How do you discipline your children...

[mrsmiller]

while on vacation??????

I cannot take the constant fight between my two boys, they are at it constantly, if the little one looks at the bigger one they fight they fight over a chair, games... you name it, I am tired of having to punish them constantly as our vacation time gets closer I feel like cancelling everything , they were not like this before, so this is new to us, my husband says that once we are on vacation they will be too tired to fight, but I will hate to think that they will behave like this in public. Is this normal for brothers, is this a phase that they will get over, will this get worse?

I need to hear/advise from other parents!!!!

thanks
Linnette

PS How is this budget related? ...I am about to loose 3k if this continue...

 

[pamlet]

Well as the mom of 2 "boys" now 23 and 17 ... yeah ... I do think it's normal.

One suggestion - do NOT threaten and not follow up. Also make SURE you're observant enough that you know which one started it. Believe neither one is EVER the ONLY one to start it....

I'd sit them down (seperately .. then TOGETHER) and let them know what some of the consequences could .. WILL be... and start the program NOW before you go on vacation.

- no video games or tv for x amount of time/days
- no dessert (if y'all have dessert regularly)
- I think at 7 and 8 they're still young enough for "time out" but that's me .. laugh... or the "quiet corner" ... not stick their nose in the corner - but a chair in the corner facing out where they have to sit for 15 min or so ...

Along with the discipline make SURE you PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE everytime you catch them being GOOD together - even giving a treat when they're playing well together...

They EVENTUALLY grow out of it ... or at least they EVENTUALLY make it to adulthood and you don't have to listen to it constantly!!!!

 

[dlrhine]

Oh My.. Misery loves company. When you get an answer to this please let me know. It isn't just boys, I have two girls ages 6 and 5 and they are going to kill each other or me.. but someone isn't going to make it. It is all the time, she is in my seat, she looked at me, she is watching Sesame Street and I want Zaboomafoo.. etc the list goes on, and it won't stop. We live right near Hersheypark and have season passes, well just last night I had to discipline both of them and sat them on two different benches across from each other and told them not to move and I stood in the middle of the two benches and just stared at both of them. Well that didn't work, they started as soon as they got up. Luckily we live close enough and have season passes we just left. We can't do that in Disney, but they are going to make me crazy. So.. best of luck, I'll be excited to hear what comes of this. To others and standing in line etc. they are great, please thank you, no thank you, excuse me when someone else is talking.. but with each other they will kill the other.

 

[dismom24]

Completely normal, but I have a new trick I started this summer and it has really been working great.

As a mother of 4 (ages 6 - 16), I like to use creative discipline. At the beginning of the summer (we're in the south and have been on summer break for over a month already) I told my children that their words were powerful and they needed to use them. Now when they have a disagreement with a sibling, they must write them a letter, rather than have a screaming match. Mom will not get invovled until letters have been written. We had a few letters in the beginning, now they have really been good and getting along - haven't seen a letter in quite a while. I have had several compliments while visitng friends or out about town at how well they behave. I think it really taught them how to to calm down and listen to each other and for the little ones to practice their writing (it was also absolutely adorable to see a 6 year old write to his 16 year old brother about picking up after himself).

 

[ksumn1]

It's not just boys. I have 2 DD's. Oldest is 8, youngest is 4. They get along pretty well, but the tattling, whining and fighting happens enough to drive me nuts. With my girls, I seperate them when they argue, or sometimes I make them hug each other (nicely) instead just for a change up. At first, they fidget and hate it, but after a minute or two they are grinning and playing and loving it....for a minute.

Sit down with DH and together decide on the consequence for "vacation" fighing or misbehavior. Maybe loss of a mickey bar or balloon if they fight. Decreased pool time if they don't stop, or if it gets unbearable..leave the park, back to the resort and make both of them lie down or take a nap. I think one incident of leaving the park will make an impression on them.

They may suprise you. My DD's did not fight at all when went to WDW last June. Well, except at night when they were in bed. Ther's so much to do and see that they may not need to fight. I would also be very aware of taking turns. Let one pick a ride then the other gets to choose. I hope all goes well.

 

[tink2dw]

I have an only child.

But one day instead of grounding her to her room, I grounded her to do a couple of chores. Like bagging the soda cans, taking out the trash, Vacuuming, dusting, cleaning door frames and light switch plates.

Anything that needed doing, and was something she was fully capable of doing, even if it meant I needed to teach her how, in the learning there was also time to discuss how she could better control her attitude, her temper, and thinking about the consequence of bad behavior.

The greater the Crime the worse the chore, up to cleaning the tub, sink and toilet.

She learned pretty quick that bad behavior was equalled her doing my chores.
She decide bad behavior wasn't worth having extra chores to do!!

With 2 children I suggest, grounding them BOTH to a chore in separate parts of the house to start with, so they are well away from each other. Give the older child a little harder chores to do. And help the younger one to learn how.

Then after three or four days, ground them to the SAME chore, something they need to co-operate to finish, like changing sheets on the beds in the house, it will allow them to figure out how to work together, but also how are they going to change their behavior so they aren't being grounded.

You will need to talk to both about how much this behavior disturbs you and the family and how they need to learn to control their own behavior And not do things that they know will cause the fighting.

 

[Pigeon]

We use 1-2-3 Magic. Read the book or see the video. Your public library will have one or the other. Don't assume you already know what the technique is because it is not just counting to three. We use it at home, and happily use it anywhere else it is needed. It has cut down the amount of conflict in our house enormously.

 

[CathrynRose]

I beat them to bloody pulps - then if that doesnt help, I drug them up on Benadyl and tie them to the beds.



I wish I had advice.... I am the mom of a 16 (and 2 more days) 12 y/o boys. And yes they bickered, non stop, all the time, constantly and on vacation....multiply that by 10. They probably hooked up together in their dreams and bickered then too. Wouldnt suprise me.

They do out grow it. I'd say... I dunno, the last 2 years or so, it's dissipated. BUT NOT GONE. Just dissipated. Much much better. But, thats also a trade off...cuz now the 16 y/o is with his friends all the time. Not playing with his brother....

Its stinks. I understand. My thing that worked the best, was utter ignorning. And I mean ignorning. Remember in European Vacation, and they were walking into a museum and the Mom and Dad were just walking hand and hand, gazing off, as the kids were hitting each other, walking behind them? Yeah like that.... which works better if you have Xanax on hand.

Good luck. Its sure does suck!!!

 

[alikat99]

I have 2 girls, 3 and 5 1/2 and they fight constantly too. Sometimes they are so sweet together, and sometimes they just argue and argue. Anyway, being that we live pretty close to WDW (only 1.5 hrs away), we go quite often. So, I've had plenty of opportunaties to have to discipline them on vacation. It really depends on what they were doing, but I've split them up and made them take a time out right in the middle of the park. I've taken one or both of them out of a ride line. We've taken them out of the park to sit in the car. We've gone back to the hotel. And the most extreme, we left the park completely to go home.

I think that the key is to keep talking about it before you leave for your vacation. Then, I give one and only one warning about their behavior before I do something about it. And, don't hesitate to go back to your hotel for a little bit if it gets really bad. And, don't underestimate the power of those benches outside the gates of each park. Just going there did wonders for my girls.

We've only gone home once, and we've only gone to the outside of the park a few times, because they know that I'll leave, if they continue their nasty behavior.

Good luck!!!!

 

[threecrazykids]

This is kind of long and winded but....

This might be of NO consolation...but I stood and cried at the fireworks at Epcot because I was so sick of my kids fighting the first 2 1/2 days we spent at the "Happiest Place on Earth". Typically I would have nipped it all by taking things away (at home) immediately but when you're on vacation that makes it very hard to do...because if you tell them they can't do something with the rest of the family, then either DH or myself is going to miss out as well by having to stay back in the room with them...and that's not fair either.

I had finally had it, I was soooo tired of the arguing and screaming and "he/she looked at me or touched me" or what ever they could possibly think to argue about.

My husband brought all three of them to stand in front of me and just stare at me for like 2 minutes watching their mom cry over their behavior during the fireworks.

That was all it took...me breaking down and finally saying "I've had it!!!". Once they saw me in tears that was the last time they argued the rest of the entire trip.

So maybe there was some magic going on at Disney after all...but whatever happened made the rest of the vacation completely wonderful.

Normally I just start taking stuff away, and I don't start with the piddly stuff, I go right for the big stuff. Like "no TV for the entire weekend...even during family movie night." They need to know I mean business. I'm not into negotiating...and I have high expectations of my children. I don't play games and I don't back down. They need to understand that when I tell them to stop, I mean stop RIGHT NOW...not 1 minute from now.

I also do a lot of praising as well, however I don't praise what I would consider kindness. I expect kindness. That is not something I feel I should even have to praise. But if they help clean each others rooms or do another's chores because they got theirs done first they are praised for that. Or helping our elderly neighbor lady carry in her groceries, those are things I recognize...but sitting next to your sister on the couch WITHOUT hitting her??? I know it's hard to do...but I expect it. LOL

 

[mickeylove2]

I'd invest in Pampered Chef wooden spoons!!

 

[mickeylove2]

We use 1-2-3 Magic. Read the book or see the video. Your public library will have one or the other. Don't assume you already know what the technique is because it is not just counting to three. We use it at home, and happily use it anywhere else it is needed. It has cut down the amount of conflict in our house enormously.

I am definitely going to the library to find this....with 2 girls ages 6 & 4 I am almost certain they are going to drive me insane with their bickering!!

 

[roadtripper]

if you tell them they can't do something with the rest of the family, then either DH or myself is going to miss out as well by having to stay back in the room with them...and that's not fair either.

Yeah, it's not fair, but we have resorted to this when DS is out of control. At least he knows we mean it. I have also left MK (after 1 hour) and gone back to the hotel. Last August, we went on a surprise extra trip to WDW and both kids were pretty cranky and ungrateful. SO this year, we are going without them! Talk about the ultimate punishment! The funny thing is, they remember my DH saying that they would not be going next summer, and they actually seem to understand why.

 

[allykat]

Mine usually aren't so bad, but this last trip they were fussing and fighting nearly everyday. That had been going on most of the summer (we've been out of school since the end of May). It finally dawned on my why they are fighting....

They are together all the time! My girls are 8 and 11, and this is the first time they've been together all day, everyday. Usually, they are in a summer program and in different rooms. This year, I have a private sitter. It is making them sick of each other...lol. I noticed when we were in WDW that when I had one by herself, she was an angel. It wasn't until I got them together again that they started up.

My suggestion is to try to split up every so often, where possible, and give them some breathing room apart. I've been trying to have them separate some since getting home, and I'm noticing a huge improvement. They miss each other when they aren't together, but I guess they've had too much of a good thing here lately! LOL - good luck!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I made my DSDs do chores. When they couldn't get along I made them work. I figured if they had that much energy, I would burn it off for them. They learned how to do laundry the correct way, vacuum, dust, and when they got really horrific (hitting) we moved into scrubbing floors on their hands and knees and window washing. They either learned to get along or not fight in front of us!!

Good luck!!

 

[drcmk]

We use a three strike method for bickering at my house. Mom or Dad can levy a strike if we observe bickering (we don't get into who started it or why). If they get three strikes in a day, they go to bed 1/2 hour early. For every strike after three, I send them to bed another five minutes early. The biggest problem with this system is that it is hard to implement when we have evening plans that prevent us from coming home early. That doesn't happen often, but when it does, I can usually come up with something else (no computer time, no dessert, etc.). The bonus for the grown-ups is that on a day when the kids have been particularly frustrating we get a little extra down-time at night because they go to bed early.

I probably would use a timeout program if I had to worry about bickering at WDW. I'd just sit the kids on separate benches while I browsed at a shop or cart in visual range of the benches or did something else that I'd enjoy but don't usually get the chance to do.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

Parenting is exhausting, overwhelming and never ending. Children will push, and push very hard, until they find the limits of their parents. Many parents will say they set boundaries, but really what they are doing is yelling and blowing up and changing the rules all the time. The home is in constant upheaval and the parents are too exhausted.

Does your older child feel like he gets to do different things than the younger child? He should have a later bed time... things just for him. Often older children are irritated that the younger gets to do all the same things.

Many times parents will say, "My child is a little lawyer. He never gives up," or "My child is the negotiator; He always figures out a way to get his way."

How about instead thinking, "My child is manipulating me to get his way. I am in charge and this needs to stop."

Children know if they push and push finally you will give in. Sometimes you will yell at them, or shame them, "You should know better! You should not be asking me for this. I thought you were a big boy. Look at you behaving like this."

But once the shaming is over, the child gets his/her own way. You are teaching your child that once they get past the shaming they will get their way.

Number one no sibling abuse. No one should be able to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Period. I would start with this. Would you tolerate the neighbor child walking into your home and shoving your child to the floor? How about if he grabbed a toy from your child and then threw it at him? How about if your child was nicely playing alone and the neighbor child came up and demanded attention?

The issue is parents will tolerate this behavior when it comes from a sibling. ANY incidence of sibling abuse is immediately stopped with, "We no longer do that. Up to your room."

Then the kids will start to argue, "We're just play fighting." Nope. No go. Instead have a back up plan. If the children do BOTH want to play together give them 3 suggestions: come up with a acceptable game on their own, give them separate chores to do, or you come up with a game for them to play. That's it. This does not go on and on with you being creative and them whining NOOOOOOOOO.

Next stop the name calling. Do you want to be called names? Neither does your child. Stop the eye rolling from the older to the younger one. The younger child is not stupid. He is younger.

Stop making the kids share. Pull them apart absolutely as much as possible. If you were forced to share your perfume with someone who split it and used it all up would you want to share? If you had to share clothes with someone who ruined them would you want to share? Would you want another woman to move in and sit in your DH's lap and steal all of his attention? Some shared toys are fine, of course, but special toys should be off limits. (And yes you can keep toddlers OUT of their siblings space.)

Rules. Rules. Rules. You do not have to be mean. Just make some rules and follow them. Timmy gets the computer from 9-10:00 and Tommy gets it from 10-11:00 and then the computer is off for the day. What if Timmy forgets? Very sad, but he missed his turn. It should be his responsibility or if the kids are really little you can be the time keeper.

Parents are often afraid to be the mean parent. That they won't be the fun parent. YOU can be both. Set the rules, but set the fun too. Say we are cleaning our rooms for 1 hour and then we will go for a hike to the park. Or help me with lunch and then I'll play a game with you. It works! Kids love structure, follow through and they LOVE spending time with you.

Whew. This was long. Sorry about that! I know you specifically asked about Disney. My point is work on all of this now. Then set the specific Disney rules. (We will not touch our brother at any time. No wrestling. Running only when I say, and if your kids are runners give them time to truly run every single day.Or have them do 10 minutes of jumping jacks or push ups in a fun style, not a punishment style....) Figure out a way for your kids to get to do what they really want to be doing in a way that works for you and everyone will be happy.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

We make the vacation rules very clear before we leave. In our case, we have DD12, DS10, DD4, and DS16mo. Most bickering is between 1 and 2, and 2 and 3. We aren't afraid to take our children out of the parks if needed. We tell the older two that if necessary, they'll go back for a nap with the younger two. For #3, we have her sit and think about it for a few miutes if her behavior's out of line.

In a couple weeks, we're going to Sesame Place. For the uninitiated, this is an amusement park geared mostly towards the under-8 crowd. We have made it abundantly clear to the older two that they are expected to suck it up and behave appropriately. After Sesame, we're going to a ranch that will be much more geared to them. Plus, I'm taking only the older two to the fair right before we leave.

This really works for me, and I think it's because each child recognizes that they get at least some "stuff" geared towards them. At WDW, we do kiddie rides in the morning, while collecting Fastpasses, and then after lunch it's nap for the younger two and thrill rides for the older. So, the olders have to wait, but in return, they get to do thrill riges while the little guys aren't slowing them down. We also make a point of mentioning when we see good behavior and complimenting them on it. I think acknowledging that it's not always easy being the oldest/middle/youngest goes a long way.

Good luck, it's not easy!

 

[nuke]

I so agree with you Jill. There is no place for rude behavior either from strangers or family members.

 

[KKB]

If they do not behave! (no not perfect all the time...they ARE kids!)

Seriously, I was talking about it, and the boys (12 &6) had just been HORRID. I said nope, you guys aren't going unless you prove over the next 5 months that you deserve to! They KNOW we will follow thru...they didn't believe we would last summer. Had a trip to KC planned. They had been so crummy...we took all electronic devices away (gameboys, playstation, TV, computer); they lost time playing w/ friends;half days in rooms; no extra family fun stuff....NOTHING was working. SOOOOOOO KC was CANCELLED. Needless to say they were STUNNED. (sucked for Mom & Dad, but we knew it would be effective!)

Needless to say,they have overall been MUCH better since I said they were off the Disney list!

Usually loss of friend or family time or the loss of electronic devices is all it takes at our house to get everyone back on track! DS12 does love to torment DS6 endlessly, and I charge him .25 every time...that has also nipped that one in the bud! WOO HOO!

Generally, they are pretty good kids. The KEY is to NOT put up w/ inappropriate behavior, NEVER threaten, ALWAYS follow thru. Also, don't give warnings...don't get me wrong, I do say "The next time that behavior occurs, you will lose..." But I see people warn OVER AND OVER...hey, the kid has ya figured out. They know darn well that the parent will give multiple warnings, so why rush to do what they ask???

Additionally, try to prevent issues by making sure kids are well rested, not hungry, and that they have a variety of things to do to keep them busy. (we make a list together at the beginning of summer to help remind everyone their options~!) Also, try to have regular activities to break up the day. DS6 has Playgrounds each morning; we hit the pool most hot afternoons: Mon afternoons we have the library visit; baseball games are Tues nights, etc.
(we also made a list of free/cheap activities to do around our town this summer)