Holding a child back from starting Kindergarten because of age?

[Stitchfans]

IMO age shouldn't be the only reason to hold the child back. Oldest DD was old enough but just not ready yet so I had them hold her back and she spent an extra year in pre school. Sometimes they aren't mature enough to go ahead.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Absolutely I would, and have, but I don't think of it as holding back, because it's not. It's starting them when they're ready. My sons both have November birthdays. I started my oldest in Kinder when he was 4 - he is repeating this year because he wasn't ready the first time. I didn't start my youngest who will be 5 this November because I didn't think he was ready.

Kindergarten is much tougher for young kids then it used to be. My next door neighbor is a first grade teacher, and she says that it's one of the toughest grades to teach because so many kids are just not ready, either developmentally or emotionally. She said what makes it even more difficult is that when she tries to explain that to these kids parents, the majority of them get mad and blame the teacher, and insist on pushing them through instead of holding them back another year, like they should.

I don't think it's fair to your kids to push them into something they aren't ready for, especially if it causes them to struggle later on.

 

[Disney Doll]

Really depend son the kid, their maturity level, their readiness for kindergarten, their level of independence.

I do think somethimes we rush kids into growing up too fast because they have to fit into the adults lifestyles or work schedules.

 

[punkin]

Kindergarten is much tougher for young kids then it used to be. My next door neighbor is a first grade teacher, and she says that it's one of the toughest grades to teach because so many kids are just not ready, either developmentally or emotionally. She said what makes it even more difficult is that when she tries to explain that to these kids parents, the majority of them get mad and blame the teacher, and insist on pushing them through instead of holding them back another year, like they should.

Kindergarten now is harder than 1st grade used to be. They are expected to read and write at the end of kindergarten. Many 5 YOs are just not ready to do that yet (developmentally I mean). But this discussion is a whole other thread.

 

[ICEMANPAD]

I don't think that the decision of whether or not to allow a child to start kindergarten should be based strictly on the child's birthday. Obviously, if a child goes to public school, then the rules of the school district come into play, however, there are always exceptions to the rule. Our DS has an October birthday. The public school rule where we live has a September 1st cutoff. Our DS had been in daycare since he was 7 weeks old. He was always very bright for his age. When he was 3 he was moved to the 4 year old room because he was already reading and doing math. He was doing this on his own, with no pushing. When he was 4 he was moved to the pre-k class. As a result, he started kindergarten before he turned 5.

He is now in 3rd grade and doing great!! He is in the top math group and the top reading group. He has lots of friends and is very, very social. Yes, he is smaller than most of the other children and he is aware that he is younger than most of the children, but it does not bother him. In fact, 2 children joined third grade this year that are younger than our son because they just skipped second grade.

I would pay more attention to the child's desire to go to kindergarten and readiness than the birthday.

 

[crazee4mickey]

Our son's b-day was Aug. 14 and we held him back from starting kindergarten--it was more because he was not emotionally ready to go.
He is in grade 5 now and has lots of friends and is doing very well.
It was a good decision and he knows why we held him back and he is grateful for that!

 

[Marion]

I haven't read the whole thread but here's my opinion anyway... it's a subject I feel very strongly about. Way back in the dark ages, Sept. 1969 I started kindergarten despite not turning 5 til December 25th. I was always the youngest in the class until grade 10 when I met another unfortunate soul whose birthday was the 31st ANYway, my experience as I moved through elementary was being the youngest and usually the smallest. I really struggled with math and reading in the early grades. Something 'clicked' for me with reading at around age 8 when I turned into a total bookworm. Math, to this day, is something I struggle with (I can't do long division or fractions). I never got a really good handle on the math basics that all other concepts are built on so it really snowballed for me.

What I'm trying to say is, you know your child better than anyone. Maturity level is a huge thing as well as needing to take into account there's a big difference between a 4 year old and a 5 year old and their ability to pick up various learning concepts. It's much easier on the child to hold them back now before peer bonds at school are formed then deciding later on to do it.

 

["Got Disney"]

The w0rse thing that we ever did was start my y0unger s0n at 4 g0ing 0n 5 instead 0f 5 g0ing 0n 6....if i had t0 d0 it again I w0uld n0t.

My 0ther s0n started at 5 g0ing 0n 6 and what a difference in maturity. Ds is 10 and in 6th grade and will turn 11 in N0v.

He did advanced w0rk till he hit 3rd grade....he is s0 y0ung t0 be in 6th grade.

Wait wait wait....I was t0ld t0 wait 0ne m0re year by many and did n0t listen due t0 figuring well if he d0es n0t due well we can h0ld him back again in KGT and save $$$ in daycare and he wanted s0 t0 g0 t0 sch00l with his br0ther.

He t00k 0ff and was d0ing s0 well. By the time he hit 3rd we felt it was n0t g00d t0 keep him back. Maturity is a big part.

If y0u can wait I say wait. If he was in 5th right kn0w instead 0f 6th he w0uld be better. 6th grade is a review 0f 5th but what happens as he gets int0 7th and 8th and HS as it gets harder.....

luckely I am very inv0lved in education and am a SAHM and can helfp and will get tutering if need be....

By the way my "0" is br0ken s0 need t0 use my zer0 till next week when laptop gets fixed....it w0rks s0metimes....geesh

 

[LadyJeanPirateQueen]

I was one of the youngest kids in my kindy class because my birthday is in late Sept. I think that despite being a 'young' five, I got through kindy ok and turned out just fine.

Ladyjean

 

[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

I was always the youngest in my class, back then the cutoff was 12/31 and I've got a mid December birthday. While it never hindered me academically, the point where I felt I could have benefited from being more mature was when I started college at 17. I left home to attend a college a couple hundred miles away and I would have done better in the beginning had I been more mature.

So, with where my kid's birthdays fall they were either going to be one of the youngest kids in the class or one of the oldest. After conferences with their preschool teachers we chose to send them to a jr K or "readiness" class and they started a year later - while both are extremely bright (DS scored in the 99 percentile on those IQ and acheivement tests, DD hasn't taken them yet but she's just like her bro) DS definitely needed to be more mature and DD was borderline.

So I also think it depends on more than just age. That said every child that's been held back in my kid's classes - were on the youngest end

 

[EthansMom]

While I think that age is a good starting point to help determine a child's readiness for Kindergarten, I think it is REALLY important to take into account a child's maturity and academic ability.

Here, the cutoff is Dec. 31. DS has an early Aug. birthday, was at the appropriate maturity for his age, and was about 6 months ahead on academics in Kindergarten last year. He did well in Kindergarten. DS's best friend has a Dec. 25th birthday, was quite shy, and not ready with maturity or academics. An extra year has made a world of difference in this child!

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Our school district cut off date is dec. lst. One of our ds missed the cut off and he was really bored in kindergarten and the teacher had to go and get him lst grade work. One of our other ds made the cutoff but he was really immature so we held him back too. Our friends just told us their ds started kindergarten and they held him back and he told his parents, "it's too easy here." So I guess the teachers need to get challenging work for the kids who are advanced etc. so it would be on an individual basis probably. Our one ds teacher told us, I cant keep up with your ds, the one who kept getting all the lst grade work for him.

 

[JVL1018]

Our oldest son (freshman in college now) has an Aug 22 birthday. We never considered not sending him when he turned 5, of course he had attended daycare and preschool since he was 3 months old so separation wasn't an issue.

Most of the replies have been from parents with young children. My son's 2 best buds who have birthdays also in August and are now 18 are in their senior year of high school. They and the parents all agree that now they wish they hadn't held them back. The boys feel like they're missing out by not going away to school and feel "too old" to be hanging out with high schoolers and the parents have said it's a different ball game when your "child" is 18.

Your six year old may be fine in kindergarten but s/he will be 18 before even starting his/her senior year.

That really doesn't make sense to me, because here everyone will be 18 in their senior year, unless your birthday is July, August or September.

So I'm not sure why my (not held back) daughter turning 18 in October of senior year would feel better about being 18 her senior year of high school, than my (held back) son turning 18 in September of his senior year.
I think he'll end up feeling better that he's not the baby of the grade, to be honest.
That's not why we didn;t send him, but I have never heard of anyone being upset to be the same age as the majority of their high school classmates.

Even in my school when the cut off was December 31st there was a whole bunch of kids who turned 18 between January and graduation in June. I think it's a normal age for a lot of high schoolers(I was 17 when I graduated though)

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Way back in the dark ages, Sept. 1969 I started kindergarten despite not turning 5 til December 25th. I was always the youngest in the class until grade 10 when I met another unfortunate soul whose birthday was the 31st ANYway, my experience as I moved through elementary was being the youngest and usually the smallest.

There is always going to be a "youngest" child in the class.

So now, they've change most of the cutoff dates around the country, it seems (thank GOD my kids started school before they changed ours...I can't imagine holding my DD back (Oct birthday) and have her be a Junior in high school now, rather than a Senior). And now that they've done that...Sept 1 cutoff, or whatever, the June, July and August kids' parents don't want THEM to be the youngest and less mature kids in the class, so they'll hold them back. Then there will be tons of kids being held back still, so the population of the grades will be off from the official cutoff, so they'll change the official cutoff to June 1, because that's what people are doing anyway. So then the March, April and May kids..well, heck...don't want THEM to be the youngest kids in the class, so we'll change the cutoff date to...let's try "April 1"...but what about the poor January, February and March kids? The youngest kids in the class! So, let's hold them back...

 

[daisyduck123]

There is always going to be a "youngest" child in the class.

So now, they've change most of the cutoff dates around the country, it seems (thank GOD my kids started school before they changed ours...I can't imagine holding my DD back (Oct birthday) and have her be a Junior in high school now, rather than a Senior). And now that they've done that...Sept 1 cutoff, or whatever, the June, July and August kids' parents don't want THEM to be the youngest and less mature kids in the class, so they'll hold them back. Then there will be tons of kids being held back still, so the population of the grades will be off from the official cutoff, so they'll change the official cutoff to June 1, because that's what people are doing anyway. So then the March, April and May kids..well, heck...don't want THEM to be the youngest kids in the class, so we'll change the cutoff date to...let's try "April 1"...but what about the poor January, February and March kids? The youngest kids in the class! So, let's hold them back...

ITA!

I'm a teacher, & we've already discussed this "ripple effect" at my school.
It's already happening...kids with August birthdays are being "held back" all the time.

 

[OceanAnnie]

ITA!

I'm a teacher, & we've already discussed this "ripple effect" at my school.
It's already happening...kids with August birthdays are being "held back" all the time.

It does make me wonder when/where it will stop. I see a ripple effect too. I mentioned earlier Head Start and readiness programs. It seems strange to hold children back for age alone. I was asked about/encouraged to hold back my DD in regards to Kindergarten when she was 3 years old! Three! All because of her birthday. To me that's just nuts.

ETA- And I just don't see where a child born in June or July would be in better stead for readiness than a child born in August. It's in some cases it's just weeks!

 

[DisneyPhD]

ITA!

I'm a teacher, & we've already discussed this "ripple effect" at my school.
It's already happening...kids with August birthdays are being "held back" all the time.

I know, that is what floors me. I had an baby with an early Aug birthday it never occurred to me that her not going to K when she was 5 would even be a consideration. After all the cut off date in MI is Dec 1st. Still it happens all the time.

 

[mom_2_boys]

I am a high school teacher and a mom who sent DS5 (birthday in July) to all day kindergarten this year. While he is still adjusting to the program, he can already read and DH and I just couldn't justify not sending him to school. Although he is tired from the long day and has cried a couple of times out of frustration, he is excited to go each morning.

At the other end of the spectrum, we have several high school freshman that have their drivers license already because of their birthdays! You can get your temps at 15 1/2 years old, so there are plenty of kids out there that are on the road at a younger "grade level". Teachers in my building discuss this all the time, as there becomes a gap of about 18 months in each grade level, instead of the old-fashioned year. It does get to be a bit challenging in dealing with all of thier issues!

It is nice to have a choice, but I think that the cut-off dates are there for a reason and parents should try to follow them as best they can.

Just my 2c.

 

[piglet50]

he was supposed to be in a 4k and ended up in a 5k in a christian school. our plan was to do the 4k and then move him to our local public school 5k. he did so well that his teachers told us it would be best for him to move right into first grade. he did ok until about the 3rd grade, then he was put into a 3& 4 combination class - big mistake! if i had it to do over again, i would have held him out until he was 6. (early Oct. birthday) he did ok in school but it was a struggle because of his lagging maturity level.

 

[bsnyder]

I too have pondered the "ripple effect" and where it will end. Although to be honest, I don't give it a lot of thought, because now I'm on the third child, and she's got a nice "in the middle" early March birthday, so it's all in the distant past for things I've really worry about anymore.

My oldest is a May 31st birthday, and he was on the young side in his class. Younger son is September 20th, and the cutoff here is September 1. He was more than ready for "real' school when the time came, and his pre-school teacher said she'd "go to bat" if we wanted to petition to send him early. I saw pros and cons to going in either direction and decided to live within the cut off dates. He's about to graduate from college, and honestly, I don't think things would be all that different if we had decided to push and have him start school earlier.

It's an arbitary date and there will always be kids on either side of the cut off date that don't fit the "norm", no matter where we set the date.

I do think it makes a lot more sense to have the cut off dovetail with the school year instead of the calendar year. I think part of the problem is that different states have different standards.