Here is a what would you do question. FINAL UPDATE page 2

[Disneybuckeye]

Just because you do not understand or believe in bringing friends with your children on vacation does not make it wrong or bad for people who make that decision. I like that you stated up front what costs you expect the guest and his family to undertake so they understood their obligation. The fact that you have now agreed to cover the airfare returns this offer to it's original status which I think is the right thing to do. The other key is not to be upset if they do decline the offer.

I may be reaching, but the $500 or so for the ticket may be a financial burden to the family with young kids to pay for and college expenses looming. Perhaps she is searching for a graceful way to bow out as I would have a tough time telling my son's friend and his parents we could not afford to pay for the ticket.

 

[scrapquitler]

So what would you do? So my youngest son is graduating in May from high school. He has wanted to take his best friend to Disney for a few years. So a few months ago we talked about this summer. At that time we had planned to drive and although we hadn't gotten a FIRM yes from his family they seemed to be on board with the price of the 7 day park pass. So I finally made room reservations (son said he was going regardless if friend ended up NOT going) but I want to fly now because my husband can't go with us on this trip. I have NO desire to drive 900 miles without him to help drive. YES my son can drive but there is NO WAY I would feel comfortable napping while he was driving part of the way from MD to FL. We have driven this a few times over the years and the trip back IS HORRIBLE. We drive it straight thru coming home. SO now....his friend says an added 234 for a round trip ticket is probably not in the cards. His mom says they will talk about it but she said that it is a lot of money. So.....what would you do? Would you pay for his airfare? Would you suck it up and drive to accommodate him? We always pay for the guest's food and accommodations while there. Our older son has taken a friend and we did the same for them but we flew. His parents paid for airfare and park ticket. TIA!!

I'd pay for the flight for the friend, since I was the one that changed the plans.

 

[edk35]

Just because you do not understand or believe in bringing friends with your children on vacation does not make it wrong or bad for people who make that decision. I like that you stated up front what costs you expect the guest and his family to undertake so they understood their obligation. The fact that you have now agreed to cover the airfare returns this offer to it's original status which I think is the right thing to do. The other key is not to be upset if they do decline the offer.

I may be reaching, but the $500 or so for the ticket may be a financial burden to the family with young kids to pay for and college expenses looming. Perhaps she is searching for a graceful way to bow out as I would have a tough time telling my son's friend and his parents we could not afford to pay for the ticket.

I don't think that's it. When we talked before about how many days and adding water parks or not she wanted him to have the extras.

 

[wenrob]

Sorry, I meant like if they are looking to grab a snack, etc. We do breakfast in the room, usually, then CS lunch, sit down dinner. I paid for the sit downs (where everyone is on one ticket), and then they took care of anything counter service, or snacks. It worked well, especially since we split up a lot, etc. They had their own funds to do what they wanted

Ah, good to know. We've only taken a friend once so far but if the girls went off on their own and decided to get a Mickey Bar or whatever they did that on their own.

 

[hereyago]

I would honestly not plan on him going and wouldn't waste anymore time on it.

 

[SharonZ]

Without a firm commitment at this point, I wouldn't go any further with arrangements. By the time his family makes a decision, airfare may or may not be available for your son's friend at a decent price. My guess would be it's a financial burden for just the park tickets, and they don't know what to say to you. Make your family's flight arrangements and have a great time!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I see some issues on both sides here.
I would never have even considered asking for $240.00.
That is pocket change when considering a major trip to Disney.

But, it is already mid-March.
If this other mother is not giving you an answer, and making a commitment, today, when considering such a major trip, booking flights, etc.
This is just rude.

I love the fact that these boys are such close friends, and the OP's son WANTS to share the experience of Disney.
But, I am not sure if all this nickel and dime-ing and changing plans and negotiating and procrastinating is a good thing.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well back then it was "Well we will see" "We will talk about it as a family" When we were talking about 7 or 8 day park tickets with or without water parks she said she would want him to have 8 days and water parks. (We have an AP) SO nothing was written in stone and we weren't sure when we were going because of work schedules, son's over night college orientation and a couple other commitments with friend's summer schedule.

I decided to go back and find this, and continue with my post above.
So, you were planning the trip, and 'inviting' your son's friend. The mother then asks that it is the whole she-bang... expensive 8 day park passes, waterparks too....
Really?
Then, after that, $240.00 for unexpected transportation costs is just too much.

I just hope these boy's friendship can survive, despite the parents involved.

PS: No way would I, myself, choose to take such a major trip, including an extra minor child, without my husband.
If something came up, we would re-schedule, or the trip would be put on temporary hold.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I don't think that's it. When we talked before about how many days and adding water parks or not she wanted him to have the extras.

Chiming in...

I would say that too, at first, to save face in front of my kids and the other parents. Then later, I would find a way to get out of it if needed.

$500 for a weeklong Disney vacation is a steal, no doubt about it.

$500 for one member of my 5-person family to go on a trip without us, when a vacation or extra $500 was not in the budget, puts it firmly in the area of "not a good idea right now". And I would make up a stupid, (emotional) reason; maybe even "I want to be the first to take him" (although, by that age it's a weird reason to me....YMMV)

For $500, I would love to send my DS16 with his friends' family to Disney. I wouldn't hesitate to tell his 7th and 5th grade siblings that life isn't fair and you won't always get what everyone else gets and if they want to go one day to make friends with the rich kids (I'm KIDDING!!! ). I would tell DS16 to have a great time and send me pictures, and I am glad he finally gets to go because we never got to take him.

However, the bottom line is, while $500 is a great deal for what he would be getting, if I barely had the $500 to begin with, and using it meant that none of us were going on a camping weekend because that is all we can afford this year, $500 isn't a good deal anymore.

I know you have already decided to pay for the plane ticket, but just imagine the thought process involved there in adding the extra couple hundred dollars in

(Disclaimer: most of this post is hypothetical POV. I have no idea what the OP's friend's family is planning on doing with $500 this summer )

And OP, I am sorry this is such a hassle for you because you are just trying to do something nice for your son! I hope it ends up working out

 

[hereyago]

As a single mom, I am kind of befuddled about not driving or going without a spouse?

I would have never taken dd anywhere if I believed in that notion,lol.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I decided to go back and find this, and continue with my post above.
So, you were planning the trip, and 'inviting' your son's friend. The mother then asks that it is the whole she-bang... expensive 8 day park passes, waterparks too....
Really?
Then, after that, $240.00 for unexpected transportation costs is just too much.

I just hope these boy's friendship can survive, despite the parents involved.

PS: No way would I, myself, choose to take such a major trip, including an extra minor child, without my husband.
If something came up, we would re-schedule, or the trip would be put on temporary hold.

I think that is slightly overdramatic?

I would think that the parents of the friend would take the heat for this one, and the boys would carry on with their friendship.

If something came up with DH and he couldn't go, I would never cancel in this situation. Nor would he with me. This is a grown adult and her grown nearly-adult child and his friend. They aren't two year olds. Being independent is a good thing.

I agree with you on the first comment about the whole she-bang. That part is really weird on the part of the friend's mother.

 

[Hikergirl]

I decided to go back and find this, and continue with my post above.
So, you were planning the trip, and 'inviting' your son's friend. The mother then asks that it is the whole she-bang... expensive 8 day park passes, waterparks too....
Really?
Then, after that, $240.00 for unexpected transportation costs is just too much.

I just hope these boy's friendship can survive, despite the parents involved.

PS: No way would I, myself, choose to take such a major trip, including an extra minor child, without my husband.
If something came up, we would re-schedule, or the trip would be put on temporary hold.

The OP never said the mom asked, she said they discussed it. Maybe the OP went over all the options of tickets, or what she thought the boys would like to do on that trip.
And, like another pp pointed out, $500 out of the family vacation budget for one person in the family maybe too much for them. Also, did the OP say that the mom said another $240 was too much? I missed that if she did. OP offering to pay for the airfare is the right thing to do because it wasn't in the original plan and OP's want is the reason why it is changing. If $500 was already alot, yes adding that on may be way too much. How do you know the woman isn't thankful and grateful for the OP's generosity. You have painted her out to be some kind of *****, and OP hasn't said anything here that has made that mom look that way.

I don't see any issue with taking two teen boys on a trip without a man with me. Women are perfectly able to handle that, maybe even more so than a husband LOL

I am not sure what you are seeing with this mom or what the boy's friendship won't be able to survive

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If I invited a young person on my trip I would pay for everything except souvenirs.

If I could not afford to pay for the extra expenses, then I would not allow son to invite friend.

It is just how I roll.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I just 'liked' your above post, MM!!!!!!
We did that twice, on shorter trips, with our son's best friend!

And, huge eye-roll here, I never said I would never go anywhere.
I said I, personally, would not choose to take such a major trip, and bring another minor child. (should I actually have to quote my own post here????)
Which, is a perfectly reasonable viewpont.
But, hey, carry on people. Carry on.
I am used to it!!!!!

 

[hereyago]

I just 'liked' your above post, MM!!!!!!
We did that twice, on shorter trips, with our son's best friend!

And, huge eye-roll here, I never said I would never go anywhere.
I said I, personally, would not choose to take such a major trip, and bring another minor child. (should I actually have to quote my own post here????)
Which, is a perfectly reasonable viewpont.
But, hey, carry on people. Carry on.
I am used to it!!!!!

Lol, no you don't have to quote yourself. I don't see what the issue would be. These aren't infants going, they will be Seniors.
I was planning on taking my dd's friend to WDW when they were in middle school. It wasn't a blip in my radar. However like in OP's, the mom of the friend kept procrastinating and we went without.

 

[amberpi]

Its $250, just pay it since you're changing the plan, and BTW, 900 miles in a car? That change was totally the right call! I don't drive anywhere more than 4 hours away, and I usually even fly to Atlanta from Nashville to just not to deal with hassle. Driving is the pits. Enjoy your time with son and company!

 

[edk35]

As a single mom, I am kind of befuddled about not driving or going without a spouse?

I would have never taken dd anywhere if I believed in that notion,lol.

Exactly!! My husband has missed several trips over the years due to the nature of his job. It's life. I'm used to it. It's what we know. We still take trips without him. He always says go go go. Right now his park ticket from a previous trip has still not been activated because he could not go last min. I will not drive that far because I would get sleepy driving 15 hours and nervous letting my son share the drive. We would have to stay overnight both ways... which pretty much equates to buying friend's ticket now that I think of it. I would not be able to nap when he was driving. Period

 

[edk35]

I agree. We would pay the entire bill, and just have the boy pay for spending, and I would never change my means of transportation and expect the others to foot an additional bill.



I would stop placing pressure on this family. Even if you never say a word, by not telling them you will pay the airfare you are doing just that.

There is no pressure on this family. LOL I offered flights. She was fine with park ticket. Had no issue with that. Even wanted to get 8 days vs 7. I told her we have AP's so we can go for 6, 7 or 8 days. She said she would even like him to have waterpark option. Back then it was not "we are going this week" "we are leaving and returning these days" nothing was set in stone. No pressure, not forcing her hand. The boys are fine! We have taken other friends over the years. We paid for stuff and they paid for stuff. I think it's more about her other two children's feelings.

 

[amberpi]

BTW, I went on tons of trips with friends, and I'd say all but our WDW trips we almost always took a friend each (my brother and I) and my folks picked up the bill, except for souvenirs. I think my folks insisted on paying for tickets a couple times - especially ski trips were lift tickets get pricey fast. But WDW isn't and wasn't in the 90s a "big trip." Don't all kids go to DC in 5th grade? We did, and I'm certainly not a young one and we weren't "rich," maybe firmly upper middle class? Between band, beta club, debate, quiz bowl, and for my brother soccer, basketball and baseball, we'd sometimes be on a trip every month from 5th grade to college. I actually remember being bored the first semester of college because of it...lol.

All of which to say to the original poster - sounds like taking extra kids is something you're used to and makes the trip more enjoyable for all. Enjoy doing all vacations the way you enjoy them most. This momma needs to decide if she's in or out though. I can't imagine why it wouldn't be an easy answer either way. Good grief, what's to consider for more than a hot minute? They can afford it and are good with it or not...but teenagers, I don't have kids and now I'm involved with a man with a darling one, and he has full custody. Its still eye opening.

 

[justussix]

I don't know. If my son and a friend wanted to take a trip to Disney for a few years, I'd expect them to have jobs lined up down there first.