Here is a what would you do question. FINAL UPDATE page 2

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It might be also that some people are just not planners and so the other mom may not realize the level of planning it takes for a WDW trip. For instance, I've already decided the dates for my vacation and have the hotel booked for Disneyland is June. You do not need anywhere near the level of planning for a Disneyland trip as you do WDW (I've made advance reservations maybe five times in ten years) but it's just how I roll, I like to know who, what, when, where well in advance so I can just pack and go. My sister on the other hand decides on her vacation sometimes just days before and forget about having a room booked, she just figures it out when she gets there. I think if she's never been to WDW, she may not have any idea that she needs to notify OP with her decision sooner rather than later. June is months away.

Totally get that..but I would also think then the OP (who according to their sig has been on many many trips) would want to mention that to her son's (ETA: friend's) family. If you're inviting somone's child to go on a trip you know you need to plan for then it is kinda your responsibility to let them know you need to know x,y,z.

This isn't a weekend trip within a reasonable driving distance where it can wait to firm up details and it's more reasonable to be up in the air on to go or not to go. It's a trip that will require plane tickets to be bought (which most people know plane tickets can sell out), hotel reservations to be made (on-site or off-site you still need to make reservations and know how many people will be in the room), tickets bought along with FPs made (now sure you don't have to do FPs in advance but if the OP's son had FP's and the friend's son didn't...that would make for a different trip as far as riding rides and whatnot together) not to mention have reasonable enough finances..the OP didn't even know if they were going to be paying for airfare or not for the friend's son until others chimed in on this thread. With just over 3 months to go that could be hard for any family to just come up with the extra funds.

Not meaning this is in a really serious manner but would you invite your sister to go to WDW with you with no hotel reservation, and no knowledge of what the dining situation is like (meaning making reservations if need be), FPs, etc? Or would you at least notify your sister of at least the basics and let her decide what she wants to do (i.e. join in on the planning or let her do her own style of planning)?

 

[edk35]

It might be also that some people are just not planners and so the other mom may not realize the level of planning it takes for a WDW trip. For instance, I've already decided the dates for my vacation and have the hotel booked for Disneyland is June. You do not need anywhere near the level of planning for a Disneyland trip as you do WDW (I've made advance reservations maybe five times in ten years) but it's just how I roll, I like to know who, what, when, where well in advance so I can just pack and go. My sister on the other hand decides on her vacation sometimes just days before and forget about having a room booked, she just figures it out when she gets there. I think if she's never been to WDW, she may not have any idea that she needs to notify OP with her decision sooner rather than later. June is months away.

Yep!! Exactly!

 

[edk35]

Totally get that..but I would also think then the OP (who according to their sig has been on many many trips) would want to mention that to her son's (ETA: friend's) family. If you're inviting somone's child to go on a trip you know you need to plan for then it is kinda your responsibility to let them know you need to know x,y,z.

This isn't a weekend trip within a reasonable driving distance where it can wait to firm up details and it's more reasonable to be up in the air on to go or not to go. It's a trip that will require plane tickets to be bought (which most people know plane tickets can sell out), hotel reservations to be made (on-site or off-site you still need to make reservations and know how many people will be in the room), tickets bought along with FPs made (now sure you don't have to do FPs in advance but if the OP's son had FP's and the friend's son didn't...that would make for a different trip as far as riding rides and whatnot together) not to mention have reasonable enough finances..the OP didn't even know if they were going to be paying for airfare or not for the friend's son until others chimed in on this thread. With just over 3 months to go that could be hard for any family to just come up with the extra funds.

Not meaning this is in a really serious manner but would you invite your sister to go to WDW with you with no hotel reservation, and no knowledge of what the dining situation is like (meaning making reservations if need be), FPs, etc? Or would you at least notify your sister of at least the basics and let her decide what she wants to do (i.e. join in on the planning or let her do her own style of planning)?

We just started talking again about the trip... Fast passes can't be made until April 14th. I reminded her today that airfare needs to be purchased soon. We had discussed the park pass a couple of months ago and talked a bit about fast pass scheduling. So until today I had not mentioned the exact day fast passes can be made. She and most people don't understand about scheduling fast passes and making ADRS.

 

[amberpi]

I just hope it works out for ya'll. I loved group trips like that as a kid.

 

[edk35]

To the bolded you said:

I have no doubt you included your own schedule into the decision on when to go but it just sounded like you put more priority on the son's family's schedue (I could see where that might make it more appealing for the other family to let their son go knowing that you were willing to go more on what worked best for them). You already knew that this family has a past history of saying one thing but meaning something else (meaning bringing up getting a dog situation).

Just trying to pick a good time to go. If the kid CAN go it makes no sense for me to plan a trip when he is busy with his family or school related activities. Obviously the grand plan was for him to go with my son. Therefore I'm going to try and be accommodating. Based on what his mom told me and he himself this seemed the best choice. Trust me I'm not going to be saying "darn he can't go afterall and I planned for June to accommodate him when I really wanted to go in August"

 

[Kellydelly]

I am with you, I don't feel that if someone is joining you on vacation that you should have to pay for everything. I also feel that this boy going with your family is out of thier league, financially. Some people can throw a few hundred dollars at their kid and not miss it. I would. Especially with a kid about to go off to college. I also would not be paying for my son to go on vacation alone, with a cost of what I could probably pay for a getaway for the whole family (not Disney, of course). That is why it kills me to pay for my kids to go on $1200+ school trips. I think that your son and this boy should have planned this out a little better with the other boy paying for his share through a job or whatever way he has to earn his own money. Are these boys going on a senior trip at all? I think this mom just isn't on the same page with her son going on this trip with your family. I think I would have offered to pay half his airfare, maybe. It looks like most people here are a lot more loose with their money or richer than me! I am surprised the other mom didn't cringe at paying for an 8 day park ticket, that must have cost a lot. Maybe his parents are now balking at the whole idea of throwing that much money at this trip, even without the added plane ticket. I would maybe talk to the mom and let her off the hook (as in cancel the friend going). I really don't think you should have to pay for everything, it is a really big expense if you are not wealthy.

 

[wenrob]

Totally get that..but I would also think then the OP (who according to their sig has been on many many trips) would want to mention that to her son's (ETA: friend's) family. If you're inviting somone's child to go on a trip you know you need to plan for then it is kinda your responsibility to let them know you need to know x,y,z.

This isn't a weekend trip within a reasonable driving distance where it can wait to firm up details and it's more reasonable to be up in the air on to go or not to go. It's a trip that will require plane tickets to be bought (which most people know plane tickets can sell out), hotel reservations to be made (on-site or off-site you still need to make reservations and know how many people will be in the room), tickets bought along with FPs made (now sure you don't have to do FPs in advance but if the OP's son had FP's and the friend's son didn't...that would make for a different trip as far as riding rides and whatnot together) not to mention have reasonable enough finances..the OP didn't even know if they were going to be paying for airfare or not for the friend's son until others chimed in on this thread. With just over 3 months to go that could be hard for any family to just come up with the extra funds.

Not meaning this is in a really serious manner but would you invite your sister to go to WDW with you with no hotel reservation, and no knowledge of what the dining situation is like (meaning making reservations if need be), FPs, etc? Or would you at least notify your sister of at least the basics and let her decide what she wants to do (i.e. join in on the planning or let her do her own style of planning)?

You're kind of making my point for me. Unless you've done it several times or belong to a board like this people just have zero idea the level of planning it takes to do it. I'm a meticulous planner and it would never occur to me before this board that I'd need to decide what rides, shows and places I was going to eat four months in advance. Heck, it wouldn't occur to me to plan to that level taking a trip out of the country. I've only witnessed down to the minute planning on the DIS. As far as booking flights, the same. Four months seems more than well in advance.

The OP has said she's given the other mom her time frame. I'm was just chiming in because it seemed some were throwing the other mom under the bus for not letting OP know right this second.

I would never vacation with my sister, lol, let alone invite her to go to WDW. I don't have it in me plan down to the last detail for myself. Doing it for her as well would send me over the edge.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We just started talking again about the trip... Fast passes can't be made until April 14th. I reminded her today that airfare needs to be purchased soon. We had discussed the park pass a couple of months ago and talked a bit about fast pass scheduling. So until today I had not mentioned the exact day fast passes can be made. She and most people don't understand about scheduling fast passes and making ADRS.

I don't think I'm contradicting that at all ..in fact my point was you need to be the one to tell her this stuff as you're already aware. You don't know what you don't know right?

Just trying to pick a good time to go. If the kid CAN go it makes no sense for me to plan a trip when he is busy with his family or school related activities. Obviously the grand plan was for him to go with my son. Therefore I'm going to try and be accommodating. Based on what his mom told me and he himself this seemed the best choice. Trust me I'm not going to be saying "darn he can't go afterall and I planned for June to accommodate him when I really wanted to go in August"

I think my point may be lost here apologies if that is my fault. I think you should be trying to work out your plans for both family's schedules...but the crux here is that you know this family hasn't given firm details, you know this family is still kinda "eh" about the trip and is "eh" about other facets of their lives (why bring up the dog situation if not to essentially show us more of the family's personality). Maybe I'm just leaning one way here because of how the discussion evolved over the thread. I'm not insinuating that you would actually tell the family you made plans to accomodate your son's friend..I'm not in favor of guilt trips personally.

 

[edk35]

I am with you, I don't feel that if someone is joining you on vacation that you should have to pay for everything. I also feel that this boy going with your family is out of thier league, financially. Some people can throw a few hundred dollars at their kid and not miss it. I would. Especially with a kid about to go off to college. I also would not be paying for my son to go on vacation alone, with a cost of what I could probably pay for a getaway for the whole family (not Disney, of course). That is why it kills me to pay for my kids to go on $1200+ school trips. I think that your son and this boy should have planned this out a little better with the other boy paying for his share through a job or whatever way he has to earn his own money. Are these boys going on a senior trip at all? I think this mom just isn't on the same page with her son going on this trip with your family. I think I would have offered to pay half his airfare, maybe. It looks like most people here are a lot more loose with their money or richer than me! I am surprised the other mom didn't cringe at paying for an 8 day park ticket, that must have cost a lot. Maybe his parents are now balking at the whole idea of throwing that much money at this trip, even without the added plane ticket. I would maybe talk to the mom and let her off the hook (as in cancel the friend going). I really don't think you should have to pay for everything, it is a really big expense if you are not wealthy.

Here kids go to Ocean City for senior week. My daughter didn't go. My older son went. My youngest is not interested either. That's why Disney is the plan. Last year both boys went to FL with the steel drum band (high school trip) in April. We did three days at Universal.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You're kind of making my point for me. Unless you've done it several times or belong to a board like this people just have zero idea the level of planning it takes to do it. I'm a meticulous planner and it would never occur to me before this board that I'd need to decide what rides, shows and places I was going to eat four months in advance. Heck, it wouldn't occur to me to plan to that level taking a trip out of the country. I've only witnessed down to the minute planning on the DIS. As far as booking flights, the same. Four months seems more than well in advance.

The OP has said she's given the other mom her time frame. I'm was just chiming in because it seemed some were throwing the other mom under the bus for not letting OP know right this second.

I would never vacation with my sister, lol, let alone invite her to go to WDW. I don't have it in me plan down to the last detail for myself. Doing it for her as well would send me over the edge.

Actually my point was the OP should be letting the other family know at least some of the details. The other family doesn't know what they should be doing..just like I said in my above post you don't know what you don't know..I actually was never negating that some people have no clue about planning nor do they want to plan..really don't know how that came across that everyone just wakes up one day knowing the ins and outs of Disney.

ETA: And I'm totally with you on the sister front..I love my in-laws but my husband and I are secretly glad they backed out of our upcoming trip due to stamina issues. It's enough to plan for just my husband and I.

 

[edk35]

Actually my point was the OP should be letting the other family know at least some of the details. The other family doesn't know what they should be doing..just like I said in my above post you don't know what you don't know..I actually was never negating that some people have no clue about planning nor do they want to plan..really don't know how that came across that everyone just wakes up one day knowing the ins and outs of Disney.

ETA: And I'm totally with you on the sister front..I love my in-laws but my husband and I are secretly glad they backed out of our upcoming trip due to stamina issues. It's enough to plan for just my husband and I.

Ok what have I left out? I gave her the dates, she already knew the park pass price and options that can be addded. Told her about the resort (although her son had told her already)
we are staying at. I told her TODAY how fp reservations work
and the date those are booked
So that we can get good choices. I changed to flying this weekend and filled her in today and told her we can pay that. Am I supposed to let her pick out our adrs and which parks we go to what days? I mean yes I switched modes of transportation but fixed that today. I asked her to let me know this week by Sat. so I can book airfare. WHAT am I missing? The trip is in mid June 3 months away. This summer trip was discussed in general terms a couple of months ago. I can't remember every detail of that conversation but park passes were explained in detail.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Ok what have I left out? I gave her the dates, she already knew the park pass price and options that can be addded. Told her about the resort (although her son had told her already)
we are staying at. I told her TODAY how fp reservations work
and the date those are booked
So that we can get good choices. I changed to flying this weekend and filled her in today and told her we can pay that. Am I supposed to let her pick out our adrs and which parks we go to what days? I mean yes I switched modes of transportation but fixed that today. I asked her to let me know this week by Sat. so I can book airfare. WHAT am I missing? The trip is in mid June 3 months away. This summer trip was discussed in general terms a couple of months ago. I can't remember every detail of that conversation but park passes were explained in detail.

I think you've got it now..but it didn't come across that way before i.e. you didn't know if you were going to pay for airfare prior to creating this thread and getting people's advice so you might have been leaving that cost up to the family and up until this post it was you needed to know soon but didn't mention a firm deadline (apologies if you mentioned needing to know by Saturday before and I just missed it).

No you don't need to let her pick the adrs and parks it's not her possibly going it's her son (don't know why you want to try and push that extreme on your post..it's still your trip after all) and her son could totally be like "hey I'll go where you go and ride what you want to ride" which is golden or he could want to voice his opinion a little (I'm not thinking about the adr choices if you were going to pay for that I was more thinking being able to say he doesn't want to go on that ride or that ride for FPs/planning purposes) but it was unclear if you or your son went over these details with your son's friend I mean he could be like "mom I need to know if I can go or not because they need to start finalizing their plans for x,y,z" which might push her to make a decision or not.

ETA: regardless I think you're intrepreting my post as something it isn't. Could be my fault IDK.

 

[edk35]

I think you've got it now..but it didn't come across that way before i.e. you didn't know if you were going to pay for airfare prior to creating this thread and getting people's advice so you might have been leaving that cost up to the family and up until this post it was you needed to know soon but didn't mention a firm deadline (apologies if you mentioned needing to know by Saturday before and I just missed it).

No you don't need to let her pick the adrs and parks it's not her possibly going it's her son (don't know why you want to try and push that extreme on your post..it's still your trip after all) and her son could totally be like "hey I'll go where you go and ride what you want to ride" which is golden or he could want to voice his opinion a little (I'm not thinking about the adr choices if you were going to pay for that I was more thinking being able to say he doesn't want to go on that ride or that ride for FPs/planning purposes) but it was unclear if you or your son went over these details with your son's friend I mean he could be like "mom I need to know if I can go or not because they need to start finalizing their plans for x,y,z" which might push her to make a decision or not.

ETA: regardless I think you're intrepreting my post as something it isn't. Could be my fault IDK.

Yes my son has told him all about the rides many times over the years. He has been to local theme parks with this friend too so he knows what he likes. Of course these teens can do what they want while there. I'm just tired and maybe I read more into it when you replied. I appreciate your advice. Thanks! Goodnight!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yes my son has told him all about the rides many times over the years. He has been to local theme parks with this friend too so he knows what he likes. Of course these teens can do what they want while there. I'm just tired and maybe I read more into it when you replied. I appreciate your advice. Thanks! Goodnight!

No harm no foul really . Really all things aside have a fun trip

 

[edk35]

No harm no foul really . Really all things aside have a fun trip

Thanks

 

[Wishing on a star]

This is also the same family that always says they are getting a dog and never have. She always asks me to let her know if I hear of any rescues that are small dogs. (we have three doxies, two that we rescued). I am sorry but they are never getting a dog. LOL

Ohhhh nooo!!!! Then you need to think twice about planning ANY travel that is based on any commitment from them.
The mother of my son's best friend, who I mentioned that we have taken on two short trips, is exactly like this! A lot of what you have mentioned sounds a lot like her.

We did, once, try to plan a trip for both families... Basically my son's friend, his mother, and us... Because she was like. "Ohhhhhhh, I want to go to beach!!!!!" We cleared the dates with them, over DS friends Fall break. Had a big 3BR condo booked and everything. Told her all she needed to do was cover food and personal expenses. Didn't work out, at the very last minute. We had to, in a very inconvenient way, go pick my son's friend before the trip, so that he would not be left behind. And, the four of us had full run of that expensive huge 3BR condo. She ALWAYS has such big talk, but absolutely zero commitment or action.

If this situation is as similar as I think it is, I could see the mother finally agreeing, and then, at the last minute, POOF.....
I would caution that you do not really have permission or a commitment until those passes are paid for.

Anyhow, I agree that some of the posts on this thread have now gone WAY overboard.
But, hey, it's the DIS.

My thoughts.... I might consider a shorter trip, where I could cover all expenses for your son's friend.
Methinks that if the mother is expected to pay, even for just the Park Passes, this gives her the idea that she has a little more leeway.
Take finances out of the equation, and she really doesn't have that as a bargaining chip... Or something to whine, procrastinate, and hem and haw about.

Another pet peeve of mine are those people who do not say what they mean or mean what they say.
Just hem and haw and be passive-aggressive. Without ever telling you their real reasoning.
If she can't be forthright, then she is the one responsible for that.
IMHO, any idea that basic social cues should include the total ability to read another person's mind is just ridiculous.

 

[mummabear]

Hmm, I guess I just would never invite a friend for such an expensive trip.(not saying it's wrong just maybe hard for me to relate)

If my daughters friends invited her to the movies I wouldn't expect them to pay for her ticket or food, let alone hundreds of dollars for a vacation.

Well I may be annoyed that plans had changed on me( and I was being asked to pay for flights) I wouldn't expect them to pay for the flights, the situation changed so the plan had to change.
It would be different if it was so close I had already bought the park tickets so I couldn't pull out.

 

[mummabear]

With all due respect I can see how it could be perceived as pressure being put on the other family. Don't get me wrong the other family needs to and should have been more upfront about it all. Just my personal opinion but I like to plan things in advance just me so if the other family doesn't seem to be on board with planning like me then I'm going to give them the details at once and then say "we're going to go ahead and plan our trip but please let us know if it works out for so and so to come

We had friends coming on a Disney trip with us a coming to Disney with us, leading up to time to make ADRs we tried to get s commitment from them about what they wanted to join us for. In the end a few days before opening I sent them an email with my planned schedule and said that this is what I was booking for my family and if they wanted me to include them in any bookings they had until c time to let me know.
They didn't come back in time so I booked for just my family, then my friends husband was a PITA and booked several of the ADRs seperatly for the same time and wanted to be seated together obviously causing everyone huge hassles.

 

[ols386]

I would pay for the ticket. It would be worth it to pay for it, so you don't have to drive.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We had friends coming on a Disney trip with us a coming to Disney with us, leading up to time to make ADRs we tried to get s commitment from them about what they wanted to join us for. In the end a few days before opening I sent them an email with my planned schedule and said that this is what I was booking for my family and if they wanted me to include them in any bookings they had until c time to let me know.
They didn't come back in time so I booked for just my family, then my friends husband was a PITA and booked several of the ADRs seperatly for the same time and wanted to be seated together obviously causing everyone huge hassles.

I think that was a good idea that you did that. You went ahead with plans and let them know what your plans were and left the ball in their court. That's a shame that your friend's husband was putting up a stink about it after the fact when you were there..you obviously gave them the info and they let it slip through the cracks I guess but no reason they should take it out on you guys or the restaurant employees (meaning wanting to sit together).