Home schooling for school phobia ? Need help

flakypuff

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Anyone that has a child with a School Phobia?:(
Has anyone ever resorted to home schooling because of a school phobia??:idea: Does anyone know the laws for home schooling??:( Has anyone ever dealt with a school phobia before...3rd grade. School is not very helpful. Even with the doctors diag. they think my son is choosing this or we are choosing not to send him...maybe they should see him crying and out of control in the car....
Any help will be rewarded with lots of hugs. :confused3
 
That's a tough one! Do you WANT to homeschool? I don't know how successful it would be if it was a reaction to something else and not something that you truly want to do. I think homeschooling is very difficult and requires complete dedication and discipline. I admire homeschoolers and know that I could never do it!

Maybe you could try a smaller school or even just a different school. Maybe there's something there that he's scared of. Has it always been like this or is this a new behavior. Maybe something happened?
 
It started at the end of last year.. He is afraid to leave me. Not anytime just school. We have seen doctors and so on... he has anxiety and it is brought on by school...he can't leave me from me Or my DH. I know it is very hard to home school but I am at such a loss and time is just ticking by.... THe school keeps reminding us that it is "the law that we send him to school" It is so upseting...
 
This might sound harsh, but I don't think homeschooling him is the answer here. School phobia is just a symptom of a larger problem. I know you said doctors and anxiety, but is he in counseling or on any meds? Have you checked to see if he is eligible for an IEP (Indiviualized Education Plan) for special needs students? YOu need to get to the root of the problem and solve it from there, not put a bandaid over it by keeping him home.
 

NO, you are not being harsh. I undestand what you mean. We are having testing done for an IEP now. Yes we have tried several meds but all had very bad side effects.. and yes we have gone to counseling. We were told it will take time and little baby steps. The hard part is while we are taking baby steps he is still missing school and the school work is getting overwhelming... it is making all of us upset......:worried:
I don't want to cover up anything but I just don't know how to help:( :sad1:
 
The boards are kind of slow tonight - I'm sure you'll get some more helpful opinions soon!

I don't know what to tell you without knowing your son. You do need to get him to school but I'm not sure how you would go about doing that. :hug: :hug:
 
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Thank you. I know help will come....I pray... Things can always be worse...just reading everyone that needs prayers makes you understand that a little more:blush:
 
Originally posted by phillybeth
This might sound harsh, but I don't think homeschooling him is the answer here. School phobia is just a symptom of a larger problem. I know you said doctors and anxiety, but is he in counseling or on any meds? Have you checked to see if he is eligible for an IEP (Indiviualized Education Plan) for special needs students? YOu need to get to the root of the problem and solve it from there, not put a bandaid over it by keeping him home.
I agree with this. If he is suffering from social anxiety, I am not sure taking him totally out of school will help him long-term.

You didn't mention how old he was? I am assuming he is new to school, like 1st grade (since this started last year)?

You say that you have tried medication, tried counselling. Is he still in counselling, still trying different meds? Something like this definitely will take time, but he needs to continue the treatment in the meantime. Continuing treatment is critical.

Hugs, that is tough, poor guy. I hope you get to the root of the problem soon.
 
Why is it just school that he doesn't want to leave you? It sounds like a more serious issue than 'just' social phobia. Is he getting bullied, teased, or worse? It started at the end of the last school year and has continued, does he have the same teacher this year? It just seems strange that a child could go to school for at least 2 years and be ok, and then develop this problem.
My coworker's daughter has separation anxiety, it started in preschool and it is any time her mother leaves her, at home or at school. She worries that something is going to happen to her mom if she is not there to take care of her.
At 8-9 years old you son should be verbal enough to express exactly why he doesn't want to go to school. Have you sat in on his classes for a few days? Or in the principal's office? Sometimes just knowing mom is that close can be enough. If the school TRULY wants your son to excel then they will work with you and him to get him an education, not just remind you of the law. Is another school an option?
 
The hard part is while we are taking baby steps he is still missing school

Did the counselor/psychologist recommend that he not go to school at this moment? Something had to trigger this anxiety. Did something happen at school or at home? Sometimes kids respond to stress at home by not wanting to leave their parents.

No real advice to offer, except hugs and hope that things will get better for your DS and all of you. I hate to hear of little ones having emotional difficulties. :( Hang in there.
 
I'm wondering if he's not being bullied. Have the teacher's given you insight as to how he is interacting with other kids?

I'm another who doesn't think homeschooling is necessarily the answer. I think you are going to have to dig a little deeper, and yes, be willing to take baby steps.

:hug: to you. What a tough situation you are in. Sending good thoughts you get it resolved.
 
Originally posted by phillybeth
This might sound harsh, but I don't think homeschooling him is the answer here. School phobia is just a symptom of a larger problem. I know you said doctors and anxiety, but is he in counseling or on any meds? Have you checked to see if he is eligible for an IEP (Indiviualized Education Plan) for special needs students? YOu need to get to the root of the problem and solve it from there, not put a bandaid over it by keeping him home.

I agree with this 100%!!!! Get to the root of the problem. Learning school things would not be my #1 concern at the moment.

I would get to a top notch psychiatrist until I found one to help me.
 
My friend's son has separation anxiety (not as bad as what you are describing). She handled it by being present in the classroom at the beginning of the year, and then telling him she would be in the library until lunch, then seeing him at lunch and then telling him she would be in the library until school gets out. He has been fine with this situation. And now she feels comfortable enough to actually leave the school grounds when she is supposed to be in the library - she'll walk across the street for breakfast with other moms - then go back to volunteer at lunch - then go home until end of school. He still thinks she is on the school grounds and that gives him some comfort. It's baby steps, and she has been showing up late for lunch and late for pick up to give him a taste of separation. Seriously little baby steps! But it works for them.

I know your situation is different, and it all depends on what your son has to say.

Good luck - P&PD!
:earsgirl:
 
My dd was finally diagnosed with general anxiety disorder at age 11. She had severe separation anxiety from birth and started growing out of it. She did always love school, though. She was better at leaving me than if I left her, which led people (my mother mostly) to feel that she was "working" me to get her way.

In first grade through the spring of 2nd grade, she seemed so much better. Then suddenly, she stopped wanting to go to school. There was the trigger of my mil getting sick, however at a later age, she was able to say that she just felt "changed" somehow and started obsessively worrying about her family, etc.

I saw a therapist when she was eight/nine who helped me realize that it wasn't behavioral and we did change how we handled it. She refused therapy until she was 11 and having panic attacks (in her they resembled tantrums, she used anger to try to make the panic go away.) She has been on Zoloft for a year and it has helped her. She was not helped by the "therapy" much.

I know I'm rambling, but just want you to know that you're not alone and that it just may take time to work through this. From what I've read, many anxiety issues do surface around this age.


hugs
 
My son suffered from diagnosed separation anxiety at this age. The worst of it ran from first through third grade. His was not as extreme as this case, but he cried and clung to me like he would never see me again if I left. And this was not limited to school, although this is where the majority of the incidents occurred, since it is the place where kids leave mom most often.

He worked through coping strategies with a psychologist and with time came to handle leaving us. The psychologist had a lot ofliterature on the subject, which helped us know we were not alone. But one thing she emphasized was to NOT homeschool a child with the disorder, since it made instances of separation more traumatic. And not to let him skip school because of the fear. This reinforces that the more upset he gets, the less likely he will have to separate. Part of getting through it is to keep separating, baby steps, even if it means just going in the class while mom is in the hall.

She also encouraged us to work on this by separating outside of school more often, for short periods, in different situations. He didn't even want to stay at his grandparents without me, so we started there, for a couple of hours, then a day, and eventually he worked his way up to staying several days in the summer without me there. It will only get better with practice separating in safe environments.

As long as you have ruled out bullying or other type of behavior, you will have to push him, even when everything inside you is saying, just let him stay home. These are the baby birds that have to be pushed to fly. The good news is, with loving pushing, they eventually soar.
 
Thanks so much for all the replies.
He is 9. In the 3rd grade.
It started when his teacher left to have a baby at the end of last year.
This year he was going for a few hours a day to start. On day while we were in the lobby waiting for him to get up the confidence to go in the room (it takes about 20 minutes or so) a vp came over to us. Not knowing what was even going on... Never meet him before. He told my son " Come on now its time for class, Mom has to leave." You have to remember I had no idea this was going to happen.pirate: He pulled his arm to get him away from me and then yelled "Mom leave" my son was trying to get away from him and yelling to let him go...I yelled stop but at that split second my son had a full panick attack and ran from the school. It was awful!! He was so upset and I found him outside hiding..:sad1: ...Now he won't go in the room at all. :worried: Now I can't get him to do any of it. I have been assured it will never happen agian ... the vp said he was trying to help...ya right! Because he had a panic attack he wasn't in school that day. Because he wasn't in his room his teacher took away a party the class was having.. she didn't think he should attend because he didn't "earn it" by going to class.
The to answer the question as "What happened" without lots of little details thats it in a nutshell.:sad2: Yes we are still in couseling. She was so angry..he was inproving and now taken a 360 the other way.... Yes we are still trying meds. This is the 5th one. The school doesn't like for me to be there. His teacher thinks I would be a distraction and it wouldn't be fair to the other children in the class. She thinks my son would want to keep coming near me...:confused3:headache: I think pretty much he hates the school and his teacher:faint:
 
disneygals.. it sounds ver much the same... even the part of people telling you "they are playing you" thats what his teacher thinks. It is sooooo hard for everyone.
 
I went through something this in 2000-2001. DD#1 was going to a private Kindergarten, and midway through the year her Grandpa died suddenly of a heart attack. He'd watched the kids for me the night before. DD just went into a tailspin afterwards - not a sudden one, just mounting anxieties until she seemed to have to have one parent in the vicinity at all times.

We tried the psychologist route once - couldn't get her to talk, she wanted nothing to do with him. Her acid reflux (from birth) flared up again at age 5, and we ended up having talks with her doctor and a pediatric GI specialist from Mass General, to convince her that no, there was nothing wrong with her heart, it was her stomach...it was just a mess and it was building on itself.

I said screw it and kept her home for the rest of the year, and we did Kindergarten work at home. She got better. The public school here let her into 1st grade - in September 2001. Slight relapse after 9/11, despite a total news block at my house so I'm still not quite sure what caused it, but she had a wonderful teacher who gets all the credit here. At this point I wasn't forcing her to go to school - she missed about 20 days that year and we did a lot of schoolwork at home, (and saw the principal quite a bit - who was also wonderful) but she was herself again by June. That's all we wanted. And today, in 4th grade, she's fine...self-sufficient, leaves the house early every morning so she can meet her friends in the schoolyard, stays after on Thursdays for a computer class. One absence so far for the year.

Very scary time, for her and for me, so I sympathize. :hug:
 
Aside from any anxiety disorder, I almost wonder if your son is so deeply divided from his classmates now that he might be better off in a brand-new school with a fresh start. Are there any other elementary schools in your district? Third graders can be brutal and if they witnessed this encounter in the hallway, or any of the others, they probably treat your son rather distantly. It's even harder to go into a scary classroom if he feels like an outcast there ... ?
 

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