Home Daycare Next Door

[Christine]

So, what would you do in this situation? This has been going on for years and I just keep my mouth shut but it's really getting to me.

My next door neighbor has been running a home daycare for about 10 years. At any given time, she has about 8 kids there, maybe more. She follows/complies with our state/county regulations, she has assistants when her numbers get high. It is a well-run daycare of which my kids used for after school care many years ago. I like her, and she's nice.

So, luckily, my whole family is out of the house Mon-Friday. Both my husband and I work full time and we leave at 5:30 a.m. and are home no later than 3:30. Kids are at school, except for the summers.

Her daycare hours are 6:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.

Depending on what group of kids she has, sometimes it can be very noisy. We don't notice it when we are not home, of course, but when we are home in the afternoons, we get no peace. We keep the TV up pretty loud and we don't have to hear the screaming all through our dinner. We have pretty much given up on sitting outside and enjoying our deck as the kids are running around next door, screaming, or they often "engage" with us throught the privacy fence.

This summer, as with last, we have at least one "screamer" in the bunch. This kid SCREAMS literally from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 pm. until his mother comes. Not because he/she is crying--it's a "play" scream/shriek. Last week, one of the kids decided to play/bring a whistle. At this point, even my husband had had enough.

Today, I am off of work because my daughter has invited her boyfriend from out of town. He woke up at 7:00 am today because of the screaming kids (which I noticed as I was down in my kitchen on my laptop). The entrance to her daycare is around through her backyard, so the parents walk their children between the two houses and this kid was hollering.

I don't want to put my neighbor on the defense. This is her livelihood and we do have to live next door to each other. Is there a way I can phrase this without sounding like an absolute meanie? Maybe my husband could be more gentle (I have a tendency not to be).

Additionally, our HOA charter does not allow for any type of business to be run out of the home so she is violating that. Several years ago, I heard through the grapevine that she did have a complaint against her daycare because one of the neighbors felt there was too many cars coming and going (not a noise complaint). Since no one else thought it was a big deal, it was not pursued. I don't really want to go that route, but I'm wondering how she can run a large daycare and still allow me some peace.

 

[golfgal]

I guess I would just be very frank with her and say that the daycare has become a nuisance and you are really upset that you can no longer enjoy your yard or even watch tv in your own home because of the noise. Tell her that you have been putting up with it for quite a while but the addition of this screaming child is the last straw. Tell her you don't want her out of business but she needs to be considerate of the neighbors and perhaps it is time to find a place to rent or find a place to take the kids to play that is more appropriate for kids to run around and be noisy. It is possible she got a variance for the day care so that might not be an option but if these kids are waking you up, it is too loud.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

If you say something, what is she going to do to "stop the screaming"? I'd presume she's already telling the child to stop screaming (it must drive her nuts as well), wouldn't you think?? Or maybe it's just become "white noise". I suppose she could take the whistle away. I'd imagine that duct tape is out of the question. Maybe invest in one of these yourself?

 

[Carnie]

I would have a talk with her, but first make sure you show up when the noise is very high (like that 4-6 time). If you go at night, she may be "what are you talking about?" and you can't really give a concrete example. By showing up in the middle of the chaos, you can indicate that THIS is what you are going to be talking about, and ask her if there is a time you can get together later that night (when the kids are gone) so you can have a frank discussion. You may also want to wait a few days so you can kind of keep a "log" of the issues so you can provide more examples.

I agree i's time to move to a 'real" center" for this person.

 

[Christine]

If you say something, what is she going to do to "stop the screaming"? I'd presume she's already telling the child to stop screaming (it must drive her nuts as well), wouldn't you think?? Or maybe it's just become "white noise". I suppose she could take the whistle away. I'd imagine that duct tape is out of the question. Maybe invest in one of these yourself?

These are my exact thoughts.

Actually, I don't see her trying to stop the screaming. Maybe she used to but is unable.

A couple of thoughts that I might like her to do:

1. Tell her parents that there are people next door to the entrance of the daycare and to please do their best to be quiet on that walkway. I don't think the parents realize, during their 6:30 am drop off that someone's bedroom is 10 feet away from them. I don't think it's too much to ask them to use their "inside" voices for this 30 seconds of their morning.

2. Screaming kids outside: Tell the kids if they can't stop screaming, they will sit inside with the aide.

 

[golfgal]

These are my exact thoughts.

Actually, I don't see her trying to stop the screaming. Maybe she used to but is unable.

A couple of thoughts that I might like her to do:

1. Tell her parents that there are people next door to the entrance of the daycare and to please do their best to be quiet on that walkway. I don't think the parents realize, during their 6:30 am drop off that someone's bedroom is 10 feet away from them. I don't think it's too much to ask them to use their "inside" voices for this 30 seconds of their morning.

2. Screaming kids outside: Tell the kids if they can't stop screaming, they will sit inside with the aide.

I think these are more than reasonable. I also think that after 10 years she doesn't even notice the screaming, I am sure she is quite capable of tuning it out.

We have a lot of kids in our neighborhood and always have where ever we have lived and they have never made enough noise that I can't sit outside or be inside and be bothered by them so this has to be very extreme. At times we would have 20 kids in our yard playing and really couldn't hear them in the house, a little but never enough that I had to turn up the tv.

 

[ChristmasElf]

Since you like her, and have to live next door to her, just wander over and mention how loud the noise gets in the afternoon. She may be so used to the screeching and yelling that she doesn't realize how bad it is.

I don't think bringing the HOA into it will do anything but cause hard feelings, especially since you once used the place for daycare yourself.

Just talk it over with your neighbor and maybe the noise will stop.

 

[Christine]

I think these are more than reasonable. I also think that after 10 years she doesn't even notice the screaming, I am sure she is quite capable of tuning it out.

We have a lot of kids in our neighborhood and always have where ever we have lived and they have never made enough noise that I can't sit outside or be inside and be bothered by them so this has to be very extreme. At times we would have 20 kids in our yard playing and really couldn't hear them in the house, a little but never enough that I had to turn up the tv.

I think it is extreme.

We live on 1/2 acre lots but most of our "land" flows out toward the back. The neighbors behind me are much farther away than the ones beside me. Our houses are probably separated by 30 feet. Her daycare entrance is on the side of my house where my bedroom is, my family room, and my kitchen. The kids predominantly cluster down at the side of the yard that is closest to my deck and is only 12 feet from the corner of my house.

For the most part, when I get home, I turn on the TV and I can block most of it out. And, honestly, at 4PM I'm not overly concerned about noise. It does start to get to me when it is still going on at 6:00 PM and I'm trying to relax after dinner. It's not that it needs to be quiet but, geez, the shrieking (and then the whistle).

The other thing that bugs me is that if I step out on my deck to put something on the grill, I get about 4 2-year-olds running up to the deck all trying to tell me something. I know they are cute and sweet, but every time I go outside over the last few years starts to get a bit old. I sound grouchy, huh?

 

[Christine]

I don't think bringing the HOA into it will do anything but cause hard feelings, especially since you once used the place for daycare yourself.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to do that. I only used it as an example that the place shouldn't be operating in the first place so you would think she might be a little more mindful. There are also neighbors on the other side but I haven't heard a complaint from them.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, I always ask myself, if I speak out, will it do any good.

I really don't think there is a good chance of getting any results on keeping that many kids quiet. That may be too tall of an order.

I also think that it is very obvious that somebody's bedroom, living room, deck/patio is like right there. So, apparently, these people really don't care.

I know you don't want to shut her down. I understand!
You say that the HOA forbids this kind of home business.
It really burns me when people think that they do not have to follow the rules or give any respect to the others around them.

If your options are to endure the noise, or to report her, you are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

[mdsoccermom]

So, help me understand. You used her daycare at one point. I assume it was because it was convenient for you. But, now that you no longer need her services, you have problems with her business?

 

[TwinsinCA]

If you say something, what is she going to do to "stop the screaming"? I'd presume she's already telling the child to stop screaming (it must drive her nuts as well), wouldn't you think??

Maybe she is one of those "inside/outside" voice people. A lot of people think kids should be as loud as they want to be outside. I'm not one of those people. But that might explain why she allows the screaming.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

1. Tell her parents that there are people next door to the entrance of the daycare and to please do their best to be quiet on that walkway. I don't think the parents realize, during their 6:30 am drop off that someone's bedroom is 10 feet away from them. I don't think it's too much to ask them to use their "inside" voices for this 30 seconds of their morning.

2. Screaming kids outside: Tell the kids if they can't stop screaming, they will sit inside with the aide.

I agree these sound reasonable. I might just mention #1 and ask if she could ask the parents to keep the noise down when dropping off, and that could lead to further discussion about the afternoon noise, or noise in general. She's probably not aware of how much it bothers you.

When my kids were little the kids next door to me had a basketball hoop right outside my and my kids' bedroom windows. Normally, this wouldn't bother me - I like seeing kids active and enjoy the goings on of the neigborhood. But in the summers (when the windows were open and the kids were out of school) I'd put the twins down for a nap and the noise would wake them up. Or many times I'd worked a night shift and was trying to sleep and it would wake me up. I never said anything then as the only solution I could see was for them not to play. But the mom and I did become good friends and years later I told her this. She was mortified, lol. Because of it, I've reminded my own kids when they're outside playing to try to be sensitive to others who may be trying to sleep or rest during the day (babies, shift workers, elderly, sick people, etc). I had a young "trumpeteer" practicing daily outside my house not too long ago (interestingly, away from his own house ). Fortunately, he moved.

Here's to peace and quiet.

 

[smschex]

You mention that the kids seem to congregate near your home. Are their swing sets, sand boxes, etc. there? Would it be possible to move the play area away from your fence?

I don't know how much it would help, but maybe you could plant some type of fast growing hedge to separate the properties? I would at least keep the kids from bothering you when you come out and might cut some of the noise.

 

[NotUrsula]

I think that you should talk to her, but I also think that you should take some proactive measures.

Put up signage on the house that reminds people to be quiet during certain hours. Something along the lines of: "This is a residence. Quiet hours in this passageway before 9 am and after 4 pm."

Also, plant some dense shrubbery next to your privacy fence. That will help. It might also help to install some kind of white noise item, like a large fan, or speakers that let you play some classical music.

If the neighbor tries but cannot get the noise level down, I suggest investing in some good insulated windows on that side of the house. The outside noise level in our home dropped to nothing after we had new Andersen windows put in. (If it comes to this, I'd ask her to help pay for them; you wouldn't need them if it wasn't for her business.)

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

How about planting some trees and shrubs along the fence line. They will help with privacy and noise dampening.

 

[Christine]

So, help me understand. You used her daycare at one point. I assume it was because it was convenient for you. But, now that you no longer need her services, you have problems with her business?

To explain:

I did not realize, like most people in the neighborhood, that having a home daycare was not allowed. Our homeowners package of rules reads like a legal dissertation. I don't know how many people actually read it. So, really, I didn't know it wasn't allowed. My neighbor down the street, who is a good friend of mine is on the board and attended the meeting where someone in the neighborhood complained. This board member/friend came to me after the complaint and said "You live next door to her, how do you feel about the cars coming and going." I told her that honestly I had not noticed that and that the biggest issue with her daycare was the noise. The board member said that this was not the complaint. At that point, I was not having any noise issues or they were VERY minor. She used to take a lot of older kids.

At any rate, this is the point where the board member told me that the HOA rules do not allow home businesses but they admittedly really only enforced rules when they became a problem. One of other rules is "no street parking" at all. The covenants state we are to only park in our driveways and garages. Of course that is not enforced and no one cares. The covenents also state "no pools" but they allowed a home to have one because the yard was situated in a weird way and not much good could be done with it except to put a pool in and pave it over.

So, we have a "lax" HOA but everyone seems happy with that as long as people are reasonable with their infractions.

So yeah, my son would stay at her house after school for 30 minutes every day until I got home.

 

[Christine]

If the neighbor tries but cannot get the noise level down, I suggest investing in some good insulated windows on that side of the house. The outside noise level in our home dropped to nothing after we had new Andersen windows put in. (If it comes to this, I'd ask her to help pay for them; you wouldn't need them if it wasn't for her business.)

I will probably be getting new windows next year so that may help.

This year we had our siding replaced and had 3/4 inch foamboard insulation added in between our regular insulation and new siding. The installer swore this would help but it didn't at all.

 

[FINFAN]

I was going to ask if the screamer was perhaps our back yard neighbor child...they attend day care until 2 and at 2:15 he is home screaming, until nightfall..daily...feel bad for the family, but I see you are in N VA so nt the same kid, but I can sympathize with you, REALLY I can.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

So, help me understand. You used her daycare at one point. I assume it was because it was convenient for you. But, now that you no longer need her services, you have problems with her business?

I have to agree with this. I'm sure that having safe, reliable, presumably affordable childcare was a big advantage to you when your kids were the appropriate age. It's a desperately needed service, at least in the area where I live.

If you're having issues with the behavior of one child, a quick conversation along the lines of "Wow, I feel for you, that one child sure can scream, can't she?", and then go on to mention that she has woken you in the morning.

However, if you've lived next to a business for 10 years, and used that business for part of that time, I don't think you can then try and take away a family's livelihood, and jeopardize 8 other family's ability to make theirs just because you don't like the sounds of that buisness.