How do you discipline your children...

[Princess Jenny]

After reading these stories, I have to thank God for the two that I got! My DD 8 and DS 5 get along awesome. Im not saying there perfect, because they are not, and they do have moments where they do not agree. But they always seem to work it out quickly.

What you could tell the kids is that if they can't start getting along, you will find them a babysitter while you and your husband go on vacation. And they can look at the pictures when you get back!

Good luck on your vacation and im sure the kids will be fine. They will be at the happiest place on earth, what can they have to argue about...LOL?

 

[WendyisDarling]

Our trip last year presented one of the best remedies. We did a split stay and the second half was at AKL with bunk beds! Thank goodness. I could not take one more night of the bickering from them in the same bed. It was SO nice. When we went backto the room for a break, they each had their own space to rest, play game boy, read, etc. I wish everyplace had bunk beds. This year's vacation; although not at WDW we are getting connecting rooms so they can have their own beds. It adds a lot of $ to the trip, but the level of enjoyment/tolerance for DH and me is worth it.
I think they do get tired of being around the same person/people all the time. As an oldest child, I will confirm that younger brothers and sisters are very annoying
I fought with my siblings all the time as a child. We are all loving and functional adults now.
My other discipline advice has been given in pp.

 

[GoofyGolferGirl]

I always take away something that my DD really likes, tv, computer, spending the night with a friend, I have even gone as far as calling her best friends mother and asking her to call my DD to she if she can spend the night! It works great dd friend's mom has called and asked me to do the same thing! Since my DD is saving for our disney trip I make her pay me to listen to her whine! I'll just say that will be fifty cents or a dollar! That REALLY gets her because she does not want to part with her money! I had a DB and DS and we would fight all the time, first one home would lock the others out of the house until 5 minutes before our parents got home! My Dad said "I just wish you all would get along for just one day!" Oh how I appreciate that statement now!

 

[eeyorefan74]

This is a really great thread with lots of good ideas. DD5 is an only child so we don't have to deal with the sibling rivalry stuff, but we just got back from a weeklong trip to Florida and there were definitely several times I could have used your tips. Anytime she was the slightest bit hot, hungry, thirsty, or tired, the complaining, whining, and arguing would begin, even when we were doing something she really wanted to do. It's a vacation in Florida. You're going to be hot, hungry, thirsty and tired at times!

One thing that usually works for us is to save souvenir buying for the very end of the day. She gets 3 warnings and then doesn't get to buy a souvenir. We've also sometimes allowed her to buy something small at the beginning of the day, and that seems to keep her content for a while, too. Plus we can threaten to take it away if she continues to misbehave. It's comforting to know that everyone else's kids aren't angels on vacation either!

 

[writersblock42]

Yes, it is very normal for both girls and boys. I am a middle child and fought with both my sisters. Right now I have only one child an 8 year old boy and one on the way. So I do not have a lot of advice about siblings fighting but my son and his cousin fight sometimes. But as a special education teacher I have taken a couple of discipline classes and have a few tried and true methods. My number one thing is remember that discipline means to teach. So the first thing that I would do is have a teaching session about conflict resolution. They might need a mediator (you) but actual get your Dh or another adult and role play an argument and show them the wrong way to have a conflict resolution and the right way. Make sure that the rules remind the boys the right way to act not the wrong way and set up boundaries. For instance, a bad rule would be no fighting over the gameboy. What exactly does that mean? Instead how about Limit gameboy time to 30 minutes if another person is waiting to play it. You might also want the boys to set up boundaries-do they have separate rooms, do they have their own special toys, these are things that they want to get separate.
Consequences do need to happen but try to make them more of learning experiences than just punishment. Make sure that the boys understands what each did wrong and this is something that parents rarely do-actually listen to the child and say things, "I understand what you are saying to me and I understand how you feel...however in this house the rules are limit the gameboy time to 30 minutes." Then make the consequence something that makes sense. "Because you did not demonstrate the proper way of playing with the gameboy, you must list the proper steps to play with the gameboy and cannot play until tomorrow." I don't know if that sounds too teacher like and if it works with sibilings. But I agree with the other posters, if you say one thing then you have to follow through with it. If you do say something stupid off the top of your head that you know you can't follow through with tell the child that. Say I was wrong I said something that I shouldn't have, I'm sorry but you still need to face the consquences for your actions.
Also you do want to get a good hold on this behavior before the vacation. I would lay out strict rules about how to behave at Disney. Explain the behavior that you expect and let them know what is going to happen. Let them know if they will be sharing a bed, let them know that they will be riding rides together and need to be considerate of who rides what when. Let them know of all the places that they will be eating. Then lay out the consequences. Maybe something like you have x amount of money for buying stuff and each time you break a rule you have to pay a fine. Just some ideas.

 

[KKB]

I didn't read all the posts so this may have been mentioned but I love the book "Parenting Your Kids with Love and Logic." It is about natural consequences, it is also a lot of work on the parents part because it takes follow though and consistancy. It works though.

As a teacher and a parent, I really try to adhere to his policies...

NATURAL CONSEQUENCES!

Works well with our "fix the behavior or not trip for you"

Jim would say:"Only well behaved children are allowed to go on family vacations."

Monday you tell child to clean room at his convenience. Saturday comes, child did not clean room, so you had to clean it...SOOOO....you no longer have energy to take child to event that child wanted to go to on Sat.

It is tough love. But it is calm (something I need to work on!), and it turns all behavioral responsibility on the child. Don't get me wrong, parents are always there to set limits, give guidance, support & love. But the ultimate behavioral choice always belongs to the child.

 

[JamesMom]

Don't know if this fits the OP or not, but wanted to share anyways
My DS 4 and DS 2 really don't fight too much - not that we can't handle, but the older one has become a champion whinner. My oldest prides himelf on being a 'big boy' so I use that to my advantage with behaviorial problems. When he hits that voice, I first say "I don't understand what you are saying when you use that voice, please speak normal voice". If it continues, like the next sentence, then I follow with "Oh, you must be tired because only tired boys whine, so you must need a nap, do you need a nap?" (btw. only little boys need naps) . Usually it stops there with him saying 'I'm only talking" in a normal voice. But occassionally he'll try the whine again which means I pick him up and carry him to the bedroom "Whining boys needs naps - let's go". By the time I get to the bedroom, he's giving me a hug and saying sorry. Haven't had to put him down for a nap ever with this tactic. LOL. You gotta find your kids button and mash on it when he acts up.

 

[JamesMom]

Monday you tell child to clean room at his convenience. Saturday comes, child did not clean room, so you had to clean it...SOOOO....you no longer have energy to take child to event that child wanted to go to on Sat.

.

I use this with my 4 year old and clean up time. I ask him to help put away his myriad of toys and sometimes will say no. Then I add, well we were going to do xwy, but if I have to do this myself, then there won't be enough time to do xwy because it takes so long by myself. If I had help, then we could do it faster. Usually works about 90% of the time. I always point out how fast we can get it done when he helps.

 

[jeankeri]

This past trip (my boys are 11 & 10) had it's non-magical moments for us. After the second day I put a hold on their spending money and told them they would have to spend it on an in-room baby-sitter if they couldn't quit their fighting. I couldn't take it anymore and I wasn't going to miss my vacation. So, it didn't stop all bickering from starting up, but the threat did make it stop quickly. Once we were on the last few days it cleared up so they got the green light to spend their money.

 

[hsmamato2]

I made my DSDs do chores. When they couldn't get along I made them work. I figured if they had that much energy, I would burn it off for them. They learned how to do laundry the correct way, vacuum, dust, and when they got really horrific (hitting) we moved into scrubbing floors on their hands and knees and window washing. They either learned to get along or not fight in front of us!!

Good luck!!

that's exactly what I do! it drives them crazy-better them than me! IMO,boys especially seem to have lots of kinetic energy to burn- so this solves a few problems at once!
There have been times when the consequence of physically hitting each other meant handing over hard earned allowance money to their brother, that also works for me-kind of like when they're little having them hug and make up, well, this is enforced "be kind to your brother" stuff- giving a buck away to their(for the moment) mortal enemy is PAINFUL........

 

[MomWith2Cinderellas]

while on vacation??????

I cannot take the constant fight between my two boys, they are at it constantly, if the little one looks at the bigger one they fight they fight over a chair, games... you name it, I am tired of having to punish them constantly as our vacation time gets closer I feel like cancelling everything , they were not like this before, so this is new to us, my husband says that once we are on vacation they will be too tired to fight, but I will hate to think that they will behave like this in public. Is this normal for brothers, is this a phase that they will get over, will this get worse?

I need to hear/advise from other parents!!!!

thanks
Linnette

PS How is this budget related? ...I am about to loose 3k if this continue...

Linnette, believe I empathize with you!! My DD's are 3 and 4. Those two girls can fight over a piece of dust! There are times when I have to walk away and take a deep breath, because it can really get to you. Now, having said that they still are best friends. If one is not around the other will mope.

As far as discipline on a trip, I will use time outs. I will do it in a corner where there is little to no traffic. I find that just because they are on vacation does not mean they can act rudely. People may find that using a time out on a trip is not right, but it works for us. I also try to explain to them prior to leaving that this is vacation and they need to behave, so we can all enoy our time together. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not!

Good luck and have a great time!