How did your "spirited" child turn out?

[Spoonful of Sugar]

I loved reading all these replies. You may notice how long it took me to read all the replies -- I sat down to read days ago, but before I got through the first page DD had managed to have four tantrums: one because I didn't hear something she said and had the nerve to ask, "Pardon me?", one because she didn't want spaghetti for dinner (although she loves spaghetti), one because I wouldn't let her go into the unfenced front yard on her own, and one because Daddy was making dinner, rather than me. Sigh!

Anyway, I'm so glad to have this thread to look back on with so many great stories and tips. I'm sure I will be looking at this every few days to keep myself sane.

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

We have two kids, both grown now.

Our oldest was the most amazing baby. He was ALWAYS in a good mood and soooo laid back. He loved everyone, napped like a dream, went to bed happily and ate everything I put in front of him. I used to look at other parents struggling with their little ones and feel like the GREATEST MOM IN THE WORLD.

Well, two years later along came his sister. It started at birth. My OB was a country boy and at her delivery he put it like this: "This 'un's a squalling before it's even left the hatch." (Sorry if that was TMI) She literally came into the world pitching a tantrum and they continued pretty much non-stop for four years. The kid slept about 12 minutes a day and refused to eat anything but Cheerios and mac-n-cheese. She didn't just throw tantrums-she threw tantrums with amazing staying power. The girl could go for hours. She was also a bit of a bully and was pushing around kids twice her age by the time she was three. Her first word was "mine", no, make that "MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Before she was two I owned every child rearing self-help book out there and felt like the WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.

Now fast forward to the school years. DS remained happy and laid back. He was happy with the Cs on his report card and laid back about his many trips to the principal's office for excessive socializing in class. (After all, he's the kid who loves everyone, remember?) He still napped like a dream, particularly during Biology. I'd go to parent-teacher conferences and leave feeling like the WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.

DD, on the other hand, hit her stride once she began school. All of that passion and stubborness suddenly transformed into ambition and determination. The kid never made a B and never once got in any kind of trouble. All of her teachers thought I was the BEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.

Now they're both grown and fabulous. DS is a high school teacher, a career where his patience, sense of humor, excellent social skills and abundant good nature stand him in good stead. DD is in medical school where her drive and ability to study for 18 hours a day (that same stick-to-it quality that led to those 4 hour tantrums!) are really paying off. These days I'm a GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER and vastly prefer that to the roller coaster, thank you.

I agree with the PPs, wonderful post!

 

[CathrynRose]

My 20 y/o was never hard as a baby, or even a toddler, but always would argue with you. He had an opinion, and he intended on letting you know what it was. And sometimes, even young, his point would be valid, which would tick me off more!

I remember being at LTT, and he was arguing with me, so I was going to "try something different". I told him to write~ I will not talk back ~ until he filled the back of the coloring page, then took his younger brother to use the bathroom.

I come back to "I'm done". You're not done, lemme see it! The little **** wrote I WILL NOT TALK BACK, super big and filled the page. Unbelievable.

His younger brother? Easy as pie. Did what I told him, no arguments. "I'm sorry mom. You're right" was said often.

I'll tell you, my older son didn't follow his peers. He didn't cave to pressures of other teens. He knew what he wanted, or what he would do, and there was no talking him into anything. He's had friends arrested, caught drinking, caught using drugs ~ and my son often knew all of this, however never had any part of it. He'd come home and let me know how stupid these other kids, were.

His younger brother? Much more easily influenced, which has frankly, caused him to get into trouble. Nothing horrible, but he is a follower. His older brother is a leader.

So....my point? The very trait that made my older son unbearable, also made him a "better" (that's not the right word, but....) person.

Just something to keep in mind.

 

[CathrynRose]

Oh....and because I was always arguing with my now 20 y/o, whenever my 16 y/o gets in trouble, the 20 y/o will get a nice, smug look on his face and look at me and say

"...and *I* was the bad one?"

Or "I told you he was trouble....." (and he used to tell me that....but he was like 10! I told you he'd argue relentlessly!)

Or "I wondered when you'd see I was right......"


They'll hold it against you. Possibly forever.

 

[disney1990]

My "spirited" children was diagnosed as ADHD at age 5. She struggled in school, it got worse in middle school and really bad in high school. She barely passed some of her subjects. She left high school and started at community college. It took her 3-1/2 years part time to finish.

Fast forward. She graduated from college with a degree in Conservation Biology this past May (with honors). She spend the month of July, in China on a grant studying invasive insects. She is an Entomologist. She is currently working on her Master's Degree (on a full scholarship) in Chemical Ecology and is expected to finish it early -- next spring. The past 2 semesters she worked as a lab assistant at school and this coming semester she will be a teaching assistant (both paid positions). To say I am proud of her is an understatement. DH and I tell ourselves that it just took time for her to discover her passion.

 

[Debbie7452]

We have two kids, both grown now.

Our oldest was the most amazing baby. He was ALWAYS in a good mood and soooo laid back. He loved everyone, napped like a dream, went to bed happily and ate everything I put in front of him. I used to look at other parents struggling with their little ones and feel like the GREATEST MOM IN THE WORLD.

Well, two years later along came his sister. It started at birth. My OB was a country boy and at her delivery he put it like this: "This 'un's a squalling before it's even left the hatch." (Sorry if that was TMI) She literally came into the world pitching a tantrum and they continued pretty much non-stop for four years. The kid slept about 12 minutes a day and refused to eat anything but Cheerios and mac-n-cheese. She didn't just throw tantrums-she threw tantrums with amazing staying power. The girl could go for hours. She was also a bit of a bully and was pushing around kids twice her age by the time she was three. Her first word was "mine", no, make that "MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Before she was two I owned every child rearing self-help book out there and felt like the WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.

Now fast forward to the school years. DS remained happy and laid back. He was happy with the Cs on his report card and laid back about his many trips to the principal's office for excessive socializing in class. (After all, he's the kid who loves everyone, remember?) He still napped like a dream, particularly during Biology. I'd go to parent-teacher conferences and leave feeling like the WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.

DD, on the other hand, hit her stride once she began school. All of that passion and stubborness suddenly transformed into ambition and determination. The kid never made a B and never once got in any kind of trouble. All of her teachers thought I was the BEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.

Now they're both grown and fabulous. DS is a high school teacher, a career where his patience, sense of humor, excellent social skills and abundant good nature stand him in good stead. DD is in medical school where her drive and ability to study for 18 hours a day (that same stick-to-it quality that led to those 4 hour tantrums!) are really paying off. These days I'm a GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER and vastly prefer that to the roller coaster, thank you.

Yes, this is the most well written post I have seen in ages. Very entertaining and hopeful. I often tell people that it is important to have more than one kid because just when ONE of them is making you insane, the other(s) will do something great to remind you that it is NOT all your fault!

 

[powellrj]

My oldest was a real handful, so much in fact that we waited 8 years to have the next one! We now suspect he has aspergers, but at the time they didn't diagnose it like they do now. I am happy to say that he is happily married to a woman who "gets" him and he is working and going to school. He told me a while back that he is happy with his life, which is all I ever wanted for him.

DS #2 was the baby from *ell! When he was a month old I had to drive almost 100 miles to deliver something to DH and he cried the whole time. The kid didn't sleep for the first 5 years of his life. He is now in college and having the time of his life. He found his niche in life and is living it to the fullest.

DD is my last one and I tell people she is my gift from God for surviving her brothers. She is like the perfect child. She is 15 and is just a wonderful person. She is a great student, will be my first ever kid to letter in a sport, is well liked by her teachers and is a just a joy to be around. She is the first kid who you love to go to open house for because they will be saying nice things about her, not telling me what a handful she is!

 

[The_Alice]

My "spirited" a/k/a "wilfull, stubborn, difficult" child ended up being Aspergers. But, now that we have had him in OT, ST, and have applied ABA and have gotten him into a great school system with folks who seem to truly understand what he needs (not what he wants), he has made so many improvements. His speech has gotten better, the tantrums/meltdowns have gotten better etc.

I can't tell you what it's like to have an actual conversation with an exchange of longer than 3 or 4 sentences back and forth now versus when he was younger and demand something and when I didn't say Yes immediately have him scream and hit. He now asks, "Why Mommy?" "Because we are having dinner first, then you may have a popsicle" "Oh, ok." Woohoo!!!!!

Our oldest was like others have said, a dream baby. Didn't cry for long periods, social, adapted to what was going on for the day with such ease; if we said no, 9 times out of 10 he would accept it and move on.

Now though, he is getting up towards and 10 and the attitude is setting in. It's like they have switched on me, lol. I think there is a conspiracy between the two of them "Ok, now you be the misbehaving one for a bit see how she takes it! And go!"

 

[nancycg56]

My spirited child is now 27 She has her Master's, is a museum curator and works 2 other jobs besides (just quit a 3rd due to lack of time). She is NEVER still ~ she runs half marathons, has 2 dogs that she runs with, and really doesn't know how to relax. She is trying to work on that, LOL!

She is engaged and getting married next June so that is her new obsession ~ planning the wedding. She is a great organizer so I'm sure it will run like clockwork

She's a great adult and was a great teen ~ when she was young I thought I was going to go out of my mind. To this day she has a melt down every now and again.

She has a very bad dairy allergy that I swear is part of her problem ~ if she doesn't take care and watch what she's eating, she is much worse.

My firstborn was a very easy kid

 

[pigletgirl]

I am in the process of adopting a child like this who is 8. We have started the process of having evaluated for early on set bipolar. He has been like this since birth and has been passed around from foster home to foster home because no one could handle his violent tantrums. However, 90% of the time, he is the most loving child.

You may want to have your child evaluated for different things because the earlier you start a treatment plan, the better for the child.

You may also want to consider what is called "RAD" -- Reactive Attachment Disorder.

My BIL is adopted, and along with the RAD (as we like to call it), he's got Bipolar I, anxiety, and maybe some ADHD?

Anyways, he's a great kid, but definitely has his issues. If you constantly nitpick him, he resists even more. Less is more in his case!

OP, I was also a spirited child. Once I went to school (so what I've been told), it helped tremendously. They think that poor behavior was due to boredom.

 

[laurafergie]

My very spirited little girl has magically turned into a laid-back, easy-going, mellow teen. I don't take any credit for it, I just enjoy it!

My very mellow baby boy, turned into an absolute monster of a toddler and an unpredictably explosive child. Finally diagnosing him as hypoglycemic, and correcting his diet, made a HUGE difference. Suddenly those cute baby pictures of him passed out asleep in the middle of his toys aren't so cute any more... But he's a great teen now, very responsible and reliable and thoughtful. He's got some mild anxiety issues, but that's something we can all work with. I think he's going to be an awesome man!

OMG This totally was my DD11 when she was 4. She was my 4th child, the older three were fine, with minimal behavior problems. DD11 brought me to me knees and it took a year to figure out the problem. Once I got her diet under control everything fell into place.

Anyway OP barring any health issues - make sure you consistently follow through EVERY TIME no matter what, when or where you are. Remember - your children will always act the way you expect them to act.

 

[Kitty 34]

Our middle DS was our "spirited" child. As a baby, toddler, and young child he drove us nuts sometimes. He was active, had temper tantrums and usually wanted something right then and there.


Fast forward to now..... 24 years later. He helps manage a firm near Detroit and will be going for his MBA this fall. All that spirit made him quite successful (in a Momma's eye )

 

[punkin]

Talk to me in a few years. Right now she's entering puberty and driving me bonkers!

 

[badblackpug]

My "handful" is 3 now. They can't say enough good things about her in school!?!?!? I often wonder if they have the right kid. We put her in pre-school at 3 because she just got into way too much trouble at home. It seems she needed the stimulation of school. She still tries to act up at home but our present tactic when she starts is "Naughty girls can't go to Disney." Her immediate response is "I'm sorry" and she stops whatever she is doing.