How Do You Become More Positive?

[WDWBarb]

Laugh often. As often as possible. Smile even when you don't feel like it (you'll find that you will feel like it more often if you do). Make it a goal to brighten someone's day every day. Making other people happy makes you happy.

When you find someone being negative, try and improve their opinion even if they don't want you to.

Practice NOT experiencing road rage. It's good training for finding inner calm. Try and see the world from other's perspectives.

If you start to feel like you want to be the "victim," think about what real victims feel like (victims of violent crimes, of illness and losses of loved ones, etc). It's a BAD feeling and probably what you are feeling is NOTHING in comparison. Instead, think of how you can help empower victims of tragic circumstances.

Feeling good is addictive, but it's one awesome addiction.

And this is why they call me Mary Poppins

 

[loveshak22]

I would like to say, I think I have a wicked sense of humor (sarcastic as it may be) and I do try to be positive for others so I'm not a complete jerk. And with all my faults laid out before you, I still think I'm innately a good person who tries to do good for others and be supportive. I just want to be happier in my life. I'm envious of those who always seem to find the good, who can turn lemons into lemonade...I'm reading all of your comments and suggestions and taking them to heart.

I have no doubt!

 

[Robbi]

When I find myself getting negative, I remind myself that "gratitude is an attitude". It turns things around for me once I begin acknowledging all the blessings in my life.

 

[goofinoff]

For me getting rid of negative people in my life helped me! When I start to feel a little "woe is me" honestly I think about how much worse my life could be. I think about the families in Newtown CT or the victims of hurricane Sandy. I work with the public so I see parents pushing kids in wheelchairs or I hear about people taking care of their sick elderly parents. My life cod be so much worse. Like someone else has said, count your blessings. Even if you feel you have more negative things going on than you do positive, focus on the positive. Take one thing at a time. Things like "I ate an apple today instead of a donut." or "my boss told me I'm appreciated.".

If you've always been this way you won't change over night. Small successes and baby steps! And remember we are all here to help you and to encourage you!

 

[Theta]

My favorite saying,

"If you threw all your problems in a pile with everyone else's,
You would want yours back!"

I also "liked" Positive Inspirational Quotes of Facebook. They have been great, I feel better everytime one of those come up on my facebook page.

 

[Planogirl]

I read a book once where the author theorized that it's all about moods. He said that we all have highs and lows and the trick is to remember that we're in a low mood when we feel down. It helps to kind of look at your mood objectively almost as an outsider. Then you can think about the good things and that helps too.

 

[Glynis]

My 15 year old DD is a very negative person. With her, we are working on a new idea... choose your daily attitude. Every morning, she has to choose to have a good day. Of course bad days will happen, but it's her choice to let it affect her attitude. She has written affirmations and posted them on her bathroom mirror and her bedroom door and walls. Each time she sees one, she reads it aloud, and makes a conscious choice to have a positive outlook on her day. So far, it seems to be helping!

I also really like the idea of a "gratitude journal". At the end of the day, it's nice to reflect on all the good things that happened during the day.

Good luck, and I'm rooting for you!

 

[MIGrandma]

My favorite saying,

"If you threw all your problems in a pile with everyone else's,
You would want yours back!"

I like that!

I have always tried to be a "glass half full" type person, and even if I have a down day I still try to remember that there are other people with much bigger problems than mine.

I think, for me, when I saw my mother-in-law battle with Lou Gehrig's disease and she maintained a positive attitude until the day she passed away. Always, always had a smile, never, ever complained about what she was given to deal with. If she could no longer do something the normal way she figured out a new way to do it. Seeing someone go through that and I knew any problems I had were so minor, not even a blip on the radar.

She has been gone 13 years, but I try to put her positive attidue into each day. I count my blessings often, thankful for everything I have and content with what I have and not wishing I had something else.

I'm 55 and just happy for each day I have. When bad things do occur I lean on family and friends for support.

 

[TXinmyheart]

I read Man's Search for Meaning once a year to remind me how terrible life can really be. When you walk through Dachau or Auschwitz and see the evil that men can do, you realize how good your life really is. When we watch a film like Schindler's List taking place in the snow and cold, you then realize that those atrocities went on 365 days a year. It really puts things into perspective.

As far as worry, I remember something my brother told my sister. "Go spend six weeks worrying about being taller and tell me what do you have at the end of six weeks."

Finally, one thing that works for me is to get rid of the negative people in my life and have that one positive person to call when you are really down for a funny, crass joke or something else.

 

[clutter]

I read Man's Search for Meaning once a year to remind me how terrible life can really be. When you walk through Dachau or Auschwitz and see the evil that men can do, you realize how good your life really is. When we watch a film like Schindler's List taking place in the snow and cold, you then realize that those atrocities went on 365 days a year. It really puts things into perspective.

As far as worry, I remember something my brother told my sister. "Go spend six weeks worrying about being taller and tell me what do you have at the end of six weeks."

Finally, one thing that works for me is to get rid of the negative people in my life and have that one positive person to call when you are really down for a funny, crass joke or something else.

I don't compare my life to others, because then I just feel guilty, but I do re-affirm how I DO have a lot of good in my life. Kind of like keeping a bucket of "wow!s" in the back of my mind, so that I'm not focused on this one bad thing today.

I totally agree about the worry. And I did train myself away from that. Lets say that you get a message from a doctors office to re-take a test, no explanation. They are closed for the day. You can choose to not dwell on it. Chances are, it's something stupid (we dropped your vial of sample). If it is, you've wasted all that time worrying. If it is something bad, you've still wasted all that time worrying. Worrying is not going to change anything. Except... it may teach your kids the wrong message. You teach them not to have faith in anything. Yourself, them, the system, fate, whatever. (And I learned this the HARD way. My mom paid the price, as I ended up not sharing anything that was not a done deal. Joblessness, medical issues, anything that would give her the ability to make it about her worry. I try so very hard not to do this to my daughter.)

So, rather than expect the worst, be happy for the best, I have made the decision to expect the best, but be prepared for the worst. In my many years of practicing this, I am amazed at how often the answer is the best, not the worst. And that is what I put into my bucket of "wows" I mentioned above.

My sister has had so many bad things happen to her. But, since she focuses on the negative, those are the things that she (and those around her) add up. Me, I've had so many good things happen. That's what I add up. Honestly, in many respects it may actually even out for each of us. But since our focus is different, so are the impressions that we give out.

I also tend to like people in general and tolerate them well. I don't expect everyone to be like me, to react like me, or to do things the way I would do them. Instead, I tend to relish them for their differences, and how they contribute to our world. Sure, I get ticked off (why, last night, was it that every car that tried to 'butt into' my line of traffic at the exit ramp was either a Lexus or BMW SUV? I did have some choice mental words for them!) but I let it go.

I wonder sometimes about the DIS. I remember times at WDW, when something would happen, and I would think 'oh I have to post it on the DIS." Generally, it was when someone was doing something annoying. But I can't because, I can honestly say that's all I remember about the incident. I can't remember what happened, just laughing about how i'd finally have a complaint to post. I do think that there is a bit of a competitiveness here to post the biggest, most popular bad news/complaint/annoyance.

 

[Snowflakey]

I am a glass half full happy person. I'm not Mary Poppins type of perfect/happy but I'm happy

Why you ask?

Because it takes so much LESS effort to be happy and look at the good then to be the other way.

If I think badly... or speak badly... I feel badly.

I'd rather do the opposite.

Now I'm sure your wondering is my life perfect??

No....I just found out this week I have breast cancer and my perfect job I've had for 25 years I'm losing in April and need to start all over again at age 45.
I have a family to support, I'm the one with the medical insurance, if I can't find a job things will be awful for my family.

As awful as it all is....I will not allow the stress/bad thoughts to win. I am bigger than it. I am positive and I enjoy life so much more being happy happy happy!

 

[capshockeygrl]

One thing that I do if I find myself becoming too negative and judgmental/critical towards others is to force myself to find at least one good quality about that person - I've even changed something I judged negatively into a positive.

And then I realize that I don't have to like every person I come across, but every single one of them has good qualities.

I've become less critical of others - to the point that the thoughts just rarely enter my mind any more and when they do, its fleeting.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

It's interesting reading some of these posts. Many have indicated that they focus on the positive and not worrying about things that can't be changed. That's my biggest problem. I worry about EVERYTHING. And I can remain optimistic for others and provide encouragement but have a hard time applying that to myself or my situations. I've always believed that if I expect the worst and the worst happens, then I'm prepared. If the best happens then I'm pleasantly surprised. If I expect the best and the worst happens, then I'm taken completely by surprised and unprepared. I really have a lot of work to do not only on my outlook but my self-confidence in my ability to rebound, which I seem to lose more and more of the older I become.

 

[diznygirl]

It's interesting reading some of these posts. Many have indicated that they focus on the positive and not worrying about things that can't be changed. That's my biggest problem. I worry about EVERYTHING. And I can remain optimistic for others and provide encouragement but have a hard time applying that to myself or my situations. I've always believed that if I expect the worst and the worst happens, then I'm prepared. If the best happens then I'm pleasantly surprised. If I expect the best and the worst happens, then I'm taken completely by surprised and unprepared. I really have a lot of work to do not only on my outlook but my self-confidence in my ability to rebound, which I seem to lose more and more of the older I become.

I look at it this way - why worry about something that probably won't happen? Believe me, I've been awake nights worrying about silly things - but I try to remember that the the things I'm worrying about are 1) a statistical improbability and 2) if they happen will happen whether I worry or not, so why worry?

Worrying has never prevented something from happening. Worrying has never made something better when it does happen. Worrying ALWAYS just takes away energy and enjoyment from the rest of your life.

Refocus - clean the house, play a game, make a phone call, exercise, watch TV - get busy and take your mind off what you are worrying about.

If you can't, I find planning it through (so if it does happen, what action should I take?) helps me feel a little more in control. And then I set it aside as done.

 

[Acklander]

First off, by nature, ive always been a positive person. My glass isn't half full, it's overflowing. It doesn't mean that I don't have. Struggles, or problems. Everyone does, but I tend to look at things a bit differently.
First off, for the most part, I have no expectations, therefore I'm always pleasantly surprised when good things happen for example, . I see so many people post about their great first Disney trip and then post later about how Disney is losing the magic. It's not that Disney is losing the magic but that in future trips you expect magic and eventually Disney can't live up to it. To me, life is like a first Disney trip, I don't expect any magic, so therefore it's always being created.
2nd, I tend to accept people for who they are, warts and all. I think all bad people have some good in them, and all good people have some bad in them. When I meet someone who's showing the bad side, I make it a challenge to find the good in them and love them for that. When I meet someone who shows only the good side I work real hard to find that weakness or flaw that makes them human. Once I see the flaw, I know we can become good friends (especially if I can tease them ruthlessly about their flaw lol)
3rd I try to remember that when people act bad or ugly towards me, that usually it has nothing to do with me, so I don't take it personally. I once read a book, "the four agreements" that explained it out much better than I could. - I recommend the book to everyone.
4th. Random acts of kindness - it really does make you feel good. I'm not talking about the big showy gifts, or the kindnesses you tell the world about - but the ones you do in secret that no one knows it's you. Do a kindness just for the pure joy of making someone's life a little easier. A little sweeter. Keep it your secret to relish and enjoy. I promise, it's much more satisfying than the kindnesses everyone witnesses.

 

[Kennywife]

I have dealt with a lot in this life and have ridden the bitter and negative train before. I look at it this way: I can spend my time being angry and bitter at the world, badmouthing people and just being miserable. Or...I can look on the positive and be open to all life holds.

I have known negative people. They always seem to have a little rain cloud following them. I am a believer that negativity attracts negative events while positive energy attracts positivity.
The book, "Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting," talks about how your moods affect your life. It's an interesting read. My sister swears by it.

 

[EllaM]

It's interesting reading some of these posts. Many have indicated that they focus on the positive and not worrying about things that can't be changed. That's my biggest problem. I worry about EVERYTHING. And I can remain optimistic for others and provide encouragement but have a hard time applying that to myself or my situations. I've always believed that if I expect the worst and the worst happens, then I'm prepared. If the best happens then I'm pleasantly surprised. If I expect the best and the worst happens, then I'm taken completely by surprised and unprepared. I really have a lot of work to do not only on my outlook but my self-confidence in my ability to rebound, which I seem to lose more and more of the older I become.

I grew up in a Catholic family and went to a parish school. Religion was always part of my daily life. So God became one of those "things" I had to latch onto.

When I was just a toddler I developed a chronic disease that disabled me with pain and joint contractures (rheumatoid arthritis). It meant that by 6 years old I was not a normal kid at all. There were too many things on my list of what I couldn't do than could. One day, I remember very clearly getting so upset and angry about it I had a big fight with God. This was the God my school and church and parents kept talking about so I imagined him as some mythical superhero who controlled my life. It was what religious scholars call one of those "crisis of faith" times. But instead of it being a rational adult perspective of questioning "do I believe in fairy tales", it was a child's "Get the heck out of my life because you hurt me!" Imagine a screaming, crying 6 yo having it out with an imaginary friend.

It's hard to explain what happened and I know to an adult it seems like a child's fairy tale but I swear it was very real. I felt like God was there, listening and obeying me. It was like I was alone in a dark room with just him. I asked him why he made me have this disease and not my siblings. Why did I keep hurting when I was a good girl. What had I ever done to him to deserve this punishment? Then I told him to get out of my life and he did... stepped right outside the door and left me all alone in the dark room with my anger and hurt. Then I felt truly alone and terrified out of my wits. I immediately repented and begged him to come back. I swore no matter what, no matter how much I hurt, how much I failed, how crippled my body became, no matter if I didn't understand, I could keep going as long as he was with me. That is the foundation of my faith. Not church, not scripture, not anything we usually connect with religion (although I still go to mass on Sundays). It's just this relationship I have with God. I still talk to him every day and listen for a response.

So while there are a lot of things for me to be pessimistic about and a lot of disappointments for me to cry over, I can keep being hopeful and positive because I feel like God is always with me. I try to help myself as much as possible (God helps those who help themselves) but when I fail or have no control over it, I turn to him and trust. I trust he's paying attention, he's able to influence where I cannot, he knows what I don't, and then I can be patient enough to trust he'll clue me in eventually.

There are a lot of sayings that sum it all up for me. God only gives you what you can handle. And that Footprints in the Sand poem when God reveals he carried the poem-maker when life got the hardest.

Other people have ways of staying positive. This one is mine. I just trust that there is no adversity given to me that I cannot eventually handle even if I don't know how at the moment. And I trust that some adversities are given to me to guide me into a new way of thinking or a new way to lead my life. My disability kept me from following my siblings' path of marriage and kids, but it's allowed me to be a caretaker to our aging parents and a beloved maiden aunt.

 

[ChrizJen]

So tired of feeling like everything is outside my control (relationships, weight, finances....).

The bolded part is the important part. I'm not "sunshine and rainbows" all of the time, but for most of my life, I've been known as the girl who just goes with the flow. People have asked me how I'm able to handle stressful situations without losing control.

My answer is simple...Lose the control! You have to let go of your need to control every little thing in your life. You have to come to grips with the fact that there are certain things that you just don't have any control over. So when those things go wrong (and they will), just sigh and say, "That's life!" and accept that there was NOTHING you could have done to prevent it. Then you put things back together the best you can, and you move on. Spend more energy and focus on the things you really do have control over. You'll find when you let go of worrying about the things that are truly out of your control, it's MUCH easier to roll with the things that ARE within your control.

Imagine being able to STOP everything, step back, take inventory of everthing in your life causing stress, and divide it into 2 "piles": "Things you can control", and "Things you can't control". Let go of the worry and stress over the things you can't control, and the other pile won't seem so overwhelming.

Some have mentioned some of the "cliche" sayings that I know you've heard before:

The Serenity Prayer (this one's part of AA, but it's simple and true for everyone):
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

"Don't sweat the small stuff"...

This all may seem easier said than done. But it really is all true. When you let go of the added stress and worry over the things you can't control, it's MUCH easier to control the things you can.

My other two suggestions would be to:
1. Take some time for YOU. Take the time to pamper yourself at a spa, work out at the gym, etc. Do something that makes you feel good and gets you back in touch with YOU. (I just turned 40 and I recently started working out again at the gym and although I haven't yet seen any real physical results, it's having a HUGE impact on my psyche! I feel like I must have been "checked out" of my body for so long, and now I'm feeling things again, and it's NICE!!)

2. Consider therapy. It could just be temporary, just a few visits to help you work through things that are causing you so much stress. Sometimes it helps just to talk it out. You can really learn things about yourself.

It's also possible there's a slight chemical imbalance that's causing the negativity and the feelings of depression. In that case, there are good meds available. But I would definitely try the things above first.

Good luck! I really do think that it's good you're realizing this now, and I hope you're able to find peace in your life!

 

[Kennywife]

The bolded part is the important part. I'm not "sunshine and rainbows" all of the time, but for most of my life, I've been known as the girl who just goes with the flow. People have asked me how I'm able to handle stressful situations without losing control.

My answer is simple...Lose the control! You have to let go of your need to control every little thing in your life. You have to come to grips with the fact that there are certain things that you just don't have any control over. So when those things go wrong (and they will), just sigh and say, "That's life!" and accept that there was NOTHING you could have done to prevent it. Then you put things back together the best you can, and you move on. Spend more energy and focus on the things you really do have control over. You'll find when you let go of worrying about the things that are truly out of your control, it's MUCH easier to roll with the things that ARE within your control.

Imagine being able to STOP everything, step back, take inventory of everthing in your life causing stress, and divide it into 2 "piles": "Things you can control", and "Things you can't control". Let go of the worry and stress over the things you can't control, and the other pile won't seem so overwhelming.

Some have mentioned some of the "cliche" sayings that I know you've heard before:

The Serenity Prayer (this one's part of AA, but it's simple and true for everyone):
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

"Don't sweat the small stuff"...

This all may seem easier said than done. But it really is all true. When you let go of the added stress and worry over the things you can't control, it's MUCH easier to control the things you can.

My other two suggestions would be to:
1. Take some time for YOU. Take the time to pamper yourself at a spa, work out at the gym, etc. Do something that makes you feel good and gets you back in touch with YOU. (I just turned 40 and I recently started working out again at the gym and although I haven't yet seen any real physical results, it's having a HUGE impact on my psyche! I feel like I must have been "checked out" of my body for so long, and now I'm feeling things again, and it's NICE!!)

2. Consider therapy. It could just be temporary, just a few visits to help you work through things that are causing you so much stress. Sometimes it helps just to talk it out. You can really learn things about yourself.

It's also possible there's a slight chemical imbalance that's causing the negativity and the feelings of depression. In that case, there are good meds available. But I would definitely try the things above first.

Good luck! I really do think that it's good you're realizing this now, and I hope you're able to find peace in your life!

"Me days" are wonderful! I love sometimes just vegging or going to the beauty college for a massage or hair cut. It helps. Also keep a journal or blog.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

The bolded part is the important part. I'm not "sunshine and rainbows" all of the time, but for most of my life, I've been known as the girl who just goes with the flow. People have asked me how I'm able to handle stressful situations without losing control.

My answer is simple...Lose the control! You have to let go of your need to control every little thing in your life. You have to come to grips with the fact that there are certain things that you just don't have any control over. So when those things go wrong (and they will), just sigh and say, "That's life!" and accept that there was NOTHING you could have done to prevent it. Then you put things back together the best you can, and you move on. Spend more energy and focus on the things you really do have control over. You'll find when you let go of worrying about the things that are truly out of your control, it's MUCH easier to roll with the things that ARE within your control.

Imagine being able to STOP everything, step back, take inventory of everthing in your life causing stress, and divide it into 2 "piles": "Things you can control", and "Things you can't control". Let go of the worry and stress over the things you can't control, and the other pile won't seem so overwhelming.

Some have mentioned some of the "cliche" sayings that I know you've heard before:

The Serenity Prayer (this one's part of AA, but it's simple and true for everyone):
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

"Don't sweat the small stuff"...

This all may seem easier said than done. But it really is all true. When you let go of the added stress and worry over the things you can't control, it's MUCH easier to control the things you can.

My other two suggestions would be to:
1. Take some time for YOU. Take the time to pamper yourself at a spa, work out at the gym, etc. Do something that makes you feel good and gets you back in touch with YOU. (I just turned 40 and I recently started working out again at the gym and although I haven't yet seen any real physical results, it's having a HUGE impact on my psyche! I feel like I must have been "checked out" of my body for so long, and now I'm feeling things again, and it's NICE!!)

2. Consider therapy. It could just be temporary, just a few visits to help you work through things that are causing you so much stress. Sometimes it helps just to talk it out. You can really learn things about yourself.

It's also possible there's a slight chemical imbalance that's causing the negativity and the feelings of depression. In that case, there are good meds available. But I would definitely try the things above first.

Good luck! I really do think that it's good you're realizing this now, and I hope you're able to find peace in your life!

Well you've definitely pegged me. I'm a huge control freak. And I take on the responsibility for a lot of stuff (other people's happiness, picking up the slack) and I think that's why I feel so overwhelmed all the time. It's always been "I can't count on anyone else" and "if I want it done I'll have to do it myself".

I do take time for myself so it's not that I don't. However, I don't take time away from home for myself and I think that's where a big part of the problem lies. I've also done the therapy thing (about a year ago) and it was extremely insightful. She didn't pull any punches and gave it to me straight. There have been changes I have made since then. She also said she did not think I was depressed in the least and that I was mostly very insightful as to my situation and how to deal with things.

There are issues in my life that make me unhappy and I do blame others for my unhappiness. Yet I find excuses for not making changes I know I should. Some of which are legit and others of which I think I'm just finding excuses. I need to be the change I want to see (to loosely paraphrase Ghandhi.)