Help! Teen needs advice on drinking/drugs!

[RJBMickey]

I really would appreciate some advice or suggestions.

I'll try to keep the story simple and straight to the point (I have a propensity to ramble like there's no tomorrow, haha).

I'm 17 years old (I'll be a senior in highschool in the fall) and I'm having trouble with friends. The problem is, every single one of them (I'm not over-exaggerating) drinks and does drugs. They do this almost every day (especially now that it's summer). They hid the alcohol in gatorade/water bottles when they went to school. They also do this before going to each others houses so that they can drink it without getting into trouble. And they do drugs constantly. I don't have any interest in doing any of that and there lies my problem. Because I don't want to drink or do drugs, they don't bother inviting me to hang out with them because that is all they will do.

Now, I know I could just make friends with other people, but I don't know one person at my school who doesn't do these things. It seems like partying is all these people do. I do extracurricular activites (dance, soccer), but those girls also party constantly.

What bothers me the most is that none of them seem to think what they are doing has an impact on them. The principal called each class (freshmen, sophmore, etc.) to the auditiorium to show us a video a few weeks ago. The video showed a girl and her boyfriend on their way to prom but they got hit by a drunk driver and both died instantly. A majority of my class was laughing at those poor kids and cracking jokes, some boys even made inappropriate comments about the girl who died. And once they stopped the video, a woman came onto the stage to talk about the incident. The woman who spoke? She was the girl's mother. I was embarrassed to even be sitting near them.

I think it's just horrible that they don't realize what they are doing and aren't taking these things seriously. There are so many people that die from drunk driving, yet they thought it was a joke? Not to mention the fact that a girl in history class (my teacher told us, so I know it's not a rumor or any of that.) almost died from alcohol poisoning last month, but that didn't stop her from drinking this past weekend. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

(So much for not rambling, huh?)

My parents said that I always have my cousins to spend time with, but most of them are 3 years (or more) younger than I am.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I could do? Or some advice?

I'd really appreciate any help I could get. Thank you!

 

[blackforest]

I am so sorry that you have to deal with these issues, but I am so proud that you are putting your needs before following the crowd.

The only thing I can say is keep looking. I know that is easier said than done, but you will find that friend that will be a true friend.

Not that all "Christian" kids are perfect, only human, but a church youth group might be a good place to start. Also, only go to those places that support your no drug/no drinking policy. A club or local hangout can be a magnet for this type of activity.

I'm 46, so it has been a few years, that's why I NEVER want to be a teen again! Hang in there, you will be so far ahead of the game in the long run!

 

[sunnyday123]

First of all, congrats to you for not caving to the presure I am sure your friends are putting on you because you don't drink and or do drugs. Unfortunately, alot of teenagers don't think far enough ahead to see the consequences of their actions (rehab, living in their parents basement till their 40, financial ruin, alienation of all family/friends, death,etc) and don't think that will happen to them. Is their a guidance counselor you could talk to that you can trust not to tell everyone that you did talk? I bet alot of them are already in need of rehab, and if given an out would maybe be relieved. Is there a SADD chapter in your area? Maybe at another school? Some kids will pick on you about not doing this stuff, and I have a cousin who went thru that. She told them if she got busted again she was getting sent to a juvie camp. They actually beleived her and alot of them stopped partying around her, and then just stopped.
Unfortunately, this is something you'll probably deal with in college too. Just don't let anyone ever force you to do anything you don't want to.

 

[swkmom]

You sound like a great 17 year old! I only hope my daughter who is almost 12 will hold the same convictions you do at the age of 17.

I agree with checking out a youth group at a church it might be a good way to meet kids your age that aren't into drugs or alcohol.

One other thing, I'm a social worker and used to work with juvenile delinquents. Many of the kids I worked with got in trouble with the law just by being around friends that were using drugs or drinking. Often it was just by association, so please be careful.

 

[i<3tink]

When I was ur age I went threw the same things. I lived in a small town and everyone I knew drank and smoked. I didn't care for it I was more interested in shopping or something. It was tough bc I wanted to go out with my friends but they acted like such idiots and I never had a good time. Thank goodness I met the man who is now my husband and he didnt drink so I was able to spend a lot of time with him . If you have someone you consider your best friend talk to them if they are drinking/doing drugs its probably because everyone else is and they didn't know how to say no. You sound like a great young lady keep your head up!

 

[wdwmaw]

I just want to tell you how proud of you that I am. I could have never been so brave to put this into words like you have.I also want you to know that I was in the same boat as you when I was in high school.I really got to where I made the joke and became the DD for the whole lot of them.To be honest ,just last week I went to a end of the year get together with other school staff and the coment was made that I was the only person known to have never drank, so you may never outgrow this.
Now, some encouragement!! College was awsome for me. I met some of the best people there that did not drink and really showd me what a real friend should and could be.As a young adult you think you need lots of friends but as an adult you figure out you really only need one good friend and the power to be secure with that.As an adult I also want you know that some of your best friends are within your family. I have a 16 year old and none of his friends drink. There is nothing that any of these kids do that parents usually don't participate in.Try picking a couple that you are closesest to and have your parents plan an outing with the group. Show your friends that fun can be had without drinking and with adults. Other advice from an adult, age doesn't matter when you get out of school. Yes, your cousins may be 3 years younger but think of the impact you could have on their lives and the possibility of changing this cycle within your community.When I was in school I allways befriended the teachers, office staff and my son also does this.I not talking about friendships outside of school but within the walls. I would rather sit in the office and chat with staff then with some of the kids. Offer help in the library, or with paperwork.This will help you become stronger and not feel the need to even have friends your own age. You sound very mature so try to find some adult friends ( like the ones here, I know we are not cool enough for, but I just had to offer).

When will you be in the world?
Please let me know how things go and I will think of you daily.

~Melinda

 

[bopper]

How many kids are in your class?

Are they all really drinking? Or does it just seem that way?

Are there any "service" clubs at school? Can you join one? I would think that kids who would help others would be less likely to drink to excess.

I agree with others about checking out some church youth groups...they may not be perfect, but there may be church-sponsored activities that would be chaperoned and have a less chance of drinking.

 

[Wendy5055]

Stay strong in your convictions sweetie!!!

I would try looking for other "groups"...like the others have mentioned Church Youth Groups, Book Clubs (check out the library or local bookstore). I am a hobby re-enactor of the Regency Era and I love to sew...there is a wonderful forum with many younger ladies on www.sensibility.com This board also requires passwords for access and has strict guidelines regarding posts. All of the ladies who post there are sensitive to the younger ladies as well.

You might check out different events in your area that you might have an interest in. There is also the voluntering your time to the needy...such as assisting with the local food kitchen at meal times...teaching others to read & write in English...assisting the elderly with errands (one of my personal favorites...they love to tell interesting stories from their lives!!!)...visiting and donating your time at a local nursing home (many elderly cannot read so well and enjoy someone to read to them or just plain visit!!!)...I was a candy striper in my local hospital and ended up with elderly patients requesting me to visit them!!!! You might try borrowing tapes out of the library and learning a new language. Now that summer is here...do you have your CPR certification?...you could assist at a local beach/pond/lake. When I was your age, I loved to get summer jobs outside (wear your sunscreen though!).

The world is a huge place full of opportunites...if your friends are walking around stoned all the time, they are not seeing the opportunities that life is presenting them.

You Rock for standing firm in your convictions (I was just like you BTW!!!)!!!!

 

[tomboy_m]

You are doing great keeping your priorities straight. Although it may be tough now by the time you are in college things will be so much easier. The kids that are your friends seem to be lost and I would guess many of them are not having as much fun as they are pretending to. Drinking and drugs seem to take ahold of people and what was fun or supposed to be fun collapses on them.

Possibly hanging out with your cousins who are a bit younger may be easier than you think. At least you won't have the pressure to use or drink. I often had friends that were a couple years older or younger than me as a high schooler. Some of them continue to be good friends 20 years later.

 

[disney_family_1247]

It kind of sounds like having no friends would be better than the ones you have. I was the only person I knew in high school that didn't at least drink. Someone once told me that some guys said that I would be lots of fun if I had a drink, which made me feel awful. I didn't have the drink, though . Stay strong. Don't get into cars with people who have been drinking or doing drugs, don't let anyone bully you into trying things you don't want to do, and know that you will get out of high school and meet people who aren't idiots!

When I started college, I met lots of cool people. Some drank and some didn't. On my second date with my husband (when I was eighteen and he was twenty), we were talking, and it came up that I didn't drink. He turned to me in the car and said, "Wait, you don't smoke, you don't drink, and you can cook?" When I nodded (I could cook like two things), he said, "Will you marry me?" It was a joke at the time, but we did get married three years later .

My husband is an interesting case because he was one of those guys drinking his way through high school. He ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning and didn't stop drinking at that point . He realized about a year after that that he had a problem. He says that he couldn't have one drink without needing to keep going until he was drunk. The night he went to the ER was at a concert that his parents brought him to and were picking him up from, so he was either really stupid or had a serious problem. He was only fifteen at the time . His parents are calm, educated, non-partying people, so he didn't get it from them. He wised up and stopped drinking when he was about seventeen. I've known him for fifteen years now, and he's never had a drink or even wanted to. I love him, but I have to admit that we are Super Nerds. He isn't a likely candidate for a party guy. I think he started to fit in with his friends. I guess there is hope for some of the fools you know...

 

[Mocharilla]

I'm very proud of you, I must say.

My best friend and I were the same way through high school, so I understand where you're coming from. We just realized it was time to make some new friends when all the conversations that our friends had were "So, last night, after my 5th beer, remember that really ugly girl I made out with?", etc.

Are there any other EAs you could get into? I met most of my really good friends through Marching Band, including Nic. I also did plays at our local theater and hung out with the people from my classes/plays there.

It sucks that the kids in your school are like that. My district had 3 schools, and ours was definatly the pot smoking/drinking high school of them. But, at least it wasn't as bad as another one, because there, everyone did, like, crazy drugs. Our school was just filled with pot.

I heard that just recently, a kid I knew when I went there, got busted for acid in his locker!

 

[lunalibre]

Good for you to holding tight to your convictions!!! It will serve you well in life.

I have a younger cousin who had the same problem -- the only person in her entire small-town high school who didn't drink or do drugs. Hmmmm, maybe that's how she got to be valedictorian. Once her folks realized the problems at school, they started going to church in a larger town about 30 minutes away. At least then she was able to meet friends who didn't drink and do drugs. No, that didn't help her out at school every day, but it still gave her friends, people to talk to, and a social life.

I have no real advice for you except to say you're doing the right thing -- being true to yourself and what you want. Don't give into the masses! Hang on and you'll eventually find people who share your values.

 

[tonilea]

Just a few random thoughts

** don't expect high school to be the best years of your life. High school is not the "glory days". And if it is, your future is pretty bleak. For me personally, my thirties have been the best years of my life thus far.

**Just make it your goal to get through high school unscathed and into a good college - one that majors in education.

** you can't change them, but by being yourself, you might give one or two of them the courage to do the same.

** I second the church youth group idea.

 

[sunnyday123]

Just a few random thoughts

** don't expect high school to be the best years of your life. High school is not the "glory days". And if it is, your future is pretty bleak. For me personally, my thirties have been the best years of my life thus far.

**Just make it your goal to get through high school unscathed and into a good college - one that majors in education.

** you can't change them, but by being yourself, you might give one or two of them the courage to do the same.

** I second the church youth group idea.

This is so true! Looking back and seeing the people who tried to hold onto their glory years from high school, it's kinda sad. You'll have the typical jock who's now overweight,bald and living in the past. And it's waaaay obvious to see partied hard in high school at your reunions. They are the one's who look like 10 miles of bad road.

 

[disneybridetobe]

Ahhh... I know your story all too well. I didn't smoke/drink/do drugs, and I still only occasionally drink socially and responsibly. (I'm 27.)

My take on it is, bust your butt with school, and see if you can take a college course or two, or maybe an art class. Like a PP said, High School will not be your glory days! Getting into a good college takes work, and this seems like a good time to put in that work. When you get to college, you'll get to find people like yourself. Sometimes, when you live in a dorm, you fill out a survey about your sleeping, study and drinking/smoking habits, and you might get some roommates or floormates who are like you, and respect your decisions.

I'd day just tough it out, do your best in school, and put your best foot forward for college. High School is a means to an end

*HUGS*

 

[brymolmom]

GREAT JOB OP!!! Good for you! You should be proud of yourself for being different....being responsible and seeing how their type of behavior really could hurt them (and you if you joined in).

I'd like to know how many kids at the school too - I'm having trouble envisioning no one being 'clean cut' there, unless it is very tiny. Maybe you could try joining a club different from what you would 'usually' be interested in to meet some kids different than the ones you normally run into? Maybe a sport that you could learn? How about Track? All you would have to do is run! And people who run generally have to take pretty good care of their bodies.

And please know that others have been exactly where you are - although I would guess you feel like the only one in the universe right now. I stopped hanging out with my original group in High School because they all went thru a shoplifting stage....And my total anti-drugs (not even to experiment) stance was noted, but not condemmed. I stuck to that and in college if we were hanging out and people offered my drugs - my friends would step in and help me out of the situation - they were happy and wanted me to stick to my convictions too.

 

[Aliceacc]

I teach high school, and it's heartbreaking to see some great kids making really bad choices.

OP- you have a head on your shoulders, and you seem determined to make a real future for yourself. I'm sure your parents are proud!

I say you have several options:
a) get a job outside of school. I was a busgirl/waitress/hostess in high school and college, and it was one of the best learning experiences of my life. The real plus for you (aside from that extra cash) is that it would expose you to other kids -- from your school or not-- who are also into something beyond constant partying. Once you have that other group of friends, the idiots at school won't seem so important.

b) consider talking to a guidance counselor. They probably have a good idea of the pulse of your school. He or she could probably recommend a particular activity that would help you find those other kids like you.

c) If it's really an issue, I wonder if you could look into early graduation, just to remove yourself from the atmosphere?? (It wouldn't be possible in the Catholic HS where I teach, but may be possible in your school) Especially if you ask NOW-- you might be able to make up any missing credits over the summr, and possibly graduate in January. I don't know the details, but it might be worth thinking about.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I haven't read through everyones comments, so I don't know what the majority opinion is, but heres mine....
Sometimes highschool sucks. I hated highschool. I was a bit overweight, and was picked on and made to feel horribly for the entire four years. I also had a small physical problem (which has since been fixed) that everyone in the entire school knew about and would torture me with each and every day. I wanted to kill myself, it was so horrible. Then graduation came. It was like a weight had been lifted off me. I suddenly realized that the people that were torturing me all those years were now gone, and were the real losers because they just barely passed, and would never make anything of themselves. I know it stinks, but you just have to grin and bear it - it will be over soon. HS is life magnified by a million. Once your out and in college (or not) you will realize how trivial all those people were. Just stick with it, and stay off the drugs! You can do it!

 

[jenrein]

Wow- you are an extraordinary teenager! I too like most others hope my kids have the same outlook that you have! And I have to agree with a lot of what the others have said. High school will be over before you know it, and when you look back it is nothing but a little blip on your life radar. I know it is hard to realize that now when you are submersed in nothing but that.

Definitely look for a part time job or even a volunteering opportunity. Maybe do something with alcohol or drug rehabilitation...and maybe bring a friend along to share the experience.

 

[crisi]

The nice thing about being seventeen and in high school is that it ENDS. Relatively quickly. You will graduate and move on. You'll go to college where there will be a lot of people.

In the meantime, keep your head down - it may be a lonely year.

If you need more incentive than drunk driving, my sister is 35 years old and has alcoholic hepatitis. She can't take pain killers because they will scar her liver. She can't have a single drink (well, the alcoholic thing keeps that from happening), she can eat only a very small amount of salt and protein. Just a few more months of drinking and she'd be dead.