back, etc. That would be boring.

Yes. We have lots of family stories thanks to her.
We accept her for what she is but that doesn't mean we don't find her antics funny at times and annoying at other times.
Sometimes we say things just to mess with her. Sometimes her kids (both adults) make up things and talk about it like it's true so she believes them. When she starts informing people of some really bizarre thing we just have to look over at them and their faces say it all.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

That would drive me batty!! I would probably stay away or have conversations in generalities. Where nothing could be proven or disproved.

"The earth is round" "the sky is blue" "I have a sister" stuff like that

And for what it's worth, it happens on line alllll the time. People are always diagnosing other people's ailments. Even if I say I have a runny nose, sore throat, fever,etc you are not a doctor. Nor are you in front of me. I don't care if your mom worked in the ER or if you watched every season.of ER, I'm.going to a real doctor.

 

[Ceila]

No, you have said you value her friendship. I was referring to those that would drop someone like a hot potato. I think we all need to be aware that everyone is different and everyone has good qualities. I've just seen people say how "non-judgmental" they are and then proceed to criticize someone who isn't like them. Honestly, I know I come across as a know-it-all, but it really is how my brain is. I try to not be that way, but just like everyone, I am who I am. I'm not unethical, immoral, a criminal, etc so a personality trait is what others judge me by. My brain doesn't "get" how people can be that oblivious or un-informed about a lot of topics. I like to say I have a lot of useless trivia in my head. I am who I am. I just have a different perspective. It doesn't make others better than me or me better than them. I am a very logical, analytical person which is unusual for a woman, but I am. Just for those that cut people out of their lives because they don't live up to their expectations, please think about it first. Only having people around you that are just like you is an awful narrow way to live life.

I don't think that shying away from a friendship with someone who constantly has to one-up you in terms of knowledge is the same as only wanting people like you as friends. I've got plenty of friends with whom I don't see eye-to-eye on various topics. But we have mutual respect for one another and not only tolerate our differences but actually enjoy hearing each other's perspectives. It sounds like the OP's friend is the one who only appreciates her own opinion.

 

[DLgal]

I am like this. My father is like this. My oldest son is like this as well. It's an inherited personality trait. It's probably a little bit autistic. (My son is autistic and I'm fairly sure my father is too, and I have some traits of it).

Imagine how you feel when you are annoyed to the FULLEST and you are ready to scream. THIS is how I feel internally when someone says something inaccurate or flat out wrong. I have to say something or I will lose my mind. It physically causes me distress. I hate it. I know people hate that about me. It gets really interesting between my dad and I when we BOTH insist we are right. Trust me, no one wants to be this way but it is like a sneeze...you can't stop it without a huge effort. It bothers me to my core when people give bad information. I was an avid reader as a kid and have a subsequent large bank of pointless knowledge. I think that has a lot to do with this. My dad read the entire encyclopedia Britannica one summer. And I swear he remembers every word he read. It's just the way some brains work and it can feel like a duty to correct bad information. It's completely socially awkward. However, a lot of social conventions are nonsensical when you really examine them.

Next time your friend corrects you, assume she is probably right and thank her.

 

[emer95]

This is interesting for me to read. I think everyone has something "odd" about themselves that they can't help. I guess for some it's correcting people. My weird thing is trying hard to tolerate people's mouth noises. Ex: chewing with their mouth open, talking with their mouth full, chomping/snapping gum. That makes me want to punch the person and run screaming from the room, but that's MY issue that I try hard to deal with every day so I can function in normal society. It's not easy.
I guess others are trying to control their impulse to correct people. Maybe they're holding back way more than they're actually correcting?

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Well, we went to supper last night, and she corrected me on the pronounciation of "quesidillas." The two "ll's" are pronounced as "Y" . But I decided it is her habit to correct people so I took it in stride. I can take things in stride except her knowledge of a certain religious group. When she corrects me on my knowledge of my religion, it's gone too far. But if I see her as being duty-bound to be right and to correct people, I realize like some of you said, she can't help being herself. In response to being corrected, I am going to relax. She is entitled to her opinion and I am responsible for not letting things get to me.

 

[JanaDee]

Well, we went to supper last night, and she corrected me on the pronounciation of "quesidillas." The two "ll's" are pronounced as "Y" . But I decided it is her habit to correct people so I took it in stride. I can take things in stride except her knowledge of a certain religious group. When she corrects me on my knowledge of my religion, it's gone too far. But if I see her as being duty-bound to be right and to correct people, I realize like some of you said, she can't help being herself. In response to being corrected, I am going to relax. She is entitled to her opinion and I am responsible for not letting things get to me.

Would you prefer to keep incorrectly pronouncing it as kay sa dil la? I'm surprised people don't know it's pronounced kay sa dee ya.

Or were you intentionally trying to set her up to correct you?

 

[jdb in AZ]

Well, we went to supper last night, and she corrected me on the pronounciation of "quesidillas." The two "ll's" are pronounced as "Y" . But I decided it is her habit to correct people so I took it in stride. I can take things in stride except her knowledge of a certain religious group. When she corrects me on my knowledge of my religion, it's gone too far. But if I see her as being duty-bound to be right and to correct people, I realize like some of you said, she can't help being herself. In response to being corrected, I am going to relax. She is entitled to her opinion and I am responsible for not letting things get to me.

DH's grandmother habitually corrected people on their pronunciations. She lived til nearly 109 years and was sharp as a tack for the first 105. She wanted to know if she'd mispronounced something, so she figured she was actually doing friends a favor when she corrected them.

Meanwhile we just pronounce quesadilla as cheese crisp.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I think I have a better tolerance for the people I encounter like this in real life. In person face to face. I have little tolerance for those types on the internet. Several threads/posters come to mind. I don't think it's a good excuse saying, " That's the way I am " or " That's the way their mind works".

Why not, if you know you are like this, make a special effort to read and re-read what you are about to post before hitting submit. Are there no filters ? Can you not stop yourself from coming across as a know it all ? Why does every subject have to turn into a platform for a lecture giving opportunity for people like this ?

 

[Andtototoo]

My dd is backing away from a friendship with a friend who has become a Miss AutoCorrect. She has not been that way before, but has become that way. She basically ruined a vacation my dd had saved for a year to go on because she had to be right 24/7 on even the smallest detail. My dd tried talking to her and the friend's attitude was, "Well, I'm right. You should thank me for giving you this information." As my dd said, her mistake was thinking that they were friends, not teacher-student. So she's correcting her big mistake which was thinking they were friends.

I had a relative by marriage who was a Miss Always Right -- I finally sat her down and said, "Did you ever notice how people move away from you at parties?" She admitted she did. I asked her if she wanted to know why. She said she did. I told her that constantly correcting people makes them want to punch her in the nose, but since that was not acceptable, they move away from her. Since then, she has worked hard on overcoming this bad habit. She has largely succeeded. She was 75 when I told her this and said she'd been like that her entire life. If a 75 year old can overcome it, I bet 99% of all others can too. They choose not to because it makes them feel good about themselves by putting others down. Someone who is confident in their own intelligence and knowledge does not need to correct others, they are doing so in order to put them down.

Social conventions, such as not correcting others needlessly, exist for a reason -- to keep us from punching each other in the nose.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I don't usually mind know-it-alls but it's the process of correcting other people that annoys me. Especially when
she's usually right! Know-it-all people on the internet rarely bother me.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, tbh, it annoys me when people confuse a stomach bug with the flu, since they are completely different illnesses with different symptoms. Maybe it's because there are so many who say the flu vaccine didn't work, because they got the flu, when in fact it was a stomach virus.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, we went to supper last night, and she corrected me on the pronounciation of "quesidillas." The two "ll's" are pronounced as "Y" . But I decided it is her habit to correct people so I took it in stride. I can take things in stride except her knowledge of a certain religious group. When she corrects me on my knowledge of my religion, it's gone too far. But if I see her as being duty-bound to be right and to correct people, I realize like some of you said, she can't help being herself. In response to being corrected, I am going to relax. She is entitled to her opinion and I am responsible for not letting things get to me.

OMG!!! Mexican food has been really really big for a long time now.
I would consider that word to be almost common knowledge.
And, the same goes for the difference between the flu, and the stomach-flu or a Noro type thing.

These are just everyday things, and not the same as thinking one might need to know about more complex things like science or religion.

In fact, my son's best friend thought that you pronounce the italian potato dumpling as nochee instead of nokie.
I did fall to temptation and try to explain to him when it came up with the waitress at an Italian restaurant.

The thing is, it sounds like you could be just be very very sensitive about being corrected. People just do NOT like to think that they do not know what they are speaking about. It's hard.

So, if she is the proverbial 'correcter' and 'I am right', type of person.

OY... Talk about oil and water!