Help! Teen needs advice on drinking/drugs!

[t-beri]

Oh, dear. I know how tough it must be for you. I know I spent a lot of time in HS hanging around people who I shared very little in common w/ because we were friends before HS. They did a lot of the things you are talking about and I sang in chorus and ran track and played volleyball. But I didn't really fit in w/ the athletes because they all knew I hung out w/ all those stoners. NOT to mention they're all getting high too.

I will say that I was miserable for much of my HS career b/c I was hanging onto friendships that were made before then and people change. Growing up is a hard thing to do. I wish that I had had your sense to ask for advice.

I will tell you something extremely extrodinary. My husband is 32 years old. He has NEVER in his life had a sip of alcohol or smoked 1 cigarette or done ANY kind of drugs. I was the first person he ever slept with (this may seem like TMI but I want girls to know these guys DO exist!!)and we were 23 when we met.

He is a musician and was in a local rock band when we met. In HS he was cool just because he was "in the band" the garage band he had back then played their schools homecoming fair and EVERY party there ever was. The cool kids all knew him and loved him even though he wasn't necessarily in their core group of friends. Almost everyone in school knew him b/c of his band. So he was alway invited to "THE" party and was always around kids that for lack of a better name we call The Pee Pee heads. You know who they are. Too cool to care, always at a party. Whatever. B just always said No, thanks. We don't really know why this was his choice. He didn't grow up around alcoholics. His parents were the kinda cool people who said "if you drink don't drive, we'll come and get you" and ALL of his friends were partying. You know I'm the only person who could go to a bar to meet the lead singer of a rock band and wind up w/ the MOST sober person I've ever met in my life!!

The point is that he was himself.. .and the designated driver, I do have to say that I love that feature in a man . And people liked him anyway and wanted to hang out with him anyway. I don't think he ever felt pressured to do the things he didn' t want to because he just said No, thanks. Not NO, I don't drink or I don't think I should or anything else that could make people think he was passing judgement on them. He simply said. No, thanks. Now I know he had to tell some people more than once, b/c people will persist. But it is possible. There is a comedian who we heard once do this bit about how he when he tells someone he doesn't drink they always ask "why" (This happens to B all the time) but if you say you don't eat mayonaise noone thinks twice about it. But for some reason we think there has to be some deep seeded psychological reason you don't drink. But it's okay to just not. And I'm not saying you have to NOT drink. You can just not drink right now if that's the choice you've made.

Now about hanging out w/ girls who share little in common w/ your interests and lifestyle. That's a bit more tricky. i will tell you that for all of the hoops I jumped through to stay friends w/ my BFF from middle school through all of her changes. We are not friends today though we live only 5 miles apart and our sons were in the same 2nd grade class. My parents would tell me she was a loser and WHY was I hanging around her. And I would insist that I loved her for who she was and even if that person was changing and we didn't share as many things in common that I would not abandon our friendship b/c I was a good friend. But in reality, my life was miserable b/c I was alway around HER friends and doing what SHE wanted b/c I was the one trying to keep our friendship. I think now that she wouldn't have cared if I'd made new friends and just said hi to her in the halls. If I had it to do over again I would have tried to make friends w/ people who were doing the things I was interested in and were part of the things I participated in. Even if it was my senior year I think I would go back and try to find friends w/ more in common w/ me. Even if they were dorky...which they probably were Cause, well, I'm a dork.

i don't know that anything i've said will make any of this any easier on you. Like everyone else says, HS too shall pass. I hope that you will think seriously about finding some friends who share more in common w/ your interests b/c I think it will make a huge difference in the way you view the world and highschool and yourself. And I hope that if NOT drinking is your choice and NOT doing drugs is your choice that you continue to be strong, knowing that it is the best choice for YOU.



It's early and I don't think that was well written and maybe my point got lost in my rambling... I share your propensity for the words...

But I just wanted to say that I met the most amazing, cool and awesome person in the world and he was strong enough through HS and hanging out w/ other musicians (they are NOT a sober crowd) to be who he was and everyone loves him for it. BE YOURSELF!

Best of Luck,
...t.

 

[tam626]

My dd is 17 also & has the same problem with her friends. You right, pretty much everyone drinks or does drugs. She tried to help a few friends but they did'nt want to help themselves. She found a couple of girls who don't party. My dd saw her brother go through drug abuse at a young age so she knows the outcome of that kind of life. Good luck & hang in there. You're an awesome person!

 

[soontobewed07]

I have to say I am so PROUD of you!!!!! You are amazing. I have to say that My DB is 18 and just graduated this year. He too is not into any of those things and removes himself from the situation when it happens. He plays baseball and really into treating his body well so that he can "maintain his Game". He would be the designated driver if he needed to and when his friends pressured him into it he would just say I can have fun with out all of that. I was like that to as a teen I am now 26. I agree with other posters this is your last year keep your values and try a youth group or there are during the summer hang with friends you make working or dancing etc...

 

[design_mom]

I agree with several other posters...

High school is not the best years of your life. I really think one of the main learning experiences of high school is to learn to deal with other people (and it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job.) I think when you get to college it's easier to find people who are willing to accept you as you are.

Getting a job or a volunteer opportunity is a great way to meet other people who might not be at your school. I volunteered every Saturday at the local science museum. I had a great time with my friends (co-volunteers) and there was never any talk of drinking or drugs on volunteer time or even lunch. I honestly don't know what they did on their "own time" but we were all volunteers, so I'm assuming they'd rather volunteer than party the day away.

Getting a job is also a good idea because you're all together for a purpose (not just hanging out) and by the end of the year, you'll have built up some savings that you can use to buy a car, or travel, or do whatever you want before you head off to college.

I also joined the flag corps (part of the band) for my senior year. Most of the kids had been in it since their freshman year, so it was odd for a senior to try out, but I did it anyway. (And they were going to WDW, so that didn't hurt!) Anyway -- that was also a nice way to hang out with friends "with a purpose."

It seems like it's when kids are "just hanging out" that they turn to drugs/alcohol. I guess they just aren't very imaginative about other things they can do.

I know that sometimes high school can be a lonely place. And I remember all too well being the ones to drive my friends home after they'd gotten themselves trashed. I finally said "forget it" and stopped hanging out with them.

 

[Doc CW]

I just graduated High School a month ago and I gotta say that I'm glad I dont have to go back. I can relate to how you feel because no matter where you turn its just more drama to deal with and most of them are immature and dont look towards the future and the effects that drinking and doing drugs can have on them. I applaud you for not drinking or doing drugs just because your friends are and as for something to do to spend your time you could, as others have said get a job or volunteer for things either way you have my respect for not following the crowd

 

[wano]

I think that I speak from experience when I say I was one of those people.
when in high school I drank, did drugs and other things (you know just had to be cooooooool). give it time ,study continue your education and keep resisting the peer pressure of those who think they are invincible. I watched friends die and go to jail (thought they were invincible too) I just got lucky and wised up before it was too late. it seems like a long time away but before you know it you will be in the real world and you will find friends who are ambicious that realize there is more to life than drugs and alchohol. you still have a long life ahead and besides it's nice to not ask your friends if they would like fries with that when they come to your work. you seem smart you'll figure what works for you . good luck

 

[Disneyvirg]

Good for you! Sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders.

The only thing I can suggest is to not succomb to the pressure. If you have to hang out at home with your parents rather than go out with those kids, why not? It's not much fun, but it sure beats getting into trouble (or worse yet, injured or killed in a car accident) for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was in a similar situation when I was your age. It wasn't much fun, but I got past it. When I went to college I went to a school that no one else from my HS went to. I kind of got to re-invent myself. I found awesome friends that are still my best friends - 14 years later!

Good luck making it through this. High school doesn't have to be the best time of your life - and think - many of your peers won't even remember HS since they're so doped up. You have plenty of time ahead of you to make awesome friends!

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

I too was going to suggest a church youth group. Not that they are perfect but it will give you a chance at different and hopefully drink/drug/etc free socialization. Keep up your attitude. You will go far in life.!!!

 

[KitKat_Tink]

I'm around your age too and have had some experience with friends drinking and doing drugs. I by no means would ever do stuff like that. One of them almost died and it was a big reality check. They stopped just like that. I know your friends may hate you for this but tell their parents. Its one of the only ways. If they are under 18 their parents can still punish them without the kids pulling the whole i'm an adult thing. And everyone who says going to youth group will help you find cleaner friends i'm not so sure. I had to stop going to youth group because the amount of kids drinking and stuff...My youth group was just a PDA fest.

Good Luck.