Home based "selling" parties etiquette question

[eliza61]

Another WWYD type question. You have been warned (seems a lot of folks don't like 'em).

I thought I saw some one a while back with a similar problem but I can't find it.

Two weeks ago my neighbor invited me to a party at her house, hosted by her SIL who is a home consultant. I never met SIL. I initially declined saying budget wise my plate was full. My neighbor who I do consider a friend and is very nice, told me to come. said buying was not required and many of the other women in the development would be there, no one comes outside in the winter so this is a chance to get together. etc etc.. I declined again thinking the purpose of hte party is to sell stuff and i'm sticking to a budget. A couple days laer ran into another neighbor who talked me into going.

Last night, went to the party (company called Willow home and jewlery) had a good time, a few nice things but I politely declined the catalogue.
dumm, dee, dumm,dumm....cue the scary movie music. SIL got really annoyed and continued the sell even telling me to take a book home and I had 10 days before she placed the order.

Well at the end of the night, she then began the "host your own party" part and said to me that since I didn't buy any thing I should at least take the catalogue to work with me.

HUH? I politely declined explaining I work with mostly men and I doubt that would garner many sales but then I got mad at myself for even explaining.


This is not a big deal but I wish I had followed my initial thought and not gone.

Is it bad taste to not buy some thing? I guess I could have found a few knick-Knacks to get but I really didn't want to. I totally did drink and eat so maybe I should have thrown SIL a few bucks?

 

[Bren's Mom]

Imo, it's not poor taste not to buy. ESPECIALLY when the person extending the invite was told you cannot afford to buy and they asked you to come anyway. I have some friends that do direct sales home parties. One of them once said that they encourage hosts to invite everyone, even those not buying, because at a later date they might be in a position to become a host or buyer and will have had a nice experience and tried the products before. And I think that's a good way of looking at it.

I think your neighbor's SIL was wrong for pushing you.

 

[mjkacmom]

Disclaimer - I've always bought something, and I'm SO GLAD these have died out in my circle. There was one woman who hosted these parties almost every week with a bunch of vendors - she had 800 people on her invite list! After that, I was so done with them.

That said, SIL is being totally rude! I think I would have to say something to the host, informing her that "this is why I choose not to attend these stupid things." Hopefully, SIL doesn't have any contact information for you, and if she does, simply state "take me off of your list."

 

[okeydokey]

Egads, this is why I hate home parties and no longer attend them. People say you don't have to buy anything and then pressure to buy things.

No, you were fine to decline the catalog and any future invitations to home parties.

I guess you could have taken the catalog home and tossed it in the trash.

 

[bellebud]

I'm going to guess that SIL told neighbor "just invite people, it's totally ok if they don't buy", and neighbor really thought that.

Then when SIL has you all in the house, she's in "selling mode" and just thinks "I'm so good at this, I can get everyone to buy something". There are some people who really think it's an attribute if they're a "good salesperson"... I can sell ice to an Eskimo type mentality. I personally think it's very rude to push to sell someone something they don't want/need.

If you're invited again, you have a good reason to say to neighbor "last time your SIL made me feel very awkward, if it's her again, I just can't come" all said w/ a smile.

 

[eliza61]

Disclaimer - I've always bought something, and I'm SO GLAD these have died out in my circle. There was one woman who hosted these parties almost every week with a bunch of vendors - she had 800 people on her invite list! After that, I was so done with them.

That said, SIL is being totally rude! I think I would have to say something to the host, informing her that "this is why I choose not to attend these stupid things." Hopefully, SIL doesn't have any contact information for you, and if she does, simply state "take me off of your list."

LOL. Truthfully Mjk, that was my first thought. "people still do these"? they were popular when I had young kids but that was 20-23 years ago.

I hated them also. My basic problem is that one girl would have one and then she'd sign up another friend who would then invite the very same "group" of women.

 

[design_mom]

I hate the selling parties and usually decline if I know there aren't going to be any low-priced items. Otherwise, I'll buy something small.

My guess is similar to bellebud's -- your neighbor really wanted you there even if you didn't buy. SIL got into "selling mode" and made a nuisance of herself. In my experience (my sister and SIL have hosted several of these parties, but I've never hosted one), the consultant usually only supplies the catalogs/order forms and the "display" merchandise, not the refreshments, etc. You didn't cost the consultant anything by not ordering (except maybe a "wasted" catalog, which you tried to decline anyway.) The only difference was to the host who supplied you refreshments but didn't get a commission on what you didn't order. However, if she didn't mind... then there's no problem.

I have run into a couple of pushy consultants in my time too. I have an allergy to nickel. I was invited to a jewelry party by a neighbor who said the same thing as yours "come anyway!" after I tried to decline. However, none of the jewelry was nickel free. I probably would have bought something small anyway to regift later, but there was nothing below $30. I'm not going to spend $30 on something I don't want "just to buy something." I didn't end up buying anything, but my neighbor saw what was happening and apologized to me for the overzealousness of the consultant. (But I didn't get invited to her next jewelry party, which was fine by me!)

 

[cluvsdisney]

All of a sudden these home parties are making a comeback. Lately, I have been getting invites to one every 2-3 weeks. I don't go because I am not interested in buying anything. I know everyone says guests don't have to buy anything, but I always feel obligated. That said, I think it was fine to attend since you made your intentions very clear. The SIL was completely out of line to make comments like that. If I was there and heard that, I would cancel my order with her.

And I don't find them really social when half the time there is spent on a presentation and order taking. If you want to get everyone together in the winter, invite them for coffee & cake instead of a sale.

 

[maslex]

I have to say that I have LOVED home parties since I was a teenager. I grew up watching my mom have several different type parties. I had my first one at age 15. It was Tupperware and I started my "hope chest" with my free stuff. I continued to have them regularly (usually 3-5 a year). It was mostly the same bunch of girls that came and we all enjoyed it.

I don't have as many these days, usually one Pampered Chef a year plus maybe a Stampin Up one. And sometimes these would be a catalog party.

I have a neighbor who is a really good friend of mine who occasionally has jewelry parties. She knows that I do not wear jewelry buts wants me to be there anyway, even though she knows that I won't buy anything. She says she just wants me to be a guest, eat some yummy food, get out of the house and just be together. She doesn't get an attitude if I don't buy and I don't feel guilty about it either.

I think it's wrong for them to be pressuring you into buying something or even having a party if you don't want to.

 

[wiigirl]

I really hate going to those things, so ackward. I usually only go to them if they are friends or family and yes I do feel obligated to buy something.

 

[piglet too]

I am a consultant for a home party company. While I love it if every guest buys something, I truly mean it when I tell the hostess to invite people, even if they are not buying. It does cost me money to do my job, I provide the hostess with a bag of samples to prepare, and then bring more samples myself. (I probably spend $10-12 per party, not counting catalogs/order forms and other supplies.)

When I encounter non-buying guests, I ask them if they want to keep the catalog and offer my business card in case they want to buy in the future. Depending on the "vibe" I get from them, I will ask if they want to have their own party, but take "no" for what it is and smile and say "OK, thanks so much for coming, I enjoyed meeting you."

I HATE being pushy, and hope I never come across as such.

 

[mad madam mim78]

Ugh! What a scam. Asking people to prey upon friends and family to buy waaaay overpriced crap. No thanks.

 

[kirstenb1]

SIL was way out of line. The last couple of parties I went to, the sales push was very low key. I was so glad, and started to think maybe there's a trend to tone it down. Guess not!!!

 

[mmouse37]

DD28 and I often have in-home parties. In early January we had a Partylite Candle Party and we had 18 women show up. We always tell them that they do not have to buy a thing. Just come, have some fun, and if they want to buy something fine...if not fine too. We had over $1,000 in sales! We got some great stuff from the party for free for hosting. We prepared some nice appetizers and desserts, had wine and it was more of a social gathering and if people were inclined to purchase great but we would never pressure anyone to buy.

We invite tons of people and if people don't want to come no hard feeling.

MJ

 

[clutter]

"Salesmenship begins when a customer says "no"."

I'm sure the SIL heard that a hundred during training.

 

[LuLuO]

No, you are not required to buy.

The SIL was being too pushy. If she had acted differently maybe at some point you would think of her if you wanted to purchase that type of merchandise for a gift or whatever. She's burned her bridge to you and IMHO that is not being a good salesperson. I was a salesperson for a long time and made good money from listening to the customer. Even if they said "no" often they would come back to me, even months later because I wasn't a jerk.

 

[shortbun]

I don't go as a general rule. Early this fall, a good friend had a jewelry party and said the same thing, no need to buy. Sales pressure like crazy. I left early, pretty much sneaked out the back door. I don't even wear jewelry-not even my wedding ring! My sister wears real diamonds, rubies, emeralds...I don't buy her jewelry,lol! This home party thing is a bad thing. Some of the salespersons are getting desperate.

 

[2disneyboys]

OP in my opinion, no you were not being rude. You made it clear you would not be buying anything and were still mulitple times encouraged to attend, so I would not feel bad about not buying something!

I hate these type of things for the same reasons several people already posted. The most annoying to me is I go to a party, someone @ that party hosts a party (and invite me) and it keeps going on & on.. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (well you went to so & so's party, why not mine) so I went cold turkey a few years ago and refuse to go to any of the parties. If there is something I would want, I ask for a catelog and order it that way, but most of the time, there's nothing I really "want" I just get caught up in the moment and "must' have this, and then about 6-7 months later when I have't used it more than say 1 or 2 times, it goes into the charity / yardsale pile. My budget and I am so much happier now!

With that said, everyone always says it' more a social function then a "selling" function.. I say "BS" I have hosted and attended many a social function but if you only invite me to your house when you have someone there selling.. then I know here I rate on "YOUR" social listing...
JUST SAY NO!!! lol

 

[pumba]

I went to a scentzy party and the smell was more then I could stand...I dont do candles in my house or those heating thingies...but I went so the new consultant could get practice doing her thing..
MY FAVORITE party is Pampered Chef and I could go to those ALL the time and be a happy camper...
Tupperware when I was MUCH younger too...that was always fun

 

[robinb]

Another WWYD type question. You have been warned (seems a lot of folks don't like 'em).

I thought I saw some one a while back with a similar problem but I can't find it.

Two weeks ago my neighbor invited me to a party at her house, hosted by her SIL who is a home consultant. I never met SIL. I initially declined saying budget wise my plate was full. My neighbor who I do consider a friend and is very nice, told me to come. said buying was not required and many of the other women in the development would be there, no one comes outside in the winter so this is a chance to get together. etc etc.. I declined again thinking the purpose of hte party is to sell stuff and i'm sticking to a budget. A couple days laer ran into another neighbor who talked me into going.

Last night, went to the party (company called Willow home and jewlery) had a good time, a few nice things but I politely declined the catalogue.
dumm, dee, dumm,dumm....cue the scary movie music. SIL got really annoyed and continued the sell even telling me to take a book home and I had 10 days before she placed the order.

Well at the end of the night, she then began the "host your own party" part and said to me that since I didn't buy any thing I should at least take the catalogue to work with me.

HUH? I politely declined explaining I work with mostly men and I doubt that would garner many sales but then I got mad at myself for even explaining.


This is not a big deal but I wish I had followed my initial thought and not gone.

Is it bad taste to not buy some thing? I guess I could have found a few knick-Knacks to get but I really didn't want to. I totally did drink and eat so maybe I should have thrown SIL a few bucks?

First of all, you were not rude. But ... I think you might have deflected some of the pressure from the consultant if you had accepted the catalog with a smile and a promise to get back to her if you found something you couldn't live without. By refusing the catalog I think you unwittingly challenged her to pressure you in an attempt to "save face" in front of the other guests. No, you shouldn't have to accept the catalog and no you shouldn't have to lie to get someone off your back. However, a white lie can sometimes smooth things over when it comes to awkward social situations.