Honest dining opinion please.

[Chicogirl]

WOW, That's all I can say for the lack of understanding I'm seeing on this board. My child with non verbal autism will have her iPod with ear phones. We will be at a table of 9 with family. If you don't like it don't look...Try walking in our shoes before you judge.

 

[JohnO]

Yep. We look at this way: anyone who feels the need to leave immediately because our disabled child is silently watching a video at our private table is MORE than welcome to take their insensitivity issues to the other side of the restaurant. We have our standards for fellow diners, too.

WOW, That's all I can say for the lack of understanding I'm seeing on this board. My child with non verbal autism will have her iPod with ear phones. We will be at a table of 9 with family. If you don't like it don't look...Try walking in our shoes before you judge.

I think the focus here is kids watching DVD movies at the table in general. I don't think anyone here has taken issue with parents doing what they have to for special needs children therefore; I think it's uncalled for to say people have "insensitivity issues" solely because they oppose watching TV at the dinner table......

 

[WiscBill]

It would not bother us if you brought it with as long as you used headsets. You say your child is a toddler, which I take to mean somewhere in the 1-2 range and its going to be hard to keep them interested in anything for the two hours dinner can take. I remember once we had a great romantic dinner at Artist's Point at Wilderness Lodge where the family next to us kept their toddler amused with a Thomas the Tank video. They were setting off explosions on the lake that night (something to do with a pseudo-"Lost" opener for Monday Night football). Now that was distracting.

However, if you don't wind up at a table by yourselves, Disney will do their best to seat with you families with children the same age as yours. One of our fondest memories is our second cruise in which our DD was 5. We were seated with a Japanese family who had a young daughter her age. Most of the family didn't speak English, but somehow those two communicated throughout all the meals.

 

[byejou]

I have 2 children who are on the ADHD spectrum, and whenever there is a "screen" anywhere in their vicinity, all other brain activity ceases. The world could literally come to an end around them and they wouldn't notice. TV during dinner can't happen at our house because we have to continually remind them to eat! So, if we were seated anywhere near someone with a DVD player in the dining room, even if there was no sound from the player, it would create huge distraction issues for our dinner.

We also have a child with ADHD and we have to opposite feeling with TV's/DVD players. It makes our meals and the meals of everyone around us bearable. My kids can not sit for more than 2 minutes before the ant in their pants start.

 

[5lilfish]

WOW, That's all I can say for the lack of understanding I'm seeing on this board. My child with non verbal autism will have her iPod with ear phones. We will be at a table of 9 with family. If you don't like it don't look...Try walking in our shoes before you judge.

From every post I have read in this thread, people have made a point to say that they were not speaking about a child with a disability. Their opinion was based off of a 'typical' child with 'normal' capabilities.

Jess

 

[princessmom29]

barring disability or special needs, yes I think it is rude. There is no reason any "typical" child cannot sit through dinner with thier parents, IF the parents are making an effort to engage the child. The problem comes in when parents don't want to put forth the effort necessary to engage the child and teach them suitable restaurant behavior. My DD has always gone with us to restaurants and learned from an early age how to behave during dinner. I think it is an important skill to learn, and that plugging a kid into some sort of electronic device is taking the easy way out, rather than effectively parenting and teaching childrne important social skills.

 

[hardybuz]

I don't think anyone here has taken issue with parents doing what they have to for special needs children therefore; I think it's uncalled for to say people have "insensitivity issues" solely because they oppose watching TV at the dinner table......

Perhaps you didn't read the post to which I was referring, which said:

"if I were seated at a table with a DVD player.. under any circumstances or justifications or what have you (emphasis mine)..I'd be sitting ELSEWHERE..Immediately... I am not about to be subjected to such an uncomfortable situation. I find it rude and distracting. Not even headphones would be an acceptable compromise. if the child cannot sit still for that long, then either request a table all to yourselves or eat elsewhere."


This post most certainly DID say that anyone under any circumstances with a DVD (so that includes disabled kids) is being rude. I've read other posts that say, "well, I GUESS it's okay if you're disabled," but just how do these omniscient folks know if a child sitting at a nearby table is disabled or not? Remember that just because my child LOOKS normal, doesn't mean he is. Instead of judging, diners might want to assume that every child with a video has one because he needs it, rather than shooting evil-eyes at the parents when you have no clue of their circumstances.

I'm afraid saying my disabled child should eat elsewhere (since requests for private tables are not always met) just because he is silently watching a video with headphones IS an example of the unfortunate, but all-too-common, lack of sensitivity for special-needs families. Ironically, parents are only trying to keep their children quiet and happy for the benefit of those same nearby diners who enjoy criticizing them.

After reading this thread, I've thought about bringing a copy of the Americans with Disabilities Act with me on our cruise, since a lot of people seem to need a refresher course. As an attorney, I'm always happy to educate people.

But then I remember that 1) I'm on vacation and 2) I really don't give a hoot about what people think when it comes to caring for my autistic child. We truly don't mind people who would get up and leave over our son's DVD. We wouldn't want to sit by them, either, so it's a win-win for everyone.

 

[JACH1976]

In fact, one of the pp made a point of saying that she(?) didn't care what the circumstances were, she did not approve, and would, in fact, get up and leave. I very much appreciate the people who realize that sometimes it's necessary to make (reasonable!) exceptions for kids with special needs , but autism, ADHD, sensory integration disorder, etc are "invisible" disabilities; it's not always easy to identify our kids at a glance. As one of the pp said, I would give anything for my son to be able to enjoy a dinner at a a restaurant without a some kind of distraction, but right now, that's just not possible. However, the only way that he'll learn to deal with these types of situations is through exposure to them, and we love that Disney and DCL are so understanding of our needs. (Getting off of the soapbox now...)

 

[soonerfan2008]

Personal opinion here...

I think it is important to acclimate children to social situations, and the required behavior, at a young age. My kids are now grown, but they were always made to behave at the table when they were young. We did bring some small toys, crayons, etc. with us, but we also actively engaged them. We believed that we, as their parents, had the obligation to see to their needs above our own. That meant that we might not get all of the adult time that we wanted or might have to leave the dining room for a bit with a cranky toddler, but it was all part of the journey. We regularly had people stop at our table to tell us how well behaved our kids were. Were they any better than any other kids? Of course not! It's just that we put the time into it and made them understand, on their level, what was expected and appropriate.

That said, I am sure you know where I come down on the DVD player issue. There is absolutely no way I would ever allow my kids to use them in a restaurant. I do understand why those who have children with disabilities or other conditions that limit attentiveness choose to use unconventional methods, however when we are talking about average kids with no medical needs I am strongly against it. Am I offended by it? No. But I do feel that it is a mistake made in the name of ease.

Each time you use a DVD player to placate your child in a social situation you move a step in the wrong direction, IMO. Not only do you teach them that it is acceptable, you have also missed out on the next lesson on what is expected. With small toys and/or crayons the child is still conversing with you and part of the family dynamic. With a DVD player that child is shut off from the social situation and in a world of his/her own. If you take the time to actively engage your child it will get easier and easier as time goes on.

Just my $.02.

I think this sentiment is very well-worded and sums up my take on the issue. I do understand that there are special kids with special needs, and that is a different ball game.

I see no problem with using a DVD player if it is quiet and not disrupting anyone. We just go off the Magic with our 21 month old and he was incredibly difficult during dinners. We brought along our ipod touch and that distracted him for short periods of time. I do not even think anyone around us noticed. What would have been more distracting is if he had been screaming at the top of his lungs (which he did do-but less often with the iPod). We tried distracting him with many things like toys and crayons and those just didn't work. He was also just too young to reason well with at his age. I did not think it was fair of us to expect such a young child to behave like an angel during a long meal and I personally don't think a vacation is the time to try and teach that (as that would have been much more disruptive to others around us). I think it's important to remember that all kids are different and just because yours are perfectly behaved from infancy on doesn't mean that all kids are like that (and it is not necessarily due to poor parenting!).

No, I agree that all kids are not perfect and it certainly is not always a reflection of poor parenting when kids act like kids. However, regardless of their age and whether or not it is age appropriate, I would leave the dining room if my toddler could not behave or began screaming. Parenting kids at that age means that I cannot always do what I'd like or go to certain places if my kid is not . Yes, parents want to enjoy their vacation, too, but that doesn't mean I should impose my difficult or screaming toddler on others in the dining room. My 2 and 4 year old have definitely had to leave a restaurant before, sometimes just for a few minutes and sometimes permanently. Does it put a damper on the fun evening my husband and I are trying to have? Sure, but that is part of parenting.

As the pp poster quoted above stated, I would not want to even introduce the idea that my children might be allowed to have electronics at the dinner table, whether we are at home or out.

 

[5lilfish]

In fact, one of the pp made a point of saying that she(?) didn't care what the circumstances were, she did not approve, and would, in fact, get up and leave. I very much appreciate the people who realize that sometimes it's necessary to make (reasonable!) exceptions for kids with special needs , but autism, ADHD, sensory integration disorder, etc are "invisible" disabilities; it's not always easy to identify our kids at a glance. As one of the pp said, I would give anything for my son to be able to enjoy a dinner at a a restaurant without a some kind of distraction, but right now, that's just not possible. However, the only way that he'll learn to deal with these types of situations is through exposure to them, and we love that Disney and DCL are so understanding of our needs. (Getting off of the soapbox now...)

You're right... I have to admit that I sort of glanced past that post because, in my opinion, it was 'out-there.' It was one of those posts that makes me think, "ummm, ok. That was harsh!" Usually when I feel that way, I don't give the post a second thought. I agree with you about though....

I said this before...my son has Asperger's. I do allow him to use his DSi and/or ipod (to play games)...both silently. In general, though, I do not allow my 4 NT kids to use electronics (although I have given in now and then...lol).

Jess

 

[cmwade77]

Under prohibited items on the Disney Cruise site, it says personal VCR/DVD players are not allowed on board, so I would say it would not be appropriate.

 

[nrpofp]

barring disability or special needs, yes I think it is rude. There is no reason any "typical" child cannot sit through dinner with thier parents, IF the parents are making an effort to engage the child. The problem comes in when parents don't want to put forth the effort necessary to engage the child and teach them suitable restaurant behavior. My DD has always gone with us to restaurants and learned from an early age how to behave during dinner. I think it is an important skill to learn, and that plugging a kid into some sort of electronic device is taking the easy way out, rather than effectively parenting and teaching childrne important social skills.

WOW I think op was just asking for an opinion. I don't think they were looking for judgemental parenting advice.

 

[martincorral]

My DD was 2 the first time we cruised with her, and she would use the crayons that are provided at the table. She would sit there and color until the meal came. Now we have 3 kids and still today every time we cruise all of them will sit there and color. If you are lucky and have a good waitting staff, they will do things to entertain the kids while they are waiting. Another thing that I have seen people doing is to go to the top deck and bring a small snack for the kids to eat while waiting for their main course. We have found out that if you are sitting with another family that has kids around the same age as yours, they will start to interact with each other and won't get bored.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

I would not be happy if I was sat with a family whose child was using an electronic device (dvd, nintendo, ds, ipod, etc) at dinner. I understand the families whose kids have autism and other diagnoses, and it is necessary for the comfort/routine of the child. Because I know those aren't always obvious I wouldn't judge any child (or their parent) who I saw using said device in the dining rooms. But I still wouldn't be very happy with it at the same table... This happened to us on our 2nd DCL cruise, where were sat with a family who had a boy my middle ds age and he had his face in a Nintendo ds throughout dinner. It completely distracted my ds, and subjected us to hours of "why does he get to play video games at the table" (the other parents decidedly ignored those questions), "why can't I bring video games to the table", etc, etc. Ds never would have even thought that question otherwise!! My ds spent all dinner trying to view the game and it completely changed his usual dinner behavior. Thankfully the family switched rotations after the first night (for completely other reasons, they had mentioned that they were wanting to switch when they first sat down). Otherwise we probably would have changed tables... again, no judgement, just trying to control our kids behavior (without changing our rules/routine) the same as the other family is trying to control their kids behavior. When our kids see it at other tables it's easier to say something like "that's their family rules, this is ours" and distract the kids from the fact that other kids are using electronic devices. At the same table, it is a constant battle to keep attention off of the electronic device.

I understand the temptation of bringing the dvd... I have 3 kids (one of whom is ADHD, and one with cognitive delays... ironically neither of them are the ds who was so distracted by the nintendo game). Our first cruise our middle ds was barely 3 (by like one week), and dd was turning 5. The waiter entertained them with magic tricks when taking our orders, they colored and we talked about our day. Developing those habits has helped us form routines that lead to great vacation dinners now. Whereas I think if we had started out with dvd's or ipads, etc they'd still be reliant on electronic devices at the table and we'd be missing out on the fun dinner conversations that we have now on vacations with them being older. (Again, that being separate from kids who truly need these devices for their comfort.)

 

[cmwade77]

I do understand if you want to let your kids to bring these devices to the dinner table, I may asked to be moved to another table if you do, it is nothing against you and no judgements, I just find it distracting personally and wish to avoid that.

I will say that you should not bring prohibited items and a personal DVD player is a prohibited item, according to the disney cruise line site.

 

[aldarowa]

DH and I have been on four Disney cruises but this April on MR will be our 1st with a toddler. What is your honest option about DVD players at dinner? Quite a few people recommend we bring ours to dinner since they take a long time. We also requested to sit with another family with small children. Is it ok with you so our kid sits quietly or is it rude?

Just asked my 10 year old daughter. Her opinion:

"I think it's rude because if they are exposed to this at a young age then they think that this is ok when it is actually not (a restaurant is not the place to watch movies). It would bother me because it takes away the experience of being in a fancy restaurant and it's a bit distracting.

I would probably suggest to bring a coloring book and some crayons instead."

Must have done something right

For special need children: I guess you have to do whatever makes their lives easier, but maybe it wouldn't hurt to inform your table mates of your special situation and I'm confident that most people will not only understand but also may be willing to help make your child more comfortable in a restaurant setting.

 

[JennLK]

DH and I have been on four Disney cruises but this April on MR will be our 1st with a toddler. What is your honest option about DVD players at dinner? Quite a few people recommend we bring ours to dinner since they take a long time. We also requested to sit with another family with small children. Is it ok with you so our kid sits quietly or is it rude?

Personally I don't see a problem with the DVD so long as it is not distracting to people around you. Most of the tables I saw on the DREAM were really only for one family. I did not see many where they were seated with strangers - however the tables are close together.

My question to you is: Will you enjoy a 1.5-2 hour long dinner with your toddler at the table AND will your toddler enjoy being confined to the table for that long?

I know my son (2) and he does not sit still and isn't a big eater. I could probably keep him engaged for about 45 mins but anything after that would just be stressful for me and unhappy for him. Knowing this I used our nursery time during dinner. We would feed him before we went to the 5 pm show then dropped him off at the nursery after. We got to enjoy a nice meal and he had some time to play with some friends. The first night we did bring him into dinner with us but took him to the nursery half way through. That worked okay too but still that hour was a stretch.

If you think that your child could be keep entertained at the table for that long go for it. If you think she would be unhappy then I would either use the nursery/Oceaneer during dinner or eat as a family somewhere else. It is your family vacation so you wouldn't want to partake in things that would stress you out or make your child unhappy !

 

[princessmom29]

WOW I think op was just asking for an opinion. I don't think they were looking for judgemental parenting advice.

Not being judgmental at all. The OP asked for honest opinions and I am not afraid to share mine. If you don't agree that is ok, no judgment carried. I am just stating what I feel about the situation.

 

[perkydizbride]

Its your child and your vacation, so I would tell you to do what your child needs.

If you feel that a dvd player or some other type of activity will keep him quiet, I feel that it is worth it compared to dining with a tired/crabby child.

You didn't say which time slot you have for dinner.
If you're eating early, your child may have other sources of distraction to keep him busy and you may not even need to bring your dvd to the table. And don't underestimate the value of a waitstaff that is used to being around children

It does get quite noisy in the restaurants, so he may even like to wear the earphones

chris, mother of a challenging child with adhd

 

[ccgirl]

I do understand if you want to let your kids to bring these devices to the dinner table, I may asked to be moved to another table if you do, it is nothing against you and no judgements, I just find it distracting personally and wish to avoid that.

I will say that you should not bring prohibited items and a personal DVD player is a prohibited item, according to the disney cruise line site.

This. I am getting the feeling the people using a DVD player as a tool think it would be rude if someone asked to be moved. However, please understand it can be distracted to those sitting with you. My DS3 would most certainly be trying to watch what was on T.v. instead of eating his meal and using proper table manners. So, I would asked to be moved as well. Nothing personal.